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+++So Depressed about Amy Winehouse+++

Old 07-24-2011, 08:35 PM
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+++So Depressed about Amy Winehouse+++

Those of you who remember me from the past...I'm sure a lot don't...will remember that Amy Winehouse was my favorite celebrity...my avatar, my signature, my screen name on here was all from her. I feel so sad that she died. I can't explain it, but I just am...I don't understand this. I feel sick. I don't want to drink anymore, either. It's really hard. I was supposed to see her live 3 times but all of those times were cancelled. Dear G-d, why do these things happen?
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Old 07-24-2011, 09:16 PM
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I thought of you, R.
I'm sorry - I know she meant a lot to you

My best hope is maybe she can be force for good now - a warning to others...I dunno.

I hope you're doing ok generally.
D
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Old 07-24-2011, 09:22 PM
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Back to Black, sorry that you are having a hard time with this. I can totally see how much of a fan you were.

The only words of comfort I can offer is that you can honor your feelings by continuing to live a sober life. She went one path, you've gone the other.

I for one am incredibly grateful for my sobriety after reading about her death. It served as a stark reminder that I have to keep my sobriety at number one priority at all times.

*And those three times you were meant to see her and it didn't happen was because, unfortunately, her addiction issues absolutely ruined her career. You were a great and loyal fan to continue your admiration for her despite her private life overshadowing her amazing talent. I hope, in the future, you get a lot of joy again from listening to her music.
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Old 07-24-2011, 09:46 PM
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I do remember you and thought of you when the news broke. Are you still sober? Can you use this sad event to reinforce or reestablish your sobriety?
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Old 07-25-2011, 12:05 AM
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Very sad about Amy but the happenings in Norway, all those children/teenagers shot dead who had "No choices" have left me far more depressed.
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Old 07-25-2011, 01:09 AM
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I can totally relate to your grief over Amy's death. I have been very upset about it. I lived about a mile away from her flat in London and can remember seeing one of her early shows before she had a record deal. She was fantastic. I saw her live several times after that, including one truly marvellous night when she appeared on stage with Prince at a small club in London. She was a great talent.

I know others will say that she had choices but I know when I was really in active addiction I couldn't see those choices. I didn't want to see them. I am enormously grateful that FINALLY I did see the options.

I take comfort in the fact that the music industry is full of brilliant, creative people who have overcome drink and drug problems and have continued to be creative. I quite often see musicians in AA meetings in my area and I am always happy to do so.
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Old 07-25-2011, 01:42 AM
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Sure there are far to many tragic events going on and around the world today, to limit ones connection to one particularly point of sadness. Yet it happens as we are only simple humans at heart.

I had a special interest in Amy because of her talent. She jumped out on the music grove stage as a world class act. I was very impressed. Her anti-anthem of no, no, no, was bold and brash. I'm sure it put off many squares. But not me man. Amy had "it" and addiction, as addiction all to often dose, takes "it' away...takes it all way.

Let us that liked, even loved Amy, let her memory be relished with a our contentment to live a life free form addiction so as to keep the remembrance of Amy alive.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:45 AM
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xX

of course remember you hon

yes, it is sad

for yourself, try to discover the real you,

as none of us really have the need to emulate another

"to thine own self be true"

all good wishes xX

and hope to see you on the board more often
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Old 07-25-2011, 05:07 AM
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Have been hesitant posting about Amy actually because I know it's potentially upsetting for many who liked her and have their own problems. I was a fan too (not enough real artists around anymore), and for me it feels a bit more personal because I lost someone close under similar circumstances, she wasn't much older than Amy, tiny stature as well, so all this helps bring up some disturbing memories.

A couple of times, it could've been me in that situation as well.

It happened I believe because she was in denial, and being a celebrity probably helps you stay in denial much longer. Everyday folks have to take the fall... celebs can hire a good lawyer to get them out of the mess.

I know she tried rehab a few times, her last stay was very brief, it seemed she only agreed to rehab under pressure or direct orders. She was supposed to be winning the battle against Class A substances, however I don't think she ever took her problem with alcohol seriously enough. And her relationship with her former husband had classic codependency overtones. All that didn't help.

The bottom line is that nobody can be forced to get well if they don't really think they have a problem, if they are in denial, and denial is unfortunately a common part of this disorder.

