Cutting down instead of quitting

[effortjoy]

I chose to drink on vacation, and I'm not sure I regret it. It definitely made some days easier. Now I'm thinking I should go back to drinking on weekends instead of the daily drinking I used to do. Did anyone succeed in cutting down instead of quitting?

[51anna]

Addicts can't control their drinking.

If you are not an addict, then drinking on weekends should work for you.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by effortjoy

Did anyone succeed in cutting down instead of quitting?

Tried it many times, but can't say it ever worked. I think the Big Book says it best......

We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

Big Book quote from the 1st Edition of Alcoholics Anonymous, pgs. 31 & 32.

[shelly009]

Let me know if it works for you... something I have thought of trying but not sure I can do it. I was never an everyday drinker or anything, more of a every second or third day type girl. I just got sick and tired of how much time I devoted to it. Yuk.

Drinking on weekends would still steal away all those hours of things I would rather be doing than drinking I think...

Dunno, let me know how it works for you

[NewBeginning010]

Originally Posted by shelly009

Let me know if it works for you... something I have thought of trying but not sure I can do it. I was never an everyday drinker or anything, more of a every second or third day type girl. I just got sick and tired of how much time I devoted to it. Yuk.

Drinking on weekends would still steal away all those hours of things I would rather be doing than drinking I think...

Dunno, let me know how it works for you

Originally Posted by shelly009

This is embarrassing because I am a wife and a mother and should know better but over the last 3 years alcohol has seemed to have gotten the better of me. We have always drank, my husband and I, socially and were often the ones hosting the parties and BBQs for the last 10 years. We always had a great turn out and everyone had alot of fun... I have never been one to get completely wasted where I would be slurring, falling down or starting fights. For the most part I was a really happy drunk.

About 2 years ago, I noticed that I was getting drunker than usual and wanting to drink by myself at night even when there was nothing going on. I found myself hanging out with friends I wouldnt normally hangout with just because I knew they would be drinking. I can handle alot of booze for someone my size (5'5 145 lbs) I was drinking about 10 drinks 3-4 nights a week. I never seemed that drunk, my hangovers were never that bad and the kids never really saw me drinking (always after they were asleep) so I guess no one really noticed.

I finally told my husband that I wanted to quit and he said "Cant you just moderate, dont F*&! this up for everyone else" Again, our social life was quite a huge part of our existance and he felt like he had no problem moderating his drinking.

ANYWAY... to skip ahead, over the last year things are still on a progressive downhill. I still havnt hit a huge bottom - unless kicking my husband out of the house after coming home drunk last week counts - but I have decided that I no longer want drinking and the party atmosphere in my life anymore. I was always afraid that I would lose my lifestyle and my husband if I couldnt learn to moderate my drinking... but I cant and I know that now... so as far as I am concerned, if my friends and husband cant understand I am better off without them.

This is day 2 for me and I couldnt be happier... I plan to stick around. Great to meet you all.

Shelly... dont even "think" about it. You know what will end up happening. You are doing so well, stop it.

----

effortjoy - I haven't had a chance to look at your first posts but if you can have a couple of beers & call it a night... good for you enjoy!

---

For me, 1 drink and I am done... not because of 1 drink its the many more that follow it

[least]

I tried to 'control' my drinking, but cutting down never worked for me cause I always ended up drinking the whole bottle or more. It's easier for me to quit entirely.

[NewBeginning010]

Ok I looked back at your first post & your not getting some kind of free pass endorsement from me ;-)

You might really want to reconsider this one before you think about your "cutting back" weekend program.

Originally Posted by effortjoy

This is my fifth day of quitting. I am living in a foreign country and cannot find a suitable AA group though I think that I need one. Are there AA groups online? I never hit 'rock bottom' so I think I am still wavering between defining myself as a person who likes to drink and an alcoholic. Here's a summary of my story:
Started drinking when I was thirteen years old but mostly only in the summers or sometimes on weekends. I was a student in an elite private school and stayed at the top of my class. I had divorced parents and an absent mother, and starting when I was sixteen I started drinking to numb the pain of being ignored. Still the drinking was somewhat under control and I was accepted to an Ivy League college where I maintained a high average while getting drunk every weekend. After college I got married and stopped drinking for a few years. But soon the stress of moving to a foreign country, having three kids under the age of three and completing my Masters at the same time became too much. I started drinking every now and then but not every day. Then my beloved grandmother passed away and I lost it. She was the only one who cared about me when I was growing up. I started drinking every day, but only when I thought it was safe. Not when I was working. Never before driving. And never before my husband was available to care for the children. I stopped when I became pregnant again four years later and I stayed sober throughout the pregnancy though I longed for a drink. Began drinking again after the baby was born but never in a way that could hurt my children. Never drank in the morning. Never when I was alone caring for my children etc. Continued to work, maintain a near spotless household, drove carpool (always sober) and drank more each day in the late afternoon. I never slurred my speech or acted crazy so I don't think my husband even knew though my drinking definitely bothered him at times. I was drinking a least a bottle of wine a day or half a bottle of Absolute. One day I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. Though I always ran and maintained my weight even during the worst of my drinking binges- I looked bloated, dark circles under the eyes, bloodshot eyes and my once sharp thinking abilities were definitely dulling into "brain fog." I didn't want to be this kind of mother. I didn't want to be this kind of person. So I stopped on my own, but I don't know if i can keep going. I'm exhausted and all the ordinary stresses of my life are still here and I can't even tell my husband because I don't want him to think that I'm an alcoholic. I can't tell anybody really, and I feel so alone and so vulnerable to starting again. The real problem is that drinking made me more patient, more fun and I was still leading a normal life on the outside. What should I do?

