Broken...

[Aysha]

Hope your feeling a little better today...((((Jules))))

[Jules62]

Thank you all, again.

Astro-I think what you do with your Dad is great.I am certainly not there myself though.At one point in my life I spent 3 years not communicating with my mother at all.I was in therapy trying to deal with what she'd done to me as a child and I simply could not face talking to her at that time.I had a lot of hate in my heart towards her.....I thought I'd dealt with most of it, but apparently not.

I have no love for my mother at all.None.I think it's fair enough actually.However, what isn't good is that I need to at least have some compassion for her.I know this.I know I need to forgive her-again, for this recent incident.I am willing to do that-but it's going to be a long road I think.I'll need help.

Kev-you are so right about this being a journey-that we don't know everything.I feel like I had this part of my life under some kind of control.I realise now I can control nothing-only my own behaviour.It's hard to let go of this though, even though I know I need to.Thank you for caring.

Jomey-thank you for what you said.That is just a beautiful way of putting it.I hope one day I can see myself clearly.I'm always surprised when people are kind to me.Sad, really.I'll be in touch more

Trish-thank you too. I'm not sure how I am today to be honest. I'm still fairly raw emotionally but I can say I'm 'okay' in the sense that I don't feel the overwhelming despair I felt yesterday morning and I am glad I tipped the wine outIt's just hell in a bottle for me now.Thank God for all of you here. You have all made such a difference to me these past two days.I'm so incredibly grateful, it's hard to put into words.

I'm sticking close to SR today.

Much love,

Julesxox

[Dee74]

I wish I had something more profound to say

I'm just glad you're 'ok' and I'm glad you're around here, Jules.
and don't be surprised - you've earned it...over and over.


D

[Toomutch]

[gypsytears]

I had to. I tried not to but I can only hold back just so long.

I love you Jules. Sticking around is a great idea. You're always close in my heart even when you don't post anyway .

xoxo

[Philly]

Hi Jules,

I am fairly new here too. I just wanted to send my prayers and hope you are feeling better today. All I can say about this thread is

The responses to you are truly amazing. Being an accountant I just wanted to add up the posts by everyones names that responded. I betcha it would total a couple hundred thousand!! You are really special and I will absolutely pay attention when you have something to say so please feel better because so many on here really need you.

[least]

Jules, learn to have compassion for yourself first, then you can learn to have it for others. Take care of yourself first.

I love you!

[Jomey]

Hey Jules, the power is starting to blink here, so it may only be a matter of time until it's out, so here's a big hug for ya just in case I don't get much for time here tonite & tomorrow! Love ya, Jomey

[Jadmack25]

Dear Jules, thank you for your post telling me that I was some help to you. I thank God that if this had to happen, it did it now, as I am having to leave my unit next week and would not have been able to read or answer anything. You have been in my daily prayers, and in the Mass I attended, and I reckon that Heaven must have been bombarded with prayer from Sr folk. AND SOME OF IT WAS ANSWERED STRAIGHT AWAY. You didn't give up and stay drinking, you threw the cursed stuff out. Take a big bow Jules, you are a fine, strong and loving woman, and that is proved by the great number of people here who have posted and told you that.

Have been sorting, tossing, packing and cleaning out cupboards, robes and drawers. I swear some of the boxes I have packed have cloned themselves overnight.

The plan is for me to spend the next 3 or so months between abf's flat and at 2 of my 3 daughters homes, a few days here and there. Heck, I'm a 64 year old "bag lady".

Stay strong and listen to all those who tell you that you are LOVED and ADMIRED.
God bless you.

[Jules62]

Jomey-thank you for checking in.Hope your power is ok-LOL.But ty.We'll catch up soon.

Jadmack-you are my favourite 'bag lady' ever.I can't thank you enough for your post to me.More via pm.

The love and support here has overwhelmed me.But I see it as part of my healing too.I love you all.Very much.

I dont want to drag this thread out though.I've had so much given to me from all of you and there's so many here needing our love and support.

I will be okay.I'm on my way out of this, if tentatively.And I know I can call on so many of you for support if I need to.

God bless you all.I'll let this thread die now.But I will always be grateful to everyone of you.I need to move forward and think of others more too now.I dont want to hog your attention.We all need help here.

I'll be around....hopefully helping others more too soon.Just know I owe you all a great deal-and I'll never forget this.Ever.

