Cutting down instead of quitting

[shaun00]

Originally Posted by effortjoy

I chose to drink on vacation, and I'm not sure I regret it. It definitely made some days easier. Now I'm thinking I should go back to drinking on weekends instead of the daily drinking I used to do. Did anyone succeed in cutting down instead of quitting?

ive never known an alcoholic to have any success with limiting their drinking.
i have known plenty that tried........without success......some never got back.

ive known a couple of guys that had drinking problems......hard drinkers i guess......once there life situation improved..ie the wife came back..or they got another job..they managed to reduce their drinking and to my knowlege still manage to have some element of control...

maybe its time you look at your drinking with gut level honesty..alcoholics will do almost anything to keep drinking and that includes telling ourselves( and believeing it) that there maybe a chance we can control it.

Are you an alcoholic?......what makes you think your an alcoholic..?
and if you are....then maybe read the replys above.....theres a few alkies there..

people that can control there drinking dont normal end up at a www sober site in my experience.

[SurviveIt]

Originally Posted by effortjoy

I chose to drink on vacation, and I'm not sure I regret it. It definitely made some days easier. Now I'm thinking I should go back to drinking on weekends instead of the daily drinking I used to do. Did anyone succeed in cutting down instead of quitting?

I "succeeded" at that for about 12 years. In the 13th year, I realized that the main thing I had succeeded in doing was destroying my life.

Why would you want to put yourself through that, always wanting more? It's so much easier to just not do it at all.

[BP44]

If you hope you can drink, then I hope it for you. Not really sure what the purpose of announcing it is. I have yet to see an alcoholic come bounding back into the rooms shrieking, " I've found a way to make it work out there!!!!!" " I can control and enjoy my drinking!!!!" But then again, you may be the first. Actually, I'd have to go look at your earlier posts and see if you found yourself to be alcoholic for it to matter.

[NEOMARXIST]

it truly isn't easier to not do it at all, if it was I'd have not had the two big relapses I've had since joining this site in May, I mean when I read those posts (and when I wrote them) I was adamant and confident I could grasp permant sobriety but Boom, few weeks down the line lets get wrecked again. But moderating drinking ain't in the equation for me when I get wrecked. I get wrecked. I find alcohol such a tricky one because I DO truly love the taste and (initial) feeling but boy when the monster is unleashed there ain't no stopping it untill pass out 3 days later.

[NEOMARXIST]

*which looks somewhat appealing about 3-4 weeks down the line.* Just so EASY to buy beers in England, it's literally everywhere.

[SurviveIt]

Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST

it truly isn't easier to not do it at all, if it was I'd have not had the two big relapses I've had since joining this site in May, I mean when I read those posts (and when I wrote them) I was adamant and confident I could grasp permant sobriety but Boom, few weeks down the line lets get wrecked again. But moderating drinking ain't in the equation for me when I get wrecked. I get wrecked. I find alcohol such a tricky one because I DO truly love the taste and (initial) feeling but boy when the monster is unleashed there ain't no stopping it untill pass out 3 days later.

You're a different kind of drinker than I was. I "moderated" pretty well, but it was hell because I hardly ever got as much as I wanted... and on those nights I went ape.

I don't buy that alcoholics can't moderate their drinking. Some of us can, but it takes a hell of a lot more effort than just not drinking at all. AND you keep figuring out ways to rationalize "upping the dose." AND it still ends up sinking you in the end.

Why put yourself through that? Maybe it's not "easier," but it's a lot simpler for me anyway.

[NewLeaf]

Originally Posted by Dee74

I think most of us come to this crossroads Laura - and most of us decide to keep drinking.

It was certainly the wrong decision in my case - I didn't get better, I got worse - and I couldn't stop.

I can't tell you or effortjoy or anyone else what to do, but please - think carefully - think about the times you couldn't control it - what makes you think that's changed?

D

Was looking at the frosty martini shaker on the kitchen counter my husband's filled for his first post-work, pre-dinner cocktail.

Thanks for sharing Dee. I needed this.

