Class of April

[LauraS]

Thank you Carol, Oceanbound and Electrickery. I appreciate your replies. I am hanging in tonight and hoping that I can start moving toward a solution. It's been clear to me for a long time that I use alcohol to quiet this underlying tension that seems to always be there. The problem is that it works pretty well, and I miss that tension release right now.

Meditation... I have actually done quite a bit of that, though it is hard when my body is doing its adrenaline thing and... you are welcome to PM me as I am open to just about any suggestion.

Well, we will see what tomorrow brings.

[JJB]

Hey Laura , hope you're doing OK It sure can't be easy living with someone who is still drinking while you're making so much effort. :ghug2

I'm on Day16 and can honestly say I don't particularly want a drink anymore. I've started seeing a therapist who is helping me to see myself and life quite differently. This is far more effective than the alcohol for dealing with my anxieties.
Sometimes it's painful as without the numbness that alcohol brought i'm dreaming quite vividly about what is causing the anguish in my mind. Well it can be painful but then I take that along to the therapist and he sorts through them one by one.
One thing is for sure, without SR I never would have made it this far. A big thankyou to you all.

[GDBD]

Hello everyone,
I had posted a couple of times earlier in the month, I am still plugging along, day 25!!!!!!! I am not even sure how I have gotten this far. Laura I read your posts and it was so helpful to read, I relate and it is so frustrating!!!!! I dread the weekends now. I have to watch my happy to be a self medicating husband drink and I am so jealous! He has tried to be somewhat supportive, but has no desire to quit. I dont blame him, I so miss the end of the day relaxation of alcohol. I have one of those brains that goes all the time and have major anxiety. I already take zoloft and it does help somewhat. Thank you all for letting me gripe. And thank you Carol for very helpful posts.

[bartender129]

Day 45 here folks.

My wife said something to me yesterday that really hit home. She said I have been so much more "approachable". Not that I was mean before, but I would get "snippy" at the slightest things.

The most joyful feeling came over me when she said the.

What she calls "approachable" is the DIRECT result of working my recovery program.

It was just one of those wow moments.

Keep on keeping on everybody!

[Jane47]

Hi everyone, today is day 18 for me. When I make it through today it will be the longest I have been sober in 9 years. It has taken over 4 months of trying since I got out of detox to get this many days in a row.
I'm working on my recovery program everyday and trying to keep positive thoughts in my head. I feel as if I have finally let it go and I feel a great peace.
Sorry some of you are struggling, hang in there and keep on trying, things will get better.

[electrickery]

I will get together some of the music files for the mediation that I do that helps me and send them to you Laura and also to someone else who PM'd me about this.... sadly dont have time this morning before work but will do that tonight.

Keep on going you all.... its really awesome to have this place to come to.

I'm feeling the love.

[keithj]

Originally Posted by OceanBound

Years of depression with intermittent anxiety.

Anxiety and depression are things I suffered with for years while drinking. Funny thing was, when I fully took AA's 12 steps, the anxiety and depression went away, as well as the obsession to drink. So while AA has no opinion on these issues, you might be surprised about the other mental issues with some real recovery.

[OceanBound]

Hi electrickery,

Could you share this info with me too? The thing I didn't like about meditation is it's so stationary: sitting and trying not to think. And it got me nowhere. But it seems you figured out a better way.

Thanks,
OB

[LauraS]

Getting ready to leave for my doctor's appointment. I generally have lousy luck with doctors, but hope that this time my luck will be better. I plan to tell him what's going on but I also have some skin problems that I want him to look at, and I hope we will not get sidetracked too much with that issue to deal with the anxiety.

I didn't drink last night, so this is day 39. If I get back early enough I may do an AA meeting at noon. Will report back here when I have some news.

Thanks everyone for your supportiveness. It really means a lot.

[OceanBound]

Day 26. Going on a trip where I suspect booze will be all around me. Plan on staying strong. Plus I was never much of a social drinker, or I should say social drunk. Anyway, wish me luck!

