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-   -   Resentments towards religion (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/242943-resentments-towards-religion.html)

Pigtails 12-07-2011 08:54 AM

Resentments towards religion
 
I am having a lot of thoughts today! I've been thinking of how I didn't like how religion was shoved down my throat as a kid. I felt I couldn't think for myself, that I wasn't accepted or love for who I was unless I was spouting some Bible verse and pretending to be some great religious person. I got very good at pretending and having a double life, I feel like the world's best actress.

My initial reluctance about AA was because it seemed/seems like some religion where you have to do everything they say or you won't be happy... it reminds me of my childhood religion that I hated. They said "take what you want and leave the rest," and that helped me, and didn't seem like some controlling kind of religion, and I have been hearing a lot of hope and strength and so I take that, and now I think it is time to just start doing the rest of it, even though honestly a lot of it doesn't make sense to me and I feel a little miffed at having to do what people say. But the funny thing is, I have been going to therapists for years, and my biggest frustration was always the fact that they wouldn't JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I'd present my problems and anxieties and they'd be like "Well how does that make you feel?" or "Hmmmm?" and I wanted them to give me some practical advice and some answer to get me to where I wanted to go. Now there's a program telling me they have the answer to get me there, and I don't want to listen?! I'm so darn stubborn!

It does seem to me that I can think for myself in AA and it's all about honesty and openly expressing how I feel, which is definitely different from the organized religion I was used to. But that a great deal of it involves surrending, and accepting or at least not rejecting things that sound strange to me. I think I can do it. :) I have let go of my resentments towards religion and my parents in the religious regard and am open to finding my own definition of spirituality.

Thanks for listening.

PaperDolls 12-07-2011 08:58 AM

I'm proud of you Pigtails!! You're doing great.

If you haven't yet, I suggest you get a sponsor to help you work the steps. It saved my life. There was no way I would have been able to successfully work the steps on my own. Cool thing is, there's no reason too. There are lots of people willing and able to help you, you only have to ask.

Pigtails 12-07-2011 09:19 AM


Originally Posted by PaperDolls (Post 3197542)
I'm proud of you Pigtails!! You're doing great.

If you haven't yet, I suggest you get a sponsor to help you work the steps. It saved my life. There was no way I would have been able to successfully work the steps on my own. Cool thing is, there's no reason too. There are lots of people willing and able to help you, you only have to ask.

Thank you. I am getting up the nerve to ask someone to be my sponsor. It makes me nervous and I'm not sure why! I guess I fear rejection. (And maybe part of me is still holding back thinking that will mean I'm really SERIOUS about this and need to be ACCOUNTABLE to someone and stick with it, and that makes me scared!!) And I hear that a sponsor is important and that I should pick someone who has what I want and who has certain qualifications etc. so I start to think it's something I need to think over and decide. But I'm also realizing I need to take more action in my life instead of just staying stuck in analysis paralysis. So I guess I should just ask her and see what happens. There's a woman who has been really helpful to me. Back in June I went to an AA meeting and bawled my eyes out and she gave me her number. I stopped going to AA because I felt too overwhelmed (didn't want to face myself... wanted to escape into alcohol again). She texted me and asked how I was doing and went to lunch with me and I told her I am drinking and not sure if I am an alcoholic and felt overwhelmed by AA, and she was totally understanding and nice. When I decided to get serious I texted her and she invited me to the meeting I've been going to. She was there last night when I got my 30-day chip and she gave me a Big Book and was really helpful to me. So I should just ask her. I am such a wimp!

PaperDolls 12-07-2011 09:36 AM

Take a look at this pamphlet, it will help you have a better understanding of what to expect.

I was nervous too ....... I felt like I was asking someone to marry me. But, trust me, it's not like that.

The only "qualifications" in my opinion that a sponsor must have are 1) they have worked the steps with a sponsor 2) they have what you want.

The rest is up to the universe. If it doesn't work out for some reason you can just let he know and find a new one.

Yup, just ask her!!

Snarf 12-07-2011 09:41 AM

I had some initial reluctance about AA because parts of it reminded me of my religious upbringing. But I began to see how AA could help me in my life. And I also realized that every religion, and indeed every church within that religion, is different. Even a new pastor or priest at the same church can preach and teach a different type of religion than the one preceding him or her. And my interpretation of a verse in my Bible may be very different from my pastor's interpretation of the same verse.

To me, my religious beliefs are about my relationship with my God. Not about acceptance from any people at church, or following some rules that someone tells me to follow. It's about trusting and believing in my God and living my life in a way that reflects those beliefs and trying to help others along the way. I don't feel that my religious beliefs are oppressive or confining at all. Quite the opposite; they have liberated me from the confines and oppressive beliefs of the world and the people that inhabit it.

Pigtails 12-07-2011 09:47 AM


Originally Posted by PaperDolls (Post 3197584)
Take a look at this pamphlet, it will help you have a better understanding of what to expect.

I was nervous too ....... I felt like I was asking someone to marry me. But, trust me, it's not like that.

The only "qualifications" in my opinion that a sponsor must have are 1) they have worked the steps with a sponsor 2) they have what you want.

The rest is up to the universe. If it doesn't work out for some reason you can just let he know and find a new one.

Yup, just ask her!!

The pamphlet had very helpful information. Thanks. I'll ask her. I don't know why these things seem so scary!

PaperDolls 12-07-2011 09:50 AM

Change, or the prospect of it, can be scary.

Sometimes change can be a good thing.....it was for me especially when it came to my alcoholism.

Sapling 12-07-2011 09:58 AM

We had a pastor speak at a Gratitude Dinner last month and he said he had never seen the kind of love and caring he found in AA rooms....In any Church he has ever been to. Get a sponsor...Work the steps...Enjoy the ride and share what you learn with someone like you are now (Scared and afraid to ask for some help doing the steps)...Pretty good formula.

RobbyRobot 12-07-2011 10:03 AM

Yeah, alot of religous persons attend AA, which is perfectly okay, but AA itself is not religious, and so having resentments about religion in AA is akin to thinking its haunted by other peoples experiences. It dosen't have to be that way.

Its good to see you stand up responsibly and own your own honest sober experiences as whatever they may be both inside and outside AA, Pigtails!


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