Filling emptiness

[JoeSoSo]

I'm sorry for making too many threads. But I have done at the most 5 days of sobriety, in a row this year. It's really quite shocking. It's reality, after drinking a lot, is bizarre. I've done pretty horrendous stuff while drunk, and although I like being intoxicated, I know it's a case of self abuse. Which I hate, because I know far worse has been done to me in me lifetime than I've ever done to anyone.

So sobriety will be a kind of way of saying to hell with a lot of abuse, I am alive and all other people who have, obviously or not so, can literally die. But time is so great sometimes it gets me down. I need to learn a great deal more discipline which I suppopse comes with time.

[maybetoday]

So how does one fill the emptiness? Strange how you think drinking helps you to connect, but really it aids in the disconnection. But sober i feel so disconnected...

[coming_clean]

that disconnection will go away....in time...

[miss communicat]

Hi Joe

Good to see you here again. Don't quit trying to get a new sober life with real connections. Its better than what you've described as your alternative: emptiness and discontent.

[ksplash5]

although I like being intoxicated

thanks for your post and your statement above. it gave me somelthing to chew on:

do I like being intoxicated? i sure did in the beginning. it was a godsend. magical. i felt powerful and that I couldn't be hurt or hindered. that's a nice feeling.



could I like it today? yes. today i've been bored and tired. i'm am just now feeling a little energy. what better way to go with my upward swing than to enjoy 3 harmless beersf? or 6?

will I do it today? NO

even though I may think I will like it, and even though I may like it for a while, I KNOW that I won't enjoy it after a short period of relief. in my case of recent history, if i was by myself, i would last about 2 beers and be off to find a crack salesman. and crack never never feels good for me.

but not feeling good is no deterrent for me, because I've looked to anything to take me away from feeling the uncomfortableness that lives inside of me and never goes away completely.

today I won't be fooled by my addictive habitual thought patterns
I won't let them run the show
I will feel my uncomfortablness no matter how much it hurts rather than use today

So sobriety will be a kind of way of saying to hell with a lot of abuse

that reminds me that I have beaten myself up with negative self talk and hit myself with hand grenades of drugs and alcohol for long enough. and now I will notice when I am abusing myself. I will begin to practice not abusing myself.

thanks for starting this thread, "jososo", and start as many as you want as far as I'm concerned.