[1_day@_a_time]

just because it may or may not work for someone else is not a consideration for me & probably any of us either..........

[shelly009]

Shelly... dont even "think" about it. You know what will end up happening. You are doing so well, stop it.

Thanks!! I needed that. Pulling up old posts, you sneak! But good on ya.

When we start to feel better we forget just how rotten drinking actually is.

[NEOMARXIST]

I wan't the good-times but get real f*cked off during the lows. I have just got back from a house of people who drink/drug very,very heavily but I think the thing that sets me apart from them is that the "Lows" that I get when coming down are indescribably 'Low' to the point where I wonder how they can keep doing it, I certainly couldn't and I think that is fundamental as well when it comes to heavy drinker vs alcoholic. I literally can't cope during the comedown and don't "want! to feel like it. 'They' just accept it and move on.

No-one EVER regretted not drinking in the great-scheme of things. My "conscience" really bugs me too, some people just don't care but I do. Damn Jimimy cricket (or whatever it's called) haha

My advice is dont drink to be honest, ain't worth it but it sure gets ya by the B*llocks.

[NewBeginning010]

Originally Posted by shelly009

Thanks!! I needed that. Pulling up old posts, you sneak! But good on ya.

When we start to feel better we forget just how rotten drinking actually is.

Sorry hehe, all is fair in sobriety & war ;-)

Feel free to pull up my first post when I post about the possibility of drinking again or look like I am starting to slip.

Take Care,

NB

[Philly]

Effortjoy, Don't think I met anyone who could have one or two drinks after thinking they had a problem. I am not ready to try. My feeling is some probably do go back to a few after thinking they were drinking too much but I think they were never on this site. I do believe that only people who think they have a problem would look for a website for alcoholics which is one of the sayings "if you think you have a problem you probably do". Good luck and stick around for a while.

[smacked]

Every time I tried, I ended up worse off than before.

I finally decided to stop the madness for good, and have never regretted it. As long as the thought is just gone, that I'll ever drink again.. I find myself never thinking of it

[brokenhalo]

no. in my experience, when i "cut back" it just meant i was still drinking just as much, but hiding it and spinning lies to cover it up. i even believed i "cut back".

bh

[littlefish]

It seems that you are not sure whether you are an alcoholic or not. That is a valid question; a person who is not an alcoholic can step back and walk away from the booze without feeling deprived, or without obsessing about it. An alcoholic can't step back and walk away. We inevitably experience that moment when we find ourselves wanting to go back for more, obsessing over why we can/can't, should/shouldn't drink, wanting to drink anyway, finding the resolve not to, but then caving and drinking in the end....etc, etc.

A normal person doesn't go through that array of emotions.

My husband can leave a bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter for weeks. Walk by it several times a day and not even register it is there. That is impossible for me. After ten minutes, the bottle is talking to me. After twenty minutes, it starts singing. A little label appears round the neck of the bottle: it says: "drink me". It changes sizes too: it grows ten feet tall and the rest of the house and the back yard disappear. There is nothing else in the world but me and that bottle. After 30 minutes, I am ready for the Betty Ford hotline.

Yeah, it turns real Alice in Wonderland around here when there is a bottle of alcohol loose in my house. (There is alcohol in my house, in a locked liquor cabinet, I put the lock on it and my family cooperates.) Maybe in a few months, or years, I can handle having liquor in my house. But for now, I can't.

Ordinary people can cut down, but for most alcoholics, if not all, cutting down means "postponing".

I'll go ahead and repeat the best advice you've gotten here: just perform the test mentioned earlier in this thread.

I also live in a foreign country and found an active international AA group with English speakers. My home group is Swedish speaking.

[jamdls]

almost every 'day after' I would say I was going to cut down, it never worked for me. I haven't had a drink in nearly 2 years and life is wonderful. I have no doubt that I could go out right now and have just 1 or 2 drinks w/o a problem, but I also know that the next time I'd likely say "ok I had 2 now I can have 3" and so on and so on. I have somehow brainwashed myself (and I'm happy that I have) so that even the smell of alchol and sometimes just the thought of it makes me nauseated, I've also convinced myself that having more than 1 or 2 will kill me and it won't be a slow death but a painful 1 so I won't drink.

