How precious our lives are and fleeting - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Horselover · 11-07-2009, 03:34 PM

Had a friend commit suicide yesterday. She wasn't an alcoholic. She wasn't addicted to anything. She had depression and no one knew how bad it was. She leaves behind a baby of 4 months and a 4 year old daughter. Please pray for her dear family to find comfort during this time. I am beyond words over this and as I said to my dear friend, Joanie, here I would have easily picked up over this not long ago. Today I grieve, I have anger, and I pray. I will not pick up. It wouldn't help her. I am not saying this for a pat on the back, but to reassure you that you can reprogram your reactions to situations that life throws your way. You will not always drink over these things and in fact, the very thought of drinking right now repulses me. Here comes the anger.

mariechi · 11-07-2009, 03:38 PM

I'm so sorry. It's horrible to lose a friend that way. There are no words

**Dee74** · 11-07-2009, 03:39 PM

I'm so sorry for your friend and her family, and for you S.

D

coffeenut · 11-07-2009, 03:46 PM

Ohhhh. My heart is breaking for your friends family...and for you. Simply devastating.

Although you don't need/want a pat on the back, please know that a lot of us think so very highly of you. The way you are handling this situation is one of the reasons why.

My deepest condolences.

dojoro · 11-07-2009, 03:47 PM

I am so sorry. That is a horrible story. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family but especially those two babies.

Thank you for saying you will not pick up even in the wake of horrible news like that. I was just in the kitchen wondering if this gets easier. I hate these cravings...they are so hard. I really start questioning all of this when I crave. I was thinking if they don't stop or at least let up I will never make it. I can't do this everyday it is hard and all I did was take the boys out bike riding...I have a long way to go but it makes me feel so hopeful knowing when I get there it is easier and just better!

Thank you for helping me not drink today

Jo

least · 11-07-2009, 03:52 PM

To lose a friend to death is bad enough, but to suicide makes it unbearable. My prayers are out to your friend's family during this difficult time.

Ninsuna · 11-07-2009, 04:03 PM

I am so sorry to hear of your friend's suffering and your loss. I am glad to hear though that you are finding the strength to cope.

Horselover · 11-07-2009, 04:11 PM

Thank you all. I really appreciate your post too Jo. I posted this thread for prayers because they definitely need them and to let anyone starting this journey know that you won't obsess over this addiction forever. It will blend into the background and will be replaced with healthier coping mechanisms, but today I have turned to food and so . . . I will treadmill tomorrow and deal with that tomorrow. I really am just going to allow the feelings to flow today. Love you all. Tell people how you feel please. If you are depressed don't be alone in it. Please!!

***Astro*** · 11-07-2009, 04:15 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this. Prayers going out for her children, family, and friends during this difficult time.

OzSandy · 11-07-2009, 04:19 PM

You're right. I've had to learn to let myself grieve again, to feel the emotions, that it is okay and healthy, rather than try to plug it with alcohol, which only postpones the process so that it comes back to nag at you in some other way later. That's what happened in the case of my sister's death, nearly 12 months ago - it still makes hardly any sense to me. Sorry for the loss of your friend, take care.

Mariposa18 · 11-07-2009, 04:54 PM

I'm sorry for your loss

Toomutch · 11-07-2009, 05:08 PM

Prayers are going out to your friends family, and you too. You have great coping skills and I admire you.

Hevyn · 11-07-2009, 05:10 PM

It's hard to imagine being in such a dark place that our only solution is to end it. Your post is appreciated on several levels, Sarah. Maybe someone will be made aware of how devastating depression can be. Some people think it's something we can just shake off if we want to. Also, seeing that you weren't tempted to take the edge off your feelings is very encouraging. That was all I knew how to do for many years. Now I have a clear head as I tackle life and all the crazy ups & downs that go with it.

Sarah I'd like to apologize for what I said in my other message to you. I had no right to say I felt it was selfish on her part. I just kept thinking of how the person who found her would have felt, & her children down the road - knowing she won't be there to see them grow. We can't comprehend being desperate enough to want to give up on our lives, but we don't know what was going on in this woman's mind - obviously she wasn't thinking rationally or able to think about the consequences.

Prayers going up for all involved.

Horselover · 11-07-2009, 05:24 PM

Hey Joanie you owe me absolutely NO apologies. That was my reaction at first too. How could she? How could she do this to her kids and her husband? It was my friend that told me when you reach that place of desperation, all you can think is that the world would be better off without you EVEN your children. I have never been to that place and hope never to be. I couldn't put myself in those shoes and couldn't understand until my friend spelled it out for me. She has been to that place and she never let me know. It was just this past summer. For God's sake! That could have been her. I just had no idea how common it is and yet it is such a secret. I had post partum but not on that deep of a level. The secretive part makes it similar to alcoholism in my opinion. I think that saying, "You are only as sick as your secrets" rings so true to me today.

