Fear

[grateful850]

I am 60 days sober today and feeling good. I attend AA meetings three times a week but so far I have only listened, mostly because of fear. I have always been quiet and had low confidence around others since I was young. I used to just drink to overcome my social anxiety. I dont know why I am so scared to talk in the meeting, especially since everyone is so nice there and they all know my name. I really want to contribute to the meetings and get a sponser. This is the longest I have ever gone without drinking and I owe it all to AA. Has anyone else ever had this problem or have any advice what to talk about for my first time?
Thank you

[Hevyn]

Welcome grateful! I don't have any specific advice, but want to tell you I understand. I'm the same way. I always tried to mask my true feelings & calm my anxiety with alcohol - but it backfired. I never learned to socialize without being in a fog.

I hope as you continue to heal and feel stronger & more confident, you'll be inspired to speak up. Once you break the ice by contributing it'll get easier each time. We're so glad you're here - congratulations on your 60 days.

[grateful850]

Thanks Hevyn! It feels good to know Im not the only one. I do feel more confident and stronger everyday that I'm sober, sometimes I lose sight of how far I have come already. Thank you that is exactly what I needed to hear

[jocata]

Congrats on the 60 days!! That's huge.

Stick with it, your time will come when you will feel prompted to speak. What you have to say may be what someone else needs to hear.

God bless.

[grateful850]

thanks jocata!

[sugarbear1]

Congrats on 2 months!! You are a miracle. Maybe start by telling them you are looking for a sponsor who has worked through the steps and continues to work the steps!!

[grateful850]

thanks sugarbear, thats a good idea. Im going to try and say that at my meeting tomorrow night, I know I will be glad I did

[Sapling]

Nice job on 60 days...One of the things we deal with in the 4th step is FEAR......I was riddled with it. I love how he describes it in the Big Book...1st edition pg 67-68.

This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

You are in no way alone in this. I've only been in AA eight months but I see people with more time than I have that still don't speak...Not everybody likes to do it. It's a matter of breaking the ice really. Just have to face it. I went through the same thing...Wasn't sure I would make any sense...All kinds of excuses...What if they laugh at me? You name it. I finally said...I HAVE to face this...And I said something like this.


My name is _____...I'm an Alcoholic...(Don't forget to start with that.)
I don't share here very much...I'm not real good at speaking before groups of people. I just want to thank you all for what I have learned from you. I have 60 days without a drink and that's the longest I've ever had. I'm looking for a sponsor and I want to work the 12 steps from the book. Thank you all...again.

Something simple like that....That meeting got over and I had people slapping me on the back...saying...Nice share....It just took a lot of the fear away...After six months I was chairing the meeting one day a week....I was scared of that too...For nothing. I don't know if you pray or not...But a simple little prayer for courage before you do it never hurts. Don't go in with a memorized speech...Just let it go...Once you thank them...It shows respect.....They love that...You'll be fine. One day you'll be slapping some guy on the back that's in the same boat. Enjoy your journey...It's a blast!

[grateful850]

Thank you Sapling that is awesome advice! I have learned how to pray from aa and I do it constantly now, it has saved me from myself many times already. Thanks for the example on what you said your first time. That is exactly what I want to say.

[2granddaughters]

Go for it grateful, you can do it !
We've all had those jitters in the beginning.

Wishing you the best Bob R

[Sapling]

Originally Posted by grateful850

Thank you Sapling that is awesome advice! I have learned how to pray from aa and I do it constantly now, it has saved me from myself many times already. Thanks for the example on what you said your first time. That is exactly what I want to say.

Let em have it....You'll feel like a new man.

[macknacat]

Sugarbear is right on- it is important that i continue to share what is going on in my life as it relates to alcoholism and my recovery - it sounds like getting a sponsor is high on your list of what is going on . BTW 60 days is fantastic, congrats! And congrats on looking for a sponsor- that was a huge part of my recovery early on and even now, after 16 years... well I met with mine for 2 hours day before yesterday... what a gift!

[PaperDolls]

Congrats on your sober time!!

I can relate for sure. I was scared to death at first. It took me some time but I am able to share now.

Sharing at a meeting is not required ...... the program is working the steps. So, just because you don't share doesn't mean you can't get a sponsor and work the steps. May be some of that fear you're feeling will start to go away as you work the steps. I know mine did!

[MustStop]

A little unrelated but being an alcoholic made me terrified of public speaking and I am sure it was just another one of the countless side affects of the alcohol. I had no problem "pre-drinking career" and hope it will fade as my sober days rack up. I did have to do some presentations in college and it was pretty bothersome leading up to it and even during the first couple minutes but once I got talking it became pretty easy.

[CaiHong]

Hi Grateful850,

I can really relate to your fear at meetings. I find it difficult to speak as I choke up with emotion, my throat constricts, I start to cry, the words can't come out I get frustrated that I can't speak but although I have been unable to articulate my feelings, I feel I have expressed them and I feel so much lighter afterwards. The feelings are buried so deep that I don't even know what they are. The closest I could come to describe them as pure undirected grief.

Your post has triggered these same emotions. I thank you for that.

May I add you do come across as being very grateful for your sobriety.

CaiHong

[bostonluv]

I've never spoken in a meeting besides saying that I am new or having a birthday or volunteering for a commitment. I haven't had anything laid on my heart to share though. I am just taking it all in and listening closely to others. Do you feel a great need to speak and just don't have the courage? Or do you feel you should be speaking in order to feel more "a part of"? Pray about it. If courage is what you need then ask specifically for the courage. It will come to you but you will be afraid and that is something when you do speak and find your voice that you will feel quite proud of.

Something you can do that would help you is to get to the meeting early and ask the secretary if they would like a volunteer for reading the promises, how it works or the 12 traditions. Sometimes they will just ask you if you are there early and seated. Also, you can always introduce yourself as new. There is no 30 day limit. Introduce yourself so people know who you are. Remember, this is your recovery program. You get what you put into it.

[grateful850]

Yes I am very grateful to be sober caihong thank you for noticing. I feel like I have a second chance at life that most people never get.

Hey Bostonluv thanks for the advice, tonight I read "The Most Important Thing" at my meeting. I felt the exact way caihong describe while talking, but I got through it and Im glad I did it. Someone at a meeting last week said you can either be "in" AA or "at" AA. That if you just come and sit there like a log it might work for a little while but you have to work a little and get outside of your comfort zone. I just felt the need to tell my group thank you and that I wouldnt be able to do this without them.

[PaperDolls]

I spoke (at the podium!) last night at my home group. Oddly enough, I wasn't nervous at all.

It's a pretty cool deal.

[Veritas1]

Originally Posted by grateful850

Yes I am very grateful to be sober caihong thank you for noticing. I feel like I have a second chance at life that most people never get.

Hey Bostonluv thanks for the advice, tonight I read "The Most Important Thing" at my meeting. I felt the exact way caihong describe while talking, but I got through it and Im glad I did it. Someone at a meeting last week said you can either be "in" AA or "at" AA. That if you just come and sit there like a log it might work for a little while but you have to work a little and get outside of your comfort zone. I just felt the need to tell my group thank you and that I wouldnt be able to do this without them.

I haven't heard of "the most important thing". Is this something read at meetings?

Thanks in advance

[Sapling]

Never heard of that either...

[PaperDolls]

Ditto Veritas and Sapling.