The Big Book - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

subliminalurge · 08-04-2009, 11:25 PM

Forgive me if this turns out to be long.

Wow, when the book says it only gets worse, never better, it's right on the money.

I've been trying to get sober for years now. First attempt was, oh, probably 10, maybe 12 years ago. Somewhere around Halloween of 2004 I had a particularly bad night. The kind of night where you wake up the next morning and say "I need help". So I picked up the phone book, called the number listed for AA, and they told me where to find a meeting close to home that night. I went. One of the things that they do at that meeting during the opening announcements is to ask "Is there anybody here tonight for their first AA meeting ever?". Every fiber of my being wanted to just ignore that, sit down, and not say anything. I was in the middle of full blown withdrawals, I was freezing cold but still sweating like a pig, whole body shaking life a leaf, focusing most of my attention on just not puking on the floor. Oh, and a broken nose that I had no explanation for. So, yeah, staying seated sounded like the best plan.

I'm not sure what happened, but at the very last minute something came over my mind (probably desperation), and I forced myself onto my feet in front of 300+ perfect strangers and said "I'm Corey, and I'm an alcoholic". I wasn't expecting it to, but it felt good. I sat there for the rest of the meeting, trying not to puke (I made it), and just hoping it would end soon so I could go home and fall into bed.

One of the other things they do at that meeting is a raffle. You pay a dollar for a few tickets, then they spend a few minutes, well, you all know what a raffle is....

At the end of that meeting, the woman who won the big book in the raffle walked up to me and said "Here, take this". Not sure who it was, but I'm sure she's still around. Hell I probably know her pretty well now.

That's my Big Book. And that's how I got it.

That book is falling apart. The cover is ruined, there are chocolate milk stains on it from trying to keep my sugar levels up when I first dried out. There are pages falling out, and I've written in it so much that you can't even read some pages anymore. I actually keep rolls of tape on hand just to keep it patched together. But I don't want a new one. I've bought new ones for newcomers, and when I'm lucky enough to win one in a raffle, I find someone who needs it.

Even when the day comes that it's too beat up to use and I have to get another one, or they release a new edition, that will always be my "real big book".

It's not just a book to me. It's not even "just" the big book to me. That book will, for the rest of my life, always be a reminder of how we drunks have to stick together, 'cuz no one else out there is going to. And that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams big book, is always going to be my reminder that when I go to a meeting thinking that I just want to say Hi to a few friends, the real reason I'm there is to find that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams human being.

That woman who gave me that book that night probably didn't think much of it. She had just gotten it for free, and she already had one, so what the hell? It changed my life.

We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.

TooMuchRum · 08-04-2009, 11:32 PM

This may sound like a dumb question, but haven't been to an AA meeting yet and keep seeing references to the "big book". What exactly is the "big book"?

subliminalurge · 08-04-2009, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TooMuchRum

This may sound like a dumb question, but haven't been to an AA meeting yet and keep seeing references to the "big book". What exactly is the "big book"?

The "Big Book" is actually a book titled "Alcoholics Anonymous". There's a lot in it. There are stories of people's lives, there are letters from doctors describing their opinion on alcoholism, and then there is a whole lot of "stuff" about what and how we alcoholics should do about our problem. Details about steps to take, things to do, etc...

It's an instruction manual, it's an interesting story,

I keep wanting to describe it as the "AA Bible".... But that's just not right. How about we call it the "AA Manual". You know how when you buy a new TV you get a users manual? Well, when you decide to get sober, the big book is the users manual to your new life.

But most importantly, above all else, for drunks like me, it's a source of hope.

**Dee74** · 08-04-2009, 11:58 PM

thanks for sharing that experience SU

D

louis · 08-05-2009, 12:00 AM

Hi...

I loved what you said.... I was given my Bigbook after about a week of walking through the doors of AA... I have 2 books and a pocket sized version.... bu that first one meant so much to me... just the fact someone would give me something... someone they didnt know... but could see strugglingi guess... It meant so much to me....

