Living sober - eliminating self-pity
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
Living sober - eliminating self-pity
This is an extract from Living Sober, a book I got at my last AA meeting. This chapter made me smile at myself and thought it might be useful to others who don't go to AA. Haven't typed it all out, just some of it.
22. Eliminating self pity
Hanging over us long after detoxification is the comfortably familiar feeling of suffering. Self-pity is an enticing swamp.
One form of self-pity takes in some of us when we first get sober is:"Poor me! Why can't I drink like everybody else?" (Everybody?) "Why do I have to be an alcoholic? Why me?"
Crying over this unanswerable question is like weeping because we were born in this era, not another, or on this planet, rather than in some other galaxy.
Some people show real zeal for pressing salt into their own wounds. A ferocious proficiency at that useless game often survives from our drinking days. We can also display a weird flair for expanding a minor annoyance into a whole universe of gloom.
It's as if we carried on our back a large duffel bag stuffed with unpleasant memories, such as childhood hurts and rejections. 20, even 40 years later, there occurs a small setback only slightly similar to an old one in the bag. That is our cue to sit down, unshoulder the bag, and pull out and lovingly caress, one at a time, every old hurt and putdown of the past. (Laughing out loud by now at myself!)
Its essence is total self-absorption. We can get so stridently concerned about me-me-me that we lose touch with virtually everyone else. Instead, we need to pull out of our self-absorption, stand back and take a good, honest look at ourselves. Once we recognize self-pity for what it is, we can start to do something about it other than drink.
It spoke to me. I have developed self-pity into an art form at certain stages of my life. Just thought I'd share it.
22. Eliminating self pity
Hanging over us long after detoxification is the comfortably familiar feeling of suffering. Self-pity is an enticing swamp.
One form of self-pity takes in some of us when we first get sober is:"Poor me! Why can't I drink like everybody else?" (Everybody?) "Why do I have to be an alcoholic? Why me?"
Crying over this unanswerable question is like weeping because we were born in this era, not another, or on this planet, rather than in some other galaxy.
Some people show real zeal for pressing salt into their own wounds. A ferocious proficiency at that useless game often survives from our drinking days. We can also display a weird flair for expanding a minor annoyance into a whole universe of gloom.
It's as if we carried on our back a large duffel bag stuffed with unpleasant memories, such as childhood hurts and rejections. 20, even 40 years later, there occurs a small setback only slightly similar to an old one in the bag. That is our cue to sit down, unshoulder the bag, and pull out and lovingly caress, one at a time, every old hurt and putdown of the past. (Laughing out loud by now at myself!)
Its essence is total self-absorption. We can get so stridently concerned about me-me-me that we lose touch with virtually everyone else. Instead, we need to pull out of our self-absorption, stand back and take a good, honest look at ourselves. Once we recognize self-pity for what it is, we can start to do something about it other than drink.
It spoke to me. I have developed self-pity into an art form at certain stages of my life. Just thought I'd share it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1
"It's as if we carried on our back a large duffel bag stuffed with unpleasant memories, such as childhood hurts and rejections. 20, even 40 years later, there occurs a small setback only slightly similar to an old one in the bag."
Best description..........ever.
Best description..........ever.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 41
Dang I am so trapped in myself. Even though I am consciously telling myself to get out of my head. Ex girl friend seems to be a lightning rod...8 years together partying all of them except when I created the is account in 7/2012....1 month sober together...is all i can remember...I just want to feel her head on my chest and tell her we will be alright come back inside...
Alas that relationship is prolly dead....my life always went down hill when we were together....I am not exactly sure what I love about her....It is in my heart not in my head.
I guess I just can'taccept it so I delve in woo is me land funny about 15 minutes later the scheme / rationalization of going back "outside" pops in my head...
Day 17 already I am scheming and rationalizing for a drink I have yet to take....
shite
PS Sorry I lost the Self-pity script...but at its core my ego is hurt and I feel sorry for myself
Alas that relationship is prolly dead....my life always went down hill when we were together....I am not exactly sure what I love about her....It is in my heart not in my head.
I guess I just can'taccept it so I delve in woo is me land funny about 15 minutes later the scheme / rationalization of going back "outside" pops in my head...
Day 17 already I am scheming and rationalizing for a drink I have yet to take....
shite
PS Sorry I lost the Self-pity script...but at its core my ego is hurt and I feel sorry for myself
Last edited by GreenBear; 12-29-2013 at 05:00 PM. Reason: too many spelling erros in the stream of conscious writing style
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 41
Okay Imagine this: got to a meeting....and the topic is "Self-Pity" [C22. Living Sober] and all 7 people in the room said something that helped me. I can only hope what I said helped one of them. But come on every meeting I seem to hear exactly what I needed at that instant....
Good Stuff
GreenBear
Good Stuff
GreenBear
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
I don't have this self pity problem. I love being sober and really don't miss anything at all from my drinking days. I am so thankful to have the life I do have. I look around the world at the hardships that some people have to endure and thank god I am where I am. I think the self pity evaporates the more sober time we have.
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
yeah ive had a day of wallowing in the swamp of self pity yesterday..it is familiar ground alright..i know what it leads 2 if i sit in it too long
thanx guys awesome thread
v
thanx guys awesome thread
v
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
yeah ive had a day of wallowing in the swamp of self pity yesterday..it is familiar ground alright..i know what it leads 2 if i sit in it too long
thanx guys awesome thread
v
thanx guys awesome thread
v
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