Does it even matter anymore? - Page 3 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

kj3880 · 06-06-2008, 12:45 PM

Chiy,
In your responses to others who suffer, you are always so kind and generous and loving. Be that same friend to yourself. Don't let this take you down. You haven't come this far to let it all go. You have a beautiful spirit and we need you in the world!!! You are God's child and he and all the angels are crying to see what you are doing to your body and mind and soul. I made up a prayer for you:
Lord Jesus, be with Chiynita as she struggles with this terrible disease. See her through treatment and beyond so she may recover to be your faithful servant here on earth. May she see that she is loved and that she is a priceless, beautiful spirit. May she know your kindness and walk more closely with you even as she suffers today.
KJ

butterfly19 · 06-07-2008, 01:01 PM

Trish,

Please do the right thing. Don't let the Devil win!!! There is help out there and you shouldn't tempt fate any longer. You know what I mean don't you???? You've been fortunate so far and have come so close to death before. Don't let it win!!!!

Just the other day, I was telling my mom that I couldn't imagine why I didn't die when I was taking soooo many pills at one time. Lesser amounts have killed others. You know what she said to me??
"God must have a special plan for you."
That one statement shocked some hard truth into me fast. And I would like to say the same thing to you: "Trish, God DOES have a plan for you!" Otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far.

We've had so many chats, many that have made me laugh, cry, and realize important things about myself. You are a TREASURE to me and I pray you will realize that you are a TREASURE to yourself and your family!

I have to share something very important with you. Of course you know how I feel about the supernatural and how my dreams often bring me messages. I had been gone several days, and when I came back yesterday I found out this news that you have been in a bad way. Last night I had a dream Trish. It was quite simple. In the dream, I saw a red car driving away, the license plate read "Chiynita". Please don't drive away Trish, drive toward help, toward us, toward God. We'll be here for you through it all! Go to rehab and get well. We will still be here waiting with open arms when you come back to us!

I Love You!!!!

butterfly19 (SP)

p.s.: I'm lighting this candle for you now. I ask everyone who loves Trish to do the same and pray that she will get the help she deserves!

suki44883 · 06-07-2008, 01:10 PM

Prayers going out to you, Chi.

Robzoloft · 06-07-2008, 02:14 PM

Hey Chi...Rob ( robzoloft) here. I KNOW how you feel. Broken, defeated, shame,guilt,remorse,bewilderment, resentment, anger,fear.....I KNOW. I'm right beside you struggling....hanging on to the same slim thread of hope. My last run was 16 days and I managed to destroy almost everything of value and love I had left....homeless, withdrawing, criminal activity, violence....betrayed trust of family and friends...I KNOW. But I'm back...2 weeks today.....I'm in a treatment center...I need to be...on Antabuse, among other things....taking suggestions and living literally minute by minute...and it HURTS and I'm full of hate and rage and want to crawl and tear through my skin....I can't sleep...no appetite....wanting to give in and take it to the bitter end....but I'm not. I stay sober a breath at a time...WITH HELP. I cannot do it alone or even with freedom...I need to be confined right now...and I hate it. But today, just today, I want to live and be sober a fraction more than I want to die and be in oblivion...tomorrow doen't exist...just this moment typing to you...just these breaths as I write this. You can beat this....just while you're reading this post...don't use. GET HELP. Love yourself just enough to have a moment of clarity and do it..act as if failure were not an option....prayers. ROB

stone · 06-07-2008, 02:27 PM

Rob, thanks for that.

ThisIsTheDay · 06-07-2008, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiynita

But I do know what I should do.
Saturday I am going to treatment and am going to follow through all the way til the end. I hope one day I can see what you all see.

Right on Chiy!!! Dig deep...you will do it & I know you will see...
The great value, deep inside you!

We are all here for you!

nogard · 06-07-2008, 05:28 PM

Trish your one of the people that I love very much. As usual grams is right, take her advice and see this for what it is part of your journey, rather than failure.

Talk to us (((((((Trish))))))

Kevin

Honu · 06-07-2008, 06:31 PM

All I can say after reading all of this is "DITTO for me!"

Go get help! You're here for a reason! God DOES have a special plan for you, or you would not have made it to today!

I look forward to hearing great things about you and from you!

Honu

IO Storm · 06-07-2008, 07:00 PM

Chy..I missed this thread somehow....

I hope you did make it to a hospital. You can't do this alone.

You are too precious a child to God and to us to not make it.

Someone told me that two years ago..

The only reason I am here.

Love and prayers,

Sherry

serenityqueen · 06-07-2008, 08:06 PM

Well Trish, as I write this, it's Sat. night and I sure hope you went to treatment today.

I had to hit a bottom that suicide seemed the only way out of. I hope you understand when I say that I hope to God you are hurting as bad as I was back in July of '05.

