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Old 11-23-2011, 08:09 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Red face 23 Days Sober

I am 23 days sober today! It has been hard but SO worth it. My brain is still a little fuzzy and I am still tired but besides that, I feel GREAT!

My boyfriend has lived with me for 4 years now. He has his own issues (who doesn't?). When I decided to get sober he did not say a word....that is ok....it is my fight, not his. I don't talk about being sober at all....that seems to make him really uncomfortable whenever I bring it up.

He has started trying to get me to drink/smoke pot. Yup....I used to smoke pot too. He will bring booze in the house when I asked him not to (he is not a drinker, so this is a new behavior) and he tries to get me to smell his pot. He says things like I shouldn't try to be a good girl.....good girls are boring as hell. In truth, I am discovering HE is boring! He is passed out by 7:30 every night!

This last weekend he spent it stoned while I totally re-did the bathroom. Painted, put up new light fixtures, new curtains, etc. (It looks great by the way! *proud grin*) I used the money I would have used on Vodka for the project. I have discovered keeping busy keeps the cravings under control AND boosts my self esteem.

I am just feeling so fragile right now. I am worried about the holidays.....my first sober in 20 years! My twin girls are getting their first college acceptance letters already...another huge life change coming up for me.

I now see how my sobriety is a life change for him too.....I have decided to hold out and see what becomes of our relationship after some time has gone by, after we both have time to adjust....but boy am I scared.

I LOVE being sober! My life was a messed up hell when I was drinking/smoking, especially the last 3 years or so. Maybe my being sober will help him, but then again maybe it will change our relationship too much and I will loose him.

I am so early in my recovery.....I want sobriety so badly.....I would love to hear from other people who were able to get sober AND keep their relationships with their significant others!
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Pommy. You are doing Great! here's your happy dance. Sounds like your bf isn't only not supportive but actually trying to sabatoge your sobriety. Does it feel that way?

Please stay strong. I'm sure you're much more boring drunk - I know I am. I mostly get glassy and then fall asleep.

Very exciting news for your girls huh? That is huge for them and you.

Yes I'm sure it will take time for you both to adjust - just please put yourself first if it seems like he wants you to go down a less healthy path. You are not being selfish - you ate trying to be the best person you can be for you, him and the rest of your family
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Pommy,

Nice post. Congratulations on 23 days! That is an excellent start. Sounds like you want a lot of good things to happen in your life. Not having alcohol or drugs in it is a good beginning.

P.S. You sound please with your bathroom. Excellent accomplishment.

Jim
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:29 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Well done Pommy , that's great . Sorry to hear about the situation with your boyfriend , I don't think that is very fair and hope it improves for you , maybe you should talk to him and tell him that he is threatening your hard earned sobriety . Good luck
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Congrats on your sober time.
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:39 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Wonderful!! Hooray for you!

I am facing some of the same issues as you re: relationship. I'd love to share more about this journey and hear how it is going for you. A tough thing... but you are doing fantastic!

yay for 23 days!

xox
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:00 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Way to go Pommy So glad you see the benefits of changing. I loved the story about how you saved your money on what would have been booze into something so much more rewarding. Great to hear that your self-confidence was boosted!
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Awesome Pommy!

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend's complete lack of support -- it almost sounds like he feels threatened by your sobriety. I've heard of that happening, but I don't understand it.

--Fenris.
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Old 11-23-2011, 02:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome Pommy

Change in a relationship is always difficult, I think.

Sometimes I reckon our recovery is as hard on our partners as it is on us...maybe even harder because they might not understand the situation like we do.

You're right to keep your focus on you and your recovery, for now.

Time will invariably tell what happens in your relationship - but I wish you the best

D
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Old 11-24-2011, 10:30 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Congrats on 24 days pommy!!

You made me smile today after you said you Painted, put up new light fixtures, new curtains, etc. I remember early in my recovery this was a big deal. Be very very proud of yourself. Keep moving foward your doing Great!

As for your bf maybe suggest for him to check out a alano meeting?

Have a great sober Holiday Pommy...
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