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11-06-2009, 12:04 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Fargo, ND
Posts: 1
| Welcome to me :)
I am in the process of recovering from a dark 4 years of alcoholism after being on active duty with the army. I got home from my activation with the Minnesota Army National Guard (after 8 months deployed) on April 1st, 2006. My girlfriend left me the week I got home, all my friends had lost interest in me because I had been gone, and I lived alone for 2 years after that... sitting in my apartment all hours basically drinking by myself, if not with others that encouraged the bahavior. During those 2 years I met a girl, who should have been my wife to this day, but my alcohol abuse (and verbal abuse) of her pushed her away. Another 1.5 years after that I continued to go out every day after that and get smashed at the bars and not remember driving home. (I was black out drunk basically 4-6 days a week). I now live with one roommate and have been pushing for sobriety for 3 months now. I DO STILL DRINK, but in no relation to what I used to, maybe twice a month, and when I do drink, it is a few drinks then stop. I ALSO KNOW THAT COMPLETE SOBRIETY IS THE ONLY TRUE RECOVERY. I am working my way towards that, but am in the meantime making progress, I believe. I have not spoke to my friends or my family of the recovery. I have been failing out of college ever since the start of that road. My mother told me the first week of September (2009) that my parents are getting divorced, I have pushed my father out of my life (and for many good reasons). My life is in shambles, and the only help I ever really seem to get... is my lying in bed alone at night as I can't sleep... I cry a lot, and I do not know where I have gone wrong. I look back and I do not understand how I have let my life come to this. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and cannot believe that I have let myself becomes this loser... I have literally no friends and my family has broken. I do not have suicidal thoughts however. I have a meeting set up with a chemical dependency counselor next week. I just feel lost in my life, and when I saw this site, and its amount of members... I figured this would be my first outreach. Justin T. 26 y.o. male Fargo, ND |
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11-06-2009, 12:10 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| On a journey  Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 479
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Welcome to SR Justin. Recovery begins with taking that first step. Reaching out.
__________________ Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” - Mary Anne Radmacher |
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11-06-2009, 12:17 PM
| #3 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,828
| Quote:
What you're referring to is generally recognized as a stage of the disease. True progress, imo, is only going to occur when you stop drinking entirely. Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
__________________ Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else. | |
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11-06-2009, 12:30 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,764
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I am glad that you found us and that you are seeking support. You might consider talking to your dr or counsellor about the possibility that you are depressed. I wish you well, and hope you keep reading and posting.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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11-06-2009, 12:46 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md
Posts: 3,002
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Welcome! A visit to a substance abuse counselor is a great idea! You can get a lot of support here, too. But what about checking out an AA or NA meeting for some face-to-face support and to get you out of that isolation? It sure couldn't hurt right now! Love, KJ |
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11-06-2009, 04:43 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Learning to live again  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Catskills, NY
Posts: 5,416
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Welcome Strife, and thank you for your Army service. I can sure understand your need to numb the feelings of sadness & loss you're trying to cope with. Drinking only masks them, though - nothing gets dealt with in a meaningful way. I agree that AA might be a good thing to try - to get your mind off your circumstances for one thing. Everything seems bleak right now, but nothing stays the same forever. You can pull yourself up out of this - I did after many years of drinking and isolating. Yes, it felt strange at first - but if you give yourself chance to heal you'll see you still have a wonderful life ahead of you. Please let us know how it's going for you. |
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11-06-2009, 04:58 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 1,872
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Hey Justin! First off, you're not a loser. None of us here are losers and no one ever starts their life off saying to themselves "I'm going to grow up and be an alcoholic/addict." Some where in our life we end up here. Lot's of us have pasts just like you and it's played it's part in our downhill spiral. The very good news is that you're not alone and YOU HAVE found a great site!! Love this place, tons of support and lot's of good stuff to read. Welcome to SR!! Hope you'll stick around and keep reading and posting. My very, very best to you on your journey. 
__________________ If you think you can or cannot, you are right. Sober Since October 17, 2007 |
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11-06-2009, 05:16 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| bona fido dog-lover  |
Welcome to SR! You're not a loser. REad our stories and ask your questions. Many of us have been where you are now. Many of us have crawled out of that deep dark hole we dug for ourselves. You can too. An appt with a counselor is a great first step. Be honest with them so they can be of the most benefit to you. I'm glad you reached out and joined the family! 
__________________ I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley |
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