Can I have a drink?

[dojoro]

A perfectly innocent thing for my five year old to ask during dinner. Then my 4 year old " can I have a drink" and lastly my 2 year old "can I have a drink". Before that question was just an everyday question, now it strikes a nerve. I am craving soo bad right now. ALways this time of day. I keep asking my husband to bring me home wine(knowing he'll say no but hoping he will cave in). This is hard...almost to hard. I am starting to think about the liquor we do have. It is beginning to tempt me...my husband won't be home later tonight...hope this feeling passes before then...UGHHHHH! Gotta go the boys are fighting...again!

Jo

[Dee74]

Jo,

You need to do something more than white knuckling. You've had a lot of good advice here in your threads - please think about what else you can do.

As one who's been there? Now really is the time to be proactive.

D

[SeekingPeace01]

Jo, please don't do it. Is there any way you and your husband can talk about removing all the alcohol from your home? I know that if there is alcohol in my apt, I will drink it. You don't want to compromise your resolve over such a no-brainer.

So much beauty and luck to you! I know it hurts. It makes me want to rip my skin off, but you just need to let the thought pass and replace it with something positive. You don't want to live through your children's youth numb.

[thirtybubba]

Originally Posted by SeekingPeace01

let the thought pass and replace it with something positive.

Yes. If you take away the alcohol, and don't replace it with something else, you're always going to have that hole...

Take care now,
TB

[Oregonmaid]

The decision I made and make every night for 38 years or so has been will I give in, give up and stick that drink in my mouth? Or will I...go to a meeting, talk to someone in recovery, pick up the phone, meditate, read the big book, cry, go for a run, bake cookies......Every night at 4:30pm my disease waits for me to make that decision.
Tonight I chose to write to you, for myself, for my sobriety.
What is alcohol doing in your house? It is like keeping a loaded gun around with a killer inside. And, it will kill. It will talk to you until you cave. I am an alcoholic, and if I have 30 seconds that my disease wins and convinces me to give in that is enough time to pour the poison into my body.
I will not allow alcohol to reside in either of my houses...my body or my home. I hope you are sober tonight.
Jules

[aasharon90]

Knowing I had alcohol near by
if i was trying to quit drinking
would only be a temptation
and a drink ready to happen.

I was glad my spouse wasnt
a drinker.

He honored and respected my
recovery after i went thru a
28 day rehab they initiated
thru family intervention.

I learned about alcoholism
and how it affects us who
cant drink normally. Learning
about my disease was extremely
helpful as well as recieving the
tools of steps and principles
to live a day at a time w/out
alcohol.

Staying away from people places
and things dealing with alcohol
was suggested to me early on
if i was to remain sober.

I admitted and accepted I had
a drinking problem and thus
needed help from others in
recovery who had long lenghts
of sobriety to guide me alone
the way.

Some 19 yrs sober today I
continue on my path of recovery
forever remaining teachable and
always on guard from this
disease of alcoholism which
is totally cunning baffling and
powerful.

[NewMe11109]

Abstinence without recovery sucks. There is no free lunch. You need to work on your recovery. Go to a meeting. (Sorry to be so bossy, but it is only with good intentions).

[Anna]

Jo,

I agree with Dee.

You can't get through this by just gritting your teeth and holding on. Recovery involves making changes in your life. One thing you could do is to get rid of the alcohol in the house. That would make things easier for you. Maybe you could take your kids out for a walk just before or after supper. Shake up your routine.

Recovery involves physical, emotional and spiritual change.

[Bamboozle]

Hello, Jo.

Change is important. It's been slow going for me...it takes time to incorporate a new routine and get used to it. I had to hang in there and grit my way through it.

I feel peaceful tonight...this peace took me a while to get. I'm not this way 100% of the time, but things are improving. I'm getting stronger and I'm actually feeling better. I'm not 'faking it until I make it'. I remember having a therapist about 8 years ago who said that to me. I never really believed in it. I'm just honest with myself and see what I can do with how I feel about me.

Please take good care of yourself.

[Horselover]

Yes I had to change my daily routine big time when I started. I also recently started digging deeper through reading various things. Fixed the physical and now working on the inner workings a bit. The obsession with 5 O'Clock will dwindle, but it will be awhile before that happens.

[dojoro]

Tonight was a rough one...still craving but not nearly as bad. The boys are still up because I will be alone(with my liquor cabinet) when they go. I think I am past craving the liquor but still would love that glass of wine.

Two very strange things happened. While I was rearranging the furniture in the livingroom like a mad woman the song "Jesus Take The Wheel" came on. I have heard the song tons before but tonight it really hit home. I just read about the higher power and it's role in recovery. I doubted it until I heard this song tonight. The coincidence was just to great. What happened next is the strangest of all things to happen and I swear I couldn't make this up... I decide to sit and watch some of the Rodents show on Animal Planet with the boys. they had been asking and asking as I frantically pushed furniture around the room. So I sit. Not 30 seconds later the phone rings. Up on the TV pops the name and number. The name....William W. The number was local but unrecognizable. I almost puked. I thought "they" were calling me. My first reaction was not to answer. I thought my husband must have told them to call, because when he left I was in tears sobbing "I don't want to do this". I really thought AA was calling me. Reluctantly I answered and it was a friend of my husbands. But WOW. Two very obvious signs smack in the middle of a very hard Day 8. I won't drink today.

Jo

[Horselover]

"Jesus take the Wheel" had me in tears when we recently took a weekend vacation (husband and I) and it came on the radio. My husband thinks I am a big softie any ways, but that song gets to me every time Jo. There are no coincidences in life my dear. You are on the right path. Hugs - Sarah

[TheSunAlsoRises]

Hey Jo when a problem drinker stops their life gets better. When an Alkie (like me) stops it gets worse. You got to get in there and work some program of recover--AA or other. Just not drinking will not work... Glad to hear you had a serene moment... but for the love of God get the booze out of your house... Doesn't matter what kind it is... do you think junkies keep black tar and needles in the house for their partner if they are detoxing?