Talking myself out of it
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Originally Posted by icandoit12 
Honestly, if you really want this you will have to change what you do during your free time! Being around your drug of choice leads to temptation!!!
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Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble
Well, I'm a big fan of creating distance between myself and my alcoholic voice.
For example, you said you're talking yourself out of it. I'd say that you are not torn on the subject at all. You know what drinking means, how it affects your life and your moods, and you know darn well that you are better off without it. Happier without it. And you know that will never change. You will always be better off without booze, forever and ever, amen.
That other voice—the one that tries to convince you a drink would make you happy, despite the fact you know it will more likely ruin your night, possibly your whole life—is not you. That's your addiction talking.
As for New Year's, it's just a day. If you could just drink once in a while, you wouldn't be here, right? And by the way, did you need booze to celebrate holidays when you were a kid? Of course not. You don't need it now, either. Besides, New Year's should have a very special meaning for you this year, precisely because you are not drinking.And which do you think is more important to your family and friends—that you have a drink with them, or that you live a long and happy life?
All this confusion is coming from the addict voice. It wants you think the choices are hard, when in fact they're incredibly simple. It will get easier. The voice will lose strength.
You're doing great. I would agree with the others about the risk of being around drinks early in recovery, though. It won't be a big deal later. Everyone will get used to you sipping on iced tea or hot cocoa. Including you.
For example, you said you're talking yourself out of it. I'd say that you are not torn on the subject at all. You know what drinking means, how it affects your life and your moods, and you know darn well that you are better off without it. Happier without it. And you know that will never change. You will always be better off without booze, forever and ever, amen.
That other voice—the one that tries to convince you a drink would make you happy, despite the fact you know it will more likely ruin your night, possibly your whole life—is not you. That's your addiction talking.
As for New Year's, it's just a day. If you could just drink once in a while, you wouldn't be here, right? And by the way, did you need booze to celebrate holidays when you were a kid? Of course not. You don't need it now, either. Besides, New Year's should have a very special meaning for you this year, precisely because you are not drinking.And which do you think is more important to your family and friends—that you have a drink with them, or that you live a long and happy life?
All this confusion is coming from the addict voice. It wants you think the choices are hard, when in fact they're incredibly simple. It will get easier. The voice will lose strength.
You're doing great. I would agree with the others about the risk of being around drinks early in recovery, though. It won't be a big deal later. Everyone will get used to you sipping on iced tea or hot cocoa. Including you.
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Originally Posted by Marine28
Pigtail - I have had the same thoughts and I am going on Day 7. I managed to survive an out of town weekend wedding complete with limo service back and forth to hotel from reception so no one had to drink and drive. But I kept thinking about how bad i would feel the next morning and that it would not be not be worth it. My brother in law even bought me a bottle of my favorite wine and I said no thanks. It was hard as it was a very expensive bottle but I thanked him anyway and he said fine. People really don't care as much as we may think they do when we don't drink. Sure' I got lots of raised eyebrows but no one said a word. It was kind of fun watching everyone else act stupid and thinking that's how I would have been. Best of all, I was one of only 2 people out of 15 who actually made it down to breakfast on Sunday. Usually I was the one who could not get out of bed in the morning. Just keep reminding yourself how good you will feel if you don't do it.
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Originally Posted by eJoshua
Don't mean to be nitpicky here, Pigtails, but why are you putting yourself in situations where you have opportunities to drink when you are still so early in your sobriety?
IMO, that logic is sort of like trying to sleep in a room with the lights on and the blender running in an effort to learn to fall asleep easier.
IMO, that logic is sort of like trying to sleep in a room with the lights on and the blender running in an effort to learn to fall asleep easier.
