Whateverr! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

HLBlue · 07-03-2009, 08:53 PM

Tomorroww is July 4th. I amm ok with thattt. What I am not ok withh is I allowedd myself to be ropedd into goingg to the annual ex inlaws cook out with my kidss. I will have thee joy off dealingg with people who don'tt really likee me to begin with as well beinng around myy ex and hiss new girlfriend on what wouldd have been our 8th wedding anniversary!!! So tomorrow is gonna be a tesst for me. Wish mee luck! I am havingg seriouss doubts about it all.

**Dee74** · 07-03-2009, 09:29 PM

No chance you can 'unrope' yourself Chardoll?

D

HLBlue · 07-03-2009, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee74

No chance you can 'unrope' yourself Chardoll?

D

I triedd already. Nothingg has worked andd if theyy want me theree to point and stare it, so be it.

**Dee74** · 07-03-2009, 09:54 PM

I dunno what your family dynamic is, but I have to remind myself often with my family that we always have the power to say no.

It doesn't sound like this is gonna be a good thing for you at all, to me - but if you must go - I wish you luck

stay strong

D

Gypsy Feet · 07-03-2009, 09:57 PM

bleh, well, at least practice your "no" for next time!!

ORRRR, fake a tummy ache tomorrow morning!!

marty888 · 07-03-2009, 10:01 PM

Hey Doll, you sure you cant get out of it?? I not and they wanna "point and stare"its there problem hun not yours. You are really strong dont let there cr@p upset you.

HLBlue · 07-03-2009, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

bleh, well, at least practice your "no" for next time!!

ORRRR, fake a tummy ache tomorrow morning!!

My NO hass def. gotta get better.

Pancake · 07-03-2009, 10:05 PM

Hi Chardoll, (((((Hugs)))))

Wow! That's some weird kind of 4th of July party. I'm sorry you have to go. The things we do for our children huh? Well, if you MUST go...you just show them all who has some "Real strength and courage" and stand up proud (cuz your there for YOUR CHILDEN) and don't let nobody else see what your really feeling on the inside.

Just wear a big happy smile and let them all guess their pants off Chardoll!!! You can do it! I believe in you and the power of Recovery! I can hardly wait to hear how it went!

Love Pancake xo

HLBlue · 07-03-2009, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marty888

Hey Doll, you sure you cant get out of it?? I not and they wanna "point and stare"its there problem hun not yours. You are really strong dont let there cr@p upset you.

I havee triedd, they even came by tonightt to make sure I was gonna be therre. My strength for right now iss weakeningg. Just tiredd annd worn out.

Gypsy Feet · 07-03-2009, 10:06 PM

sounds like maybe you better stay home and rest tomorrow, nudge nudge wink wink

Ready2Live · 07-03-2009, 10:09 PM

WOW... I so would not be able to go. I admire your strength. A positive, confident attitude will show...so, if you must go, keep your head held high and realize that you are the mother of those children and you deserve respect. Best of luck and happy independence day!

T.

HLBlue · 07-03-2009, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

sounds like maybe you better stay home and rest tomorrow, nudge nudge wink wink

Can'tt do that to my babies. Theyy are excitedd and lookingg forward to tomorrow.

Gypsy Feet · 07-03-2009, 10:33 PM

I didnt realize your kids could only go if you went, bummer! I guess your stuck then. I hope it turns out you have a good time

HLBlue · 07-03-2009, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

I didnt realize your kids could only go if you went, bummer! I guess your stuck then. I hope it turns out you have a good time

I figuredd the kids wouldd go without me. But apparently, I was wrong. The ex mother inlaww came over thiss eveningg and told me shee wants me there. I don't knoww. I amm gonna goo with my babies and just make suree they have a good time. Whatever happens, happens. As long as they havee a good time that iss all that matters.

Gypsy Feet · 07-03-2009, 11:05 PM

hmmm, well I guess I was that way too when my kids were young<3

Now I am practicing my self love skills, and saying no and such. When my kids and the on again off again were at his folks for father's day, I was on holiday 2 hours north on the coast haha.

