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06-11-2008, 12:25 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Churchville, NY
Posts: 1
| Dating for the Newly Sober I have been told that dating the first year is not advised. Because I should be working on myself. I have been dating a person for a year. Does that mean I have to stop dating this person? >>>> |
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06-11-2008, 12:32 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA
Posts: 14,494
| Welcome to our recovery community....:  No...it does not. I did break up with my guy tho to protect my sobriety. Once I quit drinking....I found we had very little in common. My new healthy lifestyle was coming between us. He survived ...I thrives!  |
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__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery...  | |
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06-11-2008, 12:35 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Moderatin' Newf  Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 8,646
| Hi and welcome. No major changes in the first year is what is suggested. |
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__________________ "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."  | |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Rowan For This Useful Post: | tennis71 (06-11-2008)
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06-11-2008, 12:42 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Hopeshot!  Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 980
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__________________ ...got God? Tough love = the truth. Don't shoot the messenger. Carry the message...! | ||
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06-11-2008, 12:47 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Codaholic Alcodependant  Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Phoenix, AZ, in a home filled with love
Posts: 5,898
| Hello kaybee, welcome to SR! In my first year of sobriety I found it helpful to have the ability to focus on my recovery without the pressures of being in a relationship. After two years sober I started dating again, it was even difficult at that time but I'm grateful I had some recovery skills under my belt. I've seen people successfully date in early recovery, and I've seen some disasters. Like Rowan said, it's just a suggestion, you'll discover what works best for you. |
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__________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*" | |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Astro For This Useful Post: | Dee74 (06-11-2008)
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06-11-2008, 12:55 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: the netherlands
Posts: 229
| does dating feels right? Is the person helping you, or bringing you down? |
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__________________ “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.” “You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit.” “If you suffer, thank God! -- it is a sure sign that you are alive.” | |
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06-11-2008, 01:34 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Somewhere Left of Left
Posts: 4,726
| no one suggests you divorse if your married and get sober...I think the same thing applies....and for me, i only haven't dated in the first year cause i havent been asked  |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to ananda For This Useful Post: | Dee74 (06-11-2008)
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06-11-2008, 02:00 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 205
| Hi Kaybee.... I was engaged to be married last year... We both were very heavy drinkers. She could out drink me and never complained about hangovers... I started to moderate my drinking, stay home cook. She told me I was boring one night and she was going out with or without me! That is when I said, If you leave to go drinking all night (as I am cooking steaks on the grill) with your friend...leave your key on the way out...and she did, I was 2nd to the booze! I know now...I cannot date a heavy drinkers...Ever! Funny thing is...thats all I have ever been with. I guess because I have been a heavy drinker most of my life.... |
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06-11-2008, 02:19 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Mass
Posts: 14
| Hi and welcome. I'm new myself (coming to a close on day 4) and am in a similar situation. I've been dating someone for close to a year and lets just say my very blackout drunk belligerent public dramatic Olympics this past weekend and the thought of losing him is part of why I've made the decision to get sober (for myself is the first reason cause I don't really like publicly embarrassing myself and feeling terrible all the time). but at the end of the day he is also a heavy drinker...not a crazy public embarrassment like I am but a heavy drinker none the less.... and as I progress only time will tell if we will stay together or not. I think what is best is to do what is healthiest and best for you. |
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