A conspiracy of love... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

firestorm090 · 11-19-2009, 12:53 PM

Where's the secret room?

I'm so sick that I thought, well, if I go out and drink, and they kick me off SR, then I'll have proven what a hopeless case I am, but it didn't work. So, then I'm thinking, what's up with these people, they must've met in a secret online room and decided to love me regardless, and to keep loving me regardless, it's some kind of conspiracy, lol.

In all seriousness, it's just blows my mind that all of you are still here, still willing to listen and try to help a drunk like me. I can't stop thinking about it. Where does that kind of love come from? Even tough love is still love, so I can't help but wonder how you all do it? If I had just 1% of the love I've found here, I'd be blessed beyond measure. Think I'll stick around to see if I can learn how to feel love myself. It's gotta beat what I've been feeling lately.

My heart is torn up over this. It amazes me.

**Astro** · 11-19-2009, 01:03 PM

Main Entry: un·con·di·tion·al
Pronunciation: \ˌən-kən-ˈdish-nəl, -ˈdi-shə-nəl\
Function: adjective
Date: 1666
1 : not conditional or limited : absolute, unqualified <unconditional surrender> <unconditional love>

How can I not love someone who is as sick as I was, who has the same powerful disease?

Of course, I also didn't want to be The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I knew I had to get this recovery thing eventually, it just happened more quickly than I expected. We want you to achieve sobriety, to have long-term recovery. That's the goal.

Saphie · 11-19-2009, 01:29 PM

Because when you are recovering, not if, you will feel the same way we feel about you about somebody else that needs support and understanding just like you do now.
Well at least I know what I mean

bananagrrrl · 11-19-2009, 01:43 PM

So...... how are you doing?

YoungJohn · 11-19-2009, 01:58 PM

dude this place is all about helping addicts! I'm new on this board (and still suffering) but I would expect the people here to be understanding even if you relapse again and again. You joined this board and everybody knows that some part of you wants to quit. So keep seeking help, put in effort, and i wish you the best.

Kjell · 11-19-2009, 02:08 PM

I know for me, I can't do it alone.

I've got to turn it over to God and I've got to talk to other recovering alcholics/addicts.

Keep on. I've been following your posts and you seem to be having a few "breakthroughs".

Just keep it simple and just don't drink today, ok?

BKP · 11-19-2009, 02:31 PM

To break an addiction like drinking it is like picking a padlock without the key, it takes time, various tools but it will happen. You keep putting in that work~

scoob · 11-19-2009, 03:04 PM

Nobody understands hell better than it's previous occupants.

If they kicked out everyone who relapses, this board would be very small. I signed up over 18 months ago, today i'm only 30 days sober.

Live · 11-19-2009, 03:08 PM

Well, Firestorm...your post has me laughing so hard I might lose some belly blubber!
I don't/almost never post in these forums, but as we have talked a wee bit in pms..I was curious what your post was.
WHAT IF this is what G*d is? Love made manifest through the agency of humans???????
LOL
I hope you have a great day!

***Anna*** · 11-19-2009, 04:53 PM

Firestorm,

For me, the love comes from the fact that I was there, I was where you are, and I didn't have SR, and I was alone and it was the worst time of my life. I believe that those of us who are addicts have been kicked around enough, and what we need here is love and support.

barb dwyer · 11-19-2009, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Where does that kind of love come from?

Damifino.
But I know it's an Infinite Resource.

And again I'll tell you -
I need people like you in order to stay sober.
I can't judge you
for having the same condition
that I deal with
and see the world through
every
single
day.

It's not going to go away
I can work to 'tone it down'
but it's always going to be there.

But to be able to share
that odd perception
that is alcoholism ...

makes all the difference.

Gypsy Feet · 11-19-2009, 05:40 PM

if your searching for a higher power, why not open your eyes and see this love you receive as a gift from god dallas? Just take a deep breath, and thank the universe, be grateful for the support and compassion you have been shown.

I am thankful for your every post. On the days you struggle, I am thankful to be remind where just one drink would put me. And then some days you come and share profound experiences you have in your sobriety, and I am always grateful for those days you are at peace as well.

NewMe11109 · 11-19-2009, 08:51 PM

Firestorm - what everybody else said ...

plus, in the end, by helping others we help keep ourselves sober.

So, it is a win-win!

firestorm090 · 11-19-2009, 11:07 PM

It truly is a win-win for us when we can meet here and help each other find out how to live our lives better.

In addition to giving me one hell-of-a headache, my latest night out has strengthened my determination to live sober, no matter what. I know there is a good life out there waiting for me, I have to make it happen, by giving up my old life, and making room for the new. It's kinda refreshing, my old ideals never worked anyway. I'm looking forward to starting fresh from today and living differently each day, one day at a time. It won't be easy, I have no delusions about that, but I am chossing life today, and now that I know all of you are here, and we're in this together, and that you've been here all along, well, like Gypsy Feet said, that's proof enough of a Higher Power to me and that's all I need to start.