We have a mom's group going and I want to do a meeting addressing this. The group is to support moms and to give them a break and some adult conversation. I really think we need to do a meeting on this issue. Let women know they aren't alone in this and its okay to admit you need help. No one will judge you. Sorry I'm rambling. I've been rambling all day. I break into tears every so often because I can't turn off my thinking. It will get better.

mirage · 11-07-2009, 05:26 PM

So sad, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for continuing to inspire us...

Surlyredhead · 11-07-2009, 05:33 PM

nogard · 11-07-2009, 05:40 PM

(((hl)))

gypsytears · 11-07-2009, 06:02 PM

Prayers for you and her family & friends Horselover. I can't even begin imagine the pain you are all in. {{{Hugs}}}

***51anna*** · 11-07-2009, 07:10 PM

I'm sorry for your loss, Horselover.

Depression is an awful illness and I'm sad that your friend wasn't able to see any hope in her life.

me11109 · 11-07-2009, 08:13 PM

I am sorry for your loss. We went through the same thing with my cousin, so I do understand what you are going through - in a small way. At least we have the gift to grieve with a clear mind, despite how difficult it can be.

You are an inspiration to all of us. My thoughts are with you.

Jomey · 11-08-2009, 04:59 AM

Oh, Sarah, I am so sorry for you, your friend's family and her friend. You are so strong, to be able to handle this without picking up, and to further still, reach out to me and your other friends here to make sure we aren't feeling alone. You are amazing.

Prayers for everyone involved going up right now and I'll add them into our parish intention book at Mass this morning. You pm me any time you need anything, ok?

Lots of love, Jomey

jahnilee59 · 11-08-2009, 05:25 AM

Horselover, depression kills hope and hopelessness leads to despair and it always attacks the sweetest and most sensitive souls. My prayers are for all whose lives this tragedy has touched. I weep for the children. Thank you for your many posts that have given me hope. John in Oklahoma

Horselover · 11-08-2009, 06:46 AM

I am totally blown away by you people. I do have a lot of work to do to get on with my life. I haven't been able to pull anything out of my bag today for the gratitude boards. I feel a bit black myself. I guess I can allow it though. Its probably even a "normal" reaction. I received the details of the burial. I know this is selfish but I can't go. I have offered to watch my friend's kids for her so she can go. That works. She was closer to the family any ways.

Thank you all for helping me through this moment of darkness. I know the light is somewhere nearby.

Gypsy Feet · 11-08-2009, 08:01 AM

Oh the horror, her kids, her family and you all, I am so sad for all of you. Thank you for your post, how quickly it can happen. I am going to call my loved ones today and make sure I tell all of them I love them.

barb dwyer · 11-08-2009, 07:00 PM

{{{{{{{{{{{horselover}}}}}}}}}}}

Once we learn that -

just how transient this existance is ....

when we say "I love you"
we mean it more deeply than before.

When we live as if
everything we do
might be the last time we'll ever do it ....

our own lives become far deeper experiencially
and have far more meaning
than before.

In that way
I found a way
to move forward
in the depth of turmoil
and of grief

because I can look on these many many people
who have tried and failed
to work things out
or to even continue living their lives...
as teachers of that simple truth.

Everything we do
we could bwe doing it for the last time.
Everything we say
we could be saying it for the last time
every hello
and every good bye
(and every chocolate)
could be that last one.

I want to make *my* 'last thing'

... mean something.

Hokka-hey.
Today may be my last.

11-07-2009, 03:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,907 Blog Entries: 3	How precious our lives are and fleeting Had a friend commit suicide yesterday. She wasn't an alcoholic. She wasn't addicted to anything. She had depression and no one knew how bad it was. She leaves behind a baby of 4 months and a 4 year old daughter. Please pray for her dear family to find comfort during this time. I am beyond words over this and as I said to my dear friend, Joanie, here I would have easily picked up over this not long ago. Today I grieve, I have anger, and I pray. I will not pick up. It wouldn't help her. I am not saying this for a pat on the back, but to reassure you that you can reprogram your reactions to situations that life throws your way. You will not always drink over these things and in fact, the very thought of drinking right now repulses me. Here comes the anger. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

11-07-2009, 03:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
mariechi Well, I'm on my way Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: El Paso, Texas Posts: 274 Blog Entries: 1	I'm so sorry. It's horrible to lose a friend that way. There are no words __________________ One foot in front of the other; one step at a time "Anne stopped drinking and never looked back." That's my story. I read it every morning, and I'm sticking to it.

11-07-2009, 03:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
Dee74 Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 14,634	I'm so sorry for your friend and her family, and for you S. D __________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.

