Broken... - Page 5 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

gerryP · 01-08-2009, 10:03 PM

Ohhh...Jules,

My heart goes out to you.....

On top of it all, you feel that you are a failure for drinking in reaction to a soul destroying email from your mother.

Your not a failure dear, you are human.

I just bet you'll turn this around real soon and be back to crossing the days, weeks and months of the calender. Best wishes. You are doing great....

(My motto? Either your with me, or your not)

Jules62 · 01-08-2009, 10:22 PM

Hi Gerry-thanks for your empathy.

I have started to turn it around though.I stopped drinking.If anything-the biggest issue here wasn't the fact I'd drunk.I haven't posted here what my mother said to me and I never will.It wasn't just some trivial piece of information about my past that she wanted to get at me with.I'm more than immune to that from her.

It was huge and life changing in a potentially life-threatening way.I'm not talking 'lowering my self esteem' I'm talking making me feel like I wanted to kill myself.She didn't waste words or soften anything.It was vicious.But that's not even the point.I still have a choice in how I respond.And that's what I'm trying to do.

I'm not where I was a few days ago, now.I'm climbing out of it.With lots of help-much of it from people here.

As Sherry so wisely said-drinking is just a symptom.The real issue is the stuff I'm faced with now.And I'm not drinking-much as my mind has told me I'd like to at times recently.

I won't give in.Thank you for caring though.

Jules.

littlefish · 01-09-2009, 02:57 AM

I've been following this thread and it is really heartbreaking to see that your mother would so consciously try to hurt you. It's fantastic to hear that you put the bottle down and you are as you say climbing out of it. I would have to say: what a strong person you are.
Is there any kind of counseling services you can turn to at this time of crisis? Along with AA, SR and a day to day sobriety diary, I use a rehab counselor. She has been fantastic in helping me sort out other problems in my life that aren't alcohol related And, if they are problems that I can't fix, she is helping me find ways to accept those problems while maintaining my serenity and self-confidence.

IO Storm · 01-09-2009, 12:47 PM

I know you won't give in Jules. I know how strong you are...

Bamboozle · 01-09-2009, 03:21 PM

Hello, Jules.

Hope you're feeling better.

IO Storm · 01-09-2009, 10:33 PM

(...)

That is a smile...

Rella927 · 01-09-2009, 11:18 PM

Jules love you sweetheart

and I have seen that strength in you and
know you know how to use it

Jadmack25 · 01-10-2009, 02:16 PM

Good luck and God bless you Jules.
I am going offline now and wish you all the best for the future.
Will get back to you and SR as soon as I am housed and settled again.

Love Jen

scaredykat · 01-10-2009, 11:39 PM

Jules

Sorry to keep your thread going. First off, I want to apologize for not writing to you sooner. I've been in a Me,me,me faze or something. I actually haven't wanted to post anywhere on here the past week. I've had to force myself with what little posting I have done. So again I'm sorry for not responding sooner.

I think the world of you. I'm so glad you reached out to everyone and shared with us. You've gotten so much love and good advice. I can relate with what you were sharing about you mother. For me it's my dad. My sponser has been helping me recently with my past issues with my Dad and 1st husband. It's been really hard. Now, I have to pray for my 1st husband. I really hate that. For the longest time I've felt like he doesn't deserve my prayers or anyone else's.

Anyway, I'm so glad you stopped drinking and your trying again for a better life sober.

Much love,
Barb

Jules62 · 01-10-2009, 11:55 PM

Littlefish, Bam, Sherry, Rells, Jadmack, Barb-thank you all.I take in every word you say even if I'm not posting much.

I'm hanging in there thanks to all of you.Still sober.

Barb-don't give yourself a hard time hun-we all go through stuff-and you constantly amaze me-the way you stay sober against so many odds.I'm so proud of you.You inspire me.Know that.Thank you for your love and care.

Love you all

Julesxox

dave47 · 01-11-2009, 02:25 AM

Glad you are dealing with everything so well Jules.:praying

IO Storm · 01-11-2009, 02:14 PM

Still here Julsie...