who is recovering from surgery said she is feeling better and going stir-crazy and she wanted to go to dinner with our significant others, and she wanted to introduce one of her friends who was new in town to my boyfriend's brother, who is single. Her favorite place to eat is this Irish pub/restaurant. Although there was alcohol there, and everyone was drinking but me and my boyfriend, who was on antibiotics for kidney stones and who is charged with a DUI and so didn't want to be drinking in public as it violates the terms of his bond (he was released on his own recognizance but has some stipulations he must adhere to), I didn't feel very tempted to drink. Perhaps it was because my boyfriend wasn't drinking (although he was on painkillers for the kidney stones and so not really himself). My friend's husband, who's a doctor, asked me why I wasn't drinking and I said I am trying to correct my sleep disorder and I have a sleep study set up in a couple weeks. He said (after ranting that sleep studies are a rip-off and don't work) that I should do everything the same as I normally do so as not to skew the results (he doesn't know I haven't been drinking for the past couple of weeks or that I don't want to, ever-- this is why I think maybe I should just come out with it to my friends). He also said that to improve my sleep I should avoid alcohol except for maybe once a week. Still, I didn't feel very tempted to drink and was just glad when the questioning was over.On Saturday night my boyfriend went to a sports bar to watch the UFC fight with his friends. I declined the invitation because I didn't want to drink and knew they would all be drinking (I'm not sure what happened to him not wanting to drink because of his antibiodics, kidney stones, and DWI charge-- maybe he just wasn't drinking on Friday night because my friend that we were with is representing him in his case, I'm not sure), and also because I had a lot of work to do over the weekend since I'm going on Thanksgiving vacation, and I figured that would be a good time to do it. I worked until midnight and my boyfriend went to his friend's girlfriend's apartment after the fight, and he invited me over to eat with them. I was hungry and done working so I went, and his friend and his girlfriend were really drunk, while his brother who was driving had only had 2 drinks, and he had was tipsy/a bit drunk but not all out drunk, he said due to not wanting to make his kidney stones worse. The friend's girlfriend offered me a drink but I said no thanks and I didn't feel too tempted. I felt good about being productive, knowing I would be productive the next day too, since I wouldn't wake up hungover.
Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to an upscale sports bar/restaurant to watch football, and they have free wireless so I was doing my work. My boyfriend had a few beers and that was the first time I was a bit tempted to drink. I thought it would be nice to have a beer with him or my old tradition of a bloody mary with the football game (usually on Sundays it stopped there and didn't turn into an all-day drinkfest or anything). But I talked my way out of it and just had coffee and water and food. We were invited by my boyfriend's friends to a college soccer championship game, which was tons of sober fun. Afterwards my boyfriend and his brother stopped to get some alcohol at the gas station for when we watched TV at home after that, and I kind of wanted to drink with them, but not too badly. I was having this back-and-forth in my head the whole night, like, "It's hard to not drink," "no it's fine," etc. I guess that's when my brain started wrestling with itself but not too bad. I noticed that my boyfriend drinks to keep a continual slight buzz, whereas I'm more all-or-nothing-- sober or pretty drunk.
Then today I had to go to an assistant's going-away party after work... I guess I shouldn't say I *had* to, but it was expected of me and it would look bad if I didn't go. This was the first time I really wanted to drink, but I didn't. I even ran into an ex that I used to drink with all the time, and had a variety of different emotions, mainly discomfort and the desire to escape, but I still didn't drink, and was proud of myself for that.
I guess it's helpful to trace back the origins of the desire and see that's it like a build-up. The more I'm around alcohol, the more I want it, and the more I stay away from it, the more I don't want it.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
A few years before I quit, before I entered what was the final phase of all out drinking for me, I wondered this too - I tried, very hard, to 'correct' what I hoped was a bad habit.
I couldn't.
I dunno, but I'm pretty sure you've tried too, Pigtails?
D
I couldn't.
I dunno, but I'm pretty sure you've tried too, Pigtails?
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
maybe. I get this time of year is hard - but any time of year is hard.
I knew if I drank again I would probably never stop again - that helped me sort out my priorities pretty much.
I get that you're not at the same stage, and that at least some part of you keeps coming back to drinking as an option.
If you've decided you *have* to go to these things - and only you can decide that, and if you don't want to make a big announcement, you're not leaving yourself very many options but grinning and bearing it.
It's hard - but I know that can be done too....it just won't be much fun for a while.
I thought you were going to AA...but in any case any support you can garner, I'd use it pigtails
D
I knew if I drank again I would probably never stop again - that helped me sort out my priorities pretty much.
I get that you're not at the same stage, and that at least some part of you keeps coming back to drinking as an option.
If you've decided you *have* to go to these things - and only you can decide that, and if you don't want to make a big announcement, you're not leaving yourself very many options but grinning and bearing it.
It's hard - but I know that can be done too....it just won't be much fun for a while.
I thought you were going to AA...but in any case any support you can garner, I'd use it pigtails
D
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I just want to thank everyone for talking with me, and especially Dee for the dialogue. It really helps me and now I am back to feeling better about not drinking, ever. I think I just need a reality check sometimes!