11-07-2009, 03:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
coffeenut Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,611	Ohhhh. My heart is breaking for your friends family...and for you. Simply devastating. Although you don't need/want a pat on the back, please know that a lot of us think so very highly of you. The way you are handling this situation is one of the reasons why. My deepest condolences. __________________ I've finally found my way. Say good-bye to yesterday. Bon Jovi.

11-07-2009, 03:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
least recovering Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: eastern USA Posts: 9,932 Blog Entries: 11	To lose a friend to death is bad enough, but to suicide makes it unbearable. My prayers are out to your friend's family during this difficult time. __________________ I'd rather live in my van with my dogs than live in a mansion without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Plus que je connais les hommes, plus j'aime mon chien. (The more I know mankind, the more I love my dog)

11-07-2009, 03:47 PM	#5 (permalink)
dojoro "I think I can. I think I can" Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 90 Blog Entries: 40	I am so sorry. That is a horrible story. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family but especially those two babies. Thank you for saying you will not pick up even in the wake of horrible news like that. I was just in the kitchen wondering if this gets easier. I hate these cravings...they are so hard. I really start questioning all of this when I crave. I was thinking if they don't stop or at least let up I will never make it. I can't do this everyday it is hard and all I did was take the boys out bike riding...I have a long way to go but it makes me feel so hopeful knowing when I get there it is easier and just better! Thank you for helping me not drink today Jo

11-07-2009, 04:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
Ninsuna Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Northern California Posts: 61	I am so sorry to hear of your friend's suffering and your loss. I am glad to hear though that you are finding the strength to cope. __________________ The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

11-07-2009, 04:11 PM	#8 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,907 Blog Entries: 3	Thank you all. I really appreciate your post too Jo. I posted this thread for prayers because they definitely need them and to let anyone starting this journey know that you won't obsess over this addiction forever. It will blend into the background and will be replaced with healthier coping mechanisms, but today I have turned to food and so . . . I will treadmill tomorrow and deal with that tomorrow. I really am just going to allow the feelings to flow today. Love you all. Tell people how you feel please. If you are depressed don't be alone in it. Please!! __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

11-07-2009, 04:15 PM	#9 (permalink)
*Astro* Humble Door Greeter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, two families in a big new home! Posts: 9,280	I'm so sorry to hear this. Prayers going out for her children, family, and friends during this difficult time. __________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW-What a ride!"

11-07-2009, 04:19 PM	#10 (permalink)
OzSandy Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: South Australia Posts: 936	You're right. I've had to learn to let myself grieve again, to feel the emotions, that it is okay and healthy, rather than try to plug it with alcohol, which only postpones the process so that it comes back to nag at you in some other way later. That's what happened in the case of my sister's death, nearly 12 months ago - it still makes hardly any sense to me. Sorry for the loss of your friend, take care.

11-07-2009, 04:54 PM	#11 (permalink)
Mariposa18 Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 947	I'm sorry for your loss __________________ ~Sobriety is the best way to be in touch with reality as it is. Which is the best way to change reality to how you want it to be.~ Sober since 12-01-08

11-07-2009, 05:08 PM	#12 (permalink)
Toomutch with a new light in my eyes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co. Posts: 3,125	Prayers are going out to your friends family, and you too. You have great coping skills and I admire you. __________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

11-07-2009, 05:10 PM	#13 (permalink)
Hevyn Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: On the beach Posts: 1,772	It's hard to imagine being in such a dark place that our only solution is to end it. Your post is appreciated on several levels, Sarah. Maybe someone will be made aware of how devastating depression can be. Some people think it's something we can just shake off if we want to. Also, seeing that you weren't tempted to take the edge off your feelings is very encouraging. That was all I knew how to do for many years. Now I have a clear head as I tackle life and all the crazy ups & downs that go with it. Sarah I'd like to apologize for what I said in my other message to you. I had no right to say I felt it was selfish on her part. I just kept thinking of how the person who found her would have felt, & her children down the road - knowing she won't be there to see them grow. We can't comprehend being desperate enough to want to give up on our lives, but we don't know what was going on in this woman's mind - obviously she wasn't thinking rationally or able to think about the consequences. Prayers going up for all involved.

