The blind leading the blind

[jimhere]

We'll see.

[Aysha]

I have heard "I will believe it when I see it" So many times.
And even though I may deserve it sometimes. It hurts to hear that some people just give up so easily.
I am the type that will "show you then"
Some may take it as why bother.
All that matters is that someone keeps trying. Hell I been trying for years. Talkin out my ass alot of times.
I am not making excuses for anyone by any means.
But there has been some progress in the new post. Can we keep assumptions and BS to ourselves until given a reason again to doubt?
I may be supporting a lost cause. I dont know. But I dont believe anyone is truly ever a lost cause.
If that was the case. I would have long since been gone.
I dont know..Maybe I am foolin myself in believing. Hopefully not.

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by Katie09

Whatever. I don't view your comment as kindhearted, and I am damn strong hearted enough to say this. I am sorry I have to balance my very real financial concerns along with others, in this economy. Thank God, I have someone who is with me here who is now concerned. And he owns three houses in CA and is fiscally free. So there.

At times I do get tired of the condescending behavior here, and it really angers me. I am on the crux of life and death and am smart enough to know what this means.

He's so concerned he's drinking with you.

In my case, my intelligence was not an asset when I was actively drinking.

I was almost too smart to stay sober.

[James13]

Originally Posted by Katie09

Thank you. I am starting to see that maybe I am too much of a handful for this forum. I do NOT want to cause undue stress. I AM going to FL and I am going to get the help I need. My problem is I spend a lot of time on the Net and am not sleeping.

You aren't causing anything. I've had to learn that I do not make anyone feel a certain way. They will react or feel as they will. It's not really about me.

But I hope you get into a better sleep pattern. Take care of you!

At any rate, I am going to do my very best to get a grip, stay away from here. I am afraid I am a real case, although my friend swears I am so functional, yet I am not. See, I still look ok on the outside, but I am so NOT ok on the inside.

We've seen all kinds of things here. Not really sure what sets your situation apart from those.

We care about you. One thing I have noticed is that my "friends" who are still using regularly don't want to hang out since I am sober. Some tell me I have no problem. It's time for me to look at the reality, whether I like it or not: If they aren't going to support me through my positive change, they probably aren't friends to begin with. This is the reality.

So...I'll give you all a breather and, co-dependent that I am, it's not about your post. I'm just so sick of me and I'm sure y'all may be at that point too. I'll come back when I am healthier. Thanks all, God Bless, and outta here! :ghug2

Good luck to you, and please take care of yourself. We are here whenever you need us!

Much love.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by chiynita

I have heard "I will believe it when I see it" So many times.
And even though I may deserve it sometimes. It hurts to hear that some people just give up so easily.
I am the type that will "show you then"
Some may take it as why bother.
All that matters is that someone keeps trying. Hell I been trying for years. Talkin out my ass alot of times.
I am not making excuses for anyone by any means.
But there has been some progress in the new post. Can we keep assumptions and BS to ourselves until given a reason again to doubt?
I may be supporting a lost cause. I dont know. But I dont believe anyone is truly ever a lost cause.
If that was the case. I would have long since been gone.
I dont know..Maybe I am foolin myself in believing. Hopefully not.

It hurts to watch someone die. And I sure as hell am not going to co-sign bullshit and help someone die. That hurts worse and sucks the life out of you. It ain't about giving up on someone, but comes a time when you have to, quote an old verse, let the dead bury the dead and shake the dust from your shoes and move on. It 's like if you don't care, I can't care. In other words if you don't even care enough about your own life to participate in it, I don't have the energy to care for you. But if you show me one little bit that you do care, I can't help but care.

Most of you don't seem to understand that to get emotionally entangled in an alcoholic's drama makes you useless to that person. You have to rise above the problem. Notice I said rise above the problem, not the alcoholic.

About the "we'll see" statement.

I bounced in and out AA meetings, de-toxes, nut wards, and treatment centers for ten years. Every time I came dragging my ass back, they would ask me "Are you done yet? Are you tired?" I would always say "Well...." And they would say "That's what we thought."

