Major vent for me - sorry. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Horselover · 06-29-2009, 07:10 PM

Have to vent or I might have a problem else wise.

We were suppose to refinance on our house. We were suppose to get money back and would be able to zero out our credit card. We needed to get a certain amount on the appraisal of our house, but if it came in low. We were suppose to be able to get a second one. A bunch of suppose to's I know.

Here is what went down. We were appraised at $10,000 under what we needed. I said no problem we'll go to the next appraisal. FHA no longer does that she says. I'm told we have to pay for the appraisal at $470 if we back out. If we go forward we will have to come up with some of the costs at closing. We have no friggin money here.

Had a trip planned to N.Y. as many of you knew. My trip was only possible if we could skip that last mortgage payment and I could apply that money to my trip. Had a trip planned to N.Y. as many of you know. I have to cancel it. My Dad is to turn 70 years old and we haven't seen him in a very long time. Not going to happen. He was actually choked up when I told him. That was hard because he was the kind of Dad that never let his kids see him cry and now this.

I really am so upset and so disappointed and so pissed and so frustrated with life. It really sucks right now and I just want to scream. My son keeps coming in my bedroom and is worried because Mommy is "still" crying.

Life has its ups and downs, but this is pretty down for me right now. I would say the biggest disappointment since I stopped drinking.

tommyk · 06-29-2009, 07:13 PM

Glad you got the opportunity to vent here.

Stay strong.

***51anna*** · 06-29-2009, 07:16 PM

Oh gosh, I am sorry you're going through this.

I have no answers for you, but can only send lots of hugs and prayers.

gravity · 06-29-2009, 07:25 PM

Maybe look at it as postponing your trip, not cancelling it. Things are bound to improve financially in the future right? (A little tip: my wife plans trips years in advance - she puts away a bit of money every month).

My best wishes.

Horselover · 06-29-2009, 07:30 PM

Thanks Grav, but I really wanted to make my dad's 70th. That's the part that sucks. I even had a cool present started. I redid all his childhood pictures, 60 of them, recropped them and retouched them and were going to put them in a bounded book and give that to him for his birthday. If I can afford it I will still try to do it, but I wanted to be there and give it to him. Pretty selfish of me, but I wanted to see him open it.

Toomutch · 06-29-2009, 07:30 PM

I glad you came here to vent HL, i can only imagine how let down you must feel. Hopefully another opportunity to go to NY and visit your father is in the near future.

Love ya,
Suzette

suki44883 · 06-29-2009, 07:36 PM

Were you planning to fly to New York? Is it possible to drive or maybe take a bus or train...a cheaper way to get there?

mistycshore · 06-29-2009, 07:43 PM

Horselover, I'm so sorry. Your heartbreak is evident in your words. I wish I had something more significant to offer you than words.

Horselover · 06-29-2009, 07:44 PM

Flying would have been cheaper, but now to get tickets would be ridiculously high. We were going to drive and that was part of the adventure and the vacation. The drive would have been 4 days and 3 nights there and the same, of course, on the return. I can only do 7 1/2 hours by myself.

I did have a thought and maybe this means my mourning period is soon ending. I thought there might actually be a reason to this. Maybe I would have gotten into a bad accident or maybe my son would have gotten sick. I know it sounds crazy, but maybe there is a reason I am not driving back there right now. I'm still VERY unhappy and disappointed but this reasoning does seem to make a bit of sense to me. I look back on my life and I see reasons for most everything. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to see the reasons immediately, but most often I have to look back.

Ups and downs and reasons for both I guess.

Horselover · 06-29-2009, 07:47 PM

Thanks Misty. Just knowing someone cares really helps me through it. I really appreciate the people that take time to actually say I don't know what to say, but I'm thinking of you or whatever. It really does help. Thanks again. You are perceptive too. I am a bit heartbroken. No I'm pretty messed up about the whole thing. I know there are more important things in life, but this was pretty major for me.

**Dee74** · 06-29-2009, 07:51 PM

I'm really sorry to read this Sarah.
I wish I had some answers for you - but at the moment all I have are hugs too.

(((Sarah)))

D

Horselover · 06-29-2009, 08:04 PM

Thanks Dee. I need the hugs. Pigging out on pistachios right now. That's my fix for tonight.

jmart · 06-29-2009, 08:08 PM

Vent On.....