I gave them all the last 20 years, I think I deserve to pick my own plans now!! haha

I so hope you have fun=)

HLBlue · 07-03-2009, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

hmmm, well I guess I was that way too when my kids were young<3

Now I am practicing my self love skills, and saying no and such. When my kids and the on again off again were at his folks for father's day, I was on holiday 2 hours north on the coast haha.

I gave them all the last 20 years, I think I deserve to pick my own plans now!! haha

I so hope you have fun=)

Mine are 7 and 5. If theyy were olderr, I wouldd just drop them off. Theree ar e few otherr factors I am nott mentioningg. It really is best if I do go.

NewBeginning010 · 07-04-2009, 02:44 AM

I don't know much about the situation but this sounds utterly horrible for you. So... you feel that people are going to point & stare at you, don't like you, ex is going to be showing off the new girlie friend, ex mother in law drops by to make sure your coming????

This sounds like a recipe for disaster either during or after the fact. I am sure you can take the kids to one of their favorite spots & some McDonalds with Mommy. Can you take them to a nice park or some other spot in your area.

I feel a cold coming on... don't you? Maybe take a moment to Ben Franklin this one. What is a Ben Franklin you ask... well its a list of the positives & negatives of a situation.

Lets try it here.. now.

What would I get out of going to the BBQ tomorrow?

Positive:
- Make kids happy
(Make your list)

Negative:
I will feel unhappy there
People will belittle me there
I dont want to see my ex with his new girlfriend.. I will feel bad
I may want to drink & if I do my sobriety & happiness is gone
I will have to detox again
I may not be able to stop drinking, what about my kids, job etc.
I may make a fool of myself at the party after drinking
I cant drive with the kids if I drink (what if I do??)
(Make your list)

I hope you are ok with whatever you do, I am also a "yes" person but I am really working on my NO. Its tough but you can do it.

Have a beautiful picnic , in the park with the kids, maybe a lake, beach, amusement park... I don't know but anything but. Yeah, they will whine & be unhappy for a little while but soon forget when you are playing at the park etc.

Please take care & think of you & "your" family/kids first.

Take Care,

NB

NewBeginning010 · 07-04-2009, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chardoll

The ex mother inlaww came over thiss eveningg and told me shee wants me there. I don't knoww.

Give me her number & I will call her for you, I can be your handsome new boyfriend & I don't want you at some party at the ex BF's/Hubbies place.

At least the 2nd half is true

Looks like I took two long on my last post & you have gone to bed. I hope you read this tomorrow morning & have second thoughts.

Let me know if you need me to make a call ;-)

Take Care,

NB

vegibean · 07-04-2009, 07:28 AM

Char, Hey Girl! Listen, I've done things that I did not want to do and suffered for them and I did it for OTHER people. I refuse to do it today. If I say "no", I follow through no matter who contests it.

Even if it involves my 9 yr old son. I just tell him "Baby, Mama just isn't going to feel comfortable and I want to enjoy myself with you. Maybe we won't do that, but we'll do something else fun together."

I don't drink today to deal with things that I don't like so in order to keep ME happy......if it doesn't feel good, I don't do it.

I hope your day ends up being a great one!!! :ghug

***51anna*** · 07-04-2009, 07:32 AM

I wouldn't go, definitely not.

There are lots of fun things you and your kids could do this weekend and have a great time, without stressing yourself.

HLBlue · 07-04-2009, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewBeginning010

Give me her number & I will call her for you, I can be your handsome new boyfriend & I don't want you at some party at the ex BF's/Hubbies place.

At least the 2nd half is true

Looks like I took two long on my last post & you have gone to bed. I hope you read this tomorrow morning & have second thoughts.

