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Old 07-25-2011, 05:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Dealing with Loneliness & Boredom

Hi Everyone, I started my heavy drinking and binging a few years ago when I started living alone. I think my worse trigger is loneliness, so alcohol became my companion. I also get bored being home alone at night, so again I drink. I am afraid to date now, because of my drinking, so I won't meet a companion. That means I will continue to be alone...more loneliness..my worse trigger. Lastly, I am a realtor and that is a very stressful job in this very down market. And of course finances have become a problem. These are my triggers. I don't crave alcohol all the time...just when I'm triggered. I can stop on my own, but I don't think I should continue to drink. I really think if I did have partner that it would be easier for me to not drink heavily. I know that I have reached the point where social drinking is probably out of the question. Just wondering if anyone has some advice, since I spent the last 5 days binging and I am totally miserable. Haven't been sleeping which makes things worse.
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well I've had plenty of companions but that didn't stop the drinking--it did stop the companions. You say you don't crave alcohol except when you're triggered and it seems you have plenty of triggers. I don't know if it matters how much one drinks or how often as why. I think when we see and use alcohol as medication against our pain and discomfort I think its a problem. Thats why I think of alcoholism as that of a dis-ease. I guess if I were to give you advice it'd be to put the bottle down. The things that trigger you won't go away through drinking, they just grow bigger and more hungry. You take care.
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Fritz, That's why I am going to put down the bottle. After I started living alone, every relationship I had with a man became a nightmare mostly due to my drinking. I know I need to stop the drinking before I can have any kind of a relationship. I also have an adorable grandson and will be getting twin grandchildren very soon. I don't ever want them to see their grandma drunk.
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Sounds like the start of a good plan, keeping the bottle down takes additional planning. Sounds like you have every reason to be sober and I know you'll find plenty of support. Just for your FYI, I lost a wife, 7 stepkids and 6 grandkids and have lived alone the last 2 years. I get plenty lonely at timnes but at least I get lonely sober.
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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HI Fritz, I am sorry to hear of your losses. I only have one daughter who I love dearly. And I just adore my grandson...see them at least three times a week. Can't wait for the twins...a girl and another boy. I know I give myself a pity party too often. I am really trying and I am hoping if I don't drink anymore my depression will go away. I have been a fool to think the alcohol would make things better...it only makes them worse. But as you know, it does make the loneliness and emotional pain go away for a few hours. Alcohol has a way of fooling us, but it is time that I don't get fooled anymore. I am going to try to volunteer, exercise and start going to yoga again. I need to fill my evenings and that will be a big help. I think it is typical of the alcoholic to isolate themselves, so I will have to push myself. Anyway thanks for you support.
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I am food addict and I know its just like any other drug, and thats when I eat is when im lonely, bored,depressed etc. thats why I am here. A few years ago, I beat a cocaine addiction and have been sober for 3 years and am doing fine. Starting june 8th, I quit smoking cigarettes. im trying to treat these problems just like a drug or alchohol addiction. thats what they are. if you would like to talk on a regular basis and give each other support, I would like that. I am online a lot because I go to school online.
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I drank when I was alone and when I was not..I drank when my job was iffy and when it was secure...
and when it was iffy...I drank for fun and continued to drink after it depressed me.

I'm an alcoholic who kept drinking until I found a way to stop.
Yes.. AA is what I use and it's a better way of life for me...

Since I began AA...I've been mad...sad and glad...never bored....
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:51 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi Lisa, Thanks for your support. I am sorry to hear everything you have had to battle. I did quit smoking cold turkey 28 years ago, so you think I would be able to stop drinking. But the difference is the drinking is more of an emotional escape. It's a different kind of addiction. I give you so much credit for kicking a cocaine addiction and quit smoking. But I know that a food addiction is caused by boredom, loneliness, and depression. I had a friend that had a food addiction. I think I would trade my drinking for food. Food doesn't cause you to become mean...at least I don't think so. I have said terrible things to people and did some really stupid things while under the influence. I would like to keep in touch on a regular basis...that's what I'm here for, to make some friends and get support. Hugs
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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HI Carol, Fortunately, my heavy drinking was only when I was upset, lonely or bored. I was a social drinker in the good times and I want to have them back. I plan to work hard at staying sober and I plan to stay on this site. Thanks for your welcomed advice!
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I drank when I was alone and when I was not..I drank when my job was iffy and when it was secure...
and when it was iffy...I drank for fun and continued to drink after it depressed me.
This is a great point, and worth highlighting. Because the last few years of my life have been so down, I kind of forget that I used to drink for fun. It's important to remember though, because I too used any excuse to drink...

