My Story and Hope for Others
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 10
My Story and Hope for Others
Longtime lurker who has periodically read through this forum for support. Made the decision to end the madness, and now over 2 weeks sober and have a strong support system in place and am taking right decisions. I know there is still a lot of work to do. And it isn't easy.
I'm 30 years old and started drinking only in college. From a family of alcoholics. Started in college as normal (what is normal, really), then it only progressed into deeper and harder phases. From about 22 onwards I'd say I had a slight problem and was getting drunk 3 times a week (at the time, I told myself this was normal). I still have a poor recollection of my 20s.
From 28 til 30 it was bad. By bad, I mean getting drunk 5-6 times a week. Countless stupid actions. Things I said that I regret. Poor decisions that could have jeopardized myself and others. Expensive mistakes. Many things I simply don't remember today. Supposed "good times" that no longer exist because no one can remember. I spoke with a former girlfriend the other day and we reminisced about the past, and I really had no recollection of anything, as I was drinking during that entire time. Sad.
The tipping point was a recent international trip. Should have been the best vacation of a lifetime, but instead of doing anything, I stayed in the hotel room each day just drinking by myself. The grand event every day was waiting for them to refill the mini bar--this was almost a religious ritual and rite of passage from the alcohol gods. What would they fill it with? Would it be cold? Do they know I have a problem? Will they just keep filling it? Should I use the mini bar to start or finish my night?
Finally made it back home and kept hitting the bottle. Had another crazy night that I shouldn't have made it out of. But, I did. And I knew then, the game was up. Have started therapy, went to a doctor, and am doing all the right steps as well as telling my family (they've all had this same problem). So on day 15 now. I've known for years this time would come, I am so thankful it is now instead of later. I have so much more life to live.
The first week of withdrawal was almost unbearable. Panic attacks, sweating, feeling out of reality, terrible sleep, nightmares. But it only gets better. Good luck to all of you out there. I am a better person, happier, and more productive when not drinking and will continue on this path. Just thankful to have made it on through to the other side.
My story isn't unique and I certainly am not special. I just hope it gives someone the hope to make it another day, or to start a first day sober.
I'm 30 years old and started drinking only in college. From a family of alcoholics. Started in college as normal (what is normal, really), then it only progressed into deeper and harder phases. From about 22 onwards I'd say I had a slight problem and was getting drunk 3 times a week (at the time, I told myself this was normal). I still have a poor recollection of my 20s.
From 28 til 30 it was bad. By bad, I mean getting drunk 5-6 times a week. Countless stupid actions. Things I said that I regret. Poor decisions that could have jeopardized myself and others. Expensive mistakes. Many things I simply don't remember today. Supposed "good times" that no longer exist because no one can remember. I spoke with a former girlfriend the other day and we reminisced about the past, and I really had no recollection of anything, as I was drinking during that entire time. Sad.
The tipping point was a recent international trip. Should have been the best vacation of a lifetime, but instead of doing anything, I stayed in the hotel room each day just drinking by myself. The grand event every day was waiting for them to refill the mini bar--this was almost a religious ritual and rite of passage from the alcohol gods. What would they fill it with? Would it be cold? Do they know I have a problem? Will they just keep filling it? Should I use the mini bar to start or finish my night?
Finally made it back home and kept hitting the bottle. Had another crazy night that I shouldn't have made it out of. But, I did. And I knew then, the game was up. Have started therapy, went to a doctor, and am doing all the right steps as well as telling my family (they've all had this same problem). So on day 15 now. I've known for years this time would come, I am so thankful it is now instead of later. I have so much more life to live.
The first week of withdrawal was almost unbearable. Panic attacks, sweating, feeling out of reality, terrible sleep, nightmares. But it only gets better. Good luck to all of you out there. I am a better person, happier, and more productive when not drinking and will continue on this path. Just thankful to have made it on through to the other side.
My story isn't unique and I certainly am not special. I just hope it gives someone the hope to make it another day, or to start a first day sober.
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,535
Blessed, welcome to the posting side of SR.
You made the decision to quit and got of to a good start by seeing a doc and telling your family. All the best for the rest of the journey - lots of wise people here for support if you hit any bumps in the road.
You made the decision to quit and got of to a good start by seeing a doc and telling your family. All the best for the rest of the journey - lots of wise people here for support if you hit any bumps in the road.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 10
Thanks for the messages. I am going into day 21 and to test myself, I went to local watering hole this afternoon. Wanted to badly to order a Sam Adams (my usual and would normally do about 4 of them before going home to drink more there). The waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted my usual, and to her dismay I asked for a shirley temple.
Had 3 of them.
A drunk woman next to me then started making fun of me for drinking only shirley temples. She looked to be in her late 50s. I am 31. Her comments made me reflect and feel happy for this choice to be sober.
Had 3 of them.
A drunk woman next to me then started making fun of me for drinking only shirley temples. She looked to be in her late 50s. I am 31. Her comments made me reflect and feel happy for this choice to be sober.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
to test myself, I went to local watering hole this afternoon.
Believe me you'll be tested enough without looking for trouble.
At two weeks I was protecting my sobriety as if it meant my life, cos it really did.
There are better places to hang out and relax.
Maybe, instead of testing you, your inner addict wanted a little vicarious thrill?
It got you to the bar - it got you wanting to drink...next time it might get you to order a drink?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Dee74 
What made you think you needed testing blessedandfree?
Believe me you'll be tested enough without looking for trouble.
At two weeks I was protecting my sobriety as if it meant my life, cos it really did.
There are better places to hang out and relax.
Maybe, instead of testing you, your inner addict wanted a little vicarious thrill?
It got you to the bar - it got you wanting to drink...next time it might get you to order a drink?
D
Believe me you'll be tested enough without looking for trouble.
At two weeks I was protecting my sobriety as if it meant my life, cos it really did.
There are better places to hang out and relax.
Maybe, instead of testing you, your inner addict wanted a little vicarious thrill?
It got you to the bar - it got you wanting to drink...next time it might get you to order a drink?
D
But that's just one way to look at it. The romanticism attached to this histrionic greek tragedy of the alcohol's power controlling me. Right? And I used to buy right into the story and was the protagonist for each chapter.
The other way, which I re-learning, is just the logical approach of: I hate the way it makes me feel, it'll ruin all the work I've done the last 20 days, and I know if I have one, it won't be enough. So no. And then I'm done with it.
I only have to be strong for the few seconds that urge lasts. And when it gets tough, I just count those days I am free.
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