relapse

[supernothing]

I woke up in the early hours this morning with the sudden and frightening realization that i had "planned" my relapse.
I have been obsessing over a weekend away in a couple of weeks (holiday weekend) and had decided that i was going to be ok to drink after being so "good" for so long.
I had got as far as planning talking to my husband and letting him know that i could now handle it.(cough cough)
I had got as far as deciding what i was going to drink, how much and when i was going to buy it.
I had even decided that in the unlikely event of him saying that i shouldnt drink, i was going to hide it in a glass of lemonade.
I spent a good few hours awake pretty terrified and extremely anxious, after much praying and a new reslolve NOT to do any of the above i felt much better.
This is the first time i have managed to have the insight to understand what people mean when they say that relapse begins long before you pick up, boy were they right about that.
So my plan for today is to fly by a meeting tonight and re- commit myself to long term sobriety.
Thanks for letting me share this.

[barb dwyer]

super -

thank *you* for sharing that. You described the planning quite well, IMO.

AND ... CONGRATULATIONS for getting back into ... the solution.

NOt everyone does.

Good for YOU!!!!

[chiynita]

Very true..
Alot of times people are planning their relapses without even relizeing it.
I know I have plenty.
That is so great you caught on before hand.
It is really awesome that you are now planning on safe guarding your recovery.
Big ups to you.

[barb dwyer]

There's a good book =-
'Staying Sober' it goes into quite a few 'scenarios' on pre relapse mentality and factors.

[Tazman53]

Super just let me say that your share was SUPER!!!!!

I work hard on staying spiritually fit, this allows me to recognize "Stinking thinking" early on before I wind up with a drink in my hand!!!

The biggest help of all for me was some time after I finished step 5, the mental obsession to drink was lifted from me and sanity was restored.

[51anna]

Hi Supernothing,

Yes, I think you're right.

Being aware, is such a huge step in recovery. I believed that I would just find myself in the wine and beer aisle at the supermarket and was in complete denial as to how it happened. So, of course, being aware had to come before I could work through the process.

Good for you!

[Rella927]

Good for you! "Being aware" is HUGE!

[warrens]

Fabulous, SN!!

What a giant step for mankind...

That thinking is so predictable, so unavoidable, and it is so hard to convince the newcomer that it WILL happen. In fact, the more successful one is, the more likely.

I hope your post is read by all. It is a terrific teaching tool.

warren

[vashti45]

Super--thanks for that. I for one am terrified of relapse, and every relapse (or potential relapse) story helps me. For some reason the last few meetings I've been to I've heard stories of people with many many many years of sobriety relapsing. It is very scary. I admire your courage and the honesty of your share. I'm sure it will help you. It certainly helped me.

Peace,

Jana

[supernothing]

and thank YOU all for being there and giving me the oppurtunity to share.
I would never have had the confidence to speak up about this in a meeting

[Hevyn]

Super, I've done the very same thing but wouldn't have thought to post it here - didn't think it was significant or interesting enough! Wrong! The first month I was quit I never intended to actually stick with it, so I would always have a little plan in the back of my head. All the bars are opening back up for the season here & one on the bay is our favorite. (I'd always pick the barstool right next to the ladie's room, so convenient, you know...) We were going to go to the opening party & I was going to have diet soda. Then I said oh, that's silly, I can have a beer or 2. Well, 3 at the most. What would probably have happened is: Pre-game by having a couple before arriving at bar, 6 at bar, beg for 30-pack to take home (such a bargain, after all....). Next day, hangover, drinking by noon - hair of the dog - feeling better - off to the races once again!!! Thank you, SN for the reminder.