Why Not?

[firestorm090]

Oh, I don't know if I can live without alcohol? Oh, maybe I'll be an outcast from all of my friends, oh, maybe my parents won't understand, or my spouse, or my significant other, maybe the world will think something is wrong with me. Huh????

Well there is something wrong here and it's me. I've had these thoughts for years, not figuratively speaking, but literally speaking and they still occur daily. I've tried every measure of abstaining that is possible to man, yet I've come up short. You may think you've got a better way, you may have pity on me, the hopeless drunk, but I am no different than you.

I've seen these questions and more since I joined this group and I've asked a few questions in my time here, with varying results. Ultimately, it's boiled down to one question which is the hardest to answer, and that is "Why not learn to live without alcohol in our systems?" Bartenders won't like the answer, nor will our drinking buddies, or the girls we want to hook up with after a few drinks, but the real question is how do we feel about what we are doing to ourselves, our loved ones and our families each day that we choose to drink ourselves into oblivion?

The last time that I went into a bar, just a few days ago, a guy came up and sat beside me. He ordered a pitcher of beer and then wanted to talk with me about the Dodgers pro baseball team. I informed him that I'm a Cubs fan, born and raised in Chicago and that I'll always be a Cubs fan. He then proceeded, after a couple of beers, to get up and lose his lunch all over the carpet, then went to the men's room, where he made an even greater mess. He was asked to leave, and argued that he was OK, that they were wrong and he would never come there again. That's a polite way of describing the incident, for it was really far worse than I'll detail here, but the bottom line is that it gave me a reality check, and after it happened, a couple days later, I had to ask myself why not stay sober, why not let these kinds of incidents be part of my past, why should I, a grown man at 50 yrs. old, have to tolerate such obscenity in my life today? Quite frankly, I've had enough.

Why am I reaching out here to a website that has thousands of viewers? Am I special, no I don't think so. I'm just another drunk, struggling to find my way. Here's the flip side, if you will.

From what I've learned thus far, with only a couple days without a drink, five to be exact, is that life is so much more than we, in the midst of our despair and anguish over drinking, can ever imagine. Life itself is beyond our wildest dreams, and yet it is there for the taking, every day. We miss the boat every time we choose to take our problems to the bar, or sit at home with our bottle and try to drown our sorrows in the abyss of alcohol. Every Time. We don't get a pass, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00, we lose every time.l Every time.

The only other option is to learn how to live without alcohol as a crutch, as a buffer to the life we have to live, to be present in full for each and every moment we have to experience while we are still here. It's tough stuff, but that's the nature of life, and no bottle of beer, no shot of this or that will change it. It is what it is, and we have a choice each day to embrace life or run from it. It may sound simplistic,but I didn't lose my lunch today all over the carpet of a bar, and that's only because I chose not to drink today.

I think I'll make the same choice tomorrow, how bout you?

[thirtybubba]

Yup, same choice tomorrow.

Excellent post, FS. Points for reading my mind... again. This go round has felt different somehow... since that night with my cousin and my ex--the night when I saw what I was from the objective perspective.

I've had cravings, but... I think I'm done.

Take care, and keep going forward,
TB

[Threshold]

great posts...

cravings, yeah. When one of those comes I take it to the next step..ok, I say to my self, WHAT are you craving...and then remind myself of ALL the things that come with fulfilling said craving, remind myself that it's a package deal.

oh yeah, I guess I don't want THAT....

back to square one...so, what do I want? a life, a job, a relationship, a decent nights sleep...I get a drink of water, pull out my journal and scribble my way toward sanity instead of insanity.

My first question now is "Am I really hungry for THAT?"

and I remind myself of the package deal...I have to want ALL of what a thing entails before I allow myself to have it...if I don't want the consequences,then no, I don't want the "craving".

it's tricky these past two weeks, I had major surgery and have these legit pain pills and real pain...it can be really hard to sort out what to do...I mean, there are times when taking the pill IS the right thing to do, because I can't attend to normal body functions until the edge is off the pain. I sit and pray for 15 minutes over whether to take that pill or not.

Sometimes I HAVE to take it in order to properly attend to my health. This is a pretty ironic and humbling state to be in, and I am sure, an excellent test of my dedication to this thing called sobriety.

I crave being sober more than anything lately.

[navysteve]

There is a way to stop that feeling...

only takes twelve steps.

Its the only choice you have to make and it has nothing to do with choosing not to drink. If you are an alcoholic, you lost that choice some time ago

[Wolfchild]

carpet in a bar?? Now that's a high price for low end living!!

Glad your making a different decision lately!! Stay with it!!