Compulsive and progressive

[Recharger]

Hello to everybody that uses this website. I am a newcomer here but not a newcomer to trying to quit alcohol. I am 29 now and started drinking at 15. I have been sober since the 26th April after a four day binge that shocked my loved ones and myself in equal measure. I found myself drinking around the clock, passing out and upon waking reaching for the next drink. I was even physically sick numerous times but this had no effect on stopping me. Upon sobering up I looked at the chaos I had caused and vowed never again! I feel like I had a glimpse into hell and it has made me appreciate the progressive nature of alcoholism. My drinking binges have become longer, my relapses more frequent. Naturally my hangovers are more akin to withdrawals and it takes me about five days to restore some equilibrium in my life.

I want to say thank you to the people of this site because I have learned a great deal from being here and feel strengthened reading the thoughts of others. Reading the many threads has helped and the discussions on AV have been particularly illuminating. When attempting to quit alcohol in the past I have always been swept up in an overwhelming compulsion and found myself clutching a new bottle of vodka as if on autopilot! Before I know it, that first drink has been sunk and the wheels of calamity are in motion. Reading about AV has helped me dis-engage from that addictive voice and for that I am most thankful. Any thoughts on compulsion and progression would be appreciated and I intend to check in here every day to sustain my sobriety and help others.

Regards and best wishes,

Recharger

[miko67]

Hi recharger, great you're with us. I like the bit I had a glimpse into hell, resonates alot with me I see where you are coming from. I was the same too revolving door syndrome. After drinking three day hangover then have one t congratulate myself n bang im back on that road to hell again. Sometimes the roads nice n fun but I keep it going till I end up on drugs again n drinking more and more. So enough was enough for me again. I went to a a before but left then thought I could handle. Right now im watching alot of eckhart tolle on you tube. This guy helps me alot in my thinking and it seems the more time I stay off the drink and feeding my head with good it seems to get better and life gets better. Glad you are here. Ur uk too?

[Recharger]

Hi miko67,

Thanks very much for your reply. Yes, I am based in the UK. I will check out Eckhart Tolle on YouTube and am very glad he is helping you with your thinking. I think we must stay positive about this sober voyage we are on. Alcohol is such a deciever and limiter of human potential. As the fog lifts we will get stronger every day. Anything is possible!

[2granddaughters]

I found lasting sobriety and serenity in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Good luck in your chosen recovery program.

All the best.

Bob R

[Hevyn]

Glad to have you part of the family, Recharger. You're already armed with some good tools - and are very self-aware. It took me much longer to get it - into my 50's. I'm thankful your glimpse into hell left you determined to kick this thing. We know you can do it.

[Recharger]

Hi Hevyn, many thanks for your reply. I have been aware of my drinking problem for at least the last 10 years and desperately want to change my behaviour. I am hoping that by staying vigilant and active that my recovery will be lasting this time! I can't drop my guard for a single second or that creeping voice starts whispering in my ear. The thing is I have promised myself so many times in the past that I am not sure I even trust myself any more! I bet when you began conquering your demons it had a great effect on your self esteem?

[Dee74]

Hi Recharger - welcome

I found posting and reading here regularly broke that cycle for me - I found it was much harder to operate on autopilot, for example, when I'd been putting in time here and I knew consciously what was at stake

D

[Anna]

Welcome Recharger,

I'm glad you found us and that you have found support and information here.

[awuh1]

Originally Posted by Recharger

the wheels of calamity

I love that phrase!

Here is a bit from the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” regarding compulsion.

“Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again.”

Here is the link to that entire book online if you're interested. Big Book On Line

All quotes are from the 1st edition