[NEOMARXIST]

I guess that's a good point that you can still be an alcoholic but not drink to blackout everytime. When it comes to drinking my idea of moderation is a binge-drink once a week instead of 3 times. I just have never been able to grasp how you wouldn't/could only wish to drink untill a slight-buzz. I guess thats growing up in a massive binge-drinking culture in England. I'm raring to go when I feel the buzz and nothing ain't stopping me. Feels tooo good to leave alone. it's a weird one aye.

[nogard]

Not this fluffly little addict, I am an addict and that means I have no stop button, I have an allergy to any mind or mood altering substance, I am powerless over it, it gives me no choices.

[Dee74]

I just have never been able to grasp how you wouldn't/could only wish to drink untill a slight-buzz. I guess thats growing up in a massive binge-drinking culture in England.

actually thats being an alcoholic Neo.

Naturally, the Australian culture is very similar, but lots of people grow out of it, or never buy into it, y'know?

D

[Iriss]

A therapist once said these words " Trying to control something we are not sure we have a problem with, proves exactly that we do have a problem with it, or we would not try to control it". This didnt stop me from trying though, sadly it didnt work for me, but maybe it could work for you, I guess the only way we find these thing out is by trying. Good luck x

[TTOSBT]

Hi effortjoy,

Before I responded I went back and read your other 20 posts and to be honest, I am very sad for you.

From all of your other posts, it sure seems like you have a problem and have lived some consequences. But you are still struggling with the label.

Unfortunately I also see that you are struggling with this idea of how others see you, built up in your mind and you are trying to live up to that.

That was me last April. Until I hit bottom and had to admit to myself and to my husband that I had a problem. My husband does not drink either (like yours, just by choice). He can accept a beer on a rare occasion, drink a few drinks of it and then set it down and forget about it. So he had NO idea how much I drank, nor did he believe that I was an alcoholic. He still is not sure about it but he is happy to accept that I believe I am and have chosen to recover. All that matters to him is that I am happier than I have been in the last decade. I am SO comfortable in my own skin today. I never feel less than or better than anymore. I can just be. It is a freedom I did not know I was missing.

And just curious...you were on vacation and drinking made some days EASIER? Can you expand on that? What was so hard on vacation that it needed alcohol to make it easier?

I wish you peace. No matter what you decide to do.

[Hevyn]

No, I could not moderate, but oh how I wanted to. I tried for 20 years to do it and failed spectacularly. I fooled myself a few times, thinking it was working, but it always came back to the same hellish rollercoaster ride. In the end, I almost lost my life. I hope these answers help you with your decision. Please be careful.

[Bamboozle]

The last time I relapsed I tried to stick with drinking only a few a day...and that quickly turned into several times that amount.

I know I can't do it.

[effortjoy]

On vacation drinking was relaxing but it wasn't moderate. I know that I won't be able to moderate, but I guess I thought maybe I could drink a bottle of wine once a week. Would that still be considered alcoholism? I used to only drink on weekends even though I got drunk every time I drank, my life seemed normal then. Don't most people get drunk once a week?

[Hevyn]

Probably not, effort! All my friends/family manage to stick to one or two drinks, even on the holidays. No one but me ever drank to get wasted. I once found that so annoying - like why bother drinking at all if you're not going to get buzzed? Now I see how crazy that thinking was.

[Dee74]

Don't most people get drunk once a week?

I have no idea, effortjoy. Once I would have sworn yes, of course they did. Now, like Joanie, I doubt it.

As a reference point, I do know that USA guidelines on moderate drinking suggest

The Guidelines emphasize moderation for those who choose to drink –defined as the consumption of up to one drink a day for women and up to two drinks a day for men

5 fluid ounces of wine, 12 fluid ounces of regular beer, or 1.5 fluid ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits count as one drink for purposes of explaining moderation.

That's a whole lot less than your one bottle at one sitting EJ.

I don't mean to be seen as targeting you but everytime you post, I see things I used to say or think and they spring up out of the screen at me....and you still seem unsure, so I'll play devils advocate.

This is such a red flag, effortjoy -

I used to only drink on weekends even though I got drunk every time I drank, my life seemed normal then.