A friend said to me... you dont buy your own book... i was embarrassed at the cost they went to... but they said... when it comes your time... you buy a book for someone else that needs it....

And thats the way i see AA.... its helping eachother out until we can stand on our own two feet... and when we can... we simply pass what we have been given on...

I have only been going to AA 6 months... and i am not the greatest atendee but i do pass on whatever i learn... its the least i can do.... it has helped me....

Thanks for the post.... it made me smile today...

tallcactus · 08-05-2009, 12:07 AM

(subliminalurge)
Hello and welcome. Thanks for sharing, it truely touched my heart and soul. Kinda filled up a crack/hole in my weary heart

"We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.' I needed to hear that today.

subliminalurge · 08-05-2009, 12:15 AM

Oh man, I just read my post and there's something I need to clarify.....

That thing I said about "always worse, never better"....

Yeah, that's about drinking and the results of it.

I assumed, stupidly, that the only people I was talking to had read the book and would automatically "get it".

I posted that right after I got home from a meeting that was mostly old-timers, and I was still in that frame of mind. Now that I look back at it, I can see how a newcomer might think I just meant "life in general".

Newcomers, that's NOT what I meant!

vegibean · 08-05-2009, 04:59 AM

LOVE my Big Book!!! Thanks for an excellent post.

Tazman53 · 08-05-2009, 06:39 AM

subliminalurge thanks for that share, I was given my Big Book at my first meeting, I am thankful it was a hard copy because it would have wound up in the trash if it had been a paperback one. I was drunk as a skunk at that meeting and it was 5 years later before my butt was totally kicked and I went to another one. I have notes, highlights in numerous colors, and a bunch of phone number, one of the phone numbers is that of an old timer who died sober, I was blessed to visit him in the hospital the day before he passed, he was at peace with the world as he waited to meet his maker, he had no fear and held no resentments, he had made his amends long before he hit his death bed.

Rob B · 08-05-2009, 06:49 AM

The Big Book is the cumulative experience of the 1st men and women who got sober and stayed sober using spiritual principles. It is a text book filled with prayers and actions to take. If you follow these directions I believe you wil recover.

I have been guilty of worshiping the book, meetings, guru's etc. When actually, they are fingers pointing to the real power..God of my understanding.

littlefish · 08-05-2009, 03:30 PM

The big book also has a large section of stories or recovery: how it was and how it is. I really like that section because it is offers such a wide spectrum of experiences with drinking and experiences with recovery.

Charmie · 08-05-2009, 04:12 PM

thank you for your share subliminal..excellent.

**Astro** · 08-05-2009, 05:28 PM

Awesome post subliminal, exactly what I needed to read today.

Here's a link to the AA website, you can read the BB and 12&12 online Alcoholics Anonymous : Click on the Book You Would Like to Read

Believe808 · 08-05-2009, 05:45 PM

I was given my first Big Book 20 years ago and I still have it even though I went back out. Truth is it does get worse, not better.
This time around I was given a new copy but I still have the old one too. Just can't get rid of it even though there is a newer edition. Thanks for the thread Sub.

Wolfchild · 08-05-2009, 07:24 PM

i've given many Big Books away, even ran home occasionaly to get a coin the meeting was out of. It's a simple matter of putting my gratitude into action. i purchased my Big Book, but i freely share the message of hope & freedom contained within those pages. Thank you for starting this thread!!

barb dwyer · 08-05-2009, 11:21 PM

I love my little big book.
It's the same one I was given the first time I went to AA.
IT's not falling apart yet, it's got that 'well worn' look, though.

When I went back out the first time,
I'd often open that book and read while freaking out after another blackout.

WHat a black time that was.

1_day@_a_time · 08-06-2009, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by subliminalurge

Forgive me if this turns out to be long.

Wow, when the book says it only gets worse, never better, it's right on the money.