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I just sent a text to the woman who invited me to the AA meeting I went to last week, and said I'd like to go again tomorrow. Sometimes I think I'm weak for needing a group to rely on. I can't just do what I know I should do on my own. :-/ (Well, apparently I can but it feels very hard.) But then I think, I need to re-ground myself in reality, and the best way to do that is by going to AA, not by hanging out with people who drink, even though that seems to be everyone but the people in AA!
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I gave into the new years eve thing about 5 years ago, after I had a month sober and in outpatient recovery program! Then I drank almost everyday after that for almost 5 years now. Not that you would do that, just saying, it's not really worth it. Besides the best way to celebrate the new year is sober! You will be so proud of yourself on January 2nd if you don't drink. I don't think you will regret not getting plastered on new years eve at all.
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Originally Posted by cuyootoo
I gave into the new years eve thing about 5 years ago, after I had a month sober and in outpatient recovery program! Then I drank almost everyday after that for almost 5 years now. Not that you would do that, just saying, it's not really worth it. Besides the best way to celebrate the new year is sober! You will be so proud of yourself on January 2nd if you don't drink. I don't think you will regret not getting plastered on new years eve at all.
Thank you for the cheerful encouragement.
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You could plan something really fun on New Years Day for yourself like a hot air balloon ride, or bungi cord jumping. That way you won't really feel like you missed out on anything. Those activities would be a blast sober, though, I doubt they would be any fun with a hangover.
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Originally Posted by Pigtails
I guess it's helpful to trace back the origins of the desire and see that's it like a build-up. The more I'm around alcohol, the more I want it, and the more I stay away from it, the more I don't want it.
Best wishes, keep up the good battle!
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Originally Posted by cuyootoo
You could plan something really fun on New Years Day for yourself like a hot air balloon ride, or bungi cord jumping. That way you won't really feel like you missed out on anything. Those activities would be a blast sober, though, I doubt they would be any fun with a hangover.
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Originally Posted by eJoshua
This is definitely the case for me too. My addiction tells me that if I'm not around alcohol then I'm not really recovering, because in some twisted way my mind reasons that I have to be near alcohol and making a conscious choice not to drink it in order to be experiencing "true" sobriety. In reality, my decision to keep myself away from alcohol is proof that I am in fact maturing in my sobriety. The fact that I am abstaining not only from the alcohol, but also the situation that leads me to drink is something that I now look at as good planning, or setting myself up for success.
Best wishes, keep up the good battle!
Best wishes, keep up the good battle!
Thank you. I guess I should actively seek ways to not be around alcohol instead of trying so hard to fight the temptation while around alcohol.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I am yes because that's my experience lol.
I reckon AA might work in a similar way tho
D
I reckon AA might work in a similar way tho
D
Last night I told my boyfriend how I had wanted to drink while I was out with my co-workers and that it was a good thing I had forgotten my ID at home (higher power? although the bouncer let me in anyway and I could have had a drink... but it was a good excuse to tell my co-workers.) He said, "Yeah, because I know you didn't want to drink until after your sleep study in December." I said "well that was just an excuse I gave our friends the other night so they'd leave me along about not drinking; really I don't want to drink at all ever again." (Which I've told him, but then in moments of weakness/confused thinking I'll say things like, I want to make it 30 days until my birthday in December and then re-evaluate, or maybe I'll just drink on special occasions, etc... so he's understandably confused, and I think he just wants me to be able to relax and drink sometimes, but he'll support me if I never want to, although he doesn't understand/think it's necessary.) He said, "I see. Well I think not drinking ever again is a bit extreme but if you want that then go for it." I said "I want to NEVER drink again, but sometimes I ALWAYS 'want' to drink. It's very frustrating. But I'm so all or nothing that if I have one, I know I could overdo it."
I come to SR and go to AA so that I can talk to people who understand. It is sometimes helpful to talk to my boyfriend so that I can talk my way out of drinking, or explain why I don't want to, etc. But I feel that he can't totally understand, nor can anyone who doesn't think they're an alcoholic. Sometimes it starts to seem like I'm just making up this condition for myself, as is everyone in AA and on SR. That is how twisted my thinking can get! I know it is a simple matter of just not drinking so that I can turn my life around. I don't know why my brain has to make it so complicated.
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I don't know about you, but I have 20 years evidence says I'm not making anything up, lol.
I also have 5 years evidence that proves beyond a doubt my life is immeasurably better without alcohol
It took me a long time to make that blind leap of faith into recovery...but I'm glad I did, pigtails
D
I also have 5 years evidence that proves beyond a doubt my life is immeasurably better without alcohol
It took me a long time to make that blind leap of faith into recovery...but I'm glad I did, pigtails
D
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