I'm a coke addict

[pw773]

Hello....I'm a drug addict.... ok, there, I said it. I'm addicted to cocaine. I feel like quite the loser. I've lost my job, live with my parents and am 36. This is not my first attempt at sobriety, but I've broaden my specialty to include drugs now too. So I guess I have that failure complex going on too.

OK, so that's my whining... here's my real concern. I'm very lonely. When I get lonely, I drink. When I drink, I do drugs. This is the cycle. I know it. I can watch is approaching a mile away. And still... well, I guess you know the rest. I don't know why I'm writing this but it helps.... I think

[NEJeeper]

So what have you tried to accomplish your sobriety in the past?

[pw773]

I've completed a 30 day program.... probably about 3 years ago. did 7 months of sobriety. I've tried meetings. I tend to hold people at a distance so it's been difficult to get involved with a group

[urwillnotmine]

I've been where you've been and know how it feels. I did the same thing...feel lonely...drink and when that wasn't good enough that same night spend my money on something harder....looking back its quite easy for me to say why....I'm an addict...Congradulations on telling on your disease...Na made me one promise...freedom from active addiction...as a result of working the program I have over 2 years today...and i have found what i spent so many years in active addiction seeking...freedom from myself....love you brother...check out an aa or na meeting sometime

[pw773]

Thanks man. I really do appreciate it. I don't know that I have ever been so blatantly honest so quickly. Congrats on the 2 years!

[urwillnotmine]

thanks we're both doing the same thing....staying clean one day at a time

[Dee74]

Welcome to SR pw773

You'll find a lot of support here

You may also be interested in our substance abuse forum? You'll find a lot of experience down there too

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

[Toronto68]

PW, I came in here recently to say I am an addict too (alcohol). Getting my life back. There's support in here to keep you going, it's amazing.

[pw773]

This is really a cool deal. I'm amazed at how responsive people are so quickly. I feel less alone already. I don't want to get ahead of myself... one moment at a time right now.... but thank you to all of you. Dee74, i'm going to check that forum out..

[Fubarcdn]

Welcome to SR pw.

The good thing is that you have quit before so you can do it again.
Lonliness and boredom are two main obstacles for me too but coming here and posting and reading help in that area.
Good luck to you.

[least]

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family.

[angharad]

Well I can totally related to that...I have been living down South Engladn for a year and a half. For me this was the only way to cure my cocaine addiction. Same as with you, I lived in a city up North and whenever I got lonely I got drunk, when I got drunk I wanted coke.

This started out in university days as a party thing at weekends. It suddenly escalated into a £30 bag on a wednesday, then it was every night. I spent a huge proportion of my over draft on the white stuff for about 4 years. I couldn't resist it and still to this day I don't believe I would be able to if someone had some in front of me. It got so bad I was having nose bleeds, this will sound gross, but if i stick my two little fingers (pinky fingers) up my nose and feel my septum (the middle cartlidge bit) its very thin and wobbly and I think a year or so more and I would have polips or a hole!

I think, personally, once you tackle the alcoholism the cocaine addiction will follow. I don't know about you but I only liked doing coke when I had been drinking due to the effects of the alcohol and cocaine mixing together to make this super efffect drug (Cocaethylene). My dealer made it so easy as he delivered, gave me things on tab until payday, etc etc. Unortunatley I got no advice as the only reason/way I stopped was moving 400 miles south due to work. Therefore I had no contacts anymore.

Good Luck hun

[anvilhead]

hey there, recovering crack addict here.....just shy of 2 1/2 years now! i'm so glad you already see the relationship between the booze and the dope...and that you are willing to set them both aside for want of better things!!!!

i remember using alcohol as a social lubricant - put a damn cocktail in my hand and i could converse with the Queen of England, walk into ANY setting and set the place on fire. took me a long time to realize that i already possessed the qualities of human interaction, i just had to get over myself and work thru some big time uncomfortableness. people scared me.

12 step meetings can be a very good place to learn how to live in the sober world again. people joined for a common purpose at regularly scheduled intervals.....as you have some experience with meetings under your belt, it may be something to consider. SR is a great place. yet we can't come thru the screen and hang out with ya. well at least MY computer doesn't have that feature yet!

recovery IS possible. believe that. live that. set yourself up for SUCCESS. just as some people "child proof" their home, i had to "crack proof" my life. really helped to get rid of the people places and things that led me down that road.

welcome, stick around. stay sober, one day at a time!!!!

[NEOMARXIST]

Hi man. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict.

I was much the same as angharad in that I only really did drugs when I drank. I got through £1000's of Charlie in about 2 years and even though 7.5 months sober still suffer with nose/sinuses.

I accept that I am totally powerless over drugs, especially Coke, when under the influence of booze. I could only stop doing Coke if I stopped drinking.

Never liked Coke without booze though. Cocaethylene is what it's all about for me.

Glad to be out of that crap now. Drinking/drugs/smoking was all one big package to me but if I don't drink then the other two don't bother me.