[luckedog]

I’ve tried "cutting back Thousands of times before I QUIT. It seem, at least for me that drinking is A PROGRESSIVE thing. I started with beer only, then a few shots with the beer, before i quit it was straight alcohol only- I preferred 100 proof!. at the first I drank only on special occasions- 25 yrs ago, at the last I would rather drink alone.
I am sure everyone is different- my wife can drink one beer and quit- I never could, it just got worse and worse. maybe you can handle it, only time will tell if, I knew then what I know now I would never have started in the first place. Drinking has caused me too much pain and misery!!

[Jane47]

Cutting down never has worked for me.
The last time I thought it would be ok to have a beer or two, nearly a whole month went by before I could get sober again.

[Dee74]

Hi effortjoy

I know what the answer is for me - I hope you find the answer for you, and I hope its the one you want.

D

[eddie73]

Whats wrong with not drinking??

Honestly, its just a well marketed idea that drinking is where its at. From my brief time being sober, I feel great, not world record great but content. I wouldnt feel this way should i go back drinking, as I know for a fact that after a week of 'moderate social drinking' I would be as bad as ever.

I wouldnt take the chance. Instead, take up a passtime that u used to do as a kid and join a group dedicated to it. Invest the same amount of time doing it and see how u feel in a month.

[hopeful999]

Effortjoy, I think this is a fair question. I don't have the answer to it (for myself) or for you either. I have thought about eliminating all of the "alone drinking" I have been doing (which is destructive and unsatisfying) but retaining a small amount of social drinking. I can control my drinking better when I'm drinking with someone else and I actually don't go out very often. I have not yet decided if this is something I want to try, or can handle, but the thought has crossed my mind time and time again. I think most people on here will say it's easier to quit fully rather than trying to moderate. Fair enough. I may get to that conclusion myself, but for now I'm still bouncing around ideas. Somehow the idea of never being able to drink ever ever again, in any situation, isn't sitting well with me. So, I'm just being honest and I know this is an unpopular opinion on here, but I think it's fair to look at all of your options and make the best decision for you.

[sfgirl]

I tried controlled drinking for three years— it did not work for me. It was hell. Anna said it best: if you are an addict, it will not work, if you are not, no problem. You'll figure it out soon enough.

However, the conclusion you are most likely to come to, in my own experience is that you can't control alcohol, not necessarily that abstinence is the answer. While intellectually you might know that abstinence is key, trying to internalize that is hard and you can be stuck in this limbo state where alcohol has lost its allure but you aren't ready to give it up.

I did all these experiments myself. So while you probably will ultimately have to figure it out on your own if I could give you advice I would say get back on the wagon. You are so early in sobriety that your brain is still very much under the effects of your alcoholism. It gets better but it is a slow and at times arduous process. It is extremely worth it. I would not trade sobriety in for anything and this weekend I was in Hawaii at one of the most ideal parties that would have only been fun if I had been drinking. It was the kind of thing that working on my recovery made me able to be okay with not fully participating in but at the same time understanding how this was fully a pinnacle of my old life. And I did not have physical or emotional cravings for booze. But recovery is so little about not drinking once you get past the first 6 months to a year and that is when it gets good.

My hunch is that you are an alcoholic because otherwise staying sober would have been easier for you. If you do go back to controlled drinking, I would try to work on noticing your mind regarding alcohol. Do you spend a lot of energy thinking about when and where you are going to allow yourself to drink? Do you plan activities around "acceptable" drinking events? How hard is it to stop once you start? Do you have to remove yourself from the situation? If when you start those exercises and find that there is nothing to notice— it is so easy that it is effortless then you probably have no problem. If on the other hand you notice the large amount of mental and emotional energy going to keeping your alcohol consumption in check you might want to ask yourself if it is worth the extra energy. Through abstinence all that energy expenditure gradually diminishes to nothing and shifts to positive self-growth.

[Dee74]

I think most of us come to this crossroads Laura - and most of us decide to keep drinking.

It was certainly the wrong decision in my case - I didn't get better, I got worse - and I couldn't stop.

I can't tell you or effortjoy or anyone else what to do, but please - think carefully - think about the times you couldn't control it - what makes you think that's changed?

D

[keithj]

This is a fine option if you're not an alcoholic. If you are, then good luck with it.

If you think you can drink and control it, then drink and control it. If you think it won't get worse, then drink and see if it gets worse. Experience is the best teacher.

Alcoholics are the only people I know who, when given the choice of dying a slow, alcoholic death and all that comes with it, and the choice of recovering, actually have to weigh their options.

[mistycshore]

Controlling my drinking sounds pretty hellish to me. So I can have, like, two beers and stop? Why would I want to do that? I don't drink because I love the taste of the stuff. I drink it because of what it does for me, which sums up like this: Makes reality go away. A few beers can't do that for me. If I could have it only on weekends, what would be the point of living through the week? It just sounds nasty to me. I'd rather either drink or not. It seems easier to me than trying to control my drinking. Non-alcoholic people don't put effort into controlling their drinking; they don't have to.