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11-07-2009, 03:34 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  | How precious our lives are and fleeting
Had a friend commit suicide yesterday. She wasn't an alcoholic. She wasn't addicted to anything. She had depression and no one knew how bad it was. She leaves behind a baby of 4 months and a 4 year old daughter. Please pray for her dear family to find comfort during this time. I am beyond words over this and as I said to my dear friend, Joanie, here I would have easily picked up over this not long ago. Today I grieve, I have anger, and I pray. I will not pick up. It wouldn't help her. I am not saying this for a pat on the back, but to reassure you that you can reprogram your reactions to situations that life throws your way. You will not always drink over these things and in fact, the very thought of drinking right now repulses me. Here comes the anger.
__________________ "For who among us shall cast the first stone?" |
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11-07-2009, 03:38 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Well, I'm on my way  |
I'm so sorry. It's horrible to lose a friend that way. There are no words
__________________ One foot in front of the other; one step at a time  "Anne stopped drinking and never looked back." That's my story. I read it every morning, and I'm sticking to it. |
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11-07-2009, 03:46 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| 6/20/08 Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,059
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Ohhhh. My heart is breaking for your friends family...and for you. Simply devastating. Although you don't need/want a pat on the back, please know that a lot of us think so very highly of you. The way you are handling this situation is one of the reasons why. My deepest condolences.
__________________ Standing at the starting line, we're all cowards. Alberto Salazar |
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11-07-2009, 03:47 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| "I think I can. I think I can"  |
I am so sorry. That is a horrible story. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family but especially those two babies. Thank you for saying you will not pick up even in the wake of horrible news like that. I was just in the kitchen wondering if this gets easier. I hate these cravings...they are so hard. I really start questioning all of this when I crave. I was thinking if they don't stop or at least let up I will never make it. I can't do this everyday it is hard and all I did was take the boys out bike riding...I have a long way to go but it makes me feel so hopeful knowing when I get there it is easier and just better! Thank you for helping me not drink today  Jo |
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11-07-2009, 03:52 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| bona fido dog-lover  |
To lose a friend to death is bad enough, but to suicide makes it unbearable. My prayers are out to your friend's family during this difficult time.:praying
__________________ I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley |
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11-07-2009, 04:03 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Northern California
Posts: 204
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I am so sorry to hear of your friend's suffering and your loss. I am glad to hear though that you are finding the strength to cope.
__________________ "The calm ones will get it done, and it's the brave that will overcome." -One eskimO |
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11-07-2009, 04:11 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member |
Thank you all. I really appreciate your post too Jo. I posted this thread for prayers because they definitely need them and to let anyone starting this journey know that you won't obsess over this addiction forever. It will blend into the background and will be replaced with healthier coping mechanisms, but today I have turned to food and so . . . I will treadmill tomorrow and deal with that tomorrow. I really am just going to allow the feelings to flow today. Love you all. Tell people how you feel please. If you are depressed don't be alone in it. Please!!
__________________ "For who among us shall cast the first stone?" |
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11-07-2009, 04:15 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 11,833
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I'm so sorry to hear this. Prayers going out for her children, family, and friends during this difficult time.
__________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*!" |
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11-07-2009, 05:08 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| with a new light in my eyes  Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,178
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Prayers are going out to your friends family, and you too. You have great coping skills and I admire you.
