Aysha

Hevyn

Hey Jules, you've kept me up past my bedtime with that post. Scared me to death, my dear. Thank you for trusting us with your feelings. You described exactly how I've felt a few times since stopping 8 mos. ago. Each time I had an episode like that it was less intense, until they stopped all together. No more gut-wrenching sobs, now just tears in my eyes at times - tears of self-pity mostly. I usually couldn't find the courage to post about my bad days - wish I had. I didn't drink those times, but suffered all alone for no reason. (Always afraid I'll be a drag & a downer...) When we have days like that we're missing our anesthesia and feeling disoriented without it. We miss having something to look forward to, even though drinking is no longer an escape for us. No longer a refuge. I don't recall you letting your feelings out this way in the past - this must be progress, however painful. You are doing this thing. I'm so happy Jules. Love, Joanie

nandm

There are many other programs of recovery other than AA. There are people here at SR who work programs such as life ring. Not all recovery programs are 12 step based. I do encourage you to check out the link in the alcoholism forum as it does provide some good links to options to AA.

I am glad AA worked for your father. It also was the program that saved my life. But I am very aware that it is not a program for everyone. To me what is important is not the program of recovery one works but them finding what works for them. Take care. You have a lot of people here at SR that care about you.

SlvrMag

I'm so glad you didn't drink, Jules, I really am.

Jules62

I'm sorry if I scared any of you with my post.I realised afterwards that as anyone read it-it all sounds like that's (drinking) where I was headed.I guess it was actually.It wasn't my intention to frighten anyone-I was just posting blindly really-needing to get it all out.Thank you for caring and for listening.

I'm exhausted right now.I have more here to thank individually-but forgive me-I just need to go crash for now.I can hardly type properly right now.I'll write more tomorrow.

I'm sober tonight and that's alot to do with all of you.I honestly can't thank you enough.I feel pretty shattered.But not alone.

Much love,

Julesxox

Dee74

night Jules

D

SlvrMag

I hope you sleep well. Posting here is what we are supposed to do - it helps us! Your story will most likely give strength to someone else who reads it!

G'Night Jules.

nandm

Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a much more relaxing day. Remember the courage and strength you showed today when tough times and doubts hit again. Do remember you can post your thoughts here anytime. It helps many of us to remember those times as many of us have been where you are today.

Sleep well.

SoosieQ

Jules,
Oddly, something in my gut told me to log on to SR tonight. My heart hurts for you and I dearly hope that you are resting now, and that sleep brings you some peace. I love what Lenina wrote about expanding emotional capacities (and I agree that there might be a better way than showing the world your panties-lol). I think you are a true warrior, just now coming into your own strength. It sucks when it is brutal and lonely, but it is a journey worth taking. There is an odd peace in being vulnerable to the extent that you have been tonight. Beyond the fear is another layer of genuine wonderful sunbeam outlaw Jules---with a heart of gold.
I am sending you all sorts of love, hugs and assorted juju.

Lenina

What SoosieQ said! You are a true warrior! And the rest of that stuff too!

Love,
Lenina

CarolD

Early in my sobriety...I made a daily Gratitude List.
....It's hard to be peeved and grateful too.

Room1

:ghug3

Hi Jules, sorry I missed you while you were still awake. I am so proud of you for throwing that bottle in the bin, I know I couldn't have done that, if I had made it to the shop nothing would have stopped me, it proves how strong you really are. I know your hurting now but you obviously don't want to drink deep down or you couldn't have done what you did, you just need to find a way to let go. I have no idea what that is as I do struggle myself some days. Time is a healer they say, you will get there I am sure.

Anyway just think, when you are feeling stronger you will have all this knowledge and will be able to share it in true Jules style to others who are suffering like you once did

Sax

kelsh

HI JULES,

I REMEMBER FEELING THAT VERY SAME WAY. THEN WHEN MY SON TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE....I FOUND THAT I HAD NO EMOTIONS...& HAD LOST THE ABILITY TO CRY OR EVEN GET TEARS IN MY EYES. HE IS A QUADRAPLEGIC NOW AND DOES NOT HAVE A GOOD QUALITY OF LIFE PRESENTLY. HE WAS JUST TOLD THE VA WILL NOT SUPPORT HIS GOING HOME ALONE TO HIS OWN HOME SO HE HAS TO DECIDE ON SOMETIME OF HOME WHICH MIGHT BE A NURSING HOME.

NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO QUIT ONE MEDICATION & TITRATE SOME DOWN...I AM FINDING MY EMOTIONS ARE COMING BACK SLOW BUT FOR SURE.

I JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL SIX DAYS AGO FOR MY SEVERE MANIC EPISODE...I WAS STRESSED TO THE MAX...& I WILL GO INTO A MANIC ATTACK WHEN I AM OVERLOADED FROM ANY FAMILY ISSUES.

ANYWAY WHILE THERE I WAS ABLE TO GET THAT EMOTION OUT ON THE TABLE AND THE COUNSELOR SAID THAT I HAD BEEN HAVING TOO MUCH STRESS ADDING UP TO WHERE I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING. I WAS TELLING MY NURSE ABOUT THIS & STARTED CRYING IN PUBLIC TOO...WHAT A GOOD FEELING. :ghug

MY BROTHER IS STILL AN ACTIVE ALCOHOLIC & JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK. HE IS DOING OKAY BUT IS ON HIGHBLOOD PRESSURE MEDS & NITRO FOR HIS HEART PAIN. :praying

I MUST STOP FOR NOW....BUT YOU KEEP COMING BACK...READ...WRITE...OR JUST STOP TO SAY HI & HOW YOU ARE DOING.

KELSH

Itsmytime

Never be afraid to vent, it is hard to quit and the first days are the hardest. Going through that now only on day 3 but thinking of all the parties and get togethers that we have coming up. I don't want to drink, it is the addictive voice that is nagging at us.

Good for you for being strong, I have a bottle of vodka in my cupboard that I don't know what I am going to do with, either pour it down the drain or give it away. You should be proud of yourself.

Take care, this is a roller coaster but eventually there are less lows and more highs.

Coolmummy

Jules

I can't give you any more advice than all these wonderful people before me have, but I just had to say anyone with a signature as totally Brilliant as yours must be a very funny, intelligent person!!

Keep going!

sas

digderidoo

You have done well to stay sober.

Early sobriety can do that, it does and will get better. It sounds as if you want sobriety, there is much more to life than alcohol. There are many here that would testify to that.

Sobriety at first is like waking up to the real world. Us alcoholics have to learn how to deal with life on life's terms. Someone here said that alcohol has anaesthatised us to life, sobriety can be scary at times.

Paul

KarenOskie

Hang in there Jules! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Maybe it's all the emotions that were suppressed by alcohol are finally coming to the surface? I cry a lot, too. This isn't the first time I've gotten sober, so it doesn't surprise me so much when it happens. I sometimes feel like my heart is melting and the tears are all the water flowing out. Last night I watched the movie "I am Sam". I cried through the whole thing and felt exhausted and slept like a baby.
Thanks so much for sharing with us. You set such a good example for the rest of us. You were so strong to toss the bottle! And thank God you did. To think how you would feel today if you hadn't. Now you can be so proud of yourself. They say, "If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger." So today, you're stronger!

gypsytears

Pezky time zone difference!

Jules hun... it will get better. These feelings will lessen in time provided you do as you did this time. Not giving in to the thought of drinking makes you stronger every time. Really. The sadness and weeping? It goes away. I know it does. How can I say this with smug certainty you wonder?I have been there. It takes a little time. 60 days is wonderful and I am so proud of you for hanging in and for this post of yours especially. You didn't give in this time! 60 days is also one of those PAWS vulnerable times. Here's a link. I think you may have seen it before.

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

Now, it may not change your feelings, or make you less weepy right now... but read and if you identify with any of it (and it sounds like you might) at least you'll know there's nothing wrong with you. I found that rather comforting to know myself.

Never be afraid to post here. You need help and people receive help from reading about others. We're all in this together .

stone

Proud of you Jules, throwing away the bottle is huge. When you wake up try to focus on how positive that was.

As for the feelings, when I did my 6 months there were days when all I could do was go to bed and cry I felt so overwhelmed with pain and despair....the good news is they passed and I had plenty of great days too. 60 days is a difficult time.
Gyps is right with the PAWS thing, we know about it but it can be nice to read the symptoms and realise most people get them too.

Soon I hope to be able to stop saying "when I got 6 months sober", lol. Right now I am jealous of you and your 60 days, you are working hard, don't throw it away cos you will just have to start again.

Anna

Hi Jules,

I'm sorry you're feeling low, and I hope today is a better day for you.

You made it through that tough time, and that's the way to get stronger.

I know you can do this!