Introduction

[Payton]

JKaren, thank you! I was on my way home for lunch and new and awful flashbacks of things I have done started coming up, and I was humilated, etc....and I actively sought out my "adult" voice and said, "that is why I am not doing that today, thank you very much." The mean voice went away.

Taz, thank you for sharing that with me, that was so inspiring.

I just had a realization and I'm very nervous about it.

My mother is an extremely well known and prominent figure in the city I live in. Just realized there is NO doubt I will see someone who knows her/works with her/has been helped by her, especially if I stay around my home or workplace. I don't want my parents to know ANYTHING about this. I don't want someone else to know and know that my parents don't know and then interact with my parents and be thinking of all of my secrets that I would reveal and how I am f-ed up and my parents are clueless and supposed to be such enlightened people and xyzafgd'klshmktl;mklstl mks rtkhl' UGHHHHHHHHHH

Not to mention that my parents are always harping on not-drinking because of all of the alcoholics in my family, and this will prove them right, etc, my mom does things like tell me not to drink but then wants to drink with me when she comes over to my house, because my dad is like, rabid anti-alcohol. I can't stand them seeing me as a sick person, f-up, dysfunctional and self-hating, etc, etc. They think i'm well, have been in denial for years, our whole family dynamic was to present a perfect image while behind that we were a disaster.

This makes me want to NOT go to AA at all AND quit this whole thing.

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by Payton

JKaren, thank you! I was on my way home for lunch and new and awful flashbacks of things I have done started coming up, and I was humilated.

I can't stand them seeing me as a sick person, f-up, dysfunctional and self-hating, etc, etc.

So, which is worse, the thought of what you may have done, while drinking, or the thought that somehow someone might find out that you have a drinking problem and that you're actually doing something about it?

Great story, old timer talking about folks being embarrassed by the possibility that someone might see them walking into the church to attend an AA meeting. Guy said, I wasn't embarrassed to be seen outside that church, drunk or throwing up or pi**ing in the bushes.

[JKaren]

Payton,

You are expecting the I told you so from your Dad and possibly Mom but you really need to think about what you want. Why you want to quit drinking? Make a list and read or better yet go back in your posts and read them of why you want to quit.

Don't listen to the voices, go to a meeting and just see how it goes. I'm going tonight. I think...I'm scared too and preaching to the choir.

Hang in there!

[Payton]

Thank you all again, so much, for the wonderful advice and support.

Oz, yes, that is Veronica Lake.

[dojoro]

My husband is very active in the community. Local business owner. He knows everyone. We go to tons of functions throughout the year, I had the same fear as you. I have been to three meetings and have yet to see someone I know. I think some may know my husband but it just isn't an issue. At this point I wouldn't care if I saw someone I know because there is such a trust, a bond in that room that I really don't feel I would be outed...or tattled on. I would never tell my own husband anyone I saw at a meeting...even if it was his best friend. I tell my husband everything...sometimes things I am not supposed to at the request of a friend but the one thing about AA I won't share with him are the idenities of the people in that room. I got that the first day...you'll feel it to when you go. I hope you are having a good day

Jo

[Payton]

Thank you so much Jo for the reassurance! Good for you for having been to 3 meetings - wow! I am going to see if I can get to a meeting on Wednesday evening.

I am finishing up 5 days sober and I am very excited about it. I can't believe how productive I've been and how rested I'm starting to feel. It feels so good to wake up without guilt or anxiety.