For me, its not so much how much someone drinks, or how often, cos that varies so much from person to person- for me, its whether they drink til they drop and why they drink - and your reason is a doozy, EJ.

If drinking makes life 'normal', will one bottle on a Friday night be enough?

You used to drink only on weekends?
so....what happened?
How are you going to make sure that doesn't happen again?

D

[hopeful999]

Hey effortjoy, after hearing that you were NOT able to moderate your drinking on vacation, I will change my stance on this and say you should NOT continue drinking. It doesn't sound healthy at all, even drinking a bottle of wine in one sitting once a week. When I was talking about moderating I was thinking 1-2 drinks in one night over the weekend. If you can't do that, I would say it's a bad idea.

I actually don't think most people get drunk once a week. I see alcohol everyone --- it's all over the place at events I go to. Heck, it's what adults do for fun. But I do believe that most people don't drink to get drunk.

Keep thinking through this and let us know how things go.

[keithj]

Originally Posted by effortjoy

Don't most people get drunk once a week?

What most people do really has nothing to do with it. The BB talks about how we see others drinking with impunity. Non-alcoholics may or may not get drunk once a week. For them, getting drunk now and then or even frequently is not a problem. They can get drunk or not get drunk when they want to. The can have a couple to chill out.

"We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." AA Big Book, Ch4, 1st Ed.

I have absolutely no interest in convincing you on which side of the line you fall. But I also know that my own delusions run deep. Yours may as well. If you can control your drinking, then why not have a few? Drink when you want and have only as much as you want. Simple.

But not so simple if you're like me. I tried to drink on weekends only. I tried to only have two every night. I tried a hundred different forms of controlling my drinking. None of it worked. Within short time, I was back to drinking around the clock.

I think you're hearing a consistent message that moderation does not work if you are an alcoholic. I can't think of a single example where it has. The alcoholics I know that try moderating always end up in the same place they started from.

[CarolD]

Hi effortjoy......

From your shares I don't think you are ready to quit drinking.
That's certainly up to you....you were alcohol
free long enough to choose.
All my best ..

[smynthia]

I went out last night with my husband for his birthday. We went out to dinner and then to a spot with music/coffeehouse/bar. My husband ordered a beer and I had an Italian soda. We settled into some arm chairs and talked.

I thought to myself, what if I ordered a beer? Could I handle it? and my honest response was, tonight, probably, yeah. I could probably start drinking tonight and stop myself before I became a wreck. BUT>>>
I know that I would be having a constant conversation in my head all night about the next drink, if, how, when, how much is too much. And then the insanity would start all over again. And there would be no guarantee that the next time I picked up, that I wouldn't get smashed like I did in the past.
There is no success for me in moderation, because I judge it by the quality of how it affects myself and others. If I had a beer last night, I would not have have the real conversation with my husband that I had, not the enjoyable game of backgammon that we played together, or most importantly, the peace and confidence that I feel this morning.

I have been a high functioning alcoholic. I never really hit a huge bottom in my personal life, as far as some people's story goes. But I do know that if I decide to drink, that bottom is there waiting for me.

[Hevyn]

Smynthia, that's such a good point. Just because we may be able to moderate on one occasion doesn't mean it'll be that way every time. I once quit for 3 yrs. & started up again. I had never bought the fact that I'd have to go through life without alcohol. I attended a reception and only had two drinks. I thought I was cured of ever getting drunk again - I could trust myself to use willpower - yay! That was the one & only day I was able to control it. All future attempts at using willpower were futile - I was off and running again. This time it was for years.

[freeflyin]

when I drink I cant tell for sure when I will stop, and many times there is no telling what will happen.

russian roulete

FF

[keithj]

Originally Posted by smynthia

And there would be no guarantee that the next time I picked up, that I wouldn't get smashed like I did in the past.

I've said it before on this forum. The worst possible consequence for an alcoholic who drinks again is nothing. Leaving alone the physical craving that starts right back up, 'getting away with it' starts all that mental trickery that is a hallmark of my alcoholism.

[bjork]

Originally Posted by mistycshore

Non-alcoholic people don't put effort into controlling their drinking; they don't have to.

Well said!