I'm not about to bury myself. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

yankees24 · 07-02-2009, 05:01 PM

As i revealed about five days ago, i relapsed this past friday after having a little more than two weeks clean and when i fell, i fell HARD. The slip happened friday attending a party i shouldnt have attended in early sobriety and the bender followed for four more days afterwards. I went so hard on friday that my head was so twisted up saturday so i used again, and again, knowing i was only making it worse on myself, until i finally ended it yesterday. Today is day two and i am once again, depressed, anxious, the whole works. My sick head wanted to keep the bender going until after the 4th so i wouldnt have to deal with that day, but i was just too warn out to use yesterday and i guess that was a good thing. Alcohol, vicodin, Ativan, Klonopin, Ambien, Heroin, all found there way back into my system so quick its a shock to me. If theres one thing i learned from this relapse its that i have no ******* clue how serious my habit has gotten again so fast, if i dont stop i will for sure die before im 30. Ill come back in a few days and write more when i have something more positive to say. Im gonna attend meetings and just get back in the game. Thanks for listening, ill be reading around this forum just like i have been even when i was using...Talk to you all soon.

**CarolD** · 07-02-2009, 05:22 PM

Please stay as safe as possible as you de tox again.

Many of us had false starts on our recovery journey.

***Anna*** · 07-02-2009, 05:36 PM

Take care of yourself Yankee!

**Dee74** · 07-02-2009, 05:51 PM

stay safe Yankee

smacked · 07-02-2009, 05:59 PM

I'm glad you checked in.. stay strong, and be safe.

ex D-Boy · 07-02-2009, 06:09 PM

glad your coming back to the site man. hope you aint to sick for the 4th

***Hevyn*** · 07-02-2009, 06:54 PM

You can do this, Yankees. Add over 20 more years to your drinking/drugging time and you have me...yet I've done it - coming up on 18 mos. sober. I only did alcohol, but that was enough. During my last binge I knew I was going to die if I didn't stop - and finally I pulled myself up out of hell. There are no more good times to be found at the bottom of a bottle for me. Oh, how hard it was to finally admit it. It can only get better from here, Y - you never have to do this to yourself ever again.

yankees24 · 07-02-2009, 07:05 PM

thank you all, stay safe as well this weekend.

misstep · 07-03-2009, 11:01 AM

I read your other post Yankee, so glad to see you back. It sounds like you definately relapsed hard, but sounds like you really regret it too. Just hang in there this weekend and stay safe!

Ready2Live · 07-03-2009, 06:41 PM

Thank you for your honesty. Hang in there, man. Remember, you are not alone.

tyler · 07-03-2009, 06:47 PM

Glad you made it back man!! Stick and stay with us, you'll find a boat load of folks who've been in your shoes and are somehow truly happy, functioning, productive members of society. Take care.

NewBeginning010 · 07-03-2009, 06:59 PM

Dont wait a few days... stay close to SR & share your heart out. Its good for you & the new people too.

You CAN do this

luckedog · 07-03-2009, 08:09 PM

Yankee, I know from experience that failure and relapse is discouraging which causes us to want to use more in order to hide from the shame and disappointment. Please don't give up, keep trying, keep reading the posts on SR and continue to work toward staying sober. That's the only way you will ever get there. Quitting is easy. I've done it 10,000 times. It's staying sober that is the difficult part. Know that we are here to support you and encourage you to get "back in the game." You can do it if you will follow the good advice that others have given on this site.

vegibean · 07-04-2009, 07:13 AM

Yankee, so glad you're back though!! Yeah, that sounds like a hard relapse and I'm sure you are feeling bad. I hope you'll check in again soon. Take care of yourself.

123bubblegum123 · 07-04-2009, 10:11 AM

Yankees, I'm just glad you are okay/alive and survived that crazy drug/alcohol combo! Know you have this site's support.

