My Higher Power

[digderidoo]

I have been asked to repost something in the newcomer's forum that i posted on the Alcoholism 12 step forum. As the higher power thread here has been locked i hope admin don't mind me starting a new one with my thoughts on.

Since i came to AA i have had massive issues with the Higher Power thing. You see i was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness. My issues with the religion began with my whole concept of God, i began to not believe in one, so in turn my faith was lost. This was about 15 years ago.

During that time i have had no religious issues, if i didn't believe in God why would i have concerns on my religion. In coming to AA i did not know that God or a Higher Power had anything to do with the program. Once i realised this i was in a mess. I hadn't even had to think about God for close on 15 years, i knew i would have to go back and address my concerns with the religion i once claimed as my own. My concern though was that i had no belief in a Biblical God and didn't want one.

So far it has took me 8 months to come to a limited understanding of my higher power.

The following is what i have been asked to repost in this section, i hope it helps some who have similar issues.........

I have had issues with the HP thing too, i started a thread on here entitled "can an atheist work the 12 steps", there was loads of good info on there which helped me, i'd suggest you take a look at it.

Moving on from there i have issues with praying as i do not believe in an external God. I believe that maybe there is a spirit of the universe, but not a God that has to be worshipped and prayed to.

I do believe however that i have a spiritual side to me that needs to be developed, i feel that side of me kicking in when i see a beautiful landscape or in an art gallery or listening to classical music for instance.

I believe i can develop this spiritual side to me by meditation rather than prayer. In my view prayer is another form of meditation, but that's my view.

For me it is something deep inside of me, may be if i develop it, it can be in touch with all those things in the universe that we do not understand, which in my view is a higher power.

So to sum up, that spiritual side to me that is somewhere deep inside is what's in touch with a higher power. That is what i need to concentrate on when people say leave it to your higher power. Sounds complicated but it's simple to me.

Another higher power i have is the AA group itself. Recently this hit me after i had missed three weeks of meetings due to a vacation. I went to a meeting out of my area, no one knew me, but instantly i felt at home and at peace within myself. This to me is GOD (Group Of Drunks), they make me feel at peace.

So for me i have two higher powers, 1) my spiritual side 2) the people in AA

Find what works for you, just because someone experienced in AA tells you to pray to a conventional God doesn't mean they are correct in your individual case.

So for me no need for the bible, no need for a conventional God. But hey that's just me.

Paul

[doorknob]

Thank you for posting that here, Paul.

[Krissy41]

That's right Paul "what works for YOU"! Thank you for the post.

[digderidoo]

Your welcome doorknob.

When i post i guess i do it for myself, it helps, kind of thereputic to put things in words. I am just glad that it may help another alcoholic.

Everyone who has posted here helps me so much.

Thanks everyone

Paul

[SelfSeeking]

Beautiful. Thank you

[grmad]

So wonderful to see someone with my sentiments.. I am new to this forum but not new to AA. Always had a hard time with the God thing as I am a recovering Catholic also. Spirituality is so easy for me to relate to...Thank you for your input. grmad

[tommyk]

Well said, I agree.

[CarolD]

grmad....
Welcome to our recovery community

[bostonluv]

Paul,

Thanks for sharing what works for you!!

[KarenOskie]

That was great, thanks! I have a problem with faith, too. I want to believe and I talk to God every day. But (and this is something I was working on when I relapsed before so I'm not going to dwell on it too much right now) I have a problem believing in God as someone who can really help me. If he could help me, then he could help everyone, and there would be no little children being abused, no sad, lonely old people, etc. I couldn't work my mind around that, though I tried hard. I read the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People", and honestly it just confirmed my feeling of a God who is powerless to help us. That's been a tough cookie for me. For now, I'm just not going to let it bother me. I pray because it helps me, I do feel God's love and because I want to. I just can't go any further than that right now, and I feel it's OK with Him. I've also had some problems with AA, but one thing I've never seen there is anyone trying to force their faith on anyone else.