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The Reflex to Drink

Old 04-17-2011, 08:32 AM
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The Reflex to Drink

So I definitely have the drink reflex. Happy? Drink. Sad? Drink. Stressed? Drink?

Last night I engaged in a brief debate with my husband, who is trying hard to be helpful on Day 8. He said, "What would SR say?" Now you guys are part of my marriage! You're the stick. Anyway here is the question.

If, after a stressful afternoon, an alkie (me) can have a single drink then go to bed, why is that wrong? If I achieve ONE drink, why?

I don't know that I can achieve any such thing, but I have two questions.

1. If an alkie can achieve one drink is it a relapse? and
2. Does the reflex to drink fade?

Thanks all and happy busy sober Sunday to us all. I need to: ride, read, clean, cook, quilt, work, contact people.

I am feeling a little stress because the house is deeply dirty and I can't put the time aside for a heroic cleaning. Maybe a cleaner this once...
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Old 04-17-2011, 08:49 AM
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See I think this is saying what alot of people wish for when they find themselves hungover..anxious and jumpy after a night of drinking..it is bartering..like Please God..I don't want to be an alky..Just let me moderate. Which is fine if you can..but for me..I managed it and was MISERABLE always wanting more. And I found myself in some stupid black out situations..and I found people all around me getting DUIs..two deaths to STUPID alcohol related choices. Anyway..you know yourself better than anyone. But for me..I was seriously DONE with drinking. I can no longer find any benefit in it..I think you are in a barter cycle..it is hard to break. Slowly you are drinking as much as you always did..sometimes more..You do what you have to do..I know I would not stick to a drink and go home.
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Old 04-17-2011, 08:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Missy7
1. If an alkie can achieve one drink is it a relapse? and
2. Does the reflex to drink fade?
1. Yea, that one drink would IMO be a lapse back into drinking even if its one drink. Its best when a person can find other ways to replace the want/need for alcohol with a healthy alternative.

2. The reflex goes away when I have a greater desire to practice alcohol free living. The practice for me is to have a daily addiction treatment program ongoing.
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Old 04-17-2011, 09:42 AM
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I know I couldn't do one. I know it. But it was what we talked about last night.

I am bartering. But I can't afford to go the whole way to no way out before stopping. I have to let this period of flux pass first. It's harder than I expected.

It's a roller coaster. One day I feel just as self-righteous as some of my sober friends have during their upswings, then I start freaking out. I'm sure that's normal. I am a genetic alcoholic. I never had a chance not to be an alcoholic. Both of my parents were serious abusers before it was cool to be an abuser . And I have known this all my life.

And I will continue to ask questions to which I know the very simple answer: no.

I'm sorry. It seems to be a tough day. I will put myself in my husband's hands and thank God I have him. He is not an alcoholic (amazing but he's not) and he has watched over me for 30 years. He watched me quit meth cold turkey in 1983 and I think he's just going back to that. And I know, and always have, that I am blindingly lucky. Lucky, lucky girl. He has loved me no matter what. He has dragged me out of dangerous situations years ago and have scraped me up off the floor time and again.

But one drink. Really, what if I could have just one?

I know, I know. I'll be okay. We're cooking all the food for the week this morning.

Thank God for SR.
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Old 04-17-2011, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Missy7 View Post
...the drink reflex. Happy? Drink. Sad? Drink. Stressed? Drink?
Would one drink help? Ten? Would drink upon drink upon drink?

No, you remove the reflex to drink in recovery, not in drinking.
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Old 04-17-2011, 10:35 AM
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If not for the escape (which takes more than one), why on earth would anyone drink alcohol? Seems like a meaningless consumption of empty calories to me. Chocolate cake seems a better option.

Mind you, I'm am alcoholic.
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Old 04-17-2011, 10:42 AM
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1. If an alkie can achieve one drink is it a relapse?

Speaking for myself, although having one drink might be possible, I am not sure what the purpose would be other than let my guard down and show me that it is possible that I can have one without going on a full scale bender. But it would ruin the consecutive sober days I have and probably make it easier for me to decide to drink more than one next time. One of the reasons I think alot of alcoholics stay sober while working a program is because it gives them a daily goal of being sober, and as the sober days accumulate it is easier to say "no" to alcohol because we all like to keeps streaks alive. It is just one motivator not to pick up a drink. With the consecutive sober time streak not a factor it is easy to fall back to "I can drink today and start a new streak tomorrow", mindset.

