trying so hard = 9 days almost slipped (agian!) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

keitheo · 07-02-2009, 11:40 PM

I've got 9 days sober, been trying on and off earnestly for the past 4 years to control my drinking (been drinking for 20+ almost daily). Denial has kept me from staying sober becuase I have a great career, beautiful family, awesome wife, yet I should have a million dui's, be dead (a couple times over form various idiotic drunk incidents), in jail (lack of judgement with drugs & alchol...), yet yet yet I'm a high bottom drunk?!?!?.

I almost skipped out of work today and took the ferry home so I could drink (they don't serve beer on the bus (lol)). I got half way to the ferry and and turned around (ate luch and felt better) becuase I listened to my cognitive brain that it would only be a mess later when my wife got home and she could tell I had drank (she get undertsandbly upset becuase I watch my 3 and 1/1/2 year old in the late afternoons after work.) The other day a fellow told me that his sponsor said that little voice telling you to do the right thing is your higher power, I'm starting to listen to it. I've gone to a meeting everyday the past 9 days and it's the only way I can keep it fresh enough in my memory that I can't drink otherwise I feel like a loser. Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life.

NewBeginning010 · 07-02-2009, 11:57 PM

Welcome & thanks for sharing keitheo :-)

I have just started to talk & listen to my HP again (today). I was somewhat inspired by the TV series "The Cleaner" that I have been watching recently. He is basically an X user that asked for his HP's help when he was on the ropes & made a deal to help other people/addicts/drunks if he survived.. great show!

I actually went to the beach today after exercising & found a quiet spot by the water & talked with my HP... it was great. The waves talked back a bit & I was mindful of not talking too loud or moving my lips lol whispers mostly. My HP was the the glowing sunset & I was asking for help & guidance in all of the tough situaltions that I am currently going through. Felt great!

If I ever head someone talking aloud with nobody around I would have thought they were crazy.... now I am the crazy straight guy on the beach lol.

Here is a great site to watch the series (and movies etc. but dont tell anyone K?) You need to click on the beta link to see the videos & skip some ads that come up (click skip on the top right hand corner)

Make sure you click on "Click here to launch the NinjaVideo Helper Beta 0.3.9" in red.

Dam... that was a long post, thanks for helping me to write about my first time talking to my HP since I was a little kid :ghug

**Dee74** · 07-03-2009, 12:17 AM

Welcome to SR KeithEO - I think you're on the right roiad - keep hitting the meetings, call those numbers if you need them, and keep shutting out those thoughts

Its not easy but it gets better...

Keep reading and posting too!

D

**CarolD** · 07-03-2009, 01:02 AM

Congratulations on chooseing sobriety.....

Blessings to you and your family

Welcome to our recovery community.

eddie73 · 07-03-2009, 05:09 AM

Hi Keith. I think you will do it this time. Dont worry about the bills. They will never get paid when u are drinking, they will when u are sober.

Horselover · 07-03-2009, 08:31 AM

Welcome to SR and you can do this. What a gift to yourself and to your family. You can get well again. Keep on SR and don't drink for the next 24 hours. We'll be here for you.

espresso · 07-03-2009, 08:34 AM

Welcome to SR. Keep posting about your progress and Keep Coming Back.

misstep · 07-03-2009, 10:42 AM

Wecome Keitheo! You almost slipped but you didn't, that is the important thing! Keep reading and posting, we're here for you.

Amazonqueen522 · 07-03-2009, 11:26 AM

Welcome Keith that was my life to!

yankees24 · 07-03-2009, 11:56 AM

"Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life."

Dead on, I can relate.

