How to deal with roommates who still use?

[DrugFreeUMfan]

BAH!!!!!!!

My roommate just came in while I was watching Dancing with the Stars and asked if I would mind if she smoked a bowl in front of me. I didn't feel bad saying yes, I would mind, but it's just so hard to say. I want to smoke sooooo bad, but only because it's a habit, not because I actually want to get high. I don't LIKE being high. it makes me lazy and paranoid, but ugh. ugh ugh ugh. I had to move my 3rd roommates pipe out of the way so I could the computer. this is tough!!!

[StayinAlive]

Ya that sucks, guess you will be looking for new roommates then eh?

[DrugFreeUMfan]

guess so. i'm in this least until sept, and i love the apartment. i'm hoping it'll get easier...

[Hope4life]

Can you stay in the same apartment building but after your lease is up, ask if you can move to a different apartment number?

I dealt with this problem last year. I had to move. I live in the same apartment building but a different number. It turned out for the best because the new apartment that I got was better than the last one.

Sometimes when you have to give something up in recovery, a new door opens and you get something better.

[DrugFreeUMfan]

My apartment is actually a single unit on top of a bar - which i never actually used, surprisingly enough. There's zero temptation there. unfortunately, part of my addiction and recovery is that I have terrible credit, and I tried looking for new places, but didn't get approved. it's a beautiful apartment in a really nice part of chicago, and I feel like I would be sacrificing a big part of my life and happiness if I moved out.

the girl who offered me the pot just moved in on may 1st and is going back to school in august. she's very understanding, and went into the other room to smoke. venting on here helps a lot, to be honest. I already feel better. thankfully I couldn't smell it. the other roommate only smokes because I did, and i know beyond the bag that he is about to kill, he wont buy another one. he just can't afford it. sooo, maybe it'll be okay. i guess i'm asking for advice about how to keep myself mentally stable.

a big problem is that i work in the music business. music is my PASSION, and i wont give that up for anything. I will need to get used to being around pot. it's just part of the job. I used to think I had to use to fit in, but now i realize that I can't make my career when i'm using. so being around my roommates is almost like a test to see if i'll be able to produce a concert or a festival and not sneak backstage to puff a j.

[barb dwyer]

My opinion - since you asked....

move.

soon as possible.

do not pass go ... do not collect 200.00....

we each have to make the decision in a final way that ...
nothing and NOTHING is more important than our sobriety.
Then we have to keep ON deciding that.

You're chosing to be in the MUSIC business.
Not the pot business.
That's true.

What you are now however ...
is in 'early' recovery.
If you can be around it and not use - then more power to ya.
If you can be around it and not mind losing all your personal effects when they bring authorities into your home....or you're already so wealthy you can afford all the legal expenses not to have instruments, enhancers, etc. confiscated when they get in trouble....
more power to ya.

I know people in the 'biz' ... who use it and those who don't tolerate it near them.

The real question becomes -

What is being around it going to do to the quality of YOUR sobriety?
already- it seems to be a negative.

[mle-sober]

DrugFree,

I know that you want help coping mentally with getting clean (& sober?) while others are doing drugs around you. And that you pretty much have your mind set that you are going to have to learn to live with drugs around you. But I have to agree with Barb, above.

Maybe you can do it (stay clean while your roommates use). People probably have done it before. My guess is that when someone comes into your house and wants to smoke and you don't want to tell them no, you're going to need to get up and go for a walk, take a shower or put music on and get involed on the computer - anything that helps remove your mental focus from what is going on right beside you or in the next room.

But, in terms of my own experience, I'd had to eliminate alcohol from my house. At least for now. I can't imagine maintaining my sobriety with alcohol nearby in my house. My home is my refuge. I'm facing temptation all the time when I go out. I don't want to face it in my own home. I would be so incredibly resentful of the people who were drinking that I would no longer enjoy being home. I don't want to live with more resentments than I already have. I'm trying to get rid of those, not build on them!

Right now, I'm following the recommendations of my treatment center counselor and my AA sponsor to the penny. I am doing absolutely everything they say. I do not want to relapse and hurt my family all over again. I would be terribly humiliated if, after all this time and money and effort, I fell down. I've made promises to myself and to my husband and to my mother. So, in order to do this, I have to put my sobriety first. I have to protect it and keep it safe. I can't let other things that want to be more important take precidence over my sobriety. My sobriety is most important and that's all there is to it.

I think my most important advice to you is to contemplate very seriously whether or not you are putting other things in front of your sobriety? Because that is (we know this from the experience of others) a risk to your sobriety. And, depending upon how serious you are about your sobriety, it may not be worth it.

Good luck,
MLE