11-07-2009, 05:24 PM	#14 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,907 Blog Entries: 3	Hey Joanie you owe me absolutely NO apologies. That was my reaction at first too. How could she? How could she do this to her kids and her husband? It was my friend that told me when you reach that place of desperation, all you can think is that the world would be better off without you EVEN your children. I have never been to that place and hope never to be. I couldn't put myself in those shoes and couldn't understand until my friend spelled it out for me. She has been to that place and she never let me know. It was just this past summer. For God's sake! That could have been her. I just had no idea how common it is and yet it is such a secret. I had post partum but not on that deep of a level. The secretive part makes it similar to alcoholism in my opinion. I think that saying, "You are only as sick as your secrets" rings so true to me today. We have a mom's group going and I want to do a meeting addressing this. The group is to support moms and to give them a break and some adult conversation. I really think we need to do a meeting on this issue. Let women know they aren't alone in this and its okay to admit you need help. No one will judge you. Sorry I'm rambling. I've been rambling all day. I break into tears every so often because I can't turn off my thinking. It will get better. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

11-07-2009, 05:26 PM	#15 (permalink)
mirage Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 206	So sad, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for continuing to inspire us... __________________ "Just keep swimming.." -Dory

11-07-2009, 05:33 PM	#16 (permalink)
Surlyredhead Life is Grand 2 Hand Poker Champion! 3 Card Poker Champion! 3 Wheel Slot Machine Champion! Battleship Champion! Blackjack Champion! Crazy PinBall Champion! Flash Poker Champion! FreeCell Champion! Frogger Champion! Snake Champion! Word Lab Champion! Super Mario Mushroom Champion! Alien Missle Attack Champion! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,355	__________________ Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future!

11-07-2009, 05:40 PM	#17 (permalink)
nogard Connected at last Join Date: May 2005 Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia Posts: 14,114 Blog Entries: 3	(((hl))) __________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly

11-07-2009, 06:02 PM	#18 (permalink)
gypsytears not a greeter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: padmasana Posts: 12,179 Blog Entries: 2	Prayers for you and her family & friends Horselover. I can't even begin imagine the pain you are all in. {{{Hugs}}} __________________ Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. ~B.K.S. Iyengar

11-07-2009, 07:10 PM	#19 (permalink)
*51anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 14,727	I'm sorry for your loss, Horselover. Depression is an awful illness and I'm sad that your friend wasn't able to see any hope in her life. __________________ Anna And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

11-07-2009, 08:13 PM	#20 (permalink)
me11109 The New Me starting 1/11/09 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: California Posts: 253	I am sorry for your loss. We went through the same thing with my cousin, so I do understand what you are going through - in a small way. At least we have the gift to grieve with a clear mind, despite how difficult it can be. You are an inspiration to all of us. My thoughts are with you. __________________ The New Me as of 1/11/09 Still searching for that darn wisdom to know the difference. Do you know where I can find some?

11-08-2009, 04:59 AM	#21 (permalink)
Jomey Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hicktown, PA Posts: 1,200	Oh, Sarah, I am so sorry for you, your friend's family and her friend. You are so strong, to be able to handle this without picking up, and to further still, reach out to me and your other friends here to make sure we aren't feeling alone. You are amazing. Prayers for everyone involved going up right now and I'll add them into our parish intention book at Mass this morning. You pm me any time you need anything, ok? Lots of love, Jomey __________________ "I take the day for what it's worth and do the best I can" - Johnny McEvoy

11-08-2009, 05:25 AM	#22 (permalink)
jahnilee59 Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Bethany, OK Posts: 42	Horselover, depression kills hope and hopelessness leads to despair and it always attacks the sweetest and most sensitive souls. My prayers are for all whose lives this tragedy has touched. I weep for the children. Thank you for your many posts that have given me hope. John in Oklahoma

11-08-2009, 06:46 AM	#23 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,907 Blog Entries: 3	I am totally blown away by you people. I do have a lot of work to do to get on with my life. I haven't been able to pull anything out of my bag today for the gratitude boards. I feel a bit black myself. I guess I can allow it though. Its probably even a "normal" reaction. I received the details of the burial. I know this is selfish but I can't go. I have offered to watch my friend's kids for her so she can go. That works. She was closer to the family any ways. Thank you all for helping me through this moment of darkness. I know the light is somewhere nearby. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

11-08-2009, 08:01 AM	#24 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: heading back out to sea Posts: 2,263 Blog Entries: 4	Oh the horror, her kids, her family and you all, I am so sad for all of you. Thank you for your post, how quickly it can happen. I am going to call my loved ones today and make sure I tell all of them I love them. __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ last drink 12/27/08 <3 (its a sideways heart!)

11-08-2009, 07:00 PM	#25 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,959 Blog Entries: 3	{{{{{{{{{{{horselover}}}}}}}}}}} Once we learn that - just how transient this existance is .... when we say "I love you" we mean it more deeply than before. When we live as if everything we do might be the last time we'll ever do it .... our own lives become far deeper experiencially and have far more meaning than before. In that way I found a way to move forward in the depth of turmoil and of grief because I can look on these many many people who have tried and failed to work things out or to even continue living their lives... as teachers of that simple truth. Everything we do we could bwe doing it for the last time. Everything we say we could be saying it for the last time every hello and every good bye (and every chocolate) could be that last one. I want to make my 'last thing' ... mean something. Hokka-hey. Today may be my last. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode