last attempt

[SnowDaisy]

I am quitting alcohol today. I know that probably means nothing to a lot of you who I've chatted with before, because I keep trying to quit and I keep failing. I really am sincere about it. And if I fail this time, I will not come back to SR. But I really am going to make an honest effort.

Nothing has really happened to put me at a bottom, except that the extent of my drinking is becoming more clear to my parents, and I'm extremely ashamed about it. I had another blackout phone call to my mom last night after getting home from a club, and have no idea what I said. I was drinking in moderation for a while and it was kind of working, but I always slip back to problem drinking. (Come to think of it, my "moderation" is probably still considered alcoholic drinking.) I black out way too much, and that must be a sign that I just can't handle alcohol.

I'm starting a new job tomorrow - that should be awesome while I'm going through withdrawals.

I'm just in a really depressed, ashamed state right now. But I guess the only thing I can do is make sure it doesn't happen again. I would like to go to AA, but I don't want to make any plans because I might be working late trying to adjust to my new job. And I'm scared of AA. But I'm willing to give it a shot this time. Maybe if people hold me accountable, I will be successful. Maybe I'll look for an AA meeting tonight. Thanks for reading.

[changer]

i can really identify with you...i'm on day three of sober, and it is not fun. i hated the idea of AA, and i still have to force myself to go. but at this point, it is the only thing keeping me from drinking. my advice is to get to a meeting today. even if you have force yourself there.

[michael4422]

Come back to SR even if you relapse. No shame. I'm day one again today.

As far a not liking meetings... yeah, I get that. My ego runs wild sometimes hating meetings, not liking people, thinking that I'd rather be anywhere than there.

But that's just the ego acting up and it's unpleasant. I try to just drop the mental resistance when I notice it. Accept that I am there and try to enjoy it. I don't know if that will help.

[hypochondriac]

Originally Posted by SnowDaisy

And if I fail this time, I will not come back to SR.

You better come back if you fail! So many of us have 'failed' repeatedly...this isn't easy but nothing worth doing ever is! It sounds like you really want to quit, you're just finding it hard is all.

That said...I'm glad you feel like this is your final attempt I know for me that the thing that really spurred me on this time was the realisation that if I didn't do it now then I would have to take time off work to detox and recover. No one knew the extent of my problem and I liked it that way. It was nice to tell people that I had a problem when I had finally stopped drinking and a lot of that fear and shame had dropped away.

If you worried about being able to make meetings have you thought about looking into AVRT in the meantime. Just doing the crash course online helped me early on.

Good luck with your new job and the sobriety xxx

[Dee74]

hi SD

I tried for 15 years to quit...
eventually I found the way forward for me was to put my recovery first...

if you've been posting irregularly here, maybe it's time to step that up...

if you're interested in AA, maybe it's time to make to time to hit your first meeting...

I don't know how much support you have right now, but more support will not hurt you at all

I really believe we get out of our recovery what we put into it.

And if I fail this time, I will not come back to SR.

well, I hope you won't 'fail' so I'm calling this a non issue....
but I'd rather see people here and struggling...than not at all

we understand

D

[SnowDaisy]

Thanks everyone. I found a meeting closeby that I'm going to go to tonight, even though I'm already shaking at the thought of it. And even though I've tried to rationalize not going (when else am I going to do my laundry?). I'm going to force myself to go even though I don't want to. I'll check in here after.

[awuh1]

Originally Posted by SnowDaisy

And I'm scared of AA.

When you’re more scared of your drinking than of AA, it's a good time for a meeting. I can assure you that the doorway won't look nearly as daunting the second time you see it.

[Anna]

SnowDaisy, I hope that you will make it this time, too.

Good luck with your new job and with the meeting tonight.

[Hevyn]

Snow - I had many failures, but in my heart I knew I would stop one day. I can't say what was different the last time I tried, but posting and reading here had a huge impact on me. This life long drinker now has 4 yrs. 4 mos. sober. So, I hope you won't stop coming here to talk things over. Never stop trying - never give up on yourself. You can do this.

