 |
|---|
 |
 |
 |
| | |
|
| |||||||
 | Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community Already registered? Login above ---^ OR To take advantage of all the site’s features, become a member of the supportive Sober Recovery Community. Ads will no longer appear on the forums if you are a registered user |
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
08-25-2009, 06:59 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
| I am...
an alcoholic (I don't feel connected to that word at all). Have been for about 4 years now. About 2 years ago something happened that pushed me off the deep end and I gave up on having any control over anything. Since then I have been getting wasted an average of 6 out of 7 nights a week. The amount started at 6 beers and got as bad as 15 or more in a matter of about 7 or 8 hours. I managed to stay sober for 16 days starting on the 12th of June. I was so excited when my hands finally stopped shaking at 2 weeks : ) I went to Minneapolis to attend a wedding for a weekend with my best friend and a couple. The woman was self absorbed and very immature. Having to politely tolerate her and watch everyone get drunk on top of that was too much to handle. I kept the drinking to a minimum for a while but for the last 3 weeks its been almost every day again. Last Sat I drank 16. I woke up with a hangover and threw up some bile and blood. I almost never get hangovers and I haven't thrown up in 7 years. I'm guessing I ramped it up to quickly. So that's where I am. I'm on my 3rd day of sobriety now. I'm a very solitary and independent person so that lets me get away with a lot. I'm hoping hanging out on this site will help. Ug, reading what I wrote makes me want to drink. Why does this stupid addiction feed on itself like that? It's like the fire is the fuel. Anyway, thanks for reading. I look forward to...seeing if this helps. |
|      |
|
08-25-2009, 07:05 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 249
|  Welcome to SR. I am only on like day 34 (this time) so I can relate to your struggles! I have been battling this thing for many years and get alot of inspiration from those on here that have made it for a long time. It can be done! Keep reading and posting especially when you get the urge. |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 07:13 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| grateful to be here  |
odd welcome. glad you found the site. i think you will find lots of support and info here. i live by myself and isolate too, so i know what you mean about being able to get away with it. almost no one knows how i used to drink. (or at least that's what i think i guess) i got a dui and have to go to court this coming tues. but won't go into that....... definitely started me on a journey for sobriety!!! anyhow, i wish you well. hang out and read posts here--lots of info to "chew on" and i find a lot of lightbulb moments in reading posts at times. and keep posting-i find participating here has helped me a lot. esp for someone who is used to taking care of myself--it has been hard to me to ask for help. again - welcome!!!  bo
__________________ “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” ~Ernest Hemingway |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 07:39 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,757
|
Welcome! I'm glad you recognize that you need support and you will find lots of people here who understand what you're going through.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 07:51 PM
| #7 (permalink) | ||
| Heathen  Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,349
| Quote:
Quote:
I would definitely see a doc, the vomiting of blood doesn't sound good at all! Welcome. | ||
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 08:10 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
|
Thank you so much for your replys. God it feels good to talk to people who understand. My mom's dad was an alcoholic so she kinda understands but who wants to lay this **** on their mom? I probably should go to the doc. There have been other bad signs too. Every step in the right direction is like pulling my feet out of tar but I think I can get myself to go. |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 08:18 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| SR Moderator  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas
Posts: 42,325
|
Hi OddSpot Like Nogard I wish I'd gone to the Dr too - it's the sensible way to do things. Let us know how you get on  I found nearly everything made me drink too - good, bad, indifferent - when you do everything with a drink for so long, nearly every situation can make you feel that way. One of the best things I ever learned was that I can think, talk, and post my way through wanting to drink... I don't have to act on the impulse anymore. This place is a great support Welcome to SR!D
__________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 08:22 PM
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,740
| Quote:
| |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 08:33 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
|
Yes! Everything makes me drink good days/emotions and bad days/emotions. I've managed to keep my job (I work for a great bunch of people) but I hold in all the reactions and emotions (made extreem over the years by so much self medicating I'm sure) for the end of the day then drown them. I hate expressing genuine emotions. I really hate crying. I get so excited right before I drink, everything feels so perfect in that moment.
