I am sorry for the insanity lately

[Katie09]

It's just been that things have been so insane. Sorry if I've driven some of you crazy. Things have finally been determined, but it was so hard to decide which rehab to go into. At times I feel guilty for even going (IOW, what is my problem and why do I have to spend all this money just to get well...anger over the fact I have to do this because I know in my heart I do...scared about the economy and will I ever work again...so many emotions and so much confusion).

At any rate, the place where I put the deposit down - the guy went so far as to ask if I wanted someone to come and pick me up. Mind you, we are talking from the CA coastline to Phoenix. Long drive. He said "Just come here" "Just come here" "You are just sitting there drinking, and I gotta admit he is right." I'm sure I've been driving them crazy too with all the flip flopping. So I'll just bite the bullet and do the deal. We leave on Tuesday and there is so much to be done between now and then.

Well, everyone, thanks for hanging in there with me.

Love,

Katie Bear

[Done_With_It]

Good Luck Katie! I wish you all the luck in the world~

[24hrsAday]

katie take it one day at a time.. you'll be O.K!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Hope, it all goes well for you

[Aysha]

I am so happy to hear this.
I go Mon. We can start our journey together in spirit.
I wish you all the luck and hope you make the most out of everything you learn there.
Remember. Take what you need. And well..You know the rest.
I really hope you make it there. No more excuses. K?

[Katie09]

Originally Posted by chiynita

I am so happy to hear this.
I go Mon. We can start our journey together in spirit.
I wish you all the luck and hope you make the most out of everything you learn there.
Remember. Take what you need. And well..You know the rest.
I really hope you make it there. No more excuses. K?

Thanks, Chiy. You go Monday - wow, that is great! How long will you be there for? Yes, would love to go in spirit with you Will you have access to the Internet so we can share our thoughts?

On my end, I've had so many conversations with so many rehabs and there have been so many plusses and minusses it's driven me crazy. Plus...this place says I won't like that place...you catch my drift? Who to trust.

I just about flipped this a.m. when my friend got up and said he thought I should go to the first place considered after I'd already decided to go to the other place. I am going to have to keep an open mind. I get to bring my puppies with me, which is huge, plus my cat. Their schedule doesn't look "fun" at all, but this life I've been living has SURE not been fun at all. At times I wonder...am I WORTH spending all this money? Is there ANY other way I can get this done? But the truth is I keep getting sicker by the day. My life has to matter more than spending X amount of dollars. I am just afraid to try and fail. I'm afraid to leave the "comfort" of knowing a bottle of wine is just down the road if I need it. They don't let ya drink there. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, I know I can get verbose, but I'm waiting to get dead tired enough to sleep for as long as I can.

[Done_With_It]

I did my ed treatment in Arizona, I have no idea where you are going, but I chose Arizona after a lot of research in the end I could have gone to the beach, to New York, anywhere, but I was really glad I ended up there. I was born there, but I went in the middle of the desert away from everyone I knew (Lived in Cali) at the time also. It was amazing.
Something about being in the middle of nature like that was extremely healing for me.
I hope you use this time to your best advantage. The desert can be so healing if you let it. Or 'for me' it is.

Good luck to both of you....... : ]

[Katie09]

Originally Posted by Done_With_It

I did my ed treatment in Arizona, I have no idea where you are going, but I chose Arizona after a lot of research in the end I could have gone to the beach, to New York, anywhere, but I was really glad I ended up there. I was born there, but I went in the middle of the desert away from everyone I knew (Lived in Cali) at the time also. It was amazing.
Something about being in the middle of nature like that was extremely healing for me.
I hope you use this time to your best advantage. The desert can be so healing if you let it. Or 'for me' it is.

Good luck to both of you....... : ]

Hmm, interesting. And it's all four of us! Two adorable shih tzu puppies and a cat. That really was part of the draw of this place. I looked here in AZ, but both options were super pricey, so they were out. And I find the coast to be probably how you found the desert to be. I am just tired of the desert.