There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said, however I do want to add that I know before, on I believe your last thread, you were concerned about losing your job, car . . . I believe that God is doing for you what you could not do for youself.

And I have no doubt that God will take care of Grams while you are in treatment and sober living. . . . until you can come home to take care of her.

My Mom always was taking care of me . . . now I'm taking care of her.

God be with you Hon, I love you,
Judy

scaredykat · 06-08-2008, 10:19 AM

((((((Trish))))))

I hope and pray you went into treatment. Your a good person.

Much love,
Barb

nogard · 06-08-2008, 04:07 PM

Trish if your lurking, come in and talk to us.

Kevin

least · 06-08-2008, 04:23 PM

I too hope you're in treatment now. You as much as anyone deserves to be happy and well. You have my prayers for a better life, starting with beating this disease we all suffer from. Please do whatever you need to do to get well. I care.

nogard · 06-08-2008, 04:25 PM

And if your lurking come on in.

nogard · 06-08-2008, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Does it even matter anymore?

Yes, YES it ALWAYS Matters Trish

chiynita · 06-08-2008, 06:33 PM

I am so ashamed to even come here. Ashamed to face my family. Ashamed to look in the mirror. I dont think I have ever felt this dark before. After all that..I went out again. I seriously think I dont want to change. I am starting to believe I like being miserable. Go to treatment....dont go. Get a job and pull it together and stop being weak and stupid.
What I really want is to just be nonexistant. I am seriously in a very very dark dark place. I am too tired to try and get out. And it seems pointless anyway.
I feel so stupid even posting this. I am a lost cause it seems and coming here all the time with my BS just gets old.
Dont any of you ever get tired of ones like me that just dont ever get it? But steady complain and wonder why shyt sucks so bad.
Bottom line is. I dont think I want to stop. Or I am not ready. Or somthing.
I am not willing at the moment to go to any length. Dieing would be a relief.
I appreciate evryones support. But I think everyone is wasting their time on me right now.
I am not going to post anymore of my BS until I can put some effort into changing. But right now. I am numb. I feel stuck. Nothing matters to me right now. I know what I should do. But I guess I am not ready.

06-07-2008, 01:01 PM	#52 (permalink)
butterfly19 "Seeking The Light" Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: WV Posts: 203	Trish, Please do the right thing. Don't let the Devil win!!! There is help out there and you shouldn't tempt fate any longer. You know what I mean don't you???? You've been fortunate so far and have come so close to death before. Don't let it win!!!! Just the other day, I was telling my mom that I couldn't imagine why I didn't die when I was taking soooo many pills at one time. Lesser amounts have killed others. You know what she said to me?? "God must have a special plan for you." That one statement shocked some hard truth into me fast. And I would like to say the same thing to you: "Trish, God DOES have a plan for you!" Otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far. We've had so many chats, many that have made me laugh, cry, and realize important things about myself. You are a TREASURE to me and I pray you will realize that you are a TREASURE to yourself and your family! I have to share something very important with you. Of course you know how I feel about the supernatural and how my dreams often bring me messages. I had been gone several days, and when I came back yesterday I found out this news that you have been in a bad way. Last night I had a dream Trish. It was quite simple. In the dream, I saw a red car driving away, the license plate read "Chiynita". Please don't drive away Trish, drive toward help, toward us, toward God. We'll be here for you through it all! Go to rehab and get well. We will still be here waiting with open arms when you come back to us! I Love You!!!! butterfly19 (SP) p.s.: I'm lighting this candle for you now. I ask everyone who loves Trish to do the same and pray that she will get the help she deserves!
	__________________ My Disgrace Is My Saving Grace

06-07-2008, 02:14 PM	#54 (permalink)
Robzoloft Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 178	Hey Chiynita: I know how you feel Hey Chi...Rob ( robzoloft) here. I KNOW how you feel. Broken, defeated, shame,guilt,remorse,bewilderment, resentment, anger,fear.....I KNOW. I'm right beside you struggling....hanging on to the same slim thread of hope. My last run was 16 days and I managed to destroy almost everything of value and love I had left....homeless, withdrawing, criminal activity, violence....betrayed trust of family and friends...I KNOW. But I'm back...2 weeks today.....I'm in a treatment center...I need to be...on Antabuse, among other things....taking suggestions and living literally minute by minute...and it HURTS and I'm full of hate and rage and want to crawl and tear through my skin....I can't sleep...no appetite....wanting to give in and take it to the bitter end....but I'm not. I stay sober a breath at a time...WITH HELP. I cannot do it alone or even with freedom...I need to be confined right now...and I hate it. But today, just today, I want to live and be sober a fraction more than I want to die and be in oblivion...tomorrow doen't exist...just this moment typing to you...just these breaths as I write this. You can beat this....just while you're reading this post...don't use. GET HELP. Love yourself just enough to have a moment of clarity and do it..act as if failure were not an option....prayers. ROB
Robzoloft Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 178

06-07-2008, 02:27 PM	#55 (permalink)
stone Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: UK Posts: 10,700	Rob, thanks for that.
	__________________ . . . . .