Let me know if you need me to make a call ;-)

Take Care,

NB

Now thatt would be funny. Thankk you for the offer!! lol Hope you havee a goood day.

support4me · 07-04-2009, 09:04 AM

Hey doll
If nothing else think of your babies and have fun with them. As for the rest of the clan just tell them to take a hike if the bother u. I have another idea kill them with kindness even tho it my be hard to do. I got invited to go to my ex in-laws once for christmas and talk about weird. I did not want to do it but something told me I needed to for my kids and guess what I was never invited to go back.

HLBlue · 07-04-2009, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by support4me

Hey doll
If nothing else think of your babies and have fun with them. As for the rest of the clan just tell them to take a hike if the bother u. I have another idea kill them with kindness even tho it my be hard to do. I got invited to go to my ex in-laws once for christmas and talk about weird. I did not want to do it but something told me I needed to for my kids and guess what I was never invited to go back.

I plan on makingg suree the kids have a great time!!! As for thee whole thing, if itt gets to bee too much, I will leave early.

smacked · 07-04-2009, 09:36 AM

Yah, see... go, then suddenly have an 'allergic reaction' to the potato salad.. or something. Duck outta there early!!!!

NewBeginning010 · 07-05-2009, 02:23 AM

How did it go Chardoll? You & your situation were in my thoughts, I hope everything turned out ok

Take Care,

NB

07-03-2009, 08:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
HLBlue Just me... Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 390	Whateverr! Tomorroww is July 4th. I amm ok with thattt. What I am not ok withh is I allowedd myself to be ropedd into goingg to the annual ex inlaws cook out with my kidss. I will have thee joy off dealingg with people who don'tt really likee me to begin with as well beinng around myy ex and hiss new girlfriend on what wouldd have been our 8th wedding anniversary!!! So tomorrow is gonna be a tesst for me. Wish mee luck! I am havingg seriouss doubts about it all. __________________ Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. Soren Kierkegaard

07-03-2009, 09:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dee74 Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 14,686	No chance you can 'unrope' yourself Chardoll? D __________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.

07-03-2009, 09:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
Dee74 Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 14,686	I dunno what your family dynamic is, but I have to remind myself often with my family that we always have the power to say no. It doesn't sound like this is gonna be a good thing for you at all, to me - but if you must go - I wish you luck stay strong D __________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.

07-03-2009, 09:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: heading back out to sea Posts: 2,286 Blog Entries: 4	bleh, well, at least practice your "no" for next time!! ORRRR, fake a tummy ache tomorrow morning!! __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ last drink 12/27/08 <3 (its a sideways heart!)

07-03-2009, 10:01 PM	#6 (permalink)
marty888 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 562	Hey Doll, you sure you cant get out of it?? I not and they wanna "point and stare"its there problem hun not yours. You are really strong dont let there cr@p upset you. __________________ First the man takes a drink; Then the drink takes a drink; Then the drink takes the man.

07-03-2009, 10:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
Pancake Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 262	Hi Chardoll, (((((Hugs))))) Wow! That's some weird kind of 4th of July party. I'm sorry you have to go. The things we do for our children huh? Well, if you MUST go...you just show them all who has some "Real strength and courage" and stand up proud (cuz your there for YOUR CHILDEN) and don't let nobody else see what your really feeling on the inside. Just wear a big happy smile and let them all guess their pants off Chardoll!!! You can do it! I believe in you and the power of Recovery! I can hardly wait to hear how it went! Love Pancake xo __________________ Sober since January 1, 2009 NON-Smoker since September 16, 2009

07-03-2009, 10:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: heading back out to sea Posts: 2,286 Blog Entries: 4	sounds like maybe you better stay home and rest tomorrow, nudge nudge wink wink __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ last drink 12/27/08 <3 (its a sideways heart!)

07-03-2009, 10:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
Ready2Live Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 34	WOW... I so would not be able to go. I admire your strength. A positive, confident attitude will show...so, if you must go, keep your head held high and realize that you are the mother of those children and you deserve respect. Best of luck and happy independence day! T.