I try to act like a tough guy, and like I have my life together, but I'm really just a screwed up kid who is looking for a home, because I'm tired of wandering the streets alone at night, literally from bar to bar.

Every bottle of booze is one bottle closer to death, and every post here is one post closer to life, so I'll keep posting, if it's ok with you.

I haven't had a real family for so long, I don't know how to act, so thanks for showing me.

fragrantrose · 11-20-2009, 03:28 AM

I think it great that you are NOT GIVING UP Dallas! It is soooo hard in early recovery with the slips ands slides. I now have 15 days, miracle upon miracles, but Must say it is a battle to fight off "the demon drink on my shoulder"

thirtybubba · 11-20-2009, 03:36 AM

Haha Dallas.

I wondered this a few times too, didn't feel brave enough to ask.

I figured if I did, the bubble might pop and I'd be all alone again... and probably just drunk for a few more years...

Take care.
TB

jojo26 · 11-20-2009, 04:20 AM

Hi I am 20 days sober. This is not my first go round have been in recovery off and on for the last six years. this last time i went out was one of the worst experiences yet and not wanting to go out again I think I have had enough pain and suffering. I am excited for the miracles that living the life of sobriety brings. Dec 1st will be one month been a while since i have been able to say that just living for today and already even on a bad day it isnt all that bad because i know just for today I dont have to use. I am glad I have joined as a member everyone seems very supportive. I am looking for new friends and support thank you

Sikkisirus · 11-20-2009, 04:25 AM

Welcome JoJo, and as you can see this is a great place for support

Quse56 · 11-20-2009, 01:30 PM

Do you think we haven't been exactly where you are? I remember asking people why they put up with me when I ignored help and kept getting drunk. They said "becuase this is what drunks do." You'll be on the other side one day, telling some poor sad drunk that you love them no matter what, and they are going to wonder "why?"

Like my old therapist used to say "I love you, but I hate your disease."

*HUG*

ViciousCycle · 11-20-2009, 01:40 PM

Big Smoochies baby!!!!!!!!

**Dee74** · 11-20-2009, 02:23 PM

Welcome to SR jojo

You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here.
Congratulations on your 20 days!

Feel free to start your own thread and tell us more of your story if you like

D

Mark75 · 11-20-2009, 03:54 PM

Hey Dallas!!

You give as much as we do, buddy. Keep coming back!

Mark

***Anna*** · 11-20-2009, 04:25 PM

Ya know, Dallas, a lot of us, me included, were lacking in 'family'. I have found friends here who are family to me, people who understand.

Congratulations on your sober time.

Asta1 · 11-20-2009, 11:19 PM

FS -- I second, third fourth, etc. what others have said. This is beginning to feel like family to me too. I have told SR folks things that I haven't shared with anyone. There is such a security here. Maybe part of it is the anonymity. Don't know. But I do know that the caring loving feeling I get from coming here day after day is real. New sneakers and sunglasses? Very cool. Look forward to hearing about more successful days from you.

firestorm090 · 11-21-2009, 12:14 AM

Hope is a funny thing.

I don't have any in my pockets, I can't trade it for new shoes or a jacket, but i can give it away with out seeing it, I know it's there, and the person receiving it acknowledges it, but we can't touch it.

Love is the same way, it's hard to see, but can be felt immensely, it can turn a foe into a friend and dry the tears of a young child, or an adult better than Kleenex ever will.

I cannot see any of you, nor do we do coffee and cake, but I can feel the love you've expressed and it warms my heart, and brings tears to my eyes. It's the greatest gift you can give a person and I thank each and every one of you for the gift you've given me. I have hope today, and I feel loved and that's a far cry from where I was earlier this week, for I was at the end of my rope. My alcoholism has taken me places in life that I never imagined possible, for I was "better than that", and now it has brought me here, to a place of healing, change, forgiveness, friendship, love and hope, so I am blessed beyond measure today.

What a wonderful life, one day at a time.

11-19-2009, 12:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
firestorm090 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: CA desert Posts: 1,529	A conspiracy of love... Where's the secret room? I'm so sick that I thought, well, if I go out and drink, and they kick me off SR, then I'll have proven what a hopeless case I am, but it didn't work. So, then I'm thinking, what's up with these people, they must've met in a secret online room and decided to love me regardless, and to keep loving me regardless, it's some kind of conspiracy, lol. In all seriousness, it's just blows my mind that all of you are still here, still willing to listen and try to help a drunk like me. I can't stop thinking about it. Where does that kind of love come from? Even tough love is still love, so I can't help but wonder how you all do it? If I had just 1% of the love I've found here, I'd be blessed beyond measure. Think I'll stick around to see if I can learn how to feel love myself. It's gotta beat what I've been feeling lately. My heart is torn up over this. It amazes me. __________________ Today is a clean slate. What happened yesterday is gone, what happens today depends on me. Reach for the stars, but keep a ladder handy just in case you've got to climb a bit.