__________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. |
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11-07-2009, 05:10 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Learning to live again  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Catskills, NY
Posts: 5,416
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It's hard to imagine being in such a dark place that our only solution is to end it. Your post is appreciated on several levels, Sarah. Maybe someone will be made aware of how devastating depression can be. Some people think it's something we can just shake off if we want to. Also, seeing that you weren't tempted to take the edge off your feelings is very encouraging. That was all I knew how to do for many years. Now I have a clear head as I tackle life and all the crazy ups & downs that go with it. Sarah I'd like to apologize for what I said in my other message to you. I had no right to say I felt it was selfish on her part. I just kept thinking of how the person who found her would have felt, & her children down the road - knowing she won't be there to see them grow. We can't comprehend being desperate enough to want to give up on our lives, but we don't know what was going on in this woman's mind - obviously she wasn't thinking rationally or able to think about the consequences. Prayers going up for all involved. |
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11-07-2009, 05:24 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Member |
Hey Joanie you owe me absolutely NO apologies. That was my reaction at first too. How could she? How could she do this to her kids and her husband? It was my friend that told me when you reach that place of desperation, all you can think is that the world would be better off without you EVEN your children. I have never been to that place and hope never to be. I couldn't put myself in those shoes and couldn't understand until my friend spelled it out for me. She has been to that place and she never let me know. It was just this past summer. For God's sake! That could have been her. I just had no idea how common it is and yet it is such a secret. I had post partum but not on that deep of a level. The secretive part makes it similar to alcoholism in my opinion. I think that saying, "You are only as sick as your secrets" rings so true to me today. We have a mom's group going and I want to do a meeting addressing this. The group is to support moms and to give them a break and some adult conversation. I really think we need to do a meeting on this issue. Let women know they aren't alone in this and its okay to admit you need help. No one will judge you. Sorry I'm rambling. I've been rambling all day. I break into tears every so often because I can't turn off my thinking. It will get better.
__________________ "For who among us shall cast the first stone?" |
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11-07-2009, 07:10 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,768
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I'm sorry for your loss, Horselover. Depression is an awful illness and I'm sad that your friend wasn't able to see any hope in her life.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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11-07-2009, 08:13 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| The New Me starting 1/11/09  Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: California
Posts: 631
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I am sorry for your loss. We went through the same thing with my cousin, so I do understand what you are going through - in a small way. At least we have the gift to grieve with a clear mind, despite how difficult it can be. You are an inspiration to all of us. My thoughts are with you.
__________________ The New Me as of 1/11/09 Still searching for that darn wisdom to know the difference. Do you know where I can find some? |
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11-08-2009, 04:59 AM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,440
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Oh, Sarah, I am so sorry for you, your friend's family and her friend. You are so strong, to be able to handle this without picking up, and to further still, reach out to me and your other friends here to make sure we aren't feeling alone. You are amazing. Prayers for everyone involved going up right now and I'll add them into our parish intention book at Mass this morning. You pm me any time you need anything, ok? Lots of love, Jomey
__________________ Joy is a net of love by which we catch souls. - Mother Teresa |
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11-08-2009, 05:25 AM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Bethany, OK
Posts: 47
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Horselover, depression kills hope and hopelessness leads to despair and it always attacks the sweetest and most sensitive souls. My prayers are for all whose lives this tragedy has touched. I weep for the children. Thank you for your many posts that have given me hope. John in Oklahoma
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11-08-2009, 06:46 AM
| #22 (permalink) |
| Member |
I am totally blown away by you people. I do have a lot of work to do to get on with my life. I haven't been able to pull anything out of my bag today for the gratitude boards. I feel a bit black myself. I guess I can allow it though. Its probably even a "normal" reaction. I received the details of the burial. I know this is selfish but I can't go. I have offered to watch my friend's kids for her so she can go. That works. She was closer to the family any ways. Thank you all for helping me through this moment of darkness. I know the light is somewhere nearby.
__________________ "For who among us shall cast the first stone?" |
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11-08-2009, 08:01 AM
| #23 (permalink) |
| mergirl  |
Oh the horror, her kids, her family and you all, I am so sad for all of you. Thank you for your post, how quickly it can happen. I am going to call my loved ones today and make sure I tell all of them I love them.
__________________    *~Lisa~* ban the deed, not the breed~ three years of continuous sobriety and counting <3 (its a sideways heart!) |
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11-08-2009, 07:00 PM
| #24 (permalink) |
| same planet...different world  |
{{{{{{{{{{{horselover}}}}}}}}}}} Once we learn that - just how transient this existance is .... when we say "I love you" we mean it more deeply than before. When we live as if everything we do might be the last time we'll ever do it .... our own lives become far deeper experiencially and have far more meaning than before. In that way I found a way to move forward in the depth of turmoil and of grief because I can look on these many many people who have tried and failed to work things out or to even continue living their lives... as teachers of that simple truth. Everything we do we could bwe doing it for the last time. Everything we say we could be saying it for the last time every hello and every good bye (and every chocolate) could be that last one. I want to make *my* 'last thing' ... mean something. Hokka-hey. Today may be my last.
__________________  Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad. |
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