Feeling sad about cancelling a party

[endlesspatience]

I am feeling a bit sad today. I had arranged a little party for Friday. I was going to have a few friends over and listen to some music. The thing is, I arranged a similar "do" last year and it ended up with a couple of bottles of whisky and some dope. I know that the people I've invited wouldn't have any boundries around those substances. So I've emailed them to say that the party can go ahead without booze or we can meet up and do something else at the weekend as I'd really like to talk to them and have fun.

It wasn't easy to call the thing off at a couple of days notice. But when I was talking to my addiction counsellor last night he said "People in recovery don't get a day off". I wanted a night off, just one night, and then go back on the programme. But if I'm honest, if I drink the best part of a bottle of whisky and smoke draw, I've no idea where I will end up. Well, I have a good guess. I will end up deeply hungover and with little chance of recovering my sobriety.

But I still feel sad, because I think I'm missing out on fun.

[Dee74]

As long as I thought I was missing out on fun, the door was open for me to again do the things that nearly killed me, EP.

Go back and read some of your old posts maybe - I don't recall much fun there?

It can be hard to change our lives - but I think there comes a time when we have to accept we have to change.

I don't know anyone in recovery who thinks they've missed out on anything - I certainly regret nothing even tho my life has changed completely since 2007.

stick with it EP

D

[endlesspatience]

Ah, yes. I looked back at the post I made last year after achieving 90 days sobriety. I made it clear that one of the key things was avoiding bars and places that I used to drink alcohol and also avoiding people who want to drink with me. If I do this party on , I will be jeopardising that and heading into another relapse and it won't stop there - it will carry on and on and I will get trapped back in a cycle of addiction.

[sugarbear1]

A Milkshake & a Movie Night works for me

[Lost3000]

Originally Posted by endlesspatience

But I still feel sad, because I think I'm missing out on fun.

Hi, I can relate to you. Day 39 for me. This is my 2nd go around and my last. 3 yrs ago I got sober for 4 mos. I really enjoyed my sober life, but I realize now I wasn't ready to fully commit. Because I too felt like I was missing out on fun. I couldn't let go of my "friends". I was really lonely. Because dumping them meant I had no one.

I remember being determined to still have fun at a bar and not drink. I went out with two other girls from work that were not part of my drinking group. They ordered drink after drink and I had fruit juice. I was miserable! And no wonder. They proceeded to get sloshed (and highly annoying) and I was sober, wishing I had friends I could hang out that were on my same level, sober. I never went out with them again.

When my vacation came up, 4 mos later, I drank. It's funny, because normally I'd run for a drink at the airport and the minute we landed. But I didn't. We strolled the beach, the town, and then finally at dusk hit a bar. I sat there for so long trying to figure out what to order. But I drank and drank. I came back from vacay and drank and drank myself right back to where I was - miserable and fighting with my husband.

Anyway, I guess I finally realized they weren't my friends at all. So I started drinking at home. I ditched them and the bar we hung out at. Even when I was drinking I slowly began to see what jerks they were. They really only wanted to hang with me if the party was on.

So then I quit Jan. 1 and haven't looked back. I can tell you I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything other than a hangover and bad health. This time around I've made a major effort to meet new non-drinking friends. It's definitely hard for me, to break out of my box - but it's working!! I've had more invites and people approach me than ever before.

I wish you luck, just wanted to share my story.

[2granddaughters]

Originally Posted by endlesspatience

But I still feel sad, because I think I'm missing out on fun.

And you will also be missing the next day hangover, shame, guilt and despair.
(plus starting over in your recovery). Let's see ....... what would a sane person choose??

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

[endlesspatience]

Thanks guys. You have really helped me with those replies. I went to a sober social evening at my church last night and I gained a lot from that. I think I will in fact go to AA on Friday (there's a meeting at 9.30pm). And you know what, if the friends who I was going to party with don't want to hang out with me sober, they're not really good friends at all.

[Sapling]

Originally Posted by endlesspatience

Thanks guys. You have really helped me with those replies. I went to a sober social evening at my church last night and I gained a lot from that. I think I will in fact go to AA on Friday (there's a meeting at 9.30pm). And you know what, if the friends who I was going to party with don't want to hang out with me sober, they're not really good friends at all.

You got that right....Congrats on your decisions.