Starting over - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

sweetnovember · 11-03-2009, 07:46 PM

Well I am here again. I went six months then started back at a company event last May. I went right back to two mixed drinks everyday. Four days ago I just got an overwhelming feeling I need to stop. Wish me luck.

gypsytears · 11-03-2009, 08:46 PM

Good luck sweetnovember and welcome back

. Stick around... lots of good support and info on here. I'm glad you're posting.

**Dee74** · 11-03-2009, 11:08 PM

Welcome back from me too sweetnovember

D

thirtybubba · 11-04-2009, 12:21 AM

Don't know you, but welcome (back) anyways...

Best of luck.

-TB

me11109 · 11-04-2009, 01:59 PM

Welcome Back!

Horselover · 11-04-2009, 02:01 PM

Welcome back Sweetnovember and don't get down on yourself. Be grateful that you've come back and are ready to continue. Glad you made it back to say the least.

Payton · 11-04-2009, 02:17 PM

I'm glad you decided to come back.

firestorm090 · 11-04-2009, 09:57 PM

Welcome Back!!!

Wolfchild · 11-05-2009, 06:10 AM

welcome back

Tazman53 · 11-05-2009, 06:24 AM

Welcome Back! So what were you doing to stay sober for those 6 months? What do you plan to do differently this time?

sweetnovember · 11-05-2009, 05:09 PM

I went to AA for alot of those six months and then stopped going. Got kind of burned out on the sad stories. Left feeling depressed and sad for everybody. I was also concerned about anonymity given my job.

I started drinking again at an annual convention. Everyone was partying and I thought why not. I only had one but it started the cycle again and I bought my favorite drink and started having a few every night after work.

I guess I considered myself pretty functional. Got promotions, always went to work etc... but I would wake up feeling heavy headed and also worried about what long term effects this was having.

I didn't feel like I was doing the right thing but it helped with the anxiety I felt with the load I was carrying.

Dealing with that (the anxiety ) is the hard part of staying off alcohol for me.

***51anna*** · 11-05-2009, 05:16 PM

I have a lot of trouble dealing with the anxiety too.

I struggled with anxiety issues all my life, and it's really hard at times.

But, I know that drinking worsened the anxiety a LOT.

So, I try to deal with it, exercise a lot, do lots of deep breathing, and have faith that things will work out.

barb dwyer · 11-05-2009, 05:34 PM

sweet -
good luck to ya this time.

You mentioned your anonymity...
I think no matter *what* my job,
I'd rather be known as a SOBER alcoholic-
than one who can't stop drinking.

This time -
make 'starting over'...
a REAL start over.

Go back -
get a sponsor -
and work the steps.

Involve yourself in your recovery
with an equivalent energy
as you did drinking
and hiding it.

If you build your 'do over' foundation solid
and honest
with yourself
and with everyone -

you'll never have ty do this again.

Promise.

stg1979 · 11-05-2009, 05:48 PM

It's great that you came back! Good luck!

Valleyd · 11-06-2009, 04:06 AM

I had nine months and went back out briefly last week. Thank God I came right back...you can too. Let us know how its going.

Threshold · 11-06-2009, 05:52 AM

I don't feel the same about relapse as I used to. I was so dramatic. If I slipped I figured I had to do it up right, I mean it was a big huge deal to start using again..right?

Now I see how silly that was, I mean, if I am driving and I get a bit distracted and a wheel drifts off the road, I don't say 'oh, hey, may as well speed up, crash through the guard rail and see how much damage I can do.." no, I just gently pull the wheel and get back on the road toward where I am going.

I do that now with my addictions too. Mess up, no biggie, tug the wheel back on the road. Mess us really big...pull over, get some water, grab a nap, pull out the map, reconfigure route and get going again. No more drama. no more making every little detour into an unplanned offroad adventure.

End up in a ditch? Call for help...don't set up camp and make the ditch my new home.

One of the big steps for me has been learning how to handle my stumbles as a sober person, rather than as an addict. My addict is all about drama, My sober person is all about taking care of business and movin on.

Tazman53 · 11-06-2009, 07:10 AM

Quote:

I went to AA for alot of those six months and then stopped going. Got kind of burned out on the sad stories. Left feeling depressed and sad for everybody.