:Hope all goes well.. Jay

Lenina · 06-29-2009, 08:13 PM

(((((Horsey)))))) I am so sorry! Have you checked out priceline or orbitz? I wouldn't normally recommend them but you might be able to find a deal. Maybe some alternate routings or airports?

You're in my thoughts.

Love,

Lenina

stone · 06-29-2009, 08:14 PM

I am sorry Sarah.

I think you are right to look at this in a fatalistic way, sometimes better things can come from a seemingly bad thing.

Horselover · 06-29-2009, 08:22 PM

Thanks all. I can't even think about going on with this trip financially speaking. Our card is the highest its ever been and my medical insurance for son and I is $202 a month plus the crazy high finance charge. We have to put about $300 on the card to break even and then to pay down the debt it has to be more then that.

We dug this hole and now we have to figure a way out of it. I thought the refinance would dig us out and then my paycheck could go into savings. My paychecks will be going towards the credit card. Let it be a lesson to anyone out there with little credit card debt - KEEP IT THAT WAY!

We have never had credit card debt before and it keeps me awake at night. We have always paid our bills on time and even had a savings at one time. We were saving for son's college in a nice little fund. Not doing that currently. No 401k currently. Really just getting by and so no, I can't go on a trip. I can't even justify a trip to Walmart right now.

smynthia · 06-29-2009, 08:24 PM

I have also found that things work out for a reason. I know it always sounds trite in the
face of adversity, but if the trip was meant to be, it will happen.

Your present sounds like such a gift of love, that will travel along to your father on his birthday, whether your there physically or not.
((hug)) Stay strong, keep crying if you need to.

NewBeginning010 · 06-29-2009, 08:41 PM

May something turn up that works, I know I am so lucky to have my father close & still with me.

Take Care

NB

Maybe try some last minute deals@ Cheap Flights, Hotels, and Rental Cars -- Discount Airfare | Priceline.com or www.expedia.com

Expedia flights - book discount airline flight reservation online

NewBeginning010 · 06-29-2009, 08:45 PM

Oh, also wanted to say that you can put together some pretty beautiful albums & colages at Picasa 3: Free download from Google as well as animoto - the end of slideshows

If you want to get him something until things get better ;-)

**CarolD** · 06-29-2009, 08:46 PM

I'm sorry too....(((Sarah)))

SelfSeeking · 06-29-2009, 08:57 PM

Aw. I'm so sorry, HL. I hope you can vent, eat pistachios, sleep, and wake up in the morning feeling a little better. Your dad knows you love him I'm sure.

**Dee74** · 06-29-2009, 09:05 PM

yeah...I know he knows it, S....keep working on that gift too - it sounds AWESOME

now, pass the pistachios

D

Jules62 · 06-29-2009, 10:02 PM

Sarah-I'm so sorry about this.I want to say more but I've been sick today and am heading back to bed.Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you hun

Jules xox

Hevyn · 06-29-2009, 10:19 PM

When I first started reading this, my thoughts were - well, she's not meant to go. I wouldn't have said that, though, unless you had first! It sounds so cold - but I feel very strongly that this particular trip wasn't meant to be. I never used to think that way in the past, but now that I'm sober I'm much more philosophical about things.

Maybe you can still go, but changes to the trip will be made - and someday you'll know why. Still, I am sharing your anger and sadness tonight - you know I am! I will email you later, love.

gravity · 06-29-2009, 10:19 PM

Quote:

I did have a thought and maybe this means my mourning period is soon ending. I thought there might actually be a reason to this. Maybe I would have gotten into a bad accident or maybe my son would have gotten sick. I know it sounds crazy, but maybe there is a reason I am not driving back there right now. I'm still VERY unhappy and disappointed but this reasoning does seem to make a bit of sense to me. I look back on my life and I see reasons for most everything. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to see the reasons immediately, but most often I have to look back.

"Nothing happens in God's world by mistake."

I'm sure the disappointment sucks but I also believe that there is a reason for everything. You will see your father when the time is right. I know that the milestone is important but the love you share will always remain no matter where you are.

Quote:

I am a bit heartbroken. No I'm pretty messed up about the whole thing. I know there are more important things in life, but this was pretty major for me.

I do think that this is important and I am a bit sad for you (I actually called my mom after I read your post to make sure she is okay (she is fine)). But like everything else, this too shall pass.

Take care. Everything will be just fine.