Peace

[pw773]

Hey Angharad... funny you should say that about your dealer making it so easy for you. I also had a dealer that delivered. Sometimes multiple times in one night... funny how the package always got smaller the higher I got. The last two nights, he gave to me on credit.... and delivered. That was one lonely valentines day. I guess that's what put me over the edge. After getting up on the 16th, I took a cab to get my car, got money to pay off my dealer, then erased his number from my phone. I hope that I don't go there again... but already I can feel myself slipping.

I'm just going to work on getting through today. I'm sad and lonely but with family for the night.

Thanks to all

[angharad]

Yup mine did multiple times a night too 24/7 if i needed him....for 8 long years. I would hate to think how much ££ he got out of me. Well it was only weekends during my student day s but hey presto i then qualified as a nurse and got a job with loads of money every month what was i going to do??? yup develop a coke habit! Not save or anything like that, every spare money went up my nose!
Try not to slip, believe me i know its hard. I've been 15 months without coke and now on day 7 without alcohol. I actually got up at 9am (on a saturday wtf!!) and cleaned the house today...in a good mood!!!!!!
But last night was boring as hell though i was in bed by midnight lol

All i can say is try your best. Think of your nose. I have terrible sinus problems now. I think one more year or even less and I would've had a small hole in my septum. You don't want to go down the Daniella Westbrook road (for those who don't know her google her, she was a UK soap star who did thousands of hundreds of thousands of pounds of cocaine and her septum fell out....twice! This pics are enough to put you off or make you think at least!)

[febuary2010]

Hey pw773, youve made a big step admiting you have a problem and reaching out for help. For me personnally like many others have said in this thread the key to losing the drug habit might be getting rid of alcohol out of your life. You need to think how often do you do the drugs when you havent been drinking? The last time i drank me and my mates were sat in the local bar unable to get hold of any coke so instead we ended up buying and snorting whatever we get delivered to us which turned out to be the latest drug thats going around (i wont say its name) its supposed be cheaper than coke but not as good but twice as good as speed the reality is its just plant fertiliser. If i hadnt been drunk i would have punched the person who offered it to me, cus i was drunk i snorted two grams of it, two grams of plant fertiliser up my nose. Thats what drink does it clouds your judgement and takes over your mind. Hopefully if you can leave the drink behind everything will follow

[coming_clean]

heya.....stick around...

[Spawn]

Originally Posted by pw773

Hello....I'm a drug addict.... ok, there, I said it. I'm addicted to cocaine. I feel like quite the loser. I've lost my job, live with my parents and am 36. This is not my first attempt at sobriety, but I've broaden my specialty to include drugs now too. So I guess I have that failure complex going on too.

OK, so that's my whining... here's my real concern. I'm very lonely. When I get lonely, I drink. When I drink, I do drugs. This is the cycle. I know it. I can watch is approaching a mile away. And still... well, I guess you know the rest. I don't know why I'm writing this but it helps.... I think

Lonely?

Been there,....what I didn't know was that I needed to get to know myself and be happy with my own company,...meetings and hobbies helped me to fill in my spare time. In time I grew to like myself again.

[pw773]

I'm happy to say... I'm still here... another day of sobriety... I can see that my mind is already planning the next buy. I find that I have to actively stop myself thinking about coke. If left to my own devices... This is a lot of work. It's like my mind is not on my side yet. geez.. I guess only an addict could understand what that means..ha

thank you for the words of encouragement. It is totally helping me get through each day

[Dee74]

That the mental obsession part pw - whether or not you subscribe at AA/NA or not, the really got that bit down.

If things like playing the tape through to the end (thinking about the bad consequences of using) aren't enough for you, I really recommend you look into some kind of recovery programme.

D

[pw773]

Thanks Dee... yah, I'm thinking NA might be a good idea. I just feel like I need to find something else to substitue those thoughts. So, I think about all of the neat things I'll be able to enjoy in life, like other people, that coke/booze, keeps out of reach for me.

[anvilhead]

they say, an addict alone is in BAD company!!! glad you are still HERE, PW!!! keep reaching out, give AA and/or NA meetings a chance....try a variety....and stick with the winners!

[NEOMARXIST]

Hi Pw773. Don't be too fearful of thoughts of Coke coming into your mind. Just accept them when they come and let them pass. Believe me you don't haver to act upon them.

I still go into toilets and notice the 'racking up' areas. You know the shelf or whatever at the right height. Briefly thoughts of Coke come into my head at times during the day or whatever but they don't bother me. I just let them pass. Same when I nostalgically remember trips I have had when I was just kicking back and living fast a few years ago. I remember them fondly in a way but accept that I milked drugs for all their worth.

I am indifferent to booze/drugs now thanks to AA, SR + much wisdom from elsewhere too. Plus I wanted to never comedown! ever. I got too upset when that feeling dropped. I just wanted to feel 'high' all the time. Don't last though and I could see myself getting sucked deeper and deeper. Injecting and smoking was next so I got out.

Getting out of drugs for me meant getting sober.


Peace

[Spawn]

Originally Posted by pw773

I'm happy to say... I'm still here... another day of sobriety... I can see that my mind is already planning the next buy. I find that I have to actively stop myself thinking about coke. If left to my own devices... This is a lot of work. It's like my mind is not on my side yet. geez.. I guess only an addict could understand what that means..ha

thank you for the words of encouragement. It is totally helping me get through each day

Cool