Anyway, I am glad you found what worked for you. Like I said, I do have some reservations. I do get my own little apartment with my pets, so that's another thing I like (cannot do the shared room deal as sleep is a major issue for me). I'll wake up at the slightest noise and would go mental if I had to sleep with a snorer.

Thanks for your well wishes.

[Done_With_It]

oh I thought you were going to AZ. wherever you go, Good luck, Glad you get to bring your pets.

<3
All the best

[Pancake]

Hi Katie...

I am just thrilled to hear you are set to go to Rehab on Tuesday!! Good for you to make a decision and it is just wonderful that you will have your "Babies" with you...I hope that you will be able to stay in touch with us but if not...all the very, very best to you and talk when you get home and in your "Brand New Life"!!!

Love Pancake =^..^= xo

[least]

Very glad you're going to rehab on Tuesday. Take advantage of this opportunity to get sober and learn ways of staying sober.

[Sara9009]

Have a safe trip and I am very happy for you that you made the decision and are resolute.

[doorknob]

I understand. Good luck.

[Toomutch]

I'm glad you found a place that will take your dogs, thats awesome! Good luck Katie... Looking forward to hearing from you when you return.

[serenityqueen]

I really hope that you don't go changing your mind again. I was beginning to worry that you may end up like my sister. The day she was to go into treatment was the day we buried her.

Their schedule doesn't look "fun" at all, but this life I've been living has SURE not been fun at all.

I am not going to lie to you, rehab is not fun at all! Most treatment centers have you up at the crack of dawn, if not earlier and you don't have a minute to yourself until well into the evening.

I do get my own little apartment with my pets, so that's another thing I like (cannot do the shared room deal as sleep is a major issue for me). I'll wake up at the slightest noise and would go mental if I had to sleep with a snorer.

Katie, I do not want you to think that I am picking apart your words, but I'm wondering how much of your decision on where to go has to do with creature comforts vs a good, solid Program. Just remember, you are going for help with your alcoholism, not on a vacation, Hon. I hope that if this place doesn't turn out to be what you pictured it to be in your mind that you don't just leave. It's not what the building looks like, whether you have an apt all your own with new, beautiful, comfortable furniture, a desk for your computer, a private balcony, a breakfast buffet . . . Isn't it about getting detoxed, learning what your issues are that cause you to want to use, learning tools of Recovery and getting a good, solid footing before leaving and coming back into the real world?

I have been to many, many treatment centers over the 25 years I was struggling. I had been to hospitals, private treatment centers with many creature comforts of a high class hotel, a county run program . . . you name it. But I have to be completely honest with you. The Clinic I go to now, yes, for my Methadone, but also where I attended & completed IOP and still, after over 3 and 1/2 years continue my group and individual therapies is located in the absolute worst part of Dayton. The building itself looks as though it should be condemned. Their are torn screens hanging out of the windows, the mini blinds on these windows are missing more slats than the actual slats that are there. There is no central air, a few of the counselors offices have window units, if they are lucky enough to have a window. The entire building is horrifying looking, inside and out. But, I wanted my Recovery more than anything. What I have gotten from this Program, not the building, is more valuable than anything money could ever buy. I have learned to identify why I use, what my triggers are, the signs of relapse, have a relapse prevention plan in place, I have a tool box full of the tools of Recovery that I take with me everywhere I go. There were many things about myself that I didn't want to look at, much less admit to, but I had to in order to move on.

Katie, I Pray to God that you go, get what you need out of this Program (not what you think you need) and have a good solid Program of Recovery under your belt before you leave to come home. I hope if they recommend a Sober Living Facility that you follow their recommendations. After all, our ways didn't work. If they did, we wouldn't have needed treatment in the first place.

My Prayers will be with you, Hon,
Judy

[BP44]

I found that when I ran out of conditions on sobriety, I got sober. I did not get sober because I found and recognized the truth. I got sober because I ran out of lies. The truth came later. Out of options and no place to go is a great place for an alcoholic to be, desperation becomes inevitable. If I had one more new idea left, I'd still be running with it.