I got a promotion! Let's go get drunk.
I got fired! I need a drink.
I got a hot date! Let's go get plastered.
I got dumped! Where's the liquor at?



What a terrible way to live...

Anyways, to aidadeb, the last few years I was very lonely and used alcohol to help me deal with my loneliness (as well as for other reasons). Something that I read in my recovery program was a discussion question that my step group went back and forth on quite a bit:

"Do you think loneliness is a choice? Why or why not?"

Most of us decided that, although we can't always control the fact that we're alone, we can control how we react to it. So there is a difference between being alone (a fact) and being lonely (an emotion) Case in point: I'm introverted and often enjoy being by myself for long stretches of time. However, when I'm feeling down or depressed I often feel lonely, even if I'm in a room full of people I know.

I think it can be a choice. Although you may not be able to choose to be in a relationship right now (and this may not be the best time for that, anyways) you can choose to find support. Have you looked into AA or other recovery programs? They can be tremendous sources of support and friendship.

Either way, I would try to avoid putting yourself in the position of thinking that a relationship can help you quit drinking. I've tried to depend on other people for help with my emotional issues and addictive behaviours before and it just doesn't work. The beast always finds a way to come out regardless of my circumstances in life.

Best of luck to you. We're always here for support.
-Josh
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Old 07-26-2011, 12:23 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Admitting you have a problem and looking for help is the first type of recovery. If you already understand why you drink and your triggers then your on the right step to get your life back on track. Learning how to deal with your triggers and loneliness is something that you will have to practice. Most likely you will slip and drink many times and finding a recovery program that works for you will be something that you will need to do some research on. The succeed with all programs are very very low. Addiction is a are thing to go through so put in the time to find something that will really work for you. If you don't want to join a recovery program then you can always do it on your own or go to a counselor that deal with drug/alcohol abuse.

Most of the time when someone says that they drink because their bored or lonely have more issues that they are fighting. Finding someone will most likely not help your problem with drinking more likely. You even stay that you still drank when you did have a partner and they had issues with you when drinking.

Good luck and hope you keep coming back to SR.
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Old 07-26-2011, 01:16 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Josh, I want to really thank you for your support. I really had to stop and think about what you said about loneliness being a choice. You really hit a nerve in a good way. I shouldn't think I can get my happiness or sobriety from another. I have to learn how to deal with this. And you are correct that there are underlying issues for my loneliness and depression. I realize I need help and this site is the first step. I have been reading these posts nonstop for the last three days and have already come to some major realizations. I need to take charge of my life and find ways to stop the loneliness and depression...and not alcohol. I am going to stop drinking today...have appointments I must keep. I need to get involved in healthy non-drinking activities to keep me busy. You and all the others that have responded to my post have helped soooooo much. I can't thank you enough and I wish you the very best in your sobriety. Keep up the good work...hopefully I will be sober soon. Again THANKS!!!
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Old 07-26-2011, 01:23 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Act10, Thank you for your advice. I am going to plan a recovery program. You were right about the underlying issues for my loneliness. I have to work on my issues and stay sober. Thanks for your support and I hope to stay sober with all the great advice I have gotten on this site. Many thanks!!!
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Old 07-26-2011, 01:58 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I have been a fool to think the alcohol would make things better...it only makes them worse. But as you know, it does make the loneliness and emotional pain go away for a few hours. Alcohol has a way of fooling us, but it is time that I don't get fooled anymore. .

Very well said. You have already stated the actual problem. Alcohol does not change reality.It changes our perception of the reality and that too, for few hours. After those few hours,the reality ( loneliness in you case ) strike us hard and we want to drink more to change the reality that we are alone.In fact, we are more lonely while drinking, even when others are around.

I read in one of the book.. ALGOL creates more problem by making us forget about the actual problem there by giving imaginary solution to problem. The problem gets bigger . Hence , the actual solution is not to drink alcohol. The solution is to face the problem , the way it is and find ways to get rid of loneliness.

Alcohol itself is a problem and solution , too. Just don't drink even a drop of alcohol. That is the solution.
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Old 07-26-2011, 02:11 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Newborn, Thanks for your astute response. Alcohol is the problem which is stopping me from finding the real solution to my problems. Alcohol does fool you and I don't want to be fooled anymore. This site has enlightened me and I feel that I can face tomorrow without alcohol. I am so grateful that I joined SR. Everyone has been insightful and supportive...thanks to everyone!!!
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