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Old 06-18-2009, 06:09 AM   #1 (permalink)
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not happy sober...I game it...

I drank, I drank for the last 5 days after several months of sobriety. My sponsor told me something last night that really hit me, I am not happy sober. He's right, and I cannot figure out why......
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Are doin' the steps?
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:19 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Today is a new day that you don't have to drink.

If you don't mind me asking, what did your sponsor tell you? It could help other's if you share. As to why he was right, I'd guess because he is your sponsor and has experience that you don't and may be able to see thing in you that you can't. Of course that is without knowing exactly what he said.

In the long run unhappy sober is beter than happy drunk. Take care.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:25 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Carl,

I had to find my soul's purpose in order to stay sober. I had been going through life, ignoring the little voice inside me, and heading off in whatever direction struck me at the time. I had to slow down, be quiet and listen.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tyler View Post

In the long run unhappy sober is beter than happy drunk.
Hmm...

That brings up a good point... Because in the long run we want to be happy sober... Now maybe in the short run, I'll accept some unhappy sober stretches.

I felt like that was the best I could muster, I'm not sure I'd be on this path of recovery.

Please realize, I'm not being critical, just bringing up the point that we are all here seeking happy sobriety.

Mark
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I may not be happy sober, but still, my worst day sober is better than my best day drinking. And staying sober decreases my risk of bad things happening to me. So, happy or not, I'll stay sober.

Is your unhappiness something that might be alleviated by counseling? Give it a shot, what do you have to lose?
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Carl,

I had to find my soul's purpose in order to stay sober. I had been going through life, ignoring the little voice inside me, and heading off in whatever direction struck me at the time. I had to slow down, be quiet and listen.
Beautifully put.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:36 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank you all.....


Yes I have done the steps. I thought I had done them to the best of my ability....I know step 6 scares me because I am afraid of changing from the person I am, the parts I like and make me who I am, instead of the part of me that needs to move past or get by my defects.

My sponsor said this because he says I never seem to, well, be/am serene or joyful(?).....when I speak at meetings, he and others have said I come across as miserable......and I have to admit , that I do looking at it now.

At this point I am not even sure if ‘why’ is the right question.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:38 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Maybe you're not happy sober because all your activities, etc. have always revolved around drinking and now you feel deprived. Or, maybe you don't have any activities and you just sit around doing nothing...and feeling deprived. I don't mean this to sound harsh, but sober life is only as enjoyable as you make it...just like anything else. You get out of it what you put into it. If your entire life revolves around drinking and you no longer drink, of course you're not going to be happy. Find interests that aren't conducive to drinking and make friends that don't schedule their entertainment around drinking. (((HUGS)))
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:39 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carl11 View Post
I drank, I drank for the last 5 days after several months of sobriety. My sponsor told me something last night that really hit me, I am not happy sober. He's right, and I cannot figure out why......
me too.....or wasn't happy sober.....life just seem to knaw away at me.

Unable to cope with how i felt.....unable to cope with life on life terms.

but me and you aint on our own......its a common problem for alcoholics.

i put as much effort into working the steps as i did my drinking and guess what.....l changed.

Maybe not over night but my whole outlook changed over time.

For me the programme of recovery laid out in the bb makes perfect sense.

i no longer feel .....unhappy without a drink...

trucker
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:39 AM   #11 (permalink)
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counseling

Quote:
Originally Posted by least View Post
I may not be happy sober, but still, my worst day sober is better than my best day drinking. And staying sober decreases my risk of bad things happening to me. So, happy or not, I'll stay sober.

Is your unhappiness something that might be alleviated by counseling? Give it a shot, what do you have to lose?
I donít know, but I have to try. After 2 years of this I donít have many more of these left.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:39 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Have you considered depression?
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:40 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Well, Carl, are you happy when you drink? I suspect not, or you wouldn't be here asking for direction. I wouldn't be able to maintain my sobriety, nor would I care to, if I didn't enjoy it.