[CaiHong]

Hi Snowdaisy,
Glad to hear you are going to a meeting don't give up on yourself keep trying, life is so much better sober.
Love
CaiHong

[Engel]

For me, quitting took a lot of practice. I quit a few times and failed. But I am doing great this time. I have been sober for 11 days now and it doesn't seem like much but it is one of the biggest accomplishments I have made in a very long time.

[SnowDaisy]

Thanks everyone. I just got back at my attempt at my first AA meeting... I showed up at a meeting at 5 only to realize it was a group for biker chicks (I would stick out like a sore thumb there). I left, then found another meeting at 6 for women... I sat in my car in the parking lot watching people go in, but I wasn't going in because I was too nervous. I drove home.

But I'm sober, and that's what counts, right? Maybe I'll try again, but it didn't happen today.

[Copacetic]

Don't drink tonight, and go to a meeting tomorrow. You're not drinking and you're trying to improve your situation--you should feel proud. Keep at it, and I hope the first day at your new job is fantastic.

[soberlicious]

Hi SnowDaisy,
You must not give up.
If meetings don't appeal to you, there are many other ways to quit and get on with your life. Keep reading and posting here. I borrowed these words, but I mean them with all my heart: I have full faith in your capacity to recover, even if you do not.

On a side not, I love your screen name. My grandmother's name is Daisy. In her honor, I have many beautiful daisy tattoos on my body. She is gone now, but was an amazing woman. Like the flower, she was hearty...able to grow and bloom in sometimes less than ideal conditions. To me, daisies represent strength, resilience, and beauty. Coincidence you chose the name? I think not. You have those qualities too. Look and you will find them.

[Tuitiefruitie]

Originally Posted by SnowDaisy

Thanks everyone. I just got back at my attempt at my first AA meeting... I showed up at a meeting at 5 only to realize it was a group for biker chicks (I would stick out like a sore thumb there).

SnowDaisy, biker chicks are people too. LOL Glad your still sober.

[Sapling]

Originally Posted by SnowDaisy

Thanks everyone. I just got back at my attempt at my first AA meeting... I showed up at a meeting at 5 only to realize it was a group for biker chicks (I would stick out like a sore thumb there). I left, then found another meeting at 6 for women... I sat in my car in the parking lot watching people go in, but I wasn't going in because I was too nervous. I drove home.

But I'm sober, and that's what counts, right? Maybe I'll try again, but it didn't happen today.

Glad to hear you are still sober Daisy...I was scared to go to my first meeting too...But I was more scared of what alcohol was doing to me. I haven't had a drink since I went....Met some nice people and did what they did. It changed my life. This isn't easy...Sometimes you have to do things that may not be comfortable for you....But they are easier than what continued alcohol use will bring you. I wish you the best of luck.

[wicked]

SnowDaisy,

Don't quit quitting!

:ghug3

Beth

[karilynn27]

I spent a lot of time here on SR and it saved my life.
My first meetings got me through but I didn't click with anyone so I quit going. I white knuckled it and got to that place of willing to go to any length to stay sober. The meetings I go to now are full of so many different kind of people. I had a hard time learning to pick up that 1000 pound phone. Just went to the state convention to help out in a hospitality room and ran into a lady from that first set of meetings. She was very proud of me.
Seems not clicking was more about me than them.
Keep coming back:ghug3
Oh, and the biker chicks rock

[CaiHong]

They have AA meetings especially for "biker's chicks)? LOL

Try again next time.

Love
CaiHong

[eh1988]

Originally Posted by hypochondriac

You better come back if you fail! So many of us have 'failed' repeatedly...this isn't easy but nothing worth doing ever is! It sounds like you really want to quit, you're just finding it hard is all.

That said...I'm glad you feel like this is your final attempt I know for me that the thing that really spurred me on this time was the realisation that if I didn't do it now then I would have to take time off work to detox and recover. No one knew the extent of my problem and I liked it that way. It was nice to tell people that I had a problem when I had finally stopped drinking and a lot of that fear and shame had dropped away.

If you worried about being able to make meetings have you thought about looking into AVRT in the meantime. Just doing the crash course online helped me early on.

Good luck with your new job and the sobriety xxx

Great post, I was thinking the same thing. You better get your butt back to SR if you fail. Matter of fact, you better stick around here even when you're doing well, it really does help and keeps you balanced while you're living the sober life.