I blew it BIG TIME!

[Bamboozle]

Hello, nicki.

Post as much as you need to, pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You can do this.

[grateful2b]

((Nikki)), what an amazing thread for the newcomer to read!..thank you, to you, and everyone who has supported you with love and encouragement...
I am so sorry about the loss of your little boy...
I am so glad you posted and that you're ready to get back up on that horse

[Toomutch]

Nikki - I cannot even imagine what it would be like to lose a child.
Thanks for coming here to share your burdens with us as we are all in this together.
Don't drink today and you're well on your way.

[ViciousCycle]

Like Pretty Poison said........the folks here have pretty much covered all our feelings toward ya! I am glad you are back. Let the darkness fall behind you my friend.....there is so much good out there for you!!

Luv ya Nick!

[CarolD]

Welcome back.....Mega

:praying for your healing and serenity

[nelco]

There was a situation that I put myself in and shouldn't have. I knew better. I'll probably post a thread on that alone cuz it's pretty overwhelming -- was overwhelming.... drinking didn't help this at all!

Thanks for sharing your experience nicki, it helped me stay sober today, as does everyone that comes back into the rooms of AA after a relapse.....I have never seen one person come back smiling saying "its great out there guys" they all come back just a little bit more broken and there health damaged some more. The new member or the person back after a relaspe help me a lot because they remind me how serious my disease is. Your one of the lucky ones...you made it back...I know a lot that dont.. some are dead, some in asylum some suffering long painful lives chained to the bottle.

[least]

Stop drinking now and start moving forward.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Until, I could give up the substances that, made me unwell, I could never find spiritual enlightenment.

You have to determine, what your triggers are!!!

Are they, people, places or things??

After you make this determination, you have to learn that, you have to accept things for the way they are.

I have to always ask, were you at one with your higher power?

When, you awoke did you ask for guidance? Did you ask for protection for the day?

Mostly after, the simple unselfish prayers, I ask to be of service to all that God puts in my life.

You are loved on here.

You must learn to love yourself


hugs

Any words, I could add can never be adequate for the pain you feel over losing your child.
Except, I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling, it makes us all sad as well

[nickishine]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

I have to always ask, were you at one with your higher power?

When, you awoke did you ask for guidance? Did you ask for protection for the day?

Mostly after, the simple unselfish prayers, I ask to be of service to all that God puts in my life.

You are loved on here.

You must learn to love yourself


hugs

Thank you! I went against the guidance of my HP. So I see what dangerous places it leads me when I "willingly" do something that I know is what He doesn't want for me!

I'm so enlightened by you. By everyone here. You are a wise man Zing! Thank you!

[allport]

Nicki I've just seen this thread and wanted to give you a big wish I had some wise words to share but a hug will have to do.

Thinking of you. x

[serenityqueen]

I also am not from the "ok, you drank, that's ok school," but I'm not ready to take you out back and tar & feather you! Ok, you drank . . . what are you going to do to prevent it from happening again? I'm from the school of learn from your mistakes.

You said you're a chronic relapser and wondering when you will finally "get it." I've shared this many times before here on SR, but I wanted to share it again with you. On one of my last of many, many trips to the hospital for detox, as I came off the elevator and was being wheeled down the hallway on the detox floor, one of the nurses said to one of the other ones, "Oh, look who's back, our own Queen of Relapse." I think you can relate to how I felt at that moment.

I had to fight, fight for the Sobriety & Peace of Mind I wanted so desperately.

I can't tell you what you're missing in your Program that is keeping you from picking up. . . if I could, I'd already have told you. Just don't beat yourself up, learn from what happened and move on. I kept beating myself up and I know that is one of the things that kept me relapsing.

Let Go & Let God,
Judy

[Anna]

I am so very sorry about the loss of your son.

And, I hope you can get through this detox and begin to thrive again. Be kind to yourself Nicki, and believe that you can do this!

[HardwiredFlaws]

Nicki even late I was praying for you and had to turn the comp on and tell you.
much love for you. Hope you sleep well...
the people from the other school believe if they can stay sober for as long as they have everyone else better to. But in reality we all belong to the school of humanity , and there lies the flaws embedded in us.
It truly is a task to rewire our flaws usually it never happens thats why people like us devote our lives to our HP (GOD) and to sobriety, that is the only loop hole in our "programing" is to stay on the program.
Make any sense?

[nickishine]

Originally Posted by HardwiredFlaws

Nicki even late I was praying for you and had to turn the comp on and tell you.
much love for you. Hope you sleep well...
the people from the other school believe if they can stay sober for as long as they have everyone else better to. But in reality we all belong to the school of humanity , and there lies the flaws embedded in us.
It truly is a task to rewire our flaws usually it never happens thats why people like us devote our lives to our HP (GOD) and to sobriety, that is the only loop hole in our "programing" is to stay on the program.
Make any sense?

I really like and agree with what you said here. Sometimes it's hard being on here -- so many various opinions -- but we let ourselves out there anyway. I believe, as you do about HP. That has to be my focus for recovery. Somehow when I get "well".... I put HP in a box.... I forget my Source! Why is that? I'm glad I woke up and got this message from you... I needed "this" re-wiring! xox

[SJLady]

I' m new here, and I realize I'm coming into this thread late, but I saw your post and felt I had to speak to you.

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. February is also a hard time for me and my family as well. You see, I lost my brother 2 years ago yesterday. He was 36 years old and died suddenly from a congenital heart defect that no one knew he had. I've seen what this loss has done to my mother, so I can empathize a little with what you're going through. No parent is ever prepared to bury a child, and when it happens it's one of the most difficult thing any parent has to bear. It seems like no matter how much time has passed, the grief doesn't go away, the void is never filled, the pain is only dulled a little. Life really sucks, doesn't it? And until you meet someone who has experienced the same thing, they'll just never understand what you're going through. Have you ever considered finding a support group strictly for parents who have lost a child?

Secondly, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that alcohol withdrawal can be a medical emergency requiring immediate treatment. Keep in mind that the majority of hospitals have social workers that may be able to assist you with applying for medical assistance and in some cases, charity care. So, please do not be afraid of seeking treatment if you need it. Hospitals are there to help.

I pray that you find peace of heart and mind.