Taking Husband to open AA meeting tonight.... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

epskie · 05-20-2012, 09:02 AM

Hi All,

I've been attending AA for 6 weeks now. I'm taking my Husband to an open meeting tonight. He doesn't drink and has been ultra supportive to me but I feel this would help him understand a little further what I'm going through. But I am very, very nervous.

What does anybody think about that? Have any of you taken your partners?

Many thanks x

Sapling · 05-20-2012, 09:12 AM

Anything to further your recovery...I think it is an awesome idea...Kudos to him for wanting to go!!

Jeni26 · 05-20-2012, 09:12 AM

Oh I think it's a great idea!! He sounds like he has been a rock to you, and the fact that he wants to go along to learn more and support you all the way I think is fantastic!.
You were nervous before your first meeting remember, and it turned out really well for you. This is just something a bit different too, but it will also be fine.
Let us know how it goes, I will be really interested to hear xxx

JJB · 05-20-2012, 09:27 AM

yes please tell us how it goes. I have wondered about this myself and can't decide whether it's a good idea or not.

Threshold · 05-20-2012, 10:09 AM

I am curious to read other people's experiences because honestly I never understood how this could be useful.

I never felt like I wanted my spouse in meeting with me. I felt it was a hindrance to my own anonymity and that of others to have him there.

And honestly when people brought their spouses who were not addicts with them, I felt they were either being "watched" by their spouse, or that they were showcasing about how supportive and understanding their spouse was to the rest of us.

I felt that having my spouse there would have been a distraction for me, and having someone else's there (when they made it clear that's who the person was and that is why they were there" was a distraction to the entire meeting.

I came to the meetings to be in a group of recovering addicts, not to prove to someone's spouse how messed up we are, how "not unique" their spouse is and how gosh darned hard we are all working to recover, so give your partner another chance.

I am sure that I went to meetings where there were spouses, partners, moms, brothers etc there, but they didn't identify as such and it was not a problem. but when someone introduced themselves and their "supportive husband/wife", I felt really uncomfortable.

probably just showing my immaturity, but that is how I felt.

epskie · 05-20-2012, 10:12 AM

I definitely don't want anyone to feel like that, not sure what to do

Sapling · 05-20-2012, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Threshold

I never felt like I wanted my spouse in meeting with me. I felt it was a hindrance to my own anonymity and that of others to have him there.

It's an open meeting...That's what they are for. They have closed meetings for people that feel like you. I think your spouse having an idea what it is you do and who you are with when you go can't do anything but good. That's just my opinion though. It never bothers me when someone brings a spouse to a meeting...I think support is wonderful no matter where it comes from.

MarylandRick · 05-20-2012, 10:23 AM

Threshold, isn't possible that some of the spouses in attendance just want a better understanding of AA, since it presumably has become a very significant part of their partners life?

Sapling · 05-20-2012, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epskie

I definitely don't want anyone to feel like that, not sure what to do

It's an open meeting epskie...People that go to open meetings won't be offended.

DisplacedGRITS · 05-20-2012, 10:49 AM

I take my husband to all my open meetings. He really enjoys them and i like having him there. People around us also seem to like seeing such a supportive spouse. If he's willing to go i say take him.

DisplacedGRITS · 05-20-2012, 10:53 AM

Also, open meetings are often speaker meetings so it's a totally different format than a closed meeting where we do more individual sharing. They're designed that way to make the meeting more comfortable for everyone.

tomsteve · 05-20-2012, 11:30 AM

for someone to get a good understanding of what we go through, the BB has a lot written on the subject,too.

Threshold · 05-20-2012, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarylandRick

Threshold, isn't possible that some of the spouses in attendance just want a better understanding of AA, since it presumably has become a very significant part of their partners life?

Yes, of course it is possible. In case I didn't make it clear I was only sharing MY feelings, not stating the actual reasons, motives etc of the others, only my IMMATURE (I think I mentioned that) mind ramblings and tummy rumblings.

anyone can and should do what helps their recovery and relationships etc. My paranoia is my issue. I will refrain from sharing it on the threads of others. Sorry.

Threshold · 05-20-2012, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epskie

I definitely don't want anyone to feel like that, not sure what to do

Sorry epskie, my response was out of line with the topic of this thread. I should not have brought MY issues into it.