Just checking in...

Love you

Aysha · 01-11-2009, 02:22 PM

Hope your smiling again..

Jules62 · 01-11-2009, 03:41 PM

Oh Trish.... LOL! That picture certainly made me smile! Thank you

Sherry

I can feel your prayers you know.Thank you my friend.

Dave-thank you too.I meant to reply to your pm but I haven't caught up properly.Just know I really appreciate it.

I'm doing better every day.I'm just learning to 'be' with it, if that makes sense?I don't feel sad or hurt all the time, it comes and goes in waves really and I just let it happen.I'm beginning to believe I'm stronger than I thought but not in a 'tough' way-more in being unafraid to acknowlege what I need and what I feel.It's new for me, but ultimately good I think.Better than trying to drink it all away anyway. Baby steps I guess.

Thank you all for your continued support and love,

Jules xox

stone · 01-11-2009, 03:47 PM

Quote:

I'm beginning to believe I'm stronger than I thought but not in a 'tough' way-more in being unafraid to acknowlege what I need and what I feel.

That sounds good Jules.

Horselover · 01-11-2009, 06:33 PM

"I'm beginning to believe I'm stronger than I thought but not in a 'tough' way-more in being unafraid to acknowlege what I need and what I feel."

:praying Prayer answered - Amen!!

01-09-2009, 12:47 PM	#104 (permalink)
IO Storm IO Storm Wheel Of Fortune Champion! Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 18,175 Blog Entries: 2	I know you won't give in Jules. I know how strong you are... __________________ "God holds me still in the eye of the Storm"

01-09-2009, 03:21 PM	#105 (permalink)
Bamboozle I got nothin' Duck Hunt 2 Champion! Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: My house. Posts: 4,776 Blog Entries: 14	Hello, Jules. Hope you're feeling better. __________________ A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

01-09-2009, 10:33 PM	#106 (permalink)
IO Storm IO Storm Wheel Of Fortune Champion! Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 18,175 Blog Entries: 2	(...) That is a smile... __________________ "God holds me still in the eye of the Storm"

01-09-2009, 11:18 PM	#107 (permalink)
Rella927 ¢σммυηιту gяєєтєя Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Spreading my wings Posts: 7,147	Jules love you sweetheart and I have seen that strength in you and know you know how to use it __________________ Dance as though no one is watching you Love as though you have never been hurt before Live as though heaven is on earth.

01-10-2009, 11:39 PM	#109 (permalink)
scaredykat Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Upstate, N.Y. Posts: 4,593 Blog Entries: 7	Jules Sorry to keep your thread going. First off, I want to apologize for not writing to you sooner. I've been in a Me,me,me faze or something. I actually haven't wanted to post anywhere on here the past week. I've had to force myself with what little posting I have done. So again I'm sorry for not responding sooner. I think the world of you. I'm so glad you reached out to everyone and shared with us. You've gotten so much love and good advice. I can relate with what you were sharing about you mother. For me it's my dad. My sponser has been helping me recently with my past issues with my Dad and 1st husband. It's been really hard. Now, I have to pray for my 1st husband. I really hate that. For the longest time I've felt like he doesn't deserve my prayers or anyone else's. Anyway, I'm so glad you stopped drinking and your trying again for a better life sober. Much love, Barb __________________ * BB quotes cited from the 1st Ed.* One Day at a Time Sobriety Date: Jan 19, 2008

01-08-2009, 10:03 PM	#101 (permalink)
gerryP Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 865	Ohhh...Jules, My heart goes out to you..... On top of it all, you feel that you are a failure for drinking in reaction to a soul destroying email from your mother. Your not a failure dear, you are human. I just bet you'll turn this around real soon and be back to crossing the days, weeks and months of the calender. Best wishes. You are doing great.... (My motto? Either your with me, or your not)