06-29-2009, 07:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,916 Blog Entries: 3	Major vent for me - sorry. Have to vent or I might have a problem else wise. We were suppose to refinance on our house. We were suppose to get money back and would be able to zero out our credit card. We needed to get a certain amount on the appraisal of our house, but if it came in low. We were suppose to be able to get a second one. A bunch of suppose to's I know. Here is what went down. We were appraised at $10,000 under what we needed. I said no problem we'll go to the next appraisal. FHA no longer does that she says. I'm told we have to pay for the appraisal at $470 if we back out. If we go forward we will have to come up with some of the costs at closing. We have no friggin money here. Had a trip planned to N.Y. as many of you knew. My trip was only possible if we could skip that last mortgage payment and I could apply that money to my trip. Had a trip planned to N.Y. as many of you know. I have to cancel it. My Dad is to turn 70 years old and we haven't seen him in a very long time. Not going to happen. He was actually choked up when I told him. That was hard because he was the kind of Dad that never let his kids see him cry and now this. I really am so upset and so disappointed and so pissed and so frustrated with life. It really sucks right now and I just want to scream. My son keeps coming in my bedroom and is worried because Mommy is "still" crying. Life has its ups and downs, but this is pretty down for me right now. I would say the biggest disappointment since I stopped drinking. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

06-29-2009, 07:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
*51anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 14,739	Oh gosh, I am sorry you're going through this. I have no answers for you, but can only send lots of hugs and prayers. __________________ Anna And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

06-29-2009, 07:25 PM	#4 (permalink)
gravity where the light is Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2,408	Maybe look at it as postponing your trip, not cancelling it. Things are bound to improve financially in the future right? (A little tip: my wife plans trips years in advance - she puts away a bit of money every month). My best wishes. __________________ Chase the light I see ahead, Luminate the path I tread, I live to be the best I can. - Queensryche

06-29-2009, 07:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,916 Blog Entries: 3	Thanks Grav, but I really wanted to make my dad's 70th. That's the part that sucks. I even had a cool present started. I redid all his childhood pictures, 60 of them, recropped them and retouched them and were going to put them in a bounded book and give that to him for his birthday. If I can afford it I will still try to do it, but I wanted to be there and give it to him. Pretty selfish of me, but I wanted to see him open it. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

06-29-2009, 07:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
Toomutch with a new light in my eyes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Littleton, Co. Posts: 3,125	I glad you came here to vent HL, i can only imagine how let down you must feel. Hopefully another opportunity to go to NY and visit your father is in the near future. Love ya, Suzette __________________ The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

06-29-2009, 07:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
tommyk www.youtube.com/teekmusic Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,955	Glad you got the opportunity to vent here. Stay strong.

06-29-2009, 07:36 PM	#7 (permalink)
suki44883 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 2,642	Were you planning to fly to New York? Is it possible to drive or maybe take a bus or train...a cheaper way to get there? __________________ When the power of love rises above the love of power, then the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix

06-29-2009, 07:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
mistycshore Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 261	Horselover, I'm so sorry. Your heartbreak is evident in your words. I wish I had something more significant to offer you than words. __________________ Misty

06-29-2009, 07:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,916 Blog Entries: 3	Flying would have been cheaper, but now to get tickets would be ridiculously high. We were going to drive and that was part of the adventure and the vacation. The drive would have been 4 days and 3 nights there and the same, of course, on the return. I can only do 7 1/2 hours by myself. I did have a thought and maybe this means my mourning period is soon ending. I thought there might actually be a reason to this. Maybe I would have gotten into a bad accident or maybe my son would have gotten sick. I know it sounds crazy, but maybe there is a reason I am not driving back there right now. I'm still VERY unhappy and disappointed but this reasoning does seem to make a bit of sense to me. I look back on my life and I see reasons for most everything. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to see the reasons immediately, but most often I have to look back. Ups and downs and reasons for both I guess. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

06-29-2009, 07:47 PM	#10 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,916 Blog Entries: 3	Thanks Misty. Just knowing someone cares really helps me through it. I really appreciate the people that take time to actually say I don't know what to say, but I'm thinking of you or whatever. It really does help. Thanks again. You are perceptive too. I am a bit heartbroken. No I'm pretty messed up about the whole thing. I know there are more important things in life, but this was pretty major for me. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

06-29-2009, 07:51 PM	#11 (permalink)
Dee74 Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 14,671	I'm really sorry to read this Sarah. I wish I had some answers for you - but at the moment all I have are hugs too. (((Sarah))) D __________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.