|
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 08:41 PM
| #12 (permalink) | |
| everything is already ok  | Quote:
I quit when I was despeate enough and over time day by day I continue to get well and all those things you talk have been removed. I can not do this alone. I can't but we can,together we can stop and get well. I am pulling for you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. Kevin
__________________  ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly | |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 09:01 PM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| Friend of Bill W.  Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Looking for snow
Posts: 5,600
| Quote:
Yea, that excitement right before.... hmm, I don't know about you, but that excitement turned into a letdown pretty quick towards the end. Welcome, keep posting. Mark
__________________ "Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."....Philo of Alexandria "Your fear of the future is your greatest mistake." .... Stephen Kellogg | |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 09:10 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
|
Thank you so much nogard. Your post brought tears to my eyes too, dammit Feeling allowed to be honest is something I don't know I've ever felt and didn't expect to feel now. I'm really bad at expressing myself in the moment I'm feeling what I'm trying to express but I really mean thank you.
|
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 09:27 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: TX
Posts: 32
|
Thanks OS...after 2 1/2 months of sobriety I REALLY needed to hear your post. I understand (isn't it amazing what those words can mean to someone)...and I live alone also. Please PM me if you want some one to talk to...or just make small talk with...I know I can always use that connection. GLAD YOU ARE HERE! |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 09:30 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
|
I agree Mark, it very quickly starts to feel like a job. 'Ok, I have to drink so many in so long before I feel like today didn't happen and tomorrow wont either.' But all I feel before oblivion sets in is detached awarness, resignation and depression. For someone who doesn't like emotions I sure make myself feel a lot of bad ones. I shouldn't single myself out. I realize I'm part of a number of people who feel the same.
|
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 10:14 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
|
In the end, drinking only makes everything harder. Think of that person you will be when you're clean and can handle everything as the person in your heart, rather than in the bottle. That's what is helping me. I can't wait to meet this person in myself. I'm a little nervous, but also excited. GOOD LUCK! |
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 10:20 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Houston
Posts: 307
|
Congrats on day three. Get a plan to stay sober and stick with it! AA works for me, but there are other methods to living sober. Some of the folks around here would be more than happy to share what works for them. Stick around!
|
|
| |
|
08-25-2009, 11:38 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
|
Thank you. I am beginning to think I do need to find a program. I've been browsing the forum and it seems like drinking is to a drunks life as recovery is to a sober persons life. I'm assuming and hoping the latter is eventually easier than the former over time? But there's no way for drinking to stop being a problem is there? People start drinking for a reason. But they didn't drink at one point. You'd think there would be a solution. What was changed or awakened or altered? It seems rediculous that I have to monitor this problem considering monitoring myself probably contributed to the problem.
|
|
| |
|
08-26-2009, 12:02 AM
| #22 (permalink) |
| everything is already ok |
Hi OS there is a solution its called Recovery which is what we are doing. In terms of support I go to NA and AA and that helps me a lot. In some ways its not a lot different from what we do here. There are other programs like SMART. In the end it does not really matter what you choose. The things they have in common in recovery seem to be: Recovery from booze and drugs Actions we need to make to grow Other addicts/alkies to support us. Personally I would and will do whatever it takes to stop stay stopped come to terms with the underlying issues and take whatever action I need to to be rid of them or grow. If cartwheeling down the street for 2 hours a day was the program then I would learn do that, whatver it takes  Kevin
__________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly |
|
| |
|
08-26-2009, 12:19 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
|
I'm tired of trying to make sense of the problem. I don't think there is any sense to the problem. I guess all that's left is letting go of it, right? I'd feel a lot better if I could kick it's ass. Rastle it down and make it submit. Hey, does anyone out there have a first time at an AA meeting story? I'd really appreciate one |
|
| |
|
08-26-2009, 12:30 AM
| #25 (permalink) |
| everything is already ok |
I have found no sense to the problem, I try to just get on with the solution. My first time was a midday meeting in Melbourne. I sat at the back sweating and shaking and smelly, thought no one saw me. As people walked by they shook my hand. Someone gave me a 1/2 full cup of coffee and after as I ran for the door someone said keep coming back. I hated it and I knew I was not one of them and was better than them and was never going back... 4 years and 3 months later I am still going back and I love the fellowship and adore meetings. I have been given a new life and its still unfloding. What kept me going back? Hope and my heart and my life is wonderful when I listen to my heart and live with hope. So no funny stories OS but an honest one Kevin
__________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly |
|
| |
|
| Bookmarks |
| Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
| |
| |
© 2011 Recovery Marketing Services, Inc. |
The SoberRecovery Forums are operated under an anonymous grant and is maintained by MyNew Technologies Development
Linear Mode
