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11-03-2009, 07:46 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: United states
Posts: 197
| Starting over
Well I am here again. I went six months then started back at a company event last May. I went right back to two mixed drinks everyday. Four days ago I just got an overwhelming feeling I need to stop. Wish me luck.
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11-05-2009, 06:24 AM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Follow Directions!  Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,745
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Welcome Back! So what were you doing to stay sober for those 6 months? What do you plan to do differently this time?
__________________ All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB Follow directions! Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006 Sober today thanks to AA |
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11-05-2009, 05:09 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: United states
Posts: 197
| thanks for the support
I went to AA for alot of those six months and then stopped going. Got kind of burned out on the sad stories. Left feeling depressed and sad for everybody. I was also concerned about anonymity given my job. I started drinking again at an annual convention. Everyone was partying and I thought why not. I only had one but it started the cycle again and I bought my favorite drink and started having a few every night after work. I guess I considered myself pretty functional. Got promotions, always went to work etc... but I would wake up feeling heavy headed and also worried about what long term effects this was having. I didn't feel like I was doing the right thing but it helped with the anxiety I felt with the load I was carrying. Dealing with that (the anxiety ) is the hard part of staying off alcohol for me. |
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11-05-2009, 05:16 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,763
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I have a lot of trouble dealing with the anxiety too. I struggled with anxiety issues all my life, and it's really hard at times. But, I know that drinking worsened the anxiety a LOT. So, I try to deal with it, exercise a lot, do lots of deep breathing, and have faith that things will work out.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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11-05-2009, 05:34 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| same planet...different world  |
sweet - good luck to ya this time. You mentioned your anonymity... I think no matter *what* my job, I'd rather be known as a SOBER alcoholic- than one who can't stop drinking. This time - make 'starting over'... a REAL start over. Go back - get a sponsor - and work the steps. Involve yourself in your recovery with an equivalent energy as you did drinking and hiding it. If you build your 'do over' foundation solid and honest with yourself and with everyone - you'll never have ty do this again. Promise.
__________________  Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad. |
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11-06-2009, 05:52 AM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Grateful but still smarting  |
I don't feel the same about relapse as I used to. I was so dramatic. If I slipped I figured I had to do it up right, I mean it was a big huge deal to start using again..right? Now I see how silly that was, I mean, if I am driving and I get a bit distracted and a wheel drifts off the road, I don't say 'oh, hey, may as well speed up, crash through the guard rail and see how much damage I can do.." no, I just gently pull the wheel and get back on the road toward where I am going. I do that now with my addictions too. Mess up, no biggie, tug the wheel back on the road. Mess us really big...pull over, get some water, grab a nap, pull out the map, reconfigure route and get going again. No more drama. no more making every little detour into an unplanned offroad adventure. End up in a ditch? Call for help...don't set up camp and make the ditch my new home. One of the big steps for me has been learning how to handle my stumbles as a sober person, rather than as an addict. My addict is all about drama, My sober person is all about taking care of business and movin on. |
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11-06-2009, 07:10 AM
| #17 (permalink) | |
| Follow Directions! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,745
| Quote:
The difference between the 2? In the ones that deal with the solution one learns how to live life on lifes terms, yes problems are brought up, but the shares that follow are about solutions for the problem brought forth, in these meetings there is laughter before and after the meeting and one leaves in a good mood with a desire to stay sober. The ones that live in the problem seem to be people taking turns sitting on a pity pot, no one offering a solution of any kind, simply every one whining about how bad life is for them. Did you have a sponsor and use him? Did you take the steps with your sponsor? AA meetings are the "Fellowship" of AA, a sponsor, the BB, and the steps are the "Program & Solution" of AA. Now if you did have a sponsor and took the steps and applied them daily to your life and still would up drinking again, perhaps another program or adding a therapist to the whole mix would help.
__________________ All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB Follow directions! Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006 Sober today thanks to AA | |
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11-06-2009, 11:21 AM
| #19 (permalink) | |
| Grateful but still smarting | Quote:
My first venture into 12 steps unfortunately involved a toxic meeting, and turned me off 12 steps for a long time to come. When you go to a meeting, listen carefully and ask yourself, are these people working the program or whining about the program? | |
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11-06-2009, 06:49 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: United states
Posts: 197
| Thank you for all your insight
This may sound silly but I think part of my failure to maintain sobriety was I just overthought the whole process. I got obsessed with how to correctly treat it. Who to talk to...what to read... I just ran over it so much that it became bigger than I needed to make it and I got tired of dealing with it. I started to feel like a nut. Part of that taking a drink at the office party was to try to prove I was just like everyone else. Of course, everyone didn't drink every day since. I am no expert on this obviously. I am trying to figure out what makes me want a drink. Part of it was a routine but no there is something more...some trigger. |
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