If you are feeling very distressed about this there are support lines available, Amy's case for a long time was a reminder for me of the reasons to stay sober.
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Old 07-25-2011, 07:51 AM
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Normally I ignore celebrity culture as much as possible, and in my earlier days, I would have mocked and ridiculed Amy Winehouse for the addictive demons that destroyed her. Perhaps it's a sign of my own maturity, sobriety, experience as a parent, and just an all-around more sympathetic person to the human condition that I don't fell that way about Amy Winehouse. Maybe it's because I genuinely liked her original style and music.

The past few days, I've verbally spanked some people on Twitter and Facebook for slamming this talented, beautiful young woman. It's so easy for people without addictions, or perhaps even addictions of their own, to believe they're better, then criticize others. That's an easy cop-out and though ultimately Ms. Winehouse needed to take responsibility for her body and herself, I can't stand pious mockery.

Something else bothers me about this story that I can't quite put my finger on. Has there been another person in the history of the human race whose addictions and quicksand of problems has been more well documented? Maybe Charlie Sheen, but somehow he's still alive. I live across the pond and many thousands of mile from Ms. Winehouse, but somehow I feel a measure of guilt about how I watched this woman's life disintegrate. Tabloid websites enjoyed millions of hits publicizing her under-the-influence antics, and I was one of the people who read them and probably chortled a time or two at the stories.

I feel bad that I'll never hear the next great album she never produced, I feel bad for her parents, and I feel bad that a little girl couldn't find sober happiness in this world. It's so sad.
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Old 07-25-2011, 08:33 AM
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Russell Brand, who has known Amy Winehouse for many years, shared his thoughts in a touching letter.

For Amy

When you love someone who suffers from the disease of addiction you await the phone call. There will be a phone call. The sincere hope is that the call will be from the addict themselves, telling you they’ve had enough, that they’re ready to stop, ready to try something new. Of course though, you fear the other call, the sad nocturnal chime from a friend or relative telling you it’s too late, she’s gone.

Frustratingly it’s not a call you can ever make it must be received. It is impossible to intervene.

I’ve known Amy Winehouse for years. When I first met her around Camden she was just some twit in a pink satin jacket shuffling round bars with mutual friends, most of whom were in cool Indie bands or peripheral Camden figures Withnail-ing their way through life on impotent charisma. Carl Barrat told me that “Winehouse” (which I usually called her and got a kick out of cos it’s kind of funny to call a girl by her surname) was a jazz singer, which struck me as a bizarrely anomalous in that crowd. To me with my limited musical knowledge this information placed Amy beyond an invisible boundary of relevance; “Jazz singer? She must be some kind of eccentric” I thought. I chatted to her anyway though, she was after all, a girl, and she was sweet and peculiar but most of all vulnerable.

I was myself at that time barely out of rehab and was thirstily seeking less complicated women so I barely reflected on the now glaringly obvious fact that Winehouse and I shared an affliction, the disease of addiction. All addicts, regardless of the substance or their social status share a consistent and obvious symptom; they’re not quite present when you talk to them. They communicate to you through a barely discernible but un-ignorable veil. Whether a homeless smack head troubling you for 50p for a cup of tea or a coked-up, pinstriped exec foaming off about his “speedboat” there is a toxic aura that prevents connection. They have about them the air of elsewhere, that they’re looking through you to somewhere else they’d rather be. And of course they are. The priority of any addict is to anaesthetise the pain of living to ease the passage of the day with some purchased relief.

From time to time I’d bump into Amy she had good banter so we could chat a bit and have a laugh, she was “a character” but that world was riddled with half cut, doped up chancers, I was one of them, even in early recovery I was kept afloat only by clinging to the bodies of strangers so Winehouse, but for her gentle quirks didn’t especially register.

Then she became massively famous and I was pleased to see her acknowledged but mostly baffled because I’d not experienced her work and this not being the 1950’s I wondered how a “jazz singer” had achieved such cultural prominence. I wasn’t curious enough to do anything so extreme as listen to her music or go to one of her gigs, I was becoming famous myself at the time and that was an all consuming experience. It was only by chance that I attended a Paul Weller gig at the Roundhouse that I ever saw her live.

