On the edge - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Toomutch · 07-09-2009, 01:12 PM

My doctor started me on resperidone last night because I have been having self harming visualizations and thoughts. Ihave been attending IOP and yesterday when the nurse came in she said she was very worried about me, because of the awfull visualizations.

I just started taking resperidone last nightand it has me feeling very strange kind of like I'm inbetween sleep and awakness. I hope this makes enough since to get some esh.

I have also been having drinking visulaizations that go along with self harming bejavior.

I don't know if any of this will make since because I am feeling so strage. My IOP therapist said that I could use SR as part of my crisis reduction plan/ Support system.

Anyway I was doing well for quite some time and these symptoms started coming out of the blue a few weeks ago. I was initially diagnosed with bipolar II in October. Now my doc. says it's bipolar I with mixed/ dysphoric/pyscotic episodes.

I really needed to vent this. If anyone will respond or just talk to me that would help me I think.

thank you

**Astro** · 07-09-2009, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toomutch

I just started taking resperidone last nightand it has me feeling very strange kind of like I'm inbetween sleep and awakness. I hope this makes enough since to get some esh.

Hi Suz. I'm not familiar with resperidone, but the symptons you described reminded me of what I experienced when I tried Lexapro and Zoloft, before finally finding comfort and relief with EffexorXR. Those first two meds I mentioned left me with the darkest thoughts and suicidal ideations, but that's just my experience, I know they work well for some people.

I've heard it described as "cobwebs in the brain", almost a fuzzy, dream-like state of existence. That rung true for me, for a few months I felt like that and just focused on going through the motions to make it through a day at work.

I hope you find some relief, and although I worry about you, I'm proud of you for your strength and the constant ability to reach out for answers and support. Keep it up, k?

Aysha · 07-09-2009, 01:24 PM

I dont have any shares but I am thinking of you and hope you feel better soon.

Toomutch · 07-09-2009, 01:25 PM

Thanks Astro!

I know God is there and working on me. The fact that I'm not drinking is a miracle. The fact that I want to drink is scary, but some of the other visulazations I'm having are even scarier.

**Astro** · 07-09-2009, 01:29 PM

I still have visualizations Suz, but that's all they are, not reality. I pray to God to remove them, He never fails, then I thank Him for another day in recovery.

least · 07-09-2009, 01:44 PM

I have been on risperdal for a while and have had no ill effects. I hope you feel better soon.

Toomutch · 07-09-2009, 01:46 PM

I'm experiencing self harming thoughts. I'm thinking I will fall down the stairs. I'm afraid I am going to be hospitalized if I continue on this way. I'm scared and I think I will call the crisis center now.

itisatruth · 07-09-2009, 01:56 PM

(((((((((Toomutch)))))))) I'm sorry I don't have any experience/advice to share but I want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending lots of good thoughts & prayers your way. I will say that my H. has been battling insomnia/anxiety/depression - I watch as he has had some very tough times and wish I could do more. He really has to take it one day, one minute, even one second at a time sometimes and it is scary. Big giant cyber hugs heading your way Suzette ~

itisatruth · 07-09-2009, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toomutch

I'm experiencing self harming thoughts. I'm thinking I will fall down the stairs. I'm afraid I am going to be hospitalized if I continue on this way. I'm scared and I think I will call the crisis center now.

They are there to help.......

NewBeginning010 · 07-09-2009, 02:12 PM

Sorry to hear you are struggling :ghug

This video & series has helped me tremendously in the last few days, may you find something in it for you.

Take Care,

NB

smacked · 07-09-2009, 02:33 PM

I hope you're ok.. check in when you can!

stone · 07-09-2009, 02:38 PM

Hi Suz, I had what you are describing when severely depressed. If other people hurt themselves I thought it was my fault and stuff too, even though I was nowhere nowhere near them, very odd thoughts. I was so paranoid I wouldn't get help so I am glad you are involved with Professional help, keep utilising it.

Toomutch · 07-09-2009, 03:35 PM

I called the crisis center and was told they will asses me tomorrow when I go to IOP. I may end up in the hospital and I guess I would be okay with that. I feel like such a freak though, it seems as the years go by my mental illness gets worse and worse. I pray I will be safe through the remainder of this day and night.
Thanks for the responses; I am feeling needy right now and they really help!

Toomutch · 07-09-2009, 03:37 PM

Trish, The Climb is one of my favorites right now too! It is a great recovery song. I listen to it and feel as if I could have written it.

**Astro** · 07-09-2009, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toomutch

I may end up in the hospital and I guess I would be okay with that.

Someday I'm going to have a t-shirt made that says "I did time in a mental hospital and I'm damn proud of it!"

There's nothing wrong with being needy and getting the help we deserve.

vegibean · 07-09-2009, 04:26 PM

Hey Girl. I'm sooooooooo glad I haven't had to deal with some of the psych meds out there that some of my friends have been on. I know that some of the symptoms and side effects from them can be really freaky.

I don't think going to the hospital would be all that bad either. They could evaluate you there and very possibly re-adjust your meds and then re-evaluate you again.