I've been trying to get sober for years now. First attempt was, oh, probably 10, maybe 12 years ago. Somewhere around Halloween of 2004 I had a particularly bad night. The kind of night where you wake up the next morning and say "I need help". So I picked up the phone book, called the number listed for AA, and they told me where to find a meeting close to home that night. I went. One of the things that they do at that meeting during the opening announcements is to ask "Is there anybody here tonight for their first AA meeting ever?". Every fiber of my being wanted to just ignore that, sit down, and not say anything. I was in the middle of full blown withdrawals, I was freezing cold but still sweating like a pig, whole body shaking life a leaf, focusing most of my attention on just not puking on the floor. Oh, and a broken nose that I had no explanation for. So, yeah, staying seated sounded like the best plan.

I'm not sure what happened, but at the very last minute something came over my mind (probably desperation), and I forced myself onto my feet in front of 300+ perfect strangers and said "I'm Corey, and I'm an alcoholic". I wasn't expecting it to, but it felt good. I sat there for the rest of the meeting, trying not to puke (I made it), and just hoping it would end soon so I could go home and fall into bed.

One of the other things they do at that meeting is a raffle. You pay a dollar for a few tickets, then they spend a few minutes, well, you all know what a raffle is....

At the end of that meeting, the woman who won the big book in the raffle walked up to me and said "Here, take this". Not sure who it was, but I'm sure she's still around. Hell I probably know her pretty well now.

That's my Big Book. And that's how I got it.

That book is falling apart. The cover is ruined, there are chocolate milk stains on it from trying to keep my sugar levels up when I first dried out. There are pages falling out, and I've written in it so much that you can't even read some pages anymore. I actually keep rolls of tape on hand just to keep it patched together. But I don't want a new one. I've bought new ones for newcomers, and when I'm lucky enough to win one in a raffle, I find someone who needs it.

Even when the day comes that it's too beat up to use and I have to get another one, or they release a new edition, that will always be my "real big book".

It's not just a book to me. It's not even "just" the big book to me. That book will, for the rest of my life, always be a reminder of how we drunks have to stick together, 'cuz no one else out there is going to. And that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams big book, is always going to be my reminder that when I go to a meeting thinking that I just want to say Hi to a few friends, the real reason I'm there is to find that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams human being.

That woman who gave me that book that night probably didn't think much of it. She had just gotten it for free, and she already had one, so what the hell? It changed my life.

We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.

Thank you for your excellent message of hope!!!

subliminalurge · 08-06-2009, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

WHat a black time that was.

Some of the darkest, most depressing memories I have are evenings that I sat alone, the Big Book in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other, realizing the joy and happiness that was available to me, but still not being able to put the glass down.

It's true when they say that alcoholics know a loneliness like no other.

Thank God we have a way out of that hell.

**Astro** · 08-06-2009, 11:19 AM

Can't be anything much worse than a head full of AA and a belly full of booze, except for maybe death.

subliminalurge · 08-06-2009, 11:52 AM

And that's still a "maybe".

Charmie · 08-07-2009, 04:05 AM

oooh astro,you couldnt be more right!

Tazman53 · 08-07-2009, 05:34 AM

Astro you say

Quote:

Can't be anything much worse than a head full of AA and a belly full of booze, except for maybe death.

Think about it, were there not times when death seemed like it would be a relief? I thought of it quite often sitting alone in my garage drinking.

geekorunique · 08-07-2009, 06:03 AM

I had totally lost my gratitude for AA and I've never really read the big book except when I was going through my steps. You've made me realise why there is a still a bit of a hole in my soul.

