Sober?

[Tazman53]

In a meeting I heard an old timer mention the definition his sponsor, who was an old timer from when Bill W. & Dr. Bob were still around gave him for the word "sober":

Not mad or insane; not wild, visionary, or heated with passion; exercising cool, dispassionate reason; self-controlled; self-possessed.

What he shared I did not remember verbatum, but in searching through some old dictionaries from around 1939 I did find the above definition of sober and I quite liked it. I guess for the moment I met the definition, I am no longer mad or insane, nor wild, visionary, or heated with passion, which I certainely was most of the time when I was drinking, today I feel reasonable, in control of myself and actually in posession of myself.

Just thought I would share that, I kind of liked that definition and on knowing that was part of the meaning of the word "sober" when the BB was written I have a better understanding of what old timers mean when they use the word sober, they are not talking about simply not drinking.

[vegibean]

You know what? I like it too.

[Threshold]

Thank you for that definition. I am finding that one of my biggest stumbling blocks to sobriety was my bizarre misunderstanding of what the term meant. I spent months journaling about and struggling with the idea. Fighting it tooth and nail, sure that sobriety meant I had to deprive myself for the rest of my life. well...the day it dawned on me that sobriety was NOT about deprivation, but was all about sanity, fullness of life and choices...was the first day I could actually consider it as a life path.

I couldn't want something I thought so badly about.

I wonder how many other addicts feel that way, how many former addicts felt that way.

I am really at the stage just now of discovering what sobriety actually is, and making real heartfelt choices to BE sober.

I didn't really want it before because I was so wrong about what it was. I felt like it was a burden I was taking on, something I was "supposed" to do.

In fact, I had a friend who is 4 years into recovery, and when I first got clean a year ago, a few weeks in I said to him "sobriety is a bitch" and he nodded and said "yes, and it never gets better"....guess how long I stayed clean...not another 24 hours, I was like "f*ck this...if it's never going to get better..." but several months later, after continuing to work a recovery program while still using, it hit me what sobriety REALLY is...all I had thought before was that it was fighting addiction, then I woke up and saw that it has nothing to do with fighting and struggling at all, it's giving up all that nonsense, all that crap I used to hide behind...and living instead.

I hope that friend of mine knows that, that what he said that day was just a slip, a misunderstanding, a thoughtless reaction to my comment. I hope that sobriety is way more than fighting to him.

I'm getting clean...because sobriety is more and more attractive to me every day, because I am so damned tired of fighting

[shaun00]

like my drinking.....nothing about me was balanced.
id either be super happy or fly into a rage.

super compassionate......or didnt give a toss.
super laid back.........or 100mph.

super generous or as tight as 2 coats of paint...
on or off.........no balance and super unpredictable.

when i did my amends with my daughter......i asked her this...

"baby how can i make this better and right"........she said.."dad just be predictable like other dads"......jeez ...damn near broke my heart.

i dont want to be a saint........i work daily at being balanced....approachable...compassionate.......AND .....predictable..

your right taz.....sober for me is alot more than not drinking.....nice post thanks mate.

[Tazman53]

Great post threshold, in the BB it says:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone--
even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned.

This is part of the promises of step 10.

I was pretty lucky in early recovery, I heard and spoke with numerous folks who said the obsession to drink had been lifted, this gave me hope that one day I could be free of the bondage of my alcoholism. Today since I have finished taking the steps and now apply them daily to the best of my ability I can honestly say I no longer fight it, I simply maintain my spiritual condition fit.

[Tazman53]

"baby how can i make this better and right"........she said.."dad just be predictable like other dads"......jeez ...damn near broke my heart.

Damn trucker that choked me up BIG time, when I made amends to my kids they asked only that I stay the way I am today and not the lunatic of a dad I had been in the past. Several months ago one of my twins told me that she loved me and that her friends wished thier dads were like me!!!! I was floored, she was sayiing this to the same man they used to hide in their rooms from and hid from thier friends.

[shaun00]

now shes the unpredictable one.....lol...lol.......

shes a good kid......well 19 years old but still my baby.....

[Charmie]

great great posts guys,brilliant.taz the step 10 promises were read out in my regular lunchtime meeting today.i feel blessed to have those in my life.too many times around the tables there is folk hanging on by a thread and being told to just not drink (thats another thread that has been discussed so many times!!! yikes)....but yes,i feel sober today and have done for a few months now.thanks to the God given 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.i have never been sober all my life until now.and its magical.i just wrote in another thread that i feel like i am seeing the world with a new pair of eyes and feeling with a new heart.Trucker my friend,i identified all the way through your post (#4) that was me in an absolute nutshell! goodness me,aint it grand to be free guys?

[Wolfchild]

From the Random House Dictionary
1. not intoxicated or drunk.
2. habitually temperate.
3. quiet or sedate in demeanor.
4. marked by seriousness, gravity, solemnity.
5. subdued in tone.
6. free from excess, extravagance, or exaggeration.
7. showing self-control.
8. sane or rational.


From the American Heritage Dictionary
1. Habitually abstemious in the use of alcoholic liquors or drugs; temperate.
2. Not intoxicated or affected by the use of drugs.
3. Plain or subdued.
4. Devoid of frivolity, excess, exaggeration, or speculative imagination; straightforward.
5. Marked by seriousness, gravity, or solemnity of conduct or character.
6. Marked by circumspection and self-restraint.


From the Etymology Dictionary
sober - c.1300, "grave, serious, solemn," from O.Fr. sobre, from L. sobrius "not drunk, temperate," from se- "without" + ebrius "drunk," of unknown origin. Sense of "moderate, temperate," especially "abstaining from strong drink" is first attested 1338; meaning "not drunk at the moment" is from 1387. The verb meaning "to become sober" is attested from 1820 (usually with up). Sobersides "sedate, serious-minded person" is recorded from 1705.

[Surlyredhead]

Originally Posted by Tazman53

Damn trucker that choked me up BIG time, when I made amends to my kids they asked only that I stay the way I am today and not the lunatic of a dad I had been in the past. Several months ago one of my twins told me that she loved me and that her friends wished thier dads were like me!!!! I was floored, she was sayiing this to the same man they used to hide in their rooms from and hid from thier friends.

That choked my up too!!!

I remember the first time my Mom told me she was proud of me....ME!!!, and that she thought I was a great Mom to my Son...lots of tears that day, gulping hard right now, sobriety rocks!!!

Cathy

[traderjane]

I have really always hated the word "sober." To me it has always meant solemn and serious, which I am not. When I think of the word sober, I picture someone with a very serious and mean, even mad, expression on their face. Why? I don't know. For a long time I resisted using the word "sobriety" because it sounded so boring, so dull, so void of fun.

Of course the irony is that the exact opposite is true. Being sober is great! I feel alive, healthy, like myself again -- full of energy, life, enthusiasm. Drinking makes you sickly, wastes you away, takes away the core of who you are... alcohol is a dangerous, addictive powerful drug that takes away so much.

So if this is what sober is like, I'll take it!

[Rusty Zipper]

sober as a judge

Not at all intoxicated, quite clear-headed, as in

"Even after three drinks he was sober as a judge."

Why judges should be equated with sobriety is not known, but the simile was first recorded in 1694.

[Tazman53]

There is a difference between "Sober" & "Somber"!