Stay safe,
Rach

07-02-2009, 05:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
yankees24 Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: long island, new york Posts: 61	I'm not about to bury myself. As i revealed about five days ago, i relapsed this past friday after having a little more than two weeks clean and when i fell, i fell HARD. The slip happened friday attending a party i shouldnt have attended in early sobriety and the bender followed for four more days afterwards. I went so hard on friday that my head was so twisted up saturday so i used again, and again, knowing i was only making it worse on myself, until i finally ended it yesterday. Today is day two and i am once again, depressed, anxious, the whole works. My sick head wanted to keep the bender going until after the 4th so i wouldnt have to deal with that day, but i was just too warn out to use yesterday and i guess that was a good thing. Alcohol, vicodin, Ativan, Klonopin, Ambien, Heroin, all found there way back into my system so quick its a shock to me. If theres one thing i learned from this relapse its that i have no ******* clue how serious my habit has gotten again so fast, if i dont stop i will for sure die before im 30. Ill come back in a few days and write more when i have something more positive to say. Im gonna attend meetings and just get back in the game. Thanks for listening, ill be reading around this forum just like i have been even when i was using...Talk to you all soon. __________________ "Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. To hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

07-02-2009, 05:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 34,835	Please stay as safe as possible as you de tox again. Many of us had false starts on our recovery journey. __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

07-02-2009, 05:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,768	Take care of yourself Yankee! __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

07-02-2009, 05:51 PM	#4 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 42,366	stay safe Yankee __________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

07-02-2009, 06:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
ex D-Boy Sco Seeeezy 3D Net Blazer Champion! Angry Old Wizard Champion! Basketball Champion! Freaky Football Champion! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Boca FL Posts: 760	glad your coming back to the site man. hope you aint to sick for the 4th __________________ She say she nah let go ~~ LKA <3 Forever

07-02-2009, 05:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
smacked Heathen Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: La La Land, USA Posts: 2,349	I'm glad you checked in.. stay strong, and be safe.

07-02-2009, 06:54 PM	#7 (permalink)
*Hevyn* Learning to live again Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Catskills, NY Posts: 5,416	You can do this, Yankees. Add over 20 more years to your drinking/drugging time and you have me...yet I've done it - coming up on 18 mos. sober. I only did alcohol, but that was enough. During my last binge I knew I was going to die if I didn't stop - and finally I pulled myself up out of hell. There are no more good times to be found at the bottom of a bottle for me. Oh, how hard it was to finally admit it. It can only get better from here, Y - you never have to do this to yourself ever again.

07-02-2009, 07:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
yankees24 Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: long island, new york Posts: 61	thank you all, stay safe as well this weekend. __________________ "Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. To hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

07-03-2009, 11:01 AM	#9 (permalink)
misstep Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: WI Posts: 72	I read your other post Yankee, so glad to see you back. It sounds like you definately relapsed hard, but sounds like you really regret it too. Just hang in there this weekend and stay safe!

07-03-2009, 06:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ready2Live Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 34	Thank you for your honesty. Hang in there, man. Remember, you are not alone.

07-03-2009, 06:47 PM	#11 (permalink)
tyler Not all better, getting better Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC Posts: 1,600 Blog Entries: 8	Glad you made it back man!! Stick and stay with us, you'll find a boat load of folks who've been in your shoes and are somehow truly happy, functioning, productive members of society. Take care. __________________ Peace and Love, Tyler *"I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it so a little got more and more. I just keep tryin' to get a little better, said a little better than before."* Mr. Brownstone G-n-R Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh

07-03-2009, 06:59 PM	#12 (permalink)
NewBeginning010 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,923	Dont wait a few days... stay close to SR & share your heart out. Its good for you & the new people too. You CAN do this __________________ "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

07-03-2009, 08:09 PM	#13 (permalink)
luckedog Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rural OK Posts: 334	Yankee, I know from experience that failure and relapse is discouraging which causes us to want to use more in order to hide from the shame and disappointment. Please don't give up, keep trying, keep reading the posts on SR and continue to work toward staying sober. That's the only way you will ever get there. Quitting is easy. I've done it 10,000 times. It's staying sober that is the difficult part. Know that we are here to support you and encourage you to get "back in the game." You can do it if you will follow the good advice that others have given on this site.

07-04-2009, 07:13 AM	#14 (permalink)
vegibean Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: SE and then South some more Posts: 1,872	Yankee, so glad you're back though!! Yeah, that sounds like a hard relapse and I'm sure you are feeling bad. I hope you'll check in again soon. Take care of yourself.

07-04-2009, 10:11 AM	#15 (permalink)
123bubblegum123 it's a movie, you're the star Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 356	Yankees, I'm just glad you are okay/alive and survived that crazy drug/alcohol combo! Know you have this site's support. Stay safe, Rach __________________ i'm just a little girl with big dreams.

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