So thanks - your small gesture has made a huge impact

Wishing you love and blessings today and always

Kirstie xxx

08-04-2009, 11:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
subliminalurge Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Right here. Posts: 105	The Big Book Forgive me if this turns out to be long. Wow, when the book says it only gets worse, never better, it's right on the money. I've been trying to get sober for years now. First attempt was, oh, probably 10, maybe 12 years ago. Somewhere around Halloween of 2004 I had a particularly bad night. The kind of night where you wake up the next morning and say "I need help". So I picked up the phone book, called the number listed for AA, and they told me where to find a meeting close to home that night. I went. One of the things that they do at that meeting during the opening announcements is to ask "Is there anybody here tonight for their first AA meeting ever?". Every fiber of my being wanted to just ignore that, sit down, and not say anything. I was in the middle of full blown withdrawals, I was freezing cold but still sweating like a pig, whole body shaking life a leaf, focusing most of my attention on just not puking on the floor. Oh, and a broken nose that I had no explanation for. So, yeah, staying seated sounded like the best plan. I'm not sure what happened, but at the very last minute something came over my mind (probably desperation), and I forced myself onto my feet in front of 300+ perfect strangers and said "I'm Corey, and I'm an alcoholic". I wasn't expecting it to, but it felt good. I sat there for the rest of the meeting, trying not to puke (I made it), and just hoping it would end soon so I could go home and fall into bed. One of the other things they do at that meeting is a raffle. You pay a dollar for a few tickets, then they spend a few minutes, well, you all know what a raffle is.... At the end of that meeting, the woman who won the big book in the raffle walked up to me and said "Here, take this". Not sure who it was, but I'm sure she's still around. Hell I probably know her pretty well now. That's my Big Book. And that's how I got it. That book is falling apart. The cover is ruined, there are chocolate milk stains on it from trying to keep my sugar levels up when I first dried out. There are pages falling out, and I've written in it so much that you can't even read some pages anymore. I actually keep rolls of tape on hand just to keep it patched together. But I don't want a new one. I've bought new ones for newcomers, and when I'm lucky enough to win one in a raffle, I find someone who needs it. Even when the day comes that it's too beat up to use and I have to get another one, or they release a new edition, that will always be my "real big book". It's not just a book to me. It's not even "just" the big book to me. That book will, for the rest of my life, always be a reminder of how we drunks have to stick together, 'cuz no one else out there is going to. And that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams big book, is always going to be my reminder that when I go to a meeting thinking that I just want to say Hi to a few friends, the real reason I'm there is to find that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams human being. That woman who gave me that book that night probably didn't think much of it. She had just gotten it for free, and she already had one, so what the hell? It changed my life. We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering. __________________ Keep holding on when my brain's tickin' like a bomb... Last edited by subliminalurge; 08-04-2009 at 11:46 PM.

08-04-2009, 11:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 42,196	thanks for sharing that experience SU D __________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

08-05-2009, 12:15 AM	#7 (permalink)
subliminalurge Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Right here. Posts: 105	Oh man, I just read my post and there's something I need to clarify..... That thing I said about "always worse, never better".... Yeah, that's about drinking and the results of it. I assumed, stupidly, that the only people I was talking to had read the book and would automatically "get it". I posted that right after I got home from a meeting that was mostly old-timers, and I was still in that frame of mind. Now that I look back at it, I can see how a newcomer might think I just meant "life in general". Newcomers, that's NOT what I meant! __________________ Keep holding on when my brain's tickin' like a bomb...

08-05-2009, 06:39 AM	#9 (permalink)
Tazman53 Follow Directions! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Fredericksburg, Va. Posts: 9,745	subliminalurge thanks for that share, I was given my Big Book at my first meeting, I am thankful it was a hard copy because it would have wound up in the trash if it had been a paperback one. I was drunk as a skunk at that meeting and it was 5 years later before my butt was totally kicked and I went to another one. I have notes, highlights in numerous colors, and a bunch of phone number, one of the phone numbers is that of an old timer who died sober, I was blessed to visit him in the hospital the day before he passed, he was at peace with the world as he waited to meet his maker, he had no fear and held no resentments, he had made his amends long before he hit his death bed. __________________ All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB Follow directions! Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006 Sober today thanks to AA

08-05-2009, 05:28 PM	#13 (permalink)
Astro Forum Leader Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family! Posts: 11,826	Awesome post subliminal, exactly what I needed to read today. Here's a link to the AA website, you can read the BB and 12&12 online Alcoholics Anonymous : Click on the Book You Would Like to Read __________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW-What a ride!"

08-04-2009, 11:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
TooMuchRum Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 66	This may sound like a dumb question, but haven't been to an AA meeting yet and keep seeing references to the "big book". What exactly is the "big book"?