2. Does the reflex to drink fade?

Most certainly it does fade. For me at on point the reflex to drink was an hourly occurance, now It has only happened once in the last month, and the only reason was because there was a change in my day to day routine because my wife went out of town. I recognized it, and got back to my routine and it went away. The more sober time you get under your belt and the more comfortable you are with being sober the less the drinking reflex pops up in my experience.
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Old 04-17-2011, 10:42 AM
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Having just one. Hmm...I think that by having just one you are tempting yourself and degrading your whole means for recovery. Then you aren't recovering anymore and you are merely a normal alcoholic moderating their drink.
Sure...I can have just one. But that one will turn into just alittle more and before I know it the bottle is gone and I'm balcked out on the couch. But that's me.
If YOU think YOU can have just ONE than it would not be in my power to tell you otherwise. It is a progressive disease, remember. In a week you may end up asking yourself why can't I just have two at night...why can't I have three. Why tempt yourself? Why set yourself up for failure. I don't know...I guess if I had any length of sobriety under my belt and felt good about myself and the way my life is going I guess (I know!) I'm not going to jeaprodize that to find out if I can just have one drink. It's not worth it to me. But it might be to you.
If you are using feelings as an excuse to drink...happy, sad, etc, then maybe an evaluation of how you are sharing those feelings would help. Normal people don't 'need' to use alcohol to release feelings.
I's be curious to know how you made out with just one! =)
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Old 04-17-2011, 11:00 AM
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All i know is one drink is not gonna do it for me and
there's not enough alcohol that would satisfy my
craving for it. So once I learned that lesson then
I was able to move forward in my recovery.

When my mind starts to thinking I have to stop.
Too much thinking would make me crazy trying
to analyze this and that or why or why not.

I have a problem with alcohol and I cant drink
sucessfully. That's it.
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Old 04-17-2011, 11:01 AM
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Yes
Yes

Have a cup of herbal tea before you go to bed if you are stressed... or some low caffeine white tea.. or get some exercise...

Your question, can I have one when I am stressed.... um, there is a problem there... when your stressed.... drink...

Hm, break that connection and you break the reflex. Drink and then the reflex returns.

You are doing great! Keep comin' back...
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Old 04-17-2011, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by aasharon90 View Post
All i know is one drink is not gonna do it for me and
there's not enough alcohol that would satisfy my
craving for it. So once I learned that lesson then
I was able to move forward in my recovery.

When my mind starts to thinking I have to stop.
Too much thinking would make me crazy trying
to analyze this and that or why or why not.

I have a problem with alcohol and I cant drink
sucessfully. That's it.
absofreakinlutley....everything in excess....if i was successful i wouldn't have messed up my life so badly...but knowing and doing something about it is key for me
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Old 04-17-2011, 11:58 AM
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Pay attention to Sharon!

One drink? To do what?
Sleep better? You know it takes more than one to get relaxed.
See if you can? How many thousands of drinks have you tested that with?
Remember what it tastes like? After years of drinking you don't know?
See what it feels like? See the above.
See if you can control it? If you could would you be here?
Reward yourself for being sober 8 days? What if it was sixteen days? Two drinks? Then three at 24 days?

None of the rational questions above made sense to me when I was drinking either. I had to admit that it was all or nothing. Live or die from the alcohol and smokes I abused myself with under the guise of feeling better.
Quitting sucks plain and simple. Dying to drink sucks worse. Those two are not the same thing.

We are not any kind of stick.

We are the beaten who finally got up and claimed dignity for ourselves from ourselves.

We are the damaged who decided that we were also deserving of our own good grace.

We are the poor in spirit, who demanded enrichment from ourselves.

We are the defeated who admitted defeat, and walked away from the fight.

Because the only way to win this game is not to play.

We are here for you, not against you. But we give alcohol the same mercy it gave each of us . . . NONE!

Alcoholics like me and you can change. Alcohol cannot. It remains the same. And we all know it intimately.

I cannot control my drinking. I can control my sobriety.
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Old 04-17-2011, 12:10 PM
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touched me

Originally Posted by Itchy View Post
One drink? To do what?
Sleep better? You know it takes more than one to get relaxed.
See if you can? How many thousands of drinks have you tested that with?
Remember what it tastes like? After years of drinking you don't know?
See what it feels like? See the above.
See if you can control it? If you could would you be here?
Reward yourself for being sober 8 days? What if it was sixteen days? Two drinks? Then three at 24 days?

None of the rational questions above made sense to me when I was drinking either. I had to admit that it was all or nothing. Live or die from the alcohol and smokes I abused myself with under the guise of feeling better.
Quitting sucks plain and simple. Dying to drink sucks worse. Those two are not the same thing.

We are not any kind of stick.

We are the beaten who finally got up and claimed dignity for ourselves from ourselves.

We are the damaged who decided that we were also deserving of our own good grace.

We are the poor in spirit, who demanded enrichment from ourselves.

We are the defeated who admitted defeat, and walked away from the fight.

Because the only way to win this game is not to play.

We are here for you, not against you. But we give alcohol the same mercy it gave each of us . . . NONE!

Alcoholics like me and you can change. Alcohol cannot. It remains the same. And we all know it intimately.

I cannot control my drinking. I can control my sobriety.
that was SO true thank you for your insite!!!
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Old 04-17-2011, 02:29 PM
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Some good advice here Missy.