I arrived late and as I made my way to the audience through the plastic smiles and plastic cups I heard the rolling, wondrous resonance of a female vocal. Entering the space I saw Amy on stage with Weller and his band; and then the awe. The awe that envelops when witnessing a genius. From her oddly dainty presence that voice, a voice that seemed not to come from her but from somewhere beyond even Billie and Ella, from the font of all greatness. A voice that was filled with such power and pain that it was at once entirely human yet laced with the divine. My ears, my mouth, my heart and mind all instantly opened. Winehouse. Winehouse? Winehouse! That twerp, all eyeliner and lager dithering up Chalk Farm Road under a back-combed barnet, the lips that I’d only seen clenching a fishwife fag and dribbling curses now a portal for this holy sound. So now I knew. She wasn’t just some hapless wannabe, yet another pissed up nit who was never gonna make it, nor was she even a ten-a-penny-chanteuse enjoying her fifteen minutes. She was a ******* genius.

Shallow fool that I am I now regarded her in a different light, the light that blazed down from heaven when she sang. That lit her up now and a new phase in our friendship began. She came on a few of my TV and radio shows, I still saw her about but now attended to her with a little more interest. Publicly though, Amy increasingly became defined by her addiction. Our media though is more interested in tragedy than talent, so the ink began to defect from praising her gift to chronicling her downfall. The destructive personal relationships, the blood soaked ballet slippers, the aborted shows, that youtube madness with the baby mice. In the public perception this ephemeral tittle-tattle replaced her timeless talent. This and her manner in our occasional meetings brought home to me the severity of her condition. Addiction is a serious disease; it will end with jail, mental institutions or death. I was 27 years old when through the friendship and help of Chip Somers of the treatment centre, Focus12 I found recovery, through Focus I was introduced to support fellowships for alcoholics and drug addicts which are very easy to find and open to anybody with a desire to stop drinking and without which I would not be alive.

Now Amy Winehouse is dead, like many others whose unnecessary deaths have been retrospectively romanticised, at 27 years old. Whether this tragedy was preventable or not is now irrelevant. It is not preventable today. We have lost a beautiful and talented woman to this disease. Not all addicts have Amy’s incredible talent. Or Kurt’s or Jimi’s or Janis’s, some people just get the affliction. All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill. We need to review the way society treats addicts, not as criminals but as sick people in need of care. We need to look at the way our government funds rehabilitation. It is cheaper to rehabilitate an addict than to send them to prison, so criminalisation doesn’t even make economic sense. Not all of us know someone with the incredible talent that Amy had but we all know drunks and junkies and they all need help and the help is out there. All they have to do is pick up the phone and make the call. Or not. Either way, there will be a phone call.
Wise words.
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Old 07-25-2011, 08:41 AM
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I remember you too, and am sorry that Amy's death is affecting you so much.

It truly is sad when we are struck by the stark reality of how deadly addiction is.
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:45 AM
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I remember you, and today I came here just to see if you had posted because I knew this would be hard for you. Many of us are reeling from her death, but I knew when I thought about the board that you're heart would be breaking. I am so sorry.
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:55 AM
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I suddenly understand why Katy Perry loves Russell Brand.
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Old 07-25-2011, 11:06 AM
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aNewDawn - Thanks for posting what Russell said. I'm sad so many have chosen to be self-righteous and judgmental at this time. No one knows what it's like to live in another person's skin.

I like what Dee said - she might be a force for good now.

BacktoBlack - I'm sorry you are hurting. Glad you posted how you're feeling. That's when we start to heal.
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Old 07-25-2011, 12:32 PM
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To the poster who wrote about their experiences seeing Amy live, that was very sweet. I am happy that you had that experience. She was a beautiful person, I don't care what anyone says.

I know it seems strange to some that I feel so upset by this, but I literally have felt sick since I heard the news and have been crying about it every day. I know it's not healthy. I wanted so badly to see her live and to see her get better. It was disgusting how her downfall was displayed so publicly...I very much dislike the paparazzi for it...it should have never happened that way. From what I saw, she was only surrounded by users and abusers...and I read that her ex-boyfriend, Regg Travis, broke up with her a week before this happeend so she wasn't feeling well about that. Plus, it was so publicized that she had given a bad concert in Serbia. I thought it was cruel that her management still had her tour despite her personal problems. I am sure the coverage of her concert really brought her down, too.