My friend nelco says that a grateful alcoholic won't drink, and I tend to agree.

Are you grateful? Or ARE you miserable?

Questions only you can answer.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:49 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Cubile75 View Post
Hmm...

That brings up a good point... Because in the long run we want to be happy sober... Now maybe in the short run, I'll accept some unhappy sober stretches.

I felt like that was the best I could muster, I'm not sure I'd be on this path of recovery.

Please realize, I'm not being critical, just bringing up the point that we are all here seeking happy sobriety.

Mark
Probably wasn't clear enough on that. Just as happy drunk is a temporary state, hopefully so is unhappy sober. I think there are very few who stopped drinking and from day one were absolutely delighted with their new lives. There may be a lucky few, but I most of us have, if nothing else had to deal with the wreckage our drinking/drugging left behind, not to mention chemical imballances in our brains.

Depression often follows stopping substance abuse. Your body had become dependant on the substance for it's "happieness", take away that substance, no more happieness. I usually comes back, but sometimes permanant damage has been done, sometimes there was an imballance to begin with. Some, not all, require medications to help with this imballance. That is up to a quailfied professional to help decide. Hope this clairifies my statement a bit.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:59 AM   #15 (permalink)
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All excellent points tyler.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:59 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Wow, 7 months sober. u can do it again, get another sponsor, one that understands you better. I dont mean someone who will reinforce your status quo of unhappiness by agreeing with you all the time, but someone who understands depression better. I dont see why a sponsor can say such a wreckless thing without thinking about or being aware of the consequences.

Start some new hobby as soon as you stop drinking again which hopefully will be to day.
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Old 06-18-2009, 08:31 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Well it needed to be said, and frankly I needed to hear it...
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Old 06-18-2009, 08:41 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Hi Carl,

I'd like to be helpful without stepping on the toes of your sponsor relationship, who is in a much better position to be helpful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by carl11 View Post
Yes I have done the steps.
Did you have a spiritual awakening as the result of taking those steps?

Are you still practicing those principles? "The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it." You can ask yourself if you are meditating every day? Taking inventory? Are all of your ammends made? Do you work with others?

We can debate 'whys' all day, but it usually comes down to actions. And those actions make the difference of whether or not I have truly been reborn.

I'd love to talk details, and please PM if you'd care to do it offline. Thanks.
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Old 06-18-2009, 09:08 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Writing down everything i am grateful for helps me to get through whatever my disease is trying to convince me of. i didn't get clean & sober to be happy, i did it to stop causing myself the pain and misery i was incapable of doing anything about. If you need to look again at why you tried this new way of life, you might find that you just wanted a temporary fix to all your problems. Putting forth real effort (not just wishes that i wanted so desperatly to come true) has helped me to take responsibility for my life. Happiness becomes an added bonus, but it is not necessary for me to feel it in order to continue doing the next right thing. Instead of my motives behind everything i do, i use God's will to direct me into new opportunities to become a productive person on a daily basis. Spiritual principles help me to continue moving forward no matter what i am feeling or thinking and always produce much better results!

i hope that you will look back at what worked for you to stay sober and begin a fresh journey, of total abstinence, that will fufill you in ways you must live to appreciate. Why not call your sponsor today and go to a meeting?
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Old 06-18-2009, 09:39 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Hi Carl,

I'd like to be helpful without stepping on the toes of your sponsor relationship, who is in a much better position to be helpful.



Did you have a spiritual awakening as the result of taking those steps?

Are you still practicing those principles? "The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it." You can ask yourself if you are meditating every day? Taking inventory? Are all of your ammends made? Do you work with others?

We can debate 'whys' all day, but it usually comes down to actions. And those actions make the difference of whether or not I have truly been reborn.

I'd love to talk details, and please PM if you'd care to do it offline. Thanks.
Thank you Keith, and, no honestly I am not. As to the spiritual awakening, I thought I did, I went a year sober..I performed all of my amends.......then.........in short no, I have not been walking the walk.
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