I was thinking outloud rather than being helpful.

wiser heads than mine prevail!

DisplacedGRITS · 05-20-2012, 12:38 PM

No worries, Threshold. All opinions and perspectives are welcome!

gunther84 · 05-20-2012, 07:42 PM

My alcoholism has been dropped on my wife like a bomb...I was a closet drinker and hid it rather well....after the initial shock and anger she has been very supportive, but she still does not really understand what AA and alcoholism is all about....with that in mind I told her to let me know if she ever wanted to attend a meeting with me and she said she would....Im leaving it at that. if she does, then I would only bring her to a open meeting (obvisiouly), and probably a speaker meeting at first...beyond that i am not going to keep asking her to go to one...if a spouse or partner agrees to attend, I think that's great....any potential for understanding by the ones closest to us is a good thing....In active alcoholism we hurt those closest to us the most, so having them gain some type of insight into our recovery is a good thing IMHO....

dotherightthing · 05-20-2012, 08:48 PM

I took my wife to my home group's open meeting shortly after I got a sponsor. I had been really trying to work the program, and I wanted her to get a better sense of the atmosphere of the group and the sorts of stories I was hearing week after week. She happily agreed and we set a day. We were both extremely nervous, but we were able to talk to each other about it on the drive over, and we were in pretty good shape by the time we got there. She didn't have an opinion one way or another about the meeting, but I'm glad I got to share.

sugarbear1 · 05-20-2012, 09:08 PM

It beats my "family" who say they have "no reason" to go to Al Anon.

Hi, I'm "No Reason, and I'm an alcoholic."

Glad you are are taking him!

karilynn27 · 05-20-2012, 09:08 PM

One of my daughters came to a meeting with me and another will probably come to one before summers end. I would gladly take my husband if he wanted to go.

IndaMiricale · 05-20-2012, 09:18 PM

Thats great that he will go . Enjoy make it a date night.

05-20-2012, 09:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
epskie Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne Posts: 111	Taking Husband to open AA meeting tonight.... Hi All, I've been attending AA for 6 weeks now. I'm taking my Husband to an open meeting tonight. He doesn't drink and has been ultra supportive to me but I feel this would help him understand a little further what I'm going through. But I am very, very nervous. What does anybody think about that? Have any of you taken your partners? Many thanks x

05-20-2012, 09:27 AM	#4 (permalink)
JJB Member Attack of the Fever Heads Champion! Helicopter Champion! Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: in France Posts: 366	yes please tell us how it goes. I have wondered about this myself and can't decide whether it's a good idea or not. __________________ "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." - -- Mark Twain

05-20-2012, 10:49 AM	#10 (permalink)
DisplacedGRITS Crazy Cat Lady Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 1,946 Blog Entries: 3	I take my husband to all my open meetings. He really enjoys them and i like having him there. People around us also seem to like seeing such a supportive spouse. If he's willing to go i say take him. __________________ Sobriety Date: May 3, 2013 If I can do it, you can do it. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. -The Big Book of AA, Chapter 5 Page 58

05-20-2012, 10:53 AM	#11 (permalink)
DisplacedGRITS Crazy Cat Lady Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 1,946 Blog Entries: 3	Also, open meetings are often speaker meetings so it's a totally different format than a closed meeting where we do more individual sharing. They're designed that way to make the meeting more comfortable for everyone. __________________ Sobriety Date: May 3, 2013 If I can do it, you can do it. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. -The Big Book of AA, Chapter 5 Page 58

05-20-2012, 12:38 PM	#15 (permalink)
DisplacedGRITS Crazy Cat Lady Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 1,946 Blog Entries: 3	No worries, Threshold. All opinions and perspectives are welcome! __________________ Sobriety Date: May 3, 2013 If I can do it, you can do it. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. -The Big Book of AA, Chapter 5 Page 58

05-20-2012, 09:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	Anything to further your recovery...I think it is an awesome idea...Kudos to him for wanting to go!!