01-08-2009, 10:22 PM	#102 (permalink)
Jules62 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,301	Hi Gerry-thanks for your empathy. I have started to turn it around though.I stopped drinking.If anything-the biggest issue here wasn't the fact I'd drunk.I haven't posted here what my mother said to me and I never will.It wasn't just some trivial piece of information about my past that she wanted to get at me with.I'm more than immune to that from her. It was huge and life changing in a potentially life-threatening way.I'm not talking 'lowering my self esteem' I'm talking making me feel like I wanted to kill myself.She didn't waste words or soften anything.It was vicious.But that's not even the point.I still have a choice in how I respond.And that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not where I was a few days ago, now.I'm climbing out of it.With lots of help-much of it from people here. As Sherry so wisely said-drinking is just a symptom.The real issue is the stuff I'm faced with now.And I'm not drinking-much as my mind has told me I'd like to at times recently. I won't give in.Thank you for caring though. Jules.

01-09-2009, 02:57 AM	#103 (permalink)
littlefish Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Sweden Posts: 1,216	I've been following this thread and it is really heartbreaking to see that your mother would so consciously try to hurt you. It's fantastic to hear that you put the bottle down and you are as you say climbing out of it. I would have to say: what a strong person you are. Is there any kind of counseling services you can turn to at this time of crisis? Along with AA, SR and a day to day sobriety diary, I use a rehab counselor. She has been fantastic in helping me sort out other problems in my life that aren't alcohol related And, if they are problems that I can't fix, she is helping me find ways to accept those problems while maintaining my serenity and self-confidence.

01-10-2009, 02:16 PM	#108 (permalink)
Jadmack25 Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Wizard Land Downunder Posts: 2,603	Good luck and God bless you Jules. I am going offline now and wish you all the best for the future. Will get back to you and SR as soon as I am housed and settled again. Love Jen

01-10-2009, 11:55 PM	#110 (permalink)
Jules62 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,301	Littlefish, Bam, Sherry, Rells, Jadmack, Barb-thank you all.I take in every word you say even if I'm not posting much. I'm hanging in there thanks to all of you.Still sober. Barb-don't give yourself a hard time hun-we all go through stuff-and you constantly amaze me-the way you stay sober against so many odds.I'm so proud of you.You inspire me.Know that.Thank you for your love and care. Love you all Julesxox

01-11-2009, 02:25 AM	#111 (permalink)
dave47 Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: England Posts: 1,703	Glad you are dealing with everything so well Jules.:praying __________________ Into each life some rain must fall,some days be dark and dreary. The Difficult is that which can be done immediately;the Impossible that which takes a little longer.

01-11-2009, 02:14 PM	#112 (permalink)
IO Storm IO Storm Wheel Of Fortune Champion! Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 18,175 Blog Entries: 2	Still here Julsie... Just checking in... Love you __________________ "God holds me still in the eye of the Storm"

01-11-2009, 02:22 PM	#113 (permalink)
Aysha Looking For Myself...Sober Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Where the heart is Posts: 10,087 Blog Entries: 26	Hope your smiling again.. __________________ Dont just count your days...Make your days count! It may not get easier, But it will get better.

01-11-2009, 03:41 PM	#114 (permalink)
Jules62 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,301	Oh Trish.... LOL! That picture certainly made me smile! Thank you Sherry I can feel your prayers you know.Thank you my friend. Dave-thank you too.I meant to reply to your pm but I haven't caught up properly.Just know I really appreciate it. I'm doing better every day.I'm just learning to 'be' with it, if that makes sense?I don't feel sad or hurt all the time, it comes and goes in waves really and I just let it happen.I'm beginning to believe I'm stronger than I thought but not in a 'tough' way-more in being unafraid to acknowlege what I need and what I feel.It's new for me, but ultimately good I think.Better than trying to drink it all away anyway. Baby steps I guess. Thank you all for your continued support and love, Jules xox

01-11-2009, 06:33 PM	#116 (permalink)
Horselover Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: NM Posts: 6,568 Blog Entries: 3	"I'm beginning to believe I'm stronger than I thought but not in a 'tough' way-more in being unafraid to acknowlege what I need and what I feel." :praying Prayer answered - Amen!! __________________ "For who among us shall cast the first stone?"

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