Did you consider trying different meetings? There are 2 primary types of meetings in AA in my experience, those that deal with the solution and those that live in the problem.

The difference between the 2? In the ones that deal with the solution one learns how to live life on lifes terms, yes problems are brought up, but the shares that follow are about solutions for the problem brought forth, in these meetings there is laughter before and after the meeting and one leaves in a good mood with a desire to stay sober. The ones that live in the problem seem to be people taking turns sitting on a pity pot, no one offering a solution of any kind, simply every one whining about how bad life is for them.

Did you have a sponsor and use him?

Did you take the steps with your sponsor?

AA meetings are the "Fellowship" of AA, a sponsor, the BB, and the steps are the "Program & Solution" of AA.

Now if you did have a sponsor and took the steps and applied them daily to your life and still would up drinking again, perhaps another program or adding a therapist to the whole mix would help.

**CarolD** · 11-06-2009, 10:13 AM

Welcome back....

You might want to check with your doctor
about anxiety issues.

Threshold · 11-06-2009, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tazman53

Did you consider trying different meetings? There are 2 primary types of meetings in AA in my experience, those that deal with the solution and those that live in the problem.

I have found THIS to be super important, there are such things as 'sick' meetings and 'sick' recovery groups where it really is just a big ole pity party. that toxic mess can set you back worse than ever.

My first venture into 12 steps unfortunately involved a toxic meeting, and turned me off 12 steps for a long time to come. When you go to a meeting, listen carefully and ask yourself, are these people working the program or whining about the program?

sweetnovember · 11-06-2009, 06:49 PM

This may sound silly but I think part of my failure to maintain sobriety was I just overthought the whole process. I got obsessed with how to correctly treat it. Who to talk to...what to read... I just ran over it so much that it became bigger than I needed to make it and I got tired of dealing with it. I started to feel like a nut. Part of that taking a drink at the office party was to try to prove I was just like everyone else. Of course, everyone didn't drink every day since.

I am no expert on this obviously. I am trying to figure out what makes me want a drink. Part of it was a routine but no there is something more...some trigger.

sweetnovember · 11-06-2009, 06:50 PM

You really wrote this well. I love your analogies.

barb dwyer · 11-06-2009, 07:12 PM

All we have is today, hon.

sweetnovember · 11-07-2009, 06:37 PM

Is that normal?

11-03-2009, 07:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
sweetnovember Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: ohio Posts: 45	Starting over Well I am here again. I went six months then started back at a company event last May. I went right back to two mixed drinks everyday. Four days ago I just got an overwhelming feeling I need to stop. Wish me luck.

11-03-2009, 08:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
gypsytears not a greeter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: padmasana Posts: 12,196 Blog Entries: 2	Good luck sweetnovember and welcome back . Stick around... lots of good support and info on here. I'm glad you're posting. __________________ Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. ~B.K.S. Iyengar

11-03-2009, 11:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
Dee74 Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 14,672	Welcome back from me too sweetnovember D __________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.

11-04-2009, 01:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
me11109 The New Me starting 1/11/09 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: California Posts: 257	Welcome Back! __________________ The New Me as of 1/11/09 Still searching for that darn wisdom to know the difference. Do you know where I can find some?

11-04-2009, 02:01 PM	#6 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,916 Blog Entries: 3	Welcome back Sweetnovember and don't get down on yourself. Be grateful that you've come back and are ready to continue. Glad you made it back to say the least. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

11-04-2009, 12:21 AM	#4 (permalink)
thirtybubba Person... Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Stranded I Think Posts: 1,258	Don't know you, but welcome (back) anyways... Best of luck. -TB

11-04-2009, 02:17 PM	#7 (permalink)
Payton Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA Posts: 84	I'm glad you decided to come back.

11-04-2009, 09:57 PM	#8 (permalink)
firestorm090 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 906	Welcome Back!!!