06-29-2009, 08:04 PM	#12 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,916 Blog Entries: 3	Thanks Dee. I need the hugs. Pigging out on pistachios right now. That's my fix for tonight. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

06-29-2009, 08:08 PM	#13 (permalink)
jmart TC MI Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Traverse city MI Posts: 73	Vent On.....:Hope all goes well.. Jay

06-29-2009, 08:13 PM	#14 (permalink)
Lenina Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California Posts: 1,358	(((((Horsey)))))) I am so sorry! Have you checked out priceline or orbitz? I wouldn't normally recommend them but you might be able to find a deal. Maybe some alternate routings or airports? You're in my thoughts. Love, Lenina

06-29-2009, 08:14 PM	#15 (permalink)
stone Member Moon Lander Champion! Shuffle The Penguin Champion! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: UK Posts: 18,236	I am sorry Sarah. I think you are right to look at this in a fatalistic way, sometimes better things can come from a seemingly bad thing. __________________ . As from a fire aflame thousands of sparks come forth, even so from the Creator an infinity of beings have life and to him return again. -- Maitri Upanishads

06-29-2009, 08:22 PM	#16 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 3,916 Blog Entries: 3	Thanks all. I can't even think about going on with this trip financially speaking. Our card is the highest its ever been and my medical insurance for son and I is $202 a month plus the crazy high finance charge. We have to put about $300 on the card to break even and then to pay down the debt it has to be more then that. We dug this hole and now we have to figure a way out of it. I thought the refinance would dig us out and then my paycheck could go into savings. My paychecks will be going towards the credit card. Let it be a lesson to anyone out there with little credit card debt - KEEP IT THAT WAY! We have never had credit card debt before and it keeps me awake at night. We have always paid our bills on time and even had a savings at one time. We were saving for son's college in a nice little fund. Not doing that currently. No 401k currently. Really just getting by and so no, I can't go on a trip. I can't even justify a trip to Walmart right now. __________________ Sober date: May 13, 2008

06-29-2009, 08:24 PM	#17 (permalink)
smynthia Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Arizona Posts: 90	I have also found that things work out for a reason. I know it always sounds trite in the face of adversity, but if the trip was meant to be, it will happen. Your present sounds like such a gift of love, that will travel along to your father on his birthday, whether your there physically or not. ((hug)) Stay strong, keep crying if you need to.

06-29-2009, 08:41 PM	#18 (permalink)
NewBeginning010 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,300	May something turn up that works, I know I am so lucky to have my father close & still with me. Take Care NB Maybe try some last minute deals@ Cheap Flights, Hotels, and Rental Cars -- Discount Airfare \| Priceline.com or www.expedia.com Expedia flights - book discount airline flight reservation online __________________ "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

06-29-2009, 08:45 PM	#19 (permalink)
NewBeginning010 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,300	Oh, also wanted to say that you can put together some pretty beautiful albums & colages at Picasa 3: Free download from Google as well as animoto - the end of slideshows If you want to get him something until things get better ;-) __________________ "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

06-29-2009, 08:46 PM	#20 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 21,891	I'm sorry too....(((Sarah))) __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery! :

06-29-2009, 08:57 PM	#21 (permalink)
SelfSeeking Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Northeast US Posts: 1,346 Blog Entries: 2	Aw. I'm so sorry, HL. I hope you can vent, eat pistachios, sleep, and wake up in the morning feeling a little better. Your dad knows you love him I'm sure.

06-29-2009, 09:05 PM	#22 (permalink)
Dee74 Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 14,671	yeah...I know he knows it, S....keep working on that gift too - it sounds AWESOME now, pass the pistachios D __________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.

06-29-2009, 10:02 PM	#23 (permalink)
Jules62 member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,279	Sarah-I'm so sorry about this.I want to say more but I've been sick today and am heading back to bed.Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you hun Jules xox

06-29-2009, 10:19 PM	#24 (permalink)
Hevyn Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: On the beach Posts: 1,778	When I first started reading this, my thoughts were - well, she's not meant to go. I wouldn't have said that, though, unless you had first! It sounds so cold - but I feel very strongly that this particular trip wasn't meant to be. I never used to think that way in the past, but now that I'm sober I'm much more philosophical about things. Maybe you can still go, but changes to the trip will be made - and someday you'll know why. Still, I am sharing your anger and sadness tonight - you know I am! I will email you later, love.

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