Feel like running away

[Jeni26]

Hi guys.
Well into my 6th week sober now and having to face some real issues as regards my family life.
It has been a hellish weekend with everyone I love and care about in my family circle drunk and unreasonable.
I survived and am proud of that, and picked up my one month chip from AA last night. I just feel I don't belong here any more and I have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to run away from my life.
I'm exhausted from trying to please other people and feel very vulnerable. I just want my life back.

[epskie]

Oh no Jeni! What's changed? You should be so proud of yourself after this weekend! Do you mean your immediate family? Your hubby etc? Hope you're ok xx

[Dee74]

I think early recovery is really hard Jeni... and many of us want to run away - it was what we did for years after all...

I'd really encourage you not to make any decisions now tho - I was a lot different at day 90 than I was at day 1...and so was my life...

I know it can be rough...but you're not alone Jeni

D

[awuh1]

Yup, sounds like you could use support. I would recommend strongly that you call one of the women (from the list)in AA and just tell um “Hay I’m having a real tough time. You got time to talk” I know you’re not a real extraverted person but the people in AA know when another person in the program needs help. They know that’s time to step up and deliver (particularly with a new person in the program). There is no guarantee that the first person you call will do this or have time to talk but then go to the next, but tell them where you got their number and CALL! PLEASE!

[Jitterbugg]

Hi Jeni,
My parents are active alcoholics so I can understand what you may be going through. Rather than 'run away' are you able to at least put some distance in between yourself and family, like move a town over? I keep my family at arms-length, but close enough if they need me or vice-versa.

[Sapling]

Originally Posted by Jeni26

I just want my life back.

I'm not sure what life you're talking about?...The one you quit drinking to get away from?...I have to ask you...Did you get a sponsor yet and start working the steps?....That is the suggested program of recovery in AA...Meetings are great...But they only give you half of what AA has to offer...The Big Book tells us that half measures get us....nothing. Not half results. It takes some action Jeni...I'd like to see you make it. You made it through a very difficult weekend...Build on that and keep going forward. The life you want is the one that's ahead of you. Not the one behind you.

[Michael66]

Hi Jeni,

It sounded like a tough weekend - displaced from your own home and not able to be in a place away from partying drunks. I think I'd give it a bit of time though. It might be later you look back and see that as a really positive milestone. Your sobriety is also going to be affecting those around you slowly.

It sounds like at the moment you have the challenges of giving up, coupled with the challenge now of living with others who drink too much. You're doing great though - I'd just concentrate on your new sobriety and deal with other things later.

You did fantastic this weekend in a really tricky situation.

[awuh1]

I'd give you my number but it's against the rules here (besides, I have the wrong plumbing).

[Spinach]

Jenni, listen to Dee.
Try not to change too much apart from the drinking so soon .
Wait till moods settle . I think we have to get used to normal mood swing before we start changing things.
I'd love to say that once you show a drunk a sober life they will change but they don't.
Remember how many day ones didnt happen or how difficult the first few days are and then the first few weeks bounce around all that pains gotta come from them.
I hope he will change .
A few years ago my wife said stop drinking and I shrugged and said no problem and she believed me and things carried on much the same but I felt like a trapped animal for weeks !I snuck a few drinks I hid a few until it increased .
Since then Ive given up for a few weeks a few days here and there and this time no prompt just stopped it had to come as yours did from within.
Running away through drink or geography changes little.
You have a plan on sobriety get it first comfortable, or as close as.
Then like anyone , family's do change ,your new life will have such a different perspective sometimes they just will , but it's still early .AA friends are your supporters and do a great job but they are not your family. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.
John.

[hypochondriac]

Oh Jeni

A friend of mine is running away from her life, literally. It reminded me how much I fantasized about doing that when I was drinking. Thing is that all of your feelings go with you... and sometimes the only way possible is to change your life where you are... doesn't AA suggest that you don't make any big changes like that until after a year?

You really should be thinking about your own well being right now. I can understand that it can be hard, especially if your the type of person who generally thinks of others first, but you really have to look after number 1 and do what's best for you. If you feel like you need to get away then get away for a bit, just to regroup, preferably somewhere with AA meetings.

I'm not sure which life you want to run away from and which one you want back, but if it's your drinking life, don't forget to remember the reasons why you wanted to quit in the first place. It's still early days and I'm sure things will get better. Have a chat with your husband and let him know how you feel.

You should be incredibly proud of what you have achieved so far and all of us here are thinking of you xxx

[tomsteve]

take the advise from sapling and dee. when you start working the steps( preferrably with a sponsor that has been through them) you will find out why you feel you need to try and please others. i remember doin that. it was quite exhaustive and a 6 pack deserved after.

[Jeni26]

Thanks everyone. Still here and not drinking. Very tearful and out of sorts but still committed to staying stopped.

[stillsleeping]

Hang tough sweetie. We're here for you xxx

And hey, the sun's shining!

[Sapling]

Be good to yourself Jeni...You're doing fantastic...It's OK to give yourself some credit. This isn't easy...But it is so worth the effort. Just keep moving forward...Get into some stepwork...And don't drink today.

[Jeni26]

Thanks guys.
At work now and preparing for a busy day with staff shortages so will be a full-on and exhausting time.
I AM doing ok. Things change, decisions need to be made and being uncomfortable and emotional is part of growing.
I've spent a long time numbing myself and running from pain but guess this is what real life is about. Learning to deal with real issues instead of hiding fom them.
You all give me such strength.
Thank you xx

[awuh1]

I think you may have more strengh than you know.

[ttbp]

I too felt like running away, I think it's fairly common when we start 'feeling' again

Well done on getting through without a drink xxxx