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Old 03-18-2009, 04:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Dealing with the embarrassment?

I don't really want to share the details but I just had shame and embarrassment come FLOODING back to me from something I did while drunk. It's only been 77 days since my last drink and I was wondering how do you move on? How do you tell yourself that it doesn't matter what some random person is saying about what you did and that you know you are in a better place for it now? It's not even that horrible but I just want to cry.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well, one of the 12 Promises in AA tells us "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it".

I take that simply to mean.....I need to remember and learn from my mistakes, but I'll be/or have been forgiven. I can't change the past, but I can change the person I'm becoming as I move forward in my recovery. I stopped beating myself up a long time ago, and learned to be gentle.

Hang in there, it truly does get better.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I say to myself that was not the real me. I did some terrible things while drunk and disorderly that was the sick me...be gentle with yourself okay.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:42 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Well there in lies the problem, I think I had hoped it would never come up again and then by some obscure chance it comes back to my attention.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Aaah. Well, for me, time and working the 12 steps helped me with this.
But I was probably 7 months sober before I could handle people talking to me about my alcoholic escapades without wanting to crawl under a rock.
One day at a time.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Enough21,

I have pretty much become shutoff from my friends because of some of the things ive done in the past. I still have yet to deal with any of it but hope to soon. I miss my friends and would like to just discuss with them the crap I remember atleast. There are so many things I've done that I know just don't get mentioned in front of my face but I'm sure is talked about when I'm not around.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:50 PM   #7 (permalink)
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The situation is that I was drunk at a completely inappropriate time (at the time of course, in my mind, I thought I'd gotten away with it no problem). i bumped into this person (an acquaintance at best) who started telling me that they had heard that I was drunk but they told the story teller, "Oh I know Enough21, she wouldn't do that." But I had done that but I couldn't admit it and I couldn't believe it was right there in my face again.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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For me, early recovery was a time of lots of guilt and shame. I was overwhelmed with the mess I had made during three years of drinking and how I had hurt my family. The thing is, I simply had to deal with it and try to move on. It's hard to forgive yourself and it doesn't always happen at one time, so just hang in there.
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Old 03-18-2009, 05:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm just so mortified by it all
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Old 03-18-2009, 05:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi

In a general sense, the first 90 days or so were filled with shame and guilt. My F@#K up was so huge, in my eyes, I didn't even feel worthy to be part of normal society at times...

Have faith, lots of faith... The Second Step says that "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity." For me, sanity in a large sense meant losing the oceans of shame and guilt. You know what, in large part, I have ...

I think that the second step is in exactly the right place... how can we begin the difficult road to recovery with the ball and chain of shame and guilt dragging us down?

Put your energy into looking forward, not backward. And, please, keep the faith, it gets better, it did for me... 6 months C&S.

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Old 03-19-2009, 12:35 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thank you to everyone, I'm feeling a little bit taller today. I've spent the afternoon reading here and also reading several articles about shame and alcoholism. I've decided that I just have to stop worrying about what others think of me and focus on the fact that every day that I am sober is another day that I can prove that I am no longer that person.
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Wonderful Enough, exactly!!! :ghug
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:43 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enough21 View Post
I've decided that I just have to stop worrying about what others think of me and focus on the fact that every day that I am sober is another day that I can prove that I am no longer that person.
Perfect!
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:43 PM   #14 (permalink)
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One of the articles said that a little bit of guilt is healthy, that it is what keeps us from repeating our pasts, but that shame is debilitating and that it helps neither us nor the situation we regret. And I will just keep telling myself that until I believe it, haha.
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I find prayers immensley helpful in all situations

My God forgives when asked....then I can forgive myself.
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:59 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Good for you Enough. Know that you are not alone we all have shameful memories that we'd like to forget. Just hold your head high and know that you aren't making those mistakes anymore and be proud of your sobriety.
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:06 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Just ride out the storm.
No one will care in a few months time, or remember.
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:19 PM   #18 (permalink)
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our past is useful if we can learn from it and seek help, for me it was the steps that helped and trusting in a higher power... i quess if your doing that then you have to tell yourself ,your a sick person trying to get better not a bad person trying to be good.
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:25 PM   #19 (permalink)
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It is normal to feel that way in early sobriety. I felt the same way and found out most people made most of the same mistakes as I did when I was drinking. Having a Sponsor to talk to was very helpful for me. I didn't believe that alcoholism was a disease at first but there are specific physiological differences in our bodies. We they say "We have lost the power of choice in drink" that is no joke. Most of us are pretty dang nice people when we are sober. I worked the steps and they have really helped with those feelings inside.

Be proud of yourself 78 days today is awesome.
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:32 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I recently had a dream regarding a roomate of mine in college, we had our own issues with drinking. One night before I graduated in 2002 we got into a fist fight and never spoke afterwards. I had a strange dream of calm and friendship where i was helping him with building a house or something. It is maybe a message that I am where I need to be now, in a nice mindset free of the evils of drinking. The past is the past, we pave the way for the future. I feel you totally with this delima you are facing.
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