06-07-2008, 05:28 PM	#57 (permalink)
nogard Connected at last Join Date: May 2005 Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia Posts: 11,366	Trish your one of the people that I love very much. As usual grams is right, take her advice and see this for what it is part of your journey, rather than failure. Talk to us (((((((Trish)))))) Kevin
	__________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly

06-07-2008, 07:00 PM	#59 (permalink)
IO Storm IO Storm Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 7,783	Chy..I missed this thread somehow.... I hope you did make it to a hospital. You can't do this alone. You are too precious a child to God and to us to not make it. Someone told me that two years ago.. The only reason I am here. Love and prayers, Sherry
	__________________ "God holds me still in the eye of the Storm" "You are so much neater a person healed, than just plain well." Beth Moore

06-06-2008, 12:45 PM	#51 (permalink)
kj3880 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md Posts: 1,206	Chiy, In your responses to others who suffer, you are always so kind and generous and loving. Be that same friend to yourself. Don't let this take you down. You haven't come this far to let it all go. You have a beautiful spirit and we need you in the world!!! You are God's child and he and all the angels are crying to see what you are doing to your body and mind and soul. I made up a prayer for you: Lord Jesus, be with Chiynita as she struggles with this terrible disease. See her through treatment and beyond so she may recover to be your faithful servant here on earth. May she see that she is loved and that she is a priceless, beautiful spirit. May she know your kindness and walk more closely with you even as she suffers today. KJ

06-07-2008, 01:10 PM	#53 (permalink)
suki44883 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1,417	Prayers going out to you, Chi.

06-07-2008, 06:31 PM	#58 (permalink)
Honu Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Michigan Posts: 275	All I can say after reading all of this is "DITTO for me!" Go get help! You're here for a reason! God DOES have a special plan for you, or you would not have made it to today! I look forward to hearing great things about you and from you! Honu

06-07-2008, 08:06 PM	#60 (permalink)
serenityqueen Attitude of Gratitude Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Dayton, Ohio Posts: 1,210	Well Trish, as I write this, it's Sat. night and I sure hope you went to treatment today. I had to hit a bottom that suicide seemed the only way out of. I hope you understand when I say that I hope to God you are hurting as bad as I was back in July of '05. There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said, however I do want to add that I know before, on I believe your last thread, you were concerned about losing your job, car . . . I believe that God is doing for you what you could not do for youself. And I have no doubt that God will take care of Grams while you are in treatment and sober living. . . . until you can come home to take care of her. My Mom always was taking care of me . . . now I'm taking care of her. God be with you Hon, I love you, Judy
	__________________ *"It's Great to be the Queen!"*

06-08-2008, 10:19 AM	#61 (permalink)
scaredykat Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Upstate, N.Y. Posts: 2,942	((((((Trish)))))) I hope and pray you went into treatment. Your a good person. Much love, Barb
	__________________ Sobriety Date: Jan 19, 2008

06-08-2008, 04:07 PM	#62 (permalink)
nogard Connected at last Join Date: May 2005 Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia Posts: 11,366	Trish if your lurking, come in and talk to us. Kevin
	__________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly

06-08-2008, 04:23 PM	#63 (permalink)
least Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: USA Posts: 2,870	I too hope you're in treatment now. You as much as anyone deserves to be happy and well. You have my prayers for a better life, starting with beating this disease we all suffer from. Please do whatever you need to do to get well. I care.

06-08-2008, 04:25 PM	#64 (permalink)
nogard Connected at last Join Date: May 2005 Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia Posts: 11,366	And if your lurking come on in.
	__________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly

06-08-2008, 06:33 PM	#66 (permalink)
chiynita My Heart Is With The Ocean Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Clifton Park, NY Posts: 4,779	I am so ashamed to even come here. Ashamed to face my family. Ashamed to look in the mirror. I dont think I have ever felt this dark before. After all that..I went out again. I seriously think I dont want to change. I am starting to believe I like being miserable. Go to treatment....dont go. Get a job and pull it together and stop being weak and stupid. What I really want is to just be nonexistant. I am seriously in a very very dark dark place. I am too tired to try and get out. And it seems pointless anyway. I feel so stupid even posting this. I am a lost cause it seems and coming here all the time with my BS just gets old. Dont any of you ever get tired of ones like me that just dont ever get it? But steady complain and wonder why shyt sucks so bad. Bottom line is. I dont think I want to stop. Or I am not ready. Or somthing. I am not willing at the moment to go to any length. Dieing would be a relief. I appreciate evryones support. But I think everyone is wasting their time on me right now. I am not going to post anymore of my BS until I can put some effort into changing. But right now. I am numb. I feel stuck. Nothing matters to me right now. I know what I should do. But I guess I am not ready.
	__________________