They knew where I was at. I had reservations. I put conditions on sobriety. You know what that looks like, I'm sure. For me it was "If I have a job." If my wife lets me come back home." If I get my driver's license back," "If I get the right sponsor, or the right information," yada yada yada. I had plans and ideas of how it was supposed to be. I had stuff left to lose.

After about ten years of that I was tired. I ran out of options. I ran out of people, money, time, whiskey, good ideas, and places to go. I came dragging back. They asked "Are you done yet?" My only answer was "I don't know, but I sure as hell hope so." My first sponsor asked me if I was ready to give up liquor for good and for all and if I was willing to go to any extreme to do so. I said I was. He said "We'll see." And I was. I didn't care what I had to do or where I had to go. I would've become a holy roller if that is what it took.

Based on my personal experience and from working with a lot of alcoholics, from what I've read of Katie's posts, all I can say is we'll see.

Hopefully she will make a liar out of me. But we'll see.
Jim

[PaperDolls]

This thread and the raw emotion helps me remember what I put my loved ones through. It reminds me of all the excuses I made and the denial I was in and the hopelessness I felt.

I hope it helps all of us remember. Never forget the pain and look toward the promises. That's what I try to do.

Katie -- I hope you've made it to treatment. I really wish you well.


P.S. Jim - It's possible you made a liar out of someone. I probably did. We were once hopeless and now we're miracles.

[jimhere]

Actually I proved them right. They knew that I would not be willing to do whatever it took to stay sober for good until I ran out of every good idea and option that I had.

[Amazonqueen522]

Jim,

Thank you for your posting, for me I need to hear it like it is......right to the point......


Living one day at a time, hoping to get better each day................

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by Amazonqueen522

Jim,

Thank you for your posting, for me I need to hear it like it is......right to the point......


Living one day at a time, hoping to get better each day................

Thanks. I'm grateful that my ramblings helped someone.

I think I'll bow out of this thread. It appears to have about ran its course.
Jim

[Katie09]

Nope, Katie is here back for more. Unfortunately, another place came up as an option, although I am quite sick of options. As any of you know, who have searched all over the country for options, it is exhausting. It's getting to the point wherein I can't take my friend's fine tooth comb. Nonetheless, he wakes up and brushes my pets with my favorite brush, I might add, and takes care of them. I am tired. Each day there seems to be better options, but I am getting tired to the point where I am saying just sign me up for such and such. Sure, I may have blown the few thousand dollars, and am such a stickler for that that this may become an issue.

Now this other place comes along, but I already agreed to some discloser on the Net for the place in FL. As I am not an attorney, I don't know what stands in court. However, that is secondary to the real deal at hand. However, my friend is the kind of guy who leaves no stone unturned. Bottom line, I need help and will get it. It's not like he is going to run out on me or anything, but he does have a wife. And the only thing I want to do with her is exchange salad recipes (big cook here - at least I used to be). So he's hanging around and only wants the best care for me. Price is arbitary for me at this point, but it's getting to the point I don't care. Of course I have to care, as I am not made of millions. Well, Katie signing off as I have to...As always, thanks for your support, but Katie is fading fast....

[Dee74]

Katie

there's shopping for a good deal and like the Townes Van Sant song goes, there's 'waiting around to die...'

My advice is cut your losses and go with FL. It's there waiting.

It's your call, not your friends. Make it and make it now.
D

[Lenina]

Katie,

There's a Danish philosopher and poet who has some wise words:

"Living is a thing you do.

Now or never, which do you?"

Piet Hein

Please take care of yourself.

Love,

Lenina

[Gypsy Feet]

Katie thank you for reminding me.
When I drank, I made very little sense.
When I drank, I had an excuse for everything.
When I drank, I taxed the emotions of people who cared, because I didn't.

Thank you for reminding me of some of the many reasons I do not want to be a drunk.