08-05-2009, 12:00 AM	#5 (permalink)
louis Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways! Posts: 1,138	Hi... I loved what you said.... I was given my Bigbook after about a week of walking through the doors of AA... I have 2 books and a pocket sized version.... bu that first one meant so much to me... just the fact someone would give me something... someone they didnt know... but could see strugglingi guess... It meant so much to me.... A friend said to me... you dont buy your own book... i was embarrassed at the cost they went to... but they said... when it comes your time... you buy a book for someone else that needs it.... And thats the way i see AA.... its helping eachother out until we can stand on our own two feet... and when we can... we simply pass what we have been given on... I have only been going to AA 6 months... and i am not the greatest atendee but i do pass on whatever i learn... its the least i can do.... it has helped me.... Thanks for the post.... it made me smile today...

08-05-2009, 12:07 AM	#6 (permalink)
tallcactus Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 915	(subliminalurge) Hello and welcome. Thanks for sharing, it truely touched my heart and soul. Kinda filled up a crack/hole in my weary heart "We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.' I needed to hear that today.

08-05-2009, 04:59 AM	#8 (permalink)
vegibean Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: SE and then South some more Posts: 1,872	LOVE my Big Book!!! Thanks for an excellent post.

08-05-2009, 06:49 AM	#10 (permalink)
Rob B Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Southern New Hampshire Posts: 747 Blog Entries: 5	The Big Book is the cumulative experience of the 1st men and women who got sober and stayed sober using spiritual principles. It is a text book filled with prayers and actions to take. If you follow these directions I believe you wil recover. I have been guilty of worshiping the book, meetings, guru's etc. When actually, they are fingers pointing to the real power..God of my understanding.

08-05-2009, 03:30 PM	#11 (permalink)
littlefish Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Sweden Posts: 1,216	The big book also has a large section of stories or recovery: how it was and how it is. I really like that section because it is offers such a wide spectrum of experiences with drinking and experiences with recovery.

08-05-2009, 04:12 PM	#12 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,321	thank you for your share subliminal..excellent.

08-05-2009, 05:45 PM	#14 (permalink)
Believe808 Miracles Happen Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 9,977	I was given my first Big Book 20 years ago and I still have it even though I went back out. Truth is it does get worse, not better. This time around I was given a new copy but I still have the old one too. Just can't get rid of it even though there is a newer edition. Thanks for the thread Sub.

08-05-2009, 07:24 PM	#15 (permalink)
Wolfchild Disposable Hero Tournaments Won: 3 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Being, ME Posts: 3,758 Blog Entries: 3	i've given many Big Books away, even ran home occasionaly to get a coin the meeting was out of. It's a simple matter of putting my gratitude into action. i purchased my Big Book, but i freely share the message of hope & freedom contained within those pages. Thank you for starting this thread!! __________________ Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth

08-05-2009, 11:21 PM	#16 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 10,933 Blog Entries: 7	I love my little big book. It's the same one I was given the first time I went to AA. IT's not falling apart yet, it's got that 'well worn' look, though. When I went back out the first time, I'd often open that book and read while freaking out after another blackout. WHat a black time that was. __________________ Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad.

08-06-2009, 11:19 AM	#19 (permalink)
Astro Forum Leader Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family! Posts: 11,826	Can't be anything much worse than a head full of AA and a belly full of booze, except for maybe death. __________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW-What a ride!"

08-06-2009, 11:52 AM	#20 (permalink)
subliminalurge Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Right here. Posts: 105	And that's still a "maybe". __________________ Keep holding on when my brain's tickin' like a bomb...

08-07-2009, 04:05 AM	#21 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,321	oooh astro,you couldnt be more right!

08-07-2009, 06:03 AM	#23 (permalink)
geekorunique KCB.com/justfortoday :-) Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 166 Blog Entries: 2	I had totally lost my gratitude for AA and I've never really read the big book except when I was going through my steps. You've made me realise why there is a still a bit of a hole in my soul. So thanks - your small gesture has made a huge impact Wishing you love and blessings today and always Kirstie xxx __________________ Directions to AA: Just go straight to hell and make a U-turn.

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