Thank you all-from my heart to yours,

Julesxox

[IO Storm]

Well, the thread can't die out till you hear from me. Jadmack went to Mass..I went to

my "prayer closet"..(my mom's bedroom) this afternoon. I know He heard.

Just continue to feel the love coming from all of us.

We are helping others.

You are not hogging anything..remember Jules, to keep this thing thing, we

have to keep giving it away..and you...are helping us.

You are helping me.

If you want to let the thread go..that's okay, too..

Love you.

Sher

[Rella927]

Jules Love you too sweets

[Jules62]

((((((Sherry))))

You sweetheart

It's not that I want it to die-I just hate being the center of attention for too long(Gee-what's wrong with me?I thought I was an alcoholic? )

Your prayers mean everything to me.I've felt every single one and been grateful.I still am.I need them.

Thank you.So much.

Rella-you are always just a bright spot in my life.Thank you too xox

Julesxox

[All About Love]

no hogging jules we are all happy to be of help & show how much we care for you

so glad your on the up n up girl!

[stone]

Jules, when it comes to forgiving your mother, remember we forgive other people for ourselves not for them. By forgiving them we are able to move on

OK, the thread can die now I have come in with my profundity. lol

[Jules62]

Thank you Mahatma Stoney

Seriously, that statement is very true and the only way I can approach it really.Thanks

[parentrecovers]

big hugs to ya today, jules

[Impurrfect]

(((Jules)))

Sorry I didn't get back on here, but glad you are doing better. You ARE one very special lady and are very much loved by a lot of us.

Take your time working through this stuff, and I'm very proud of you for dumping the rest of the wine. You have way more strength and will to live the right way than you realize. From the sound of it, you are nothing like your mom, and I mean that in a very good way.

I'm glad to see you back and posting.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[gypsytears]

I know you want this thread to fall by the wayside... but I'm sending love and support out to you anyway .

[nogard]

Originally Posted by gypsytears

I know you want this thread to fall by the wayside... but I'm sending love and support out to you anyway .

me too :ghug

[Jules62]

I guess this thread is going to have it's own life LOL. Seriously-it means the world to me that so many of you check in to see how I am.Thank you so much.

Amy-yeah-it's going to take time to work through, but I'm glad I decided to keep moving forward rather than give up and drown myself in a bottle(or 100) till I died.Thank you for your kind words here-they mean a lot.

I am so blessed to know you all.Earlier today I spoke on the phone with a person here I'd never spoken to all that much before and I can't tell you how wonderful it was to connect with another woman from SR who understood my journey and reached out to me with love, compassion and humor.I am so grateful.

The connections we make here are very real. The friendship and love I've been given, especially these past few days have touched me more than I can say.You are all very special to me and I doubt I'd be here if not for all of you.

Thank you so much,

Julesxox

[steamvessel]

Jules, it happens. I don't want to underemphasize what you did, because I know you're in pain, but from my experience with recent relapses, you just got to move on. The further you deliberate, the harder it gets to bounce back. I will tell you one thing that might help, I relapsed recently after quitting six months and continued to drink for another couple of months. Bad idea, it started off moderately then you know the rest. I just relapsed again on New Years and drank I think the next day, then I cut it off. It's the best way to go. Your brain won't be back to it's normal addiction cycle for a while if you stop now, and you can do it fairly easily with the right attitude. Just learn from this and move on, you'll be stronger from it in the future.

[Jules62]

Thanks for your input Steam. I did stop drinking-tipped the other bottles out the day after I posted because I knew it would be way too hard for me to not drink them otherwise.Also-it was more a decision to live.I seriously contemplated going back for good and drinking myself to death.It's been a very emotional time really.

So I've been sober a few days now and fully intend to stay that way.It's not the drinking that's been so hard to deal with, it's the emotional stuff, but I'm working through it slowly.It'll take some time.Thanks for your thoughts here and I hope you continue to do well!

Jules.

[Dee74]

go Jules !


seriously - I don't want to dilute this thread...I'm proud of you, and the way you've gone about getting back to where you should be

hugs
D

[Hevyn]

Jules, just reading that you feel a bit better has made me smile (first time today.) I've been very concerned for you. At the risk of diluting the thread I'd like to say - you weren't broken, Jules - it was only a crack, and it looks like it's starting to mend. It's heartening to know we can come here and receive so much love when we're brought to our knees by life. I don't have friends any more precious to me than those I've found here.