11-19-2009, 01:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
Astro Forum Leader Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family! Posts: 11,845	Main Entry: un·con·di·tion·al Pronunciation: \ˌən-kən-ˈdish-nəl, -ˈdi-shə-nəl\ Function: adjective Date: 1666 1 : not conditional or limited : absolute, unqualified <unconditional surrender> <unconditional love> How can I not love someone who is as sick as I was, who has the same powerful disease? Of course, I also didn't want to be The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I knew I had to get this recovery thing eventually, it just happened more quickly than I expected. We want you to achieve sobriety, to have long-term recovery. That's the goal. __________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW-What a ride!"

11-19-2009, 02:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kjell i've done my almost Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 1,919 Blog Entries: 1	I know for me, I can't do it alone. I've got to turn it over to God and I've got to talk to other recovering alcholics/addicts. Keep on. I've been following your posts and you seem to be having a few "breakthroughs". Just keep it simple and just don't drink today, ok? __________________ B/c alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself.

11-19-2009, 02:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
BKP Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 331	To break an addiction like drinking it is like picking a padlock without the key, it takes time, various tools but it will happen. You keep putting in that work~ __________________ Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

11-19-2009, 03:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
Live Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Bristol TN/VA Posts: 11,310 Blog Entries: 5	Well, Firestorm...your post has me laughing so hard I might lose some belly blubber! I don't/almost never post in these forums, but as we have talked a wee bit in pms..I was curious what your post was. WHAT IF this is what G*d is? Love made manifest through the agency of humans??????? LOL I hope you have a great day! __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-19-2009, 01:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
Saphie Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: My world Posts: 379	Because when you are recovering, not if, you will feel the same way we feel about you about somebody else that needs support and understanding just like you do now. Well at least I know what I mean

11-19-2009, 01:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
bananagrrrl Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 699	So...... how are you doing?

11-19-2009, 01:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
YoungJohn Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 10	dude this place is all about helping addicts! I'm new on this board (and still suffering) but I would expect the people here to be understanding even if you relapse again and again. You joined this board and everybody knows that some part of you wants to quit. So keep seeking help, put in effort, and i wish you the best.

11-19-2009, 03:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
scoob Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 983	Nobody understands hell better than it's previous occupants. If they kicked out everyone who relapses, this board would be very small. I signed up over 18 months ago, today i'm only 30 days sober.

11-19-2009, 04:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,846	Firestorm, For me, the love comes from the fact that I was there, I was where you are, and I didn't have SR, and I was alone and it was the worst time of my life. I believe that those of us who are addicts have been kicked around enough, and what we need here is love and support. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

11-19-2009, 05:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Paradise Posts: 3,790 Blog Entries: 4	if your searching for a higher power, why not open your eyes and see this love you receive as a gift from god dallas? Just take a deep breath, and thank the universe, be grateful for the support and compassion you have been shown. I am thankful for your every post. On the days you struggle, I am thankful to be remind where just one drink would put me. And then some days you come and share profound experiences you have in your sobriety, and I am always grateful for those days you are at peace as well. __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ three years of continuous sobriety and counting <3 (its a sideways heart!)

11-19-2009, 08:51 PM	#13 (permalink)
NewMe11109 The New Me starting 1/11/09 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: California Posts: 631	Firestorm - what everybody else said ... plus, in the end, by helping others we help keep ourselves sober. So, it is a win-win! __________________ The New Me as of 1/11/09 Still searching for that darn wisdom to know the difference. Do you know where I can find some?

11-19-2009, 11:07 PM	#14 (permalink)
firestorm090 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: CA desert Posts: 1,529	It truly is a win-win for us when we can meet here and help each other find out how to live our lives better. In addition to giving me one hell-of-a headache, my latest night out has strengthened my determination to live sober, no matter what. I know there is a good life out there waiting for me, I have to make it happen, by giving up my old life, and making room for the new. It's kinda refreshing, my old ideals never worked anyway. I'm looking forward to starting fresh from today and living differently each day, one day at a time. It won't be easy, I have no delusions about that, but I am chossing life today, and now that I know all of you are here, and we're in this together, and that you've been here all along, well, like Gypsy Feet said, that's proof enough of a Higher Power to me and that's all I need to start. I try to act like a tough guy, and like I have my life together, but I'm really just a screwed up kid who is looking for a home, because I'm tired of wandering the streets alone at night, literally from bar to bar. Every bottle of booze is one bottle closer to death, and every post here is one post closer to life, so I'll keep posting, if it's ok with you. I haven't had a real family for so long, I don't know how to act, so thanks for showing me. __________________ Today is a clean slate. What happened yesterday is gone, what happens today depends on me. Reach for the stars, but keep a ladder handy just in case you've got to climb a bit.