[mikel60]

There is a term used in Boston (and I'm sure elsewhere). It's kind of a sad and scary term...terminally unique.

You're not different, Katie. You're not a special case that is too much for this forum. You're a drunk. So am I and countless others here.

Get thee to rehab... any rehab. Just please do something.

Mike

[firestorm090]

The expense of any rehab is worth the priceless gift of sobriety.

Being a drunk will take all of your money, your friends, family, career, home, health and eventually your life. I know all of this firsthand, except I'm still alive. After two major heart attacks, and two major surgeries, I'm still alive. This is my only second chance.

I hope you don't wait till you've been brought back to life twice with defibrillators, which happened to me, before you make your decision.

By getting help now, you may be able to skip some of these devastating experiences. If you think it's bad now, don't push it. The bottle is much stronger than you may think.

[Anna]

Katie,

I am stepping away from this thread.

Good luck!

[least]

If Katie is fading fast, then I hope Katie will do what's necessary to stop this sickness before she fades away entirely. I can't watch this any more. I must say, tho, that I am more focused on my sobriety after reading thru this thread. I don't want to go down the road you're on right now. I'll stay sober for myself and my dogs cause I don't want to die from this and abandon those I love.

[yeahgr8]

Wow firestorm powerful post, just wanted to say thanks!

[KenL]

Katie,

You've always been candid, both with me and with the posts you've replied to. That shows honesty. You've knowingly posted here and elsewhere that there were going to be people who would say things that were judgemental about you and what you're doing. You did it anyway. That shows integrity. You are facing this problem you have and are willing to leave your home and your security. That shows courage. In my opinion, you're a far better person than some of the people I have ever met or have seen words from. I wish you well on your journey.

Peace,
Ken

[Aysha]

All I can say is. You will see what everyone here is trying to say to you someday. Hopefully.
I guess I too am growing tired.
I am not telling you what I am posting because I think I know it all. Or I think I know whats best for you. I have no idea what your life is like.
But it doesnt take rocket science to see what many of us here have done so many times before.
And me ..I am going through as we speak.
I agree you are not a special case. Your story isnt unique. In fact it is typical of alot who were exactly where you are right now.
We all started somewhere.
Alot of this comes from people who have seen it. Lived it. And dont want to see another go through what they have.
But like my dad told me. Sometimes you gotta let people find out for themselves. I just hope it doesnt take a tragedy to make you wake up. Or not wake up. If you get my drift.
I have alot of thoughts as to your friend. But I will keep that to myself. Because the only one who matters in this thread is you.
I do know what others are saying about stepping away. Its like talking to a wall really.
So it makes me wonder why you keep coming here. When you already know where alot of us stand.
When you put your business on front street like we do here. Expect all types of feedback.
But to get support of all kinds and just pick and choose which ones youlike and dont like.
Whats the point then?
Everyone here has been where you are. Some of us have fallen so much further than you could ever imagine. I could go on and on at the lows I have had. What drugs have made me do. Not showering for a wekk and leaving dog **** everywhere would have been a blessing compared to where my addiction has taken me.
I am not special either. I wish I never went to the places in my addiction that I have.
This all seems so dramatic anymore.
I hope only the best for you. I am not washing my hands of this. I am just goin to let you learn it for yourself I guess. Afetr all..Most knowledge comes from experience.
But..I really dont know what else anyone can say to you.
So you and your "friend" can keep going through it all with a fine tooth comb. I doubt it will find what has already been shared with you here.
Which is real life and death experience from all of us who have been or are right where you are now.
Its really sad.
I need to focus my energy on myself now. As I am as sick as you right now.
How can you help someone when they wont reach back and take your hand?
Good Luck Katie.
I hope when I come out of my little state funded rehab. The one closest and readily available to me. That you have made a life changing decision for the better.

[LosingmyMisery]

When are you leaving for treatment. Your friend flew in on the 2-28-09 and has been haggling for days. When are you leaving for rehab? Time is wasting...