Thanks for asking how I've been doing to D and everyone else. Honestly, lately in my life, I haven't been doing that well...school-wise I am getting my graduate degree and I forgot to post to a message board. Sounds silly but it's worth 100 points and it will totally kill my grade. Graduate school costs so much money, I can't waste away in my classes. My relationship is going well with my boyfriend but I feel unsure about how it's going with his mom...she told me many hurtful comments...we went to a hospital cause my boyfriend had surgery (another stressful thing but he's doing fine) and she told me that we had a rough initial first start and first meeting and things like that when I never knew we had. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but I feel like I'm being compared to my boyfriend's sister-in-law who is always described in such a perfect way. I have been "yelled" at by his mom (bear in mind that I'm 25 years old, almost 26) for laying in my boyfriend's bed (he is still at home)...this is after we've been together for more than 2 years. I have always shown respect in their home and we weren't doing anything. She told me "this isn't a hotel" and then proceeded to tell me that she never had any problems with my boyfriend's sister-in-law. She told me she wasn't "comfortable with what [she] had just seen", etc. etc. This happened a couple of weeks before the surgery but I still feel bad that I got "lectured" when I'm the age I am. I don't know if our relationship will work out because of this influence. She is nice to me but is too overprotective. I have never stepped on anyone's toes. I know that overprotection will play out in the future. For example, she initially told me that during this surgery, I should only visit for 3 days and then go home. I said I will stay as long as I can to be with him. She told my boyfriend later that she was worried I would get in the way. She told me directly that I am not the only one involved.

My brother is basically estranged from me. I haven't seen him for a year and he hardly ever will even text me back. His wife is going through a hard time and he thought my family wasn't supportive enough so he and his wife cut us off. My family got an extremely nasty E-mail from her saying how we aren't a real family and how awful we all are. After that E-mail, I texted her and said how it hurt my feelings and apparently that was just too much for my brother and his wife. I should have been more understanding with the pain his wife was going through and not said anything about the E-mail. I am in pain because my brother will not talk to me. I stayed at their house for 3 months because his wife needed someone there to support her. I didn't have a job so I could be there with her. I have no idea how I wasn't supportive. I thought I did my best, now I worry I could have done more. I don't know if he will ever see me again. He moved 3 hours away without even seeing us. My dad had to twist his arm to talk to me on the phone for 2 seconds the day before he moved.

Now Amy's death is tearing me apart. My boyfriend tells me I am too obsessive with these things. I know I have an OCD personality. I always looked her up every day to see how she was doing...since 2007. Planned to see her tour whenever I could. Would even have gone abroad just to see her tour. Now she is dead? I can't bear to look at the headlines, have stayed away from the news. Want to block it out. I had to put my picture in my avatar and take hers out. I can't stand it. I wonder if I will ever get over it.

I have felt like drinking lately because I have been under stress and in pain. I can't talk to my boyfriend because he's healing from surgery. I've talked to my mom about it and she understands for the most part but is tired of me crying about Amy. I have depression and anxiety which I take meds for but they don't always seem to help. I want an escape.
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Old 07-25-2011, 12:57 PM
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Hey BacktoBlack,
I'm sorry that you are going through a stressful time right now and maybe this plays also into why Amys passing makes you feel so devastated right now. Because it's adding on top of everyrthing else.

Maybe you can release your feelings by writing down what you would have told Amy as a recovering addict, or how she inspired you or you could relate to her lyrics. Just for yourself, not necessarily for anyone to read.

Stay strong, you can stay sober through this. You have many things uin your life that can be really great, even if there are some obstacles right now. Don't beat yourself up over the boyfriends moms comments, it's probably not your fault. Take good care of yourself too, you sound like a sensitive person who very caring. In times of stress, it's important that to also be good to yourself. Take care, and peace,
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:20 PM
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Thank you for your words. I understand...things are just piling up, one over the other. I understand a post I saw recently... " I miss being in an altered state of mind." I do, too.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:34 PM
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Have you got a therapist counsellor or someone to talk to B2B?

I was a great piler upper too...I'd never ask for help.,..and then, inevitably one day down the track, I'd explode...

If things are piling up, I think its good sometimes to talk to someone one on one and try and get at least some of the pile sorted out, y'know?

D
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:39 PM
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Thank you, Dee. I am drinking a glass of wine now...to calm down. Just not feeling so good about everything. It's all not working out.
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