07-02-2009, 11:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
keitheo Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: mill valley ca Posts: 3	trying so hard = 9 days almost slipped (agian!) I've got 9 days sober, been trying on and off earnestly for the past 4 years to control my drinking (been drinking for 20+ almost daily). Denial has kept me from staying sober becuase I have a great career, beautiful family, awesome wife, yet I should have a million dui's, be dead (a couple times over form various idiotic drunk incidents), in jail (lack of judgement with drugs & alchol...), yet yet yet I'm a high bottom drunk?!?!?. I almost skipped out of work today and took the ferry home so I could drink (they don't serve beer on the bus (lol)). I got half way to the ferry and and turned around (ate luch and felt better) becuase I listened to my cognitive brain that it would only be a mess later when my wife got home and she could tell I had drank (she get undertsandbly upset becuase I watch my 3 and 1/1/2 year old in the late afternoons after work.) The other day a fellow told me that his sponsor said that little voice telling you to do the right thing is your higher power, I'm starting to listen to it. I've gone to a meeting everyday the past 9 days and it's the only way I can keep it fresh enough in my memory that I can't drink otherwise I feel like a loser. Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life.

07-02-2009, 11:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
NewBeginning010 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,923	Welcome & thanks for sharing keitheo :-) I have just started to talk & listen to my HP again (today). I was somewhat inspired by the TV series "The Cleaner" that I have been watching recently. He is basically an X user that asked for his HP's help when he was on the ropes & made a deal to help other people/addicts/drunks if he survived.. great show! I actually went to the beach today after exercising & found a quiet spot by the water & talked with my HP... it was great. The waves talked back a bit & I was mindful of not talking too loud or moving my lips lol whispers mostly. My HP was the the glowing sunset & I was asking for help & guidance in all of the tough situaltions that I am currently going through. Felt great! If I ever head someone talking aloud with nobody around I would have thought they were crazy.... now I am the crazy straight guy on the beach lol. Here is a great site to watch the series (and movies etc. but dont tell anyone K?) You need to click on the beta link to see the videos & skip some ads that come up (click skip on the top right hand corner) Make sure you click on "Click here to launch the NinjaVideo Helper Beta 0.3.9" in red. Dam... that was a long post, thanks for helping me to write about my first time talking to my HP since I was a little kid :ghug __________________ "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" Last edited by Anna; 07-03-2009 at 05:31 AM.

07-03-2009, 12:17 AM	#3 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 42,367	Welcome to SR KeithEO - I think you're on the right roiad - keep hitting the meetings, call those numbers if you need them, and keep shutting out those thoughts Its not easy but it gets better... Keep reading and posting too! D __________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

07-03-2009, 01:02 AM	#4 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 34,835	Congratulations on chooseing sobriety..... Blessings to you and your family Welcome to our recovery community. __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

07-03-2009, 08:31 AM	#6 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 6,568 Blog Entries: 3	Welcome to SR and you can do this. What a gift to yourself and to your family. You can get well again. Keep on SR and don't drink for the next 24 hours. We'll be here for you. __________________ "For who among us shall cast the first stone?"

07-03-2009, 05:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
eddie73 Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 387 Blog Entries: 89	Hi Keith. I think you will do it this time. Dont worry about the bills. They will never get paid when u are drinking, they will when u are sober.

07-03-2009, 08:34 AM	#7 (permalink)
espresso Guest Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 4,151	Welcome to SR. Keep posting about your progress and Keep Coming Back.

07-03-2009, 10:42 AM	#8 (permalink)
misstep Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: WI Posts: 72	Wecome Keitheo! You almost slipped but you didn't, that is the important thing! Keep reading and posting, we're here for you.

07-03-2009, 11:26 AM	#9 (permalink)
Amazonqueen522 God is leading the way!!! Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 246	Welcome Keith that was my life to! __________________ You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face, And show the world all the love in your heart, Then people gonna treat you better. You're gonna find, yes, you will, That you're beautiful, as you feel. --Carole King Sober since Jan. 7, 2009

07-03-2009, 11:56 AM	#10 (permalink)
yankees24 Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: long island, new york Posts: 61	"Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life." Dead on, I can relate. __________________ "Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. To hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

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