07-03-2009, 10:33 PM	#13 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: heading back out to sea Posts: 2,286 Blog Entries: 4	I didnt realize your kids could only go if you went, bummer! I guess your stuck then. I hope it turns out you have a good time __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ last drink 12/27/08 <3 (its a sideways heart!)

07-03-2009, 11:05 PM	#15 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: heading back out to sea Posts: 2,286 Blog Entries: 4	hmmm, well I guess I was that way too when my kids were young<3 Now I am practicing my self love skills, and saying no and such. When my kids and the on again off again were at his folks for father's day, I was on holiday 2 hours north on the coast haha. I gave them all the last 20 years, I think I deserve to pick my own plans now!! haha I so hope you have fun=) __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ last drink 12/27/08 <3 (its a sideways heart!)

07-04-2009, 02:44 AM	#17 (permalink)
NewBeginning010 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,300	I don't know much about the situation but this sounds utterly horrible for you. So... you feel that people are going to point & stare at you, don't like you, ex is going to be showing off the new girlie friend, ex mother in law drops by to make sure your coming???? This sounds like a recipe for disaster either during or after the fact. I am sure you can take the kids to one of their favorite spots & some McDonalds with Mommy. Can you take them to a nice park or some other spot in your area. I feel a cold coming on... don't you? Maybe take a moment to Ben Franklin this one. What is a Ben Franklin you ask... well its a list of the positives & negatives of a situation. Lets try it here.. now. What would I get out of going to the BBQ tomorrow? Positive: - Make kids happy (Make your list) Negative: I will feel unhappy there People will belittle me there I dont want to see my ex with his new girlfriend.. I will feel bad I may want to drink & if I do my sobriety & happiness is gone I will have to detox again I may not be able to stop drinking, what about my kids, job etc. I may make a fool of myself at the party after drinking I cant drive with the kids if I drink (what if I do??) (Make your list) I hope you are ok with whatever you do, I am also a "yes" person but I am really working on my NO. Its tough but you can do it. Have a beautiful picnic , in the park with the kids, maybe a lake, beach, amusement park... I don't know but anything but. Yeah, they will whine & be unhappy for a little while but soon forget when you are playing at the park etc. Please take care & think of you & "your" family/kids first. Take Care, NB __________________ "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

07-04-2009, 07:28 AM	#19 (permalink)
vegibean Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: N. Palm Beach, Floriduh Posts: 1,471	Char, Hey Girl! Listen, I've done things that I did not want to do and suffered for them and I did it for OTHER people. I refuse to do it today. If I say "no", I follow through no matter who contests it. Even if it involves my 9 yr old son. I just tell him "Baby, Mama just isn't going to feel comfortable and I want to enjoy myself with you. Maybe we won't do that, but we'll do something else fun together." I don't drink today to deal with things that I don't like so in order to keep ME happy......if it doesn't feel good, I don't do it. I hope your day ends up being a great one!!! :ghug

07-04-2009, 07:32 AM	#20 (permalink)
*51anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 14,758	I wouldn't go, definitely not. There are lots of fun things you and your kids could do this weekend and have a great time, without stressing yourself. __________________ Anna And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

07-04-2009, 09:04 AM	#22 (permalink)
support4me Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Lake Mills< IA Posts: 42	Hey doll If nothing else think of your babies and have fun with them. As for the rest of the clan just tell them to take a hike if the bother u. I have another idea kill them with kindness even tho it my be hard to do. I got invited to go to my ex in-laws once for christmas and talk about weird. I did not want to do it but something told me I needed to for my kids and guess what I was never invited to go back.

07-04-2009, 09:36 AM	#24 (permalink)
smacked Heathen Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: La La Land Posts: 1,274	Yah, see... go, then suddenly have an 'allergic reaction' to the potato salad.. or something. Duck outta there early!!!!

07-05-2009, 02:23 AM	#25 (permalink)
NewBeginning010 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,300	How did it go Chardoll? You & your situation were in my thoughts, I hope everything turned out ok Take Care, NB __________________ "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

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