One drink left me wanting more, or didn't do what I wanted it to do...and one drink always opened the gates for me....'that was ok...may as well have another'....

one always led to two drinks...then three...because that was 3 times as stress relieving right?

Every time I drank to relieve stress it'd be reinforcing that connection, and risking a binge, and all the other negative things I came here to stop - so it's simply not a good idea for me.

I'd venture it's not a great idea for you either.

D

Last edited by Dee74; 04-17-2011 at 03:10 PM. Reason: typos
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Old 04-17-2011, 02:37 PM
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It's easier for me to have none than one.
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Old 04-17-2011, 03:00 PM
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This is such a good thread - thanks for starting it Missy! I liked your term "drink reflex" because it felt just like that for me. Just a thought/feeling and I would get up from whatever I was doing and robotically drive to the liquor store.

It's so tempting to think that moderation would be fun.....or that just having one glass of wine would make a dinner complete. It's totally absurd, though. WE'RE what makes our lives complete.

That "one little drink" only has the power we give to it. Don't put any meaning on it and it has none........ it's all in your head!

Stay strong - you're doing it!!!!
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Old 04-17-2011, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by artsoul View Post
This is such a good thread - thanks for starting it Missy! I liked your term "drink reflex" because it felt just like that for me. Just a thought/feeling and I would get up from whatever I was doing and robotically drive to the liquor store.

It's so tempting to think that moderation would be fun.....or that just having one glass of wine would make a dinner complete. It's totally absurd, though. WE'RE what makes our lives complete.

That "one little drink" only has the power we give to it. Don't put any meaning on it and it has none........ it's all in your head!

Stay strong - you're doing it!!!!
I agree...missy you touched on a great topic...the thought sometimes creeps in silently...and vanishes over the course of my day...poof gone thank GOD!!!
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:07 PM
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Thanks guys. I think I'm at some hump. I've been good, but really, the jaw-dropping temptation was rough last night. Those kids (and I've seen the mom threads on there) were enough to literally "drive one to drink." Literally.

Some days it feels just fine. Some days it's so hard.

And as far as y'all being a stick, what I mean is Phil is using you to convince me. It's great. He needs support. And if he just refers me to the computer when I get out of hand, that's good too. He cannot really tell me what to do...he doesn't share these feelings at all. But he does want me happy and available.

Still tempted. Nothing to do with you. Alcohol is a big part of our lives and I'll have to kick it in a very thoughtful way.

Interesting though. Last night I gave my 23 year old a bag with two bottles of wine and half a bottle of my absolute favorite: Sambuca. She said, "Ahh, Sambuca." Didn't ask what was going on. But I'm guessing the word is out. Plus she had been at dinner where a waiter who has been working with my family for about ten years came to our grandchild-crazy table and asked me if I would like wine (cause I always have one or two there). Phil piped up that he would have diet Coke and I assented. She probably paused at that.

I have never officially quit before so I'm curious to know what they think, but I'll cry if I try to talk to them, so you guys will have to do.

I love Phil using you as a stick. It means he is listening.
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:59 PM
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Yes it is such a reflex. I am currently 18 months sober. I consider myself an 'alcoholic'. But there were times I did manage to have only one or two drinks, sometimes I didn't even want more. But it would typically lead to a much bigger bender down the track. It kept the obsession alive in my head, I know now I am much better off with total abstinence, though I experimented with moderation for a couple of months. I would much rather be free of the obsession to drink than try to toe the line.

It takes awhile for the obsession to fade. If you even have one drink and contain it to that, that may seem harmless enough but even that small amount can lead to consequences for an alcoholic, mentally and emotionally. Having said that, I've always maintained that if you do relapse, it's unfortunate but learn what you can and move on. I had quite a few relapses before being able to maintain solid recovery. In retrospect the relapses occurred while I was trying to manage my own recovery without the appropriate help.

Use the money you save from not drinking to hire a cleaner to do the cleaning jobs for you - think of it as a reward for sobriety. I often used to drink and clean at the same time, though at the end I got nothing done while I was drinking, I only used to drink and when I awoke from a blackout, things would be in a greater mess.
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Old 04-17-2011, 06:16 PM
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Welcome. If the argument is, "is one drink for an alcoholic ever OK"? The answer is no. The reason is - it will not be one drink. If you are an alcoholic, that one drink will just not do the job.

None of us wound up on SR, or in AA, or in any other program of recovery because we have the occasional drink. What you are describing is the behavior of a normal drinker. I don't know your story but if you believe you are truly an alcoholic then you've tried controlled drinking before and it didn't work.

If, however, you feel that you are not be an alcoholic, then give it a try. See if that one drink will do everything you think it will and see what happens. Try some controlled drinking. For me, the lie is over. I know that I am an alcoholic. Once I accept that at my core - it's simply not OK for me to drink.

I wish you the best!
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