Going through some terrible emotional, mental and completely anxiety type disorders has put me in a total petrified, terrified and immobile state at times. It sucks! I hope it all gets worked out for you soon. :ghug

Jane47 · 07-09-2009, 08:03 PM

Sorry to hear you are having these problems.
I hope you feel better soon.

Horselover · 07-09-2009, 08:22 PM

So sorry to have missed this earlier Suzette. I hope you will let us know what's going on tomorrow when you get a chance. Don't be afraid to go get help for this. Its not your fault my dear. You just need to get on the right medicine and be restored to yourself. I am sorry for this struggle you are enduring right now though. Saying prayers for you Suzette. Hugs - Sarah

***Hevyn*** · 07-09-2009, 09:07 PM

Me too, Suzette, praying you will be relieved of this misery soon. You've been through so much lately.

Lenina · 07-09-2009, 10:05 PM

Sorry I missed this earlier. I hope you're feeling better. Please post when you can let us know how you're doing. You have lots of friends here who care!

Love,

Lenina

brokenhalo · 07-09-2009, 10:21 PM

toomuch,

you can conquer this, we all believe you can. ten years ago, i was hospitalized for self-harming and substance abuse. i got sober for a period, and the other ideations never returned--they just manifested themselves in a heavier consumption of alcohol when i did return to drinking.

have you ever been in DBT group therapy? perhaps that could help? i am currently working through a DBT workbook, along with seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist, and the two really helped me address alot of my self-defeating behavior and face the fact that i AM an alcoholic. i truly hope you are well, you can make it through this.

bh

stone · 07-09-2009, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Astro

Someday I'm going to have a t-shirt made that says "I did time in a mental hospital and I'm damn proud of it!"

There's nothing wrong with being needy and getting the help we deserve.

Yea, I wish I had gone when I needed to, it would have speeded up my getting better. If I ever need it again I am going to accept all help and advice from those who are qualified to give it.

Kelly927 · 07-09-2009, 11:36 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Please keep us updated and know we're thinking about you. Be strong. You WILL make it through this.

warrens · 07-09-2009, 11:46 PM

Suzette

I am here. PM me and I'll give you my phone number. I will do anything I can to assist my "sister."

Lots of arms are holding you right now, Suzette. Thank God you have the courage to ask for help.

Yes, SR can be part of your therapy. More specifically the people who care more than you know. I'd fly there if it helped...

No self harming, Suzette. You would be harming so many others if you did and I know you are incapable of that.

Love you,

warren

Jomey · 07-10-2009, 06:40 AM

Prayers, Suz. So proud of you for getting yourself the help you need. Please let us know how you are as soon as you can. Love, Jomey

07-09-2009, 01:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
Toomutch with a new light in my eyes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co. Posts: 3,178	On the edge My doctor started me on resperidone last night because I have been having self harming visualizations and thoughts. Ihave been attending IOP and yesterday when the nurse came in she said she was very worried about me, because of the awfull visualizations. I just started taking resperidone last nightand it has me feeling very strange kind of like I'm inbetween sleep and awakness. I hope this makes enough since to get some esh. I have also been having drinking visulaizations that go along with self harming bejavior. I don't know if any of this will make since because I am feeling so strage. My IOP therapist said that I could use SR as part of my crisis reduction plan/ Support system. Anyway I was doing well for quite some time and these symptoms started coming out of the blue a few weeks ago. I was initially diagnosed with bipolar II in October. Now my doc. says it's bipolar I with mixed/ dysphoric/pyscotic episodes. I really needed to vent this. If anyone will respond or just talk to me that would help me I think. thank you __________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

07-09-2009, 01:24 PM	#3 (permalink)
Aysha Looking For Myself...Sober Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Where the heart is Posts: 10,087 Blog Entries: 26	I dont have any shares but I am thinking of you and hope you feel better soon. __________________ Dont just count your days...Make your days count! It may not get easier, But it will get better.

07-09-2009, 01:25 PM	#4 (permalink)
Toomutch with a new light in my eyes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co. Posts: 3,178	Thanks Astro! I know God is there and working on me. The fact that I'm not drinking is a miracle. The fact that I want to drink is scary, but some of the other visulazations I'm having are even scarier. __________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

07-09-2009, 01:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
Astro Forum Leader Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family! Posts: 11,826	I still have visualizations Suz, but that's all they are, not reality. I pray to God to remove them, He never fails, then I thank Him for another day in recovery. __________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW-What a ride!"

07-09-2009, 01:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
least bona fido dog-lover Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: eastern USA Posts: 23,488 Blog Entries: 31	I have been on risperdal for a while and have had no ill effects. I hope you feel better soon. __________________ I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

07-09-2009, 01:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
Toomutch with a new light in my eyes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co. Posts: 3,178	I'm experiencing self harming thoughts. I'm thinking I will fall down the stairs. I'm afraid I am going to be hospitalized if I continue on this way. I'm scared and I think I will call the crisis center now. __________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

07-09-2009, 01:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
itisatruth Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,282	(((((((((Toomutch)))))))) I'm sorry I don't have any experience/advice to share but I want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending lots of good thoughts & prayers your way. I will say that my H. has been battling insomnia/anxiety/depression - I watch as he has had some very tough times and wish I could do more. He really has to take it one day, one minute, even one second at a time sometimes and it is scary. Big giant cyber hugs heading your way Suzette ~

07-09-2009, 02:12 PM	#10 (permalink)
NewBeginning010 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,895	Sorry to hear you are struggling :ghug This video & series has helped me tremendously in the last few days, may you find something in it for you. Take Care, NB __________________ "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

07-09-2009, 02:33 PM	#11 (permalink)
smacked Heathen Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: La La Land, USA Posts: 2,349	I hope you're ok.. check in when you can!