11-05-2009, 06:10 AM	#9 (permalink)
Wolfchild Disposable Hero Air Attack 2 Champion! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Being, ME Posts: 3,247 Blog Entries: 3	welcome back __________________ Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth

11-05-2009, 06:24 AM	#10 (permalink)
Tazman53 Follow Directions! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Fredericksburg, Va. Posts: 9,287	Welcome Back! So what were you doing to stay sober for those 6 months? What do you plan to do differently this time? __________________ All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB Follow directions! Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006 Sober today thanks to AA

11-05-2009, 05:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
sweetnovember Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: ohio Posts: 45	thanks for the support I went to AA for alot of those six months and then stopped going. Got kind of burned out on the sad stories. Left feeling depressed and sad for everybody. I was also concerned about anonymity given my job. I started drinking again at an annual convention. Everyone was partying and I thought why not. I only had one but it started the cycle again and I bought my favorite drink and started having a few every night after work. I guess I considered myself pretty functional. Got promotions, always went to work etc... but I would wake up feeling heavy headed and also worried about what long term effects this was having. I didn't feel like I was doing the right thing but it helped with the anxiety I felt with the load I was carrying. Dealing with that (the anxiety ) is the hard part of staying off alcohol for me.

11-05-2009, 05:16 PM	#12 (permalink)
*51anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 14,743	I have a lot of trouble dealing with the anxiety too. I struggled with anxiety issues all my life, and it's really hard at times. But, I know that drinking worsened the anxiety a LOT. So, I try to deal with it, exercise a lot, do lots of deep breathing, and have faith that things will work out. __________________ Anna And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

11-05-2009, 05:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,973 Blog Entries: 3	sweet - good luck to ya this time. You mentioned your anonymity... I think no matter what my job, I'd rather be known as a SOBER alcoholic- than one who can't stop drinking. This time - make 'starting over'... a REAL start over. Go back - get a sponsor - and work the steps. Involve yourself in your recovery with an equivalent energy as you did drinking and hiding it. If you build your 'do over' foundation solid and honest with yourself and with everyone - you'll never have ty do this again. Promise. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

11-05-2009, 05:48 PM	#14 (permalink)
stg1979 Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 17	It's great that you came back! Good luck!

11-06-2009, 04:06 AM	#15 (permalink)
Valleyd Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Delaware Posts: 20	I had nine months and went back out briefly last week. Thank God I came right back...you can too. Let us know how its going.

11-06-2009, 05:52 AM	#16 (permalink)
Threshold Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: South Carolina Posts: 139	I don't feel the same about relapse as I used to. I was so dramatic. If I slipped I figured I had to do it up right, I mean it was a big huge deal to start using again..right? Now I see how silly that was, I mean, if I am driving and I get a bit distracted and a wheel drifts off the road, I don't say 'oh, hey, may as well speed up, crash through the guard rail and see how much damage I can do.." no, I just gently pull the wheel and get back on the road toward where I am going. I do that now with my addictions too. Mess up, no biggie, tug the wheel back on the road. Mess us really big...pull over, get some water, grab a nap, pull out the map, reconfigure route and get going again. No more drama. no more making every little detour into an unplanned offroad adventure. End up in a ditch? Call for help...don't set up camp and make the ditch my new home. One of the big steps for me has been learning how to handle my stumbles as a sober person, rather than as an addict. My addict is all about drama, My sober person is all about taking care of business and movin on.

11-06-2009, 10:13 AM	#18 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 21,891	Welcome back.... You might want to check with your doctor about anxiety issues. __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery! :

11-06-2009, 06:49 PM	#20 (permalink)
sweetnovember Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: ohio Posts: 45	Thank you for all your insight This may sound silly but I think part of my failure to maintain sobriety was I just overthought the whole process. I got obsessed with how to correctly treat it. Who to talk to...what to read... I just ran over it so much that it became bigger than I needed to make it and I got tired of dealing with it. I started to feel like a nut. Part of that taking a drink at the office party was to try to prove I was just like everyone else. Of course, everyone didn't drink every day since. I am no expert on this obviously. I am trying to figure out what makes me want a drink. Part of it was a routine but no there is something more...some trigger.

11-06-2009, 06:50 PM	#21 (permalink)
sweetnovember Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: ohio Posts: 45	You really wrote this well. I love your analogies.

11-06-2009, 07:12 PM	#22 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,973 Blog Entries: 3	All we have is today, hon. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

11-07-2009, 06:37 PM	#23 (permalink)
sweetnovember Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: ohio Posts: 45	bad migraines this week Is that normal?

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