11-20-2009, 03:28 AM	#15 (permalink)
fragrantrose seeking recovery Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Sydney,NSW Posts: 170	I think it great that you are NOT GIVING UP Dallas! It is soooo hard in early recovery with the slips ands slides. I now have 15 days, miracle upon miracles, but Must say it is a battle to fight off "the demon drink on my shoulder"

11-20-2009, 03:36 AM	#16 (permalink)
thirtybubba Owner of a strange glitch. Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: midsouth Posts: 2,275	Haha Dallas. I wondered this a few times too, didn't feel brave enough to ask. I figured if I did, the bubble might pop and I'd be all alone again... and probably just drunk for a few more years... Take care. TB

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11-20-2009, 04:20 AM	#17 (permalink)
jojo26 Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: st george ut Posts: 1	20 days sober Hi I am 20 days sober. This is not my first go round have been in recovery off and on for the last six years. this last time i went out was one of the worst experiences yet and not wanting to go out again I think I have had enough pain and suffering. I am excited for the miracles that living the life of sobriety brings. Dec 1st will be one month been a while since i have been able to say that just living for today and already even on a bad day it isnt all that bad because i know just for today I dont have to use. I am glad I have joined as a member everyone seems very supportive. I am looking for new friends and support thank you

11-20-2009, 04:25 AM	#18 (permalink)
Sikkisirus Rockstar Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 631	Welcome JoJo, and as you can see this is a great place for support __________________ Standing in a church makes you no more of a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. The past is a strange place. They do things differently there.

11-20-2009, 01:30 PM	#19 (permalink)
Quse56 Sobriety in technicolor Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 98	Do you think we haven't been exactly where you are? I remember asking people why they put up with me when I ignored help and kept getting drunk. They said "becuase this is what drunks do." You'll be on the other side one day, telling some poor sad drunk that you love them no matter what, and they are going to wonder "why?" Like my old therapist used to say "I love you, but I hate your disease." HUG __________________ There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be *John Lennon

11-20-2009, 01:40 PM	#20 (permalink)
ViciousCycle perpetual optimist Glop 2:Glops Revenge Champion! Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Montana Posts: 2,818	Big Smoochies baby!!!!!!!! __________________ The past is simply the future with the lights on...

11-20-2009, 02:23 PM	#21 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 42,620	Welcome to SR jojo You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here. Congratulations on your 20 days! Feel free to start your own thread and tell us more of your story if you like D __________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

11-20-2009, 03:54 PM	#22 (permalink)
Mark75 Friend of Bill W. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Looking for snow Posts: 5,610	Hey Dallas!! You give as much as we do, buddy. Keep coming back! Mark __________________ "Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."....Philo of Alexandria "Your fear of the future is your greatest mistake." .... Stephen Kellogg

11-20-2009, 04:25 PM	#23 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,846	Ya know, Dallas, a lot of us, me included, were lacking in 'family'. I have found friends here who are family to me, people who understand. Congratulations on your sober time. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

11-20-2009, 11:19 PM	#24 (permalink)
Asta1 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 611	FS -- I second, third fourth, etc. what others have said. This is beginning to feel like family to me too. I have told SR folks things that I haven't shared with anyone. There is such a security here. Maybe part of it is the anonymity. Don't know. But I do know that the caring loving feeling I get from coming here day after day is real. New sneakers and sunglasses? Very cool. Look forward to hearing about more successful days from you. __________________ Smile when you want to, cry when you need to, laugh whenever possible! --Dove chocolate message

11-21-2009, 12:14 AM	#25 (permalink)
firestorm090 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: CA desert Posts: 1,529	Hope is a funny thing. I don't have any in my pockets, I can't trade it for new shoes or a jacket, but i can give it away with out seeing it, I know it's there, and the person receiving it acknowledges it, but we can't touch it. Love is the same way, it's hard to see, but can be felt immensely, it can turn a foe into a friend and dry the tears of a young child, or an adult better than Kleenex ever will. I cannot see any of you, nor do we do coffee and cake, but I can feel the love you've expressed and it warms my heart, and brings tears to my eyes. It's the greatest gift you can give a person and I thank each and every one of you for the gift you've given me. I have hope today, and I feel loved and that's a far cry from where I was earlier this week, for I was at the end of my rope. My alcoholism has taken me places in life that I never imagined possible, for I was "better than that", and now it has brought me here, to a place of healing, change, forgiveness, friendship, love and hope, so I am blessed beyond measure today. What a wonderful life, one day at a time. __________________ Today is a clean slate. What happened yesterday is gone, what happens today depends on me. Reach for the stars, but keep a ladder handy just in case you've got to climb a bit.

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