Slaying the Dragon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Slaying the Dragon
After 15 beautiful months of sobriety and living alone, I walked into a pub and drank four beers. That was in April. I wanted to write this so that just maybe my experience might help someone who is considering doing the same. When I took that first dizzy beer after over a year of clarity and peace, I tried to persuade myself it would be a once off. It wasn't... it became an uncontrollable demon I recognized resided in my psyche and it has convinced me that it requires complete will and integrity to keep it under control. Like many people here have said, for an alcoholic there is no such thing as a "normal" drinker. And I soon found out that when you go back to alcohol after a layoff, it gets worse; it's almost as if you have shown the Vampire an extra vein and he gets in with a vengeance. One thing my repeat alcoholism revealed to me were all the memories of the nightmares endured under the foot of the Dragon over a few decades. The hangovers, the blurred vision, the anxiety and fear, and now PAWS (Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome), because now after three months, I have finally stopped. Again I have turned to SR with a complete understanding of the complexity of the problems of many of my peers and gratefulness for the support freely given here.
Although I have just expelled myself from the year-and-over club and am back in kindergarten on Day Three, I have new appreciation of all my classmates ... and am aiming to graduate with honors.
Although I have just expelled myself from the year-and-over club and am back in kindergarten on Day Three, I have new appreciation of all my classmates ... and am aiming to graduate with honors.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Big Hugs AWOL....you have been a tremendous help on SR...and I hope in return I may do the same for you!! Any one of us that has over a year..could be you..and I appreciate your honesty...All of us struggle and let our guard down...or think ah just one.... so here's to a new beginning for you, and a lesson learned.!! thank-you for reminding me how precious sobriety is......xoxoxo
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,900
it became an uncontrollable demon I recognized resided in my psyche and it has convinced me that it requires complete will and integrity to keep it under control. Welcome back to sober living AWOL.
I can relate to that 
.
Having to rid myself of the demon that resides in my mind through reclaiming my power to live a life alcohol/drug free. Is my path to freedom from the influences that would cause great harm to myself and others.
Originally Posted by AWOL
...it became an uncontrollable demon I recognized resided in my psyche and it has convinced me that it requires complete will and integrity to keep it under control.
.Having to rid myself of the demon that resides in my mind through reclaiming my power to live a life alcohol/drug free. Is my path to freedom from the influences that would cause great harm to myself and others.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Sorry the demon got it's grip again. Glad you're back to get it under control. And it's posts like these that really help us see just how it will NEVER be ok to take another drink. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
WB AWOL!
Yes your post reinforces that we can avoid that demon, as easily as avoiding that one drink, and the delusion we can ever have that one drink. Without that one drink for us, it is possible. That is not deprivation, it is salvation.
Yes your post reinforces that we can avoid that demon, as easily as avoiding that one drink, and the delusion we can ever have that one drink. Without that one drink for us, it is possible. That is not deprivation, it is salvation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Sure know how you feel. Had over 5 years and went back out for a small 2 day binge and could see myself right back where I was; quit then and there. Will soon celebrate 2 years of recovery at the end of the month.
You can attend school and graduate.
You can attend school and graduate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Thank you for those great messages, friends. Your input and support reminds me that we are all connected in our mission for a saner, happier, peaceful life. Recoverywfaith, you summed it up beautifully: AWOL but NOT MIA (missing in action), like so many of my friends. And SoberJenni, Hemingway was right: The shortest answer is Doing The Thing.
Day 4
Day 4
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