OB

[jhay]

Day 40 for me now. I called into work and made an appointment with a psychiatrist someone recommended. I plan on hitting up 3 meetings today, one of which my group is carpooling to because my sponsor is speaking. I really need some one on one time right now because things are getting difficult, not easier. I mean I don't have cravings but the emotions are driving me crazy. I can at least recognize my problems and that drinking or using will only make it worse, not better, and that in itself is a huge step. It's just a slow, lonely progress for me.

[electrickery]

Hi laura, OB (all the best on your weekend away!) and jhay

The meditation that has been helping me the most recently is the osho kundalini meditation . It is a meditation technique in 4 stages of 15 minutes each. The first 3 stages are to music, the last is in silence.

The best website I found with instructions (and demo videos) is this one;

Meditation: The Science of the Inner. Osho Meditation Techniques

To get the music you can follow the link to download it for around $12 or the following site has it for free on the condition that you 'remove it from your computer after listening'

Osho - Osho Kundalini Meditation: Free MP3 Download

Its tough getting the motivation to do it sometimes but i have never once regretted meditating but boyo have I regretted not meditating!

:ghug

[electrickery]

While you are at it Nadabrahma is also a great one.... it is especially calming and healing. I am pretty sure its a Tibetan healing meditation - the instructions are on that website as well.

[LauraS]

Thanks, E, I will check that out. Jhay hang in there; I very much relate to what you're going through right now. Hopefully both of us can get some relief. OB, I hope all goes well on your trip!

Saw my doctor today, and he had several suggestions. He gave me a prescription for prozac which I haven't taken yet; I am going to do a little more research on it first. He said that it isn't addictive, but paxil is supposedly not addictive either, and my husband had a terrible time trying to get off of that, so I am a little skeptical, as this is the same class of drug, I believe.

He also suggested I look into my health plan's chem dependency program, and I did go over there and talk to a counselor, but I think the program is too intensive for where I am in recovery right now. I work full-time and it would be very difficult for me to make the four meetings a week plus the four AA meetings that are required; their meetings are not at a good time for me.

Given that I already have 39 days and am not in an early detox phase, the counselor and I agreed that my best course of action at this point is probably to get back into the habit of making several AA meetings a week as I had been doing, and see how the prozac works (assuming I decide to take it). He knows my home group and thinks it's a good place for me, so I was grateful for his encouragement and I ran over there right afterward, for their noon meeting. There's another one at 4:00 which I will probably also go to.

The other suggestion my doctor had was to get back into therapy for the PTSD stuff. I'm not eager to do that because I've already dragged all that up and looked at it ad nauseum, but he said that it's part of who I am and if it's affecting my life I will need to do some maintenance to continue addressing it. So I'll probably try that, also. I also kept the information about the rehab program and told that counselor that if I end up relapsing, I will consider doing the whole deal.

So that's where I am at the moment. Anyone had any experience with prozac?

[electrickery]

Hey laura have you read a book called "Waking the Tiger - Healing Trauma" ? It has been really helpful for my bf (who had a very traumatic childhood) and was an eye opener for me as well. Here is a link...

Waking the tiger: healing trauma ... - Google Book Search

[LauraS]

Originally Posted by electrickery

Hey laura have you read a book called "Waking the Tiger - Healing Trauma" ? It has been really helpful for my bf (who had a very traumatic childhood) and was an eye opener for me as well. Here is a link...

Waking the tiger: healing trauma ... - Google Book Search

Yes, they have a series of tapes which I'm familiar with. That's one of the many approaches I've used to get a handle on the trauma stuff. Another really helpful approach for me was a book called "I Can't Get Over It" by Aphrodite Matsakis which has an accompanying workbook that allows you to move through trauma recovery at a comfortable pace.

I've also done EMDR. It all helps some. The issue here is that, no matter how much therapy I do, there are changes in my brain that resulted from the trauma and those changes cause me to release too much of the wrong chemicals, so that I'm always in fight-or-flight mode. That's just how I'm made. No counseling is going to get rid of that. That's why I drink.