07-09-2009, 02:38 PM	#12 (permalink)
stone Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: UK Posts: 18,303	Hi Suz, I had what you are describing when severely depressed. If other people hurt themselves I thought it was my fault and stuff too, even though I was nowhere nowhere near them, very odd thoughts. I was so paranoid I wouldn't get help so I am glad you are involved with Professional help, keep utilising it. __________________ . As from a fire aflame thousands of sparks come forth, even so from the Creator an infinity of beings have life and to him return again. -- Maitri Upanishads

07-09-2009, 03:35 PM	#13 (permalink)
Toomutch with a new light in my eyes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co. Posts: 3,178	I called the crisis center and was told they will asses me tomorrow when I go to IOP. I may end up in the hospital and I guess I would be okay with that. I feel like such a freak though, it seems as the years go by my mental illness gets worse and worse. I pray I will be safe through the remainder of this day and night. Thanks for the responses; I am feeling needy right now and they really help! __________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

07-09-2009, 03:37 PM	#14 (permalink)
Toomutch with a new light in my eyes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co. Posts: 3,178	Trish, The Climb is one of my favorites right now too! It is a great recovery song. I listen to it and feel as if I could have written it. __________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

07-09-2009, 04:26 PM	#16 (permalink)
vegibean Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: SE and then South some more Posts: 1,872	Hey Girl. I'm sooooooooo glad I haven't had to deal with some of the psych meds out there that some of my friends have been on. I know that some of the symptoms and side effects from them can be really freaky. I don't think going to the hospital would be all that bad either. They could evaluate you there and very possibly re-adjust your meds and then re-evaluate you again. Going through some terrible emotional, mental and completely anxiety type disorders has put me in a total petrified, terrified and immobile state at times. It sucks! I hope it all gets worked out for you soon. :ghug

07-09-2009, 08:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
Jane47 Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Minnesota Posts: 138	Sorry to hear you are having these problems. I hope you feel better soon.

07-09-2009, 08:22 PM	#18 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 6,568 Blog Entries: 3	So sorry to have missed this earlier Suzette. I hope you will let us know what's going on tomorrow when you get a chance. Don't be afraid to go get help for this. Its not your fault my dear. You just need to get on the right medicine and be restored to yourself. I am sorry for this struggle you are enduring right now though. Saying prayers for you Suzette. Hugs - Sarah __________________ "For who among us shall cast the first stone?"

07-09-2009, 09:07 PM	#19 (permalink)
*Hevyn* Learning to live again Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Catskills, NY Posts: 5,382	Me too, Suzette, praying you will be relieved of this misery soon. You've been through so much lately.

07-09-2009, 10:05 PM	#20 (permalink)
Lenina Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California Posts: 2,955	Sorry I missed this earlier. I hope you're feeling better. Please post when you can let us know how you're doing. You have lots of friends here who care! Love, Lenina

07-09-2009, 10:21 PM	#21 (permalink)
brokenhalo Guest Dirt Dragons Champion! Glop 3:Final Battle Champion! Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 111	toomuch, you can conquer this, we all believe you can. ten years ago, i was hospitalized for self-harming and substance abuse. i got sober for a period, and the other ideations never returned--they just manifested themselves in a heavier consumption of alcohol when i did return to drinking. have you ever been in DBT group therapy? perhaps that could help? i am currently working through a DBT workbook, along with seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist, and the two really helped me address alot of my self-defeating behavior and face the fact that i AM an alcoholic. i truly hope you are well, you can make it through this. bh

07-09-2009, 11:36 PM	#23 (permalink)
Kelly927 User Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 111	I'm so sorry you're going through this! Please keep us updated and know we're thinking about you. Be strong. You WILL make it through this.

07-09-2009, 11:46 PM	#24 (permalink)
warrens Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: 49 degrees north Posts: 885	Suzette I am here. PM me and I'll give you my phone number. I will do anything I can to assist my "sister." Lots of arms are holding you right now, Suzette. Thank God you have the courage to ask for help. Yes, SR can be part of your therapy. More specifically the people who care more than you know. I'd fly there if it helped... No self harming, Suzette. You would be harming so many others if you did and I know you are incapable of that. Love you, warren __________________ The thrill is gone The thrill is gone away... B.B. King

07-10-2009, 06:40 AM	#25 (permalink)
Jomey Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hicktown, PA Posts: 1,440	Prayers, Suz. So proud of you for getting yourself the help you need. Please let us know how you are as soon as you can. Love, Jomey __________________ Joy is a net of love by which we catch souls. - Mother Teresa

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