Need help.

[wvuwhat]

Ok, so I've posted on here before. Multiple times actually.

I am now 6 days sober. I've had 2 years to drink, because of her, and until 6 months ago, I drank everyday. I have since stepped back and taken a look at my life. I don't like it.

I like to consider myself a "good guy." I chatted with a guy that is currently dating my ex tonight. (my ex that drove me to drinking (I'd never drank before her) and the ex I still have a 3 ct. ring for.)

Either way, I tried to just have a cordial conversation with him. He's honestly not a bad dude. We had that cordial conversation, with me talking about my volunteerism. Needless to say, I thought I was making conversation, that would have given me the closure I've always needed. Negative.

I'm honestly "triggered" right now, and I kinda hate how I've lived my life the past few months. My alum school has a big game on Friday (WVU, if you couldn't guess).

I'm meeting at least 14 alums on Friday at a local Sports Bar, that I know very well. I kinda want to just meet up with them and go "balls to the wall." However, that's not what I'm going to do. Because, they are love interests (e.g. women that are amazing and I want to be the women of my child). They know my ex and they know how hard I've had it the last few months/years and they want to help.

Help?

[Impurrfect]

((((WVU))) - FWIW, I always said that I drank to "keep up" or "put up" with my first XABF...sigh. Honestly, drinking was easy to quit for me. It was finding two MORE XABF's, and discovering crack that brought me to my knees.

I had to accept I'm an addict and I don't DO things in moderation very well. I also remind myself that if my using was so great, why did I want to quit it? The answer is clear....I was pretty darned miserable at the end.

I made a vow, to myself, that I will never let another man (or any person), nor drug have control of me again. I'm in recovery, for me, and if someone doesn't "get" that, well, then they probably don't need to be a part of my life.

If you really want recovery from drinking, it's got to be because you want it...for yourself. Once we get that through our heads, things like social events become a little clearer.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[wvuwhat]

Amy.

I'm sorry you have been hurt. Maybe everything happens for a reason.

[Impurrfect]

(((WVU))) - oh I'm fine I'm stronger because of what I went through. I just wanted to point out that WE have the final say-so in whether we'll drink/use or not. No one else can make me do anything like that, and no one can make YOU do drink if you really don't want to.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[Dee74]

Hi wvuwhat

I know it's hard to leave the past behind - but believe me it's worth making the effort.

I spent years mourning lost love - and drinking for it. I didn't get anything out of that process.

I have a great partner now - but I needed to leave the baggage of the past behind before I was ready to date again. I had to draw a line and focus on the present.

What are you doing for your recovery now, today? Are you in a programme?

I needed to make some pretty sweeping lifestyle choices too.
6 days sober would have been waaay too soon for me to be going to a sports bar.

By your own admission you're vulnerable right now - maybe this outing needs a little more thought?

My advice is try and think less about the past, forget about those future mothers for now, and stick to the present.

Focus on staying sober and getting into a solid recovery. Keep it simple.
Make that your main priority and soon enough you'll be in the best position to build whatever new life you want.

I think you'll be glad you did, wvuwhat.

D

[stephnc]

Originally Posted by wvuwhat

because of her

There will always be a 'her', or a 'him', or a circumstance, or some external factor that might compel you to drink. You are powerless over other people. But you can get sober and stay sober despite external circumstances. Ultimately, it's you who decides to pick up that first drink...or not pick it up. Unless someone holds a gun to your head and a drink to your lips, nobody can 'make' you drink.

Hang in there, there's lots of support here at SR and 'out there' through AA or other programs and resources. I know you can do this. Best of luck to you...and keep posting and letting us know how it goes.

[SASA]

I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and drunk to make it easier to tolerate. What I am realizing, if I wouldn't have drunk I would have gotten out of it way faster, also I would maybe tarted my life back up faster. I learned, only I can decide to drink, it is my decision and my repsonsibility and whatever happens in my life ad rink is no solution. If I want to meet up with friends and there is drinking I just leave, since if they get drunk, they will have forgot the next day that I was not there and at least I did not make an idiot of myself. Hope this helps. You have to stop because you want it. If you drink it is your decision too, no matter how bad life gets why would you poison your body to get even worse

[CarolD]

Well done on your new sober time....
Welcome back to SR

[Anna]

I'm glad you're back.

I, too, hope that you can leave the past behind and move forward, focusing on your recovery.

[DrivingVacation]

The past can really depressing.

[julez]

Be careful if you decide to go to that Pub. Dangerous business to be out socially surrounded by drinkers. Its too easy to say "Oh I can have one or two, just to be social" I hope these "love interests" of yours are good to you.