[Sweets79]

Day 20 here...First day in 3 weeks, I can actually say I was in a good mood

[joedris]

About prozac, it's often used in detox but I'd be nervous about taking it over the long term. I've been on Paxil for years and it has a reputation that says you don't ever notice that you're on it until you try and go off it. Getting off Paxil should be done under a doctor's supervision and is usually accomplished by taking lesser amounts over a scheduled period of time. And it's not considered addictive since you don't build up a tolerence to it or want to increase the dosage to get high. Paxil doesn't alter your mood. Prozac does.

[electrickery]

So glad to hear that sweets!

I had a foul day... so irritable, grumpy, over sensitive and snitchy. It caught me by surprise because I had been pretty good really. Quite ironic that I was handing out meditation advice today hahahaha well I will meditate before bed and thank god tomorrow is another day!

And I didnt drink even though I really really really wanted too after a band played at work and then celebrated the end of the gig with champaigne (that I was given for lending someone a vacuum cleaner).... arggggg and to top it off one of my workmates has been playing little undermining, backstabbing games in the last week or so..... so I was Hungry, Angry, Tired AND Lonely.... Carol you would be proud that I remembered HALT and it reminded me why I wanted to drink so badly.

Actually I dont/didnt just want to drink I want/ed to get totally trashed - I even want/ed a cigarette and drugs and lots of alcohol. *sigh* I still want but I am home now and distracted, and full, and drinking chamomille tea.

So Sweets it was nice to read that you had a good day - it reminded me that I had a few recently and that more are coming up

[LauraS]

Electrickery, I'm so glad you didn't give in! Funny how quickly our moods can change. Sweets, so happy for you that you had a good day. You were way overdue!

Joedris, thank you so much for those thoughts about Paxil and Prozac. I feel a little bit more confident about it, because I spoke with my husband tonight and he told me that he'd been on Prozac before he started with the Paxil (which I didn't know). He didn't have any withdrawal from the Prozac at all, but getting off of Paxil was impossible for him (he gave up and still takes it).

The reading I've done also seems to support the notion that withdrawal from Prozac is pretty mild, whereas Paxil across the board has a reputation for being much harder to withdraw from. So I went ahead and took the prozac this afternoon. It's not supposed to do much to lift depression for a while, but I do notice some sensations from it, so I suppose it's doing something. They said it might make me sleepy, or it might wake me up. Right now I think it's going to make me sleepy, which is great, because I desperately need sleep.

The pharmacist said it might take about two weeks for me to adjust to any minor side effects. So we'll see, but right now I'm feeling hopeful. At least I did something to try to make things better, and I didn't drink.

[electrickery]

Last night I dreamt I went out, had some lines (MDMA), got drunk, smoked cigarettes, got rowdy and bonded with my old friends, then came home, felt like a failure, posted on SR about my wasted night out.... then I woke up!!!

I cant quite believe I dreamt about all that including SR - go my subconcious!

Laura I am glad you are trying something new - I don't know anything about Prozac but I do know quite a few people who have had a lot of relief from anti-depressants.

Ok today is a new day and its day 25.

[LauraS]

E, when I first read your post I was horrified because I missed the word "dreamt." Thank goodness you didn't really use.

When I quit smoking, I was in a support group and everybody there had dreams where they'd smoke and then feel bad about having to confess to the group. I know AAs have dreams about drink from the shares I hear but I have not yet had one. Thankfully, they're just dreams! I'm sure there's a sense of relief to realize it wasn't real.

[electrickery]

Yikes! sorry about the scare! no no just a dream.

Hope everyone is doing well :ghug

[LauraS]

Forty-one days. I was told that it would take at least a month for the Prozac to work, but that I might experience some side effects immediately. One of the side effects seems to be drowsiness, and that is working already to take the edge off of my anxiety. This is such an enormous relief, I can't even begin to explain it.

I go back to work tomorrow, so will have the opportunity to see if this effect holds steady with the typical stressors of a workday. Previously my choices have been to either deal with the stress of working by drinking in the evening, or don't work at all and micro-manage my exposure to stressors. That was how I was able to stay sober for seven years before, and it worked very well, but I can't afford to be retired now; I have to work.

Overall, I feel really good, especially compared to where I was just a few days ago. If this holds, I will start to really believe that I can do this.

[bartender129]

Day 48 here guys.

Still happy and still going strong.

Be well everyone!