05-20-2012, 09:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jeni26 Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South East England Posts: 4,145	Oh I think it's a great idea!! He sounds like he has been a rock to you, and the fact that he wants to go along to learn more and support you all the way I think is fantastic!. You were nervous before your first meeting remember, and it turned out really well for you. This is just something a bit different too, but it will also be fine. Let us know how it goes, I will be really interested to hear xxx

05-20-2012, 10:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
Threshold Grateful but still smarting Join Date: May 2009 Location: Arizona Posts: 2,367 Blog Entries: 24	I am curious to read other people's experiences because honestly I never understood how this could be useful. I never felt like I wanted my spouse in meeting with me. I felt it was a hindrance to my own anonymity and that of others to have him there. And honestly when people brought their spouses who were not addicts with them, I felt they were either being "watched" by their spouse, or that they were showcasing about how supportive and understanding their spouse was to the rest of us. I felt that having my spouse there would have been a distraction for me, and having someone else's there (when they made it clear that's who the person was and that is why they were there" was a distraction to the entire meeting. I came to the meetings to be in a group of recovering addicts, not to prove to someone's spouse how messed up we are, how "not unique" their spouse is and how gosh darned hard we are all working to recover, so give your partner another chance. I am sure that I went to meetings where there were spouses, partners, moms, brothers etc there, but they didn't identify as such and it was not a problem. but when someone introduced themselves and their "supportive husband/wife", I felt really uncomfortable. probably just showing my immaturity, but that is how I felt.

05-20-2012, 10:12 AM	#6 (permalink)
epskie Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne Posts: 111	I definitely don't want anyone to feel like that, not sure what to do

05-20-2012, 10:23 AM	#8 (permalink)
MarylandRick Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Maryland Posts: 106	Threshold, isn't possible that some of the spouses in attendance just want a better understanding of AA, since it presumably has become a very significant part of their partners life?

05-20-2012, 11:30 AM	#12 (permalink)
tomsteve Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: northern michigan. not the U.P. Posts: 3,105	for someone to get a good understanding of what we go through, the BB has a lot written on the subject,too.

05-20-2012, 07:42 PM	#16 (permalink)
gunther84 Member Join Date: May 2012 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 191	My alcoholism has been dropped on my wife like a bomb...I was a closet drinker and hid it rather well....after the initial shock and anger she has been very supportive, but she still does not really understand what AA and alcoholism is all about....with that in mind I told her to let me know if she ever wanted to attend a meeting with me and she said she would....Im leaving it at that. if she does, then I would only bring her to a open meeting (obvisiouly), and probably a speaker meeting at first...beyond that i am not going to keep asking her to go to one...if a spouse or partner agrees to attend, I think that's great....any potential for understanding by the ones closest to us is a good thing....In active alcoholism we hurt those closest to us the most, so having them gain some type of insight into our recovery is a good thing IMHO....

05-20-2012, 08:48 PM	#17 (permalink)
dotherightthing Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Austin Posts: 21	I took my wife to my home group's open meeting shortly after I got a sponsor. I had been really trying to work the program, and I wanted her to get a better sense of the atmosphere of the group and the sorts of stories I was hearing week after week. She happily agreed and we set a day. We were both extremely nervous, but we were able to talk to each other about it on the drive over, and we were in pretty good shape by the time we got there. She didn't have an opinion one way or another about the meeting, but I'm glad I got to share.

05-20-2012, 09:08 PM	#18 (permalink)
sugarbear1 ~sb Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: MD Posts: 9,867	It beats my "family" who say they have "no reason" to go to Al Anon. Hi, I'm "No Reason, and I'm an alcoholic." Glad you are are taking him! __________________ Someday everything will all make sense. For now, laugh at confusion, smile through tears, & remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. All Big Book quotes are from the first edition. Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

05-20-2012, 09:08 PM	#19 (permalink)
karilynn27 Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma Posts: 2,693 Blog Entries: 5	One of my daughters came to a meeting with me and another will probably come to one before summers end. I would gladly take my husband if he wanted to go. __________________ "You can work at least as hard at sobriety as you did at getting drunk" My daughter

05-20-2012, 09:18 PM	#20 (permalink)
IndaMiricale Powerless over Alcohol Join Date: May 2011 Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny! Posts: 4,020	Thats great that he will go . Enjoy make it a date night. __________________ "The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay." Bob Dylan "Each day,somewhere in the world ,recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic , sharing experience,strength and hope."

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