Sometimes this is confusing

[hope45]

Sometimes I think reading about other peoples' experiences is very dangerous for me. I see stories of people suffering from horrible withdrawals, people looking at fines and jail terms for crimes committed, people whose health, relationships and careers have been seriously harmed, people addicted to multiple substances, people suffering from depression and other mental health issues, people talking about drinking 18 beers, liters of wine, pints of hard liquor every day.... etc.

And then I look at myself. No withdrawals other than a mild headache for a couple of days. I'm very healthy. My husband loves me. My children are happy, bright and well-adjusted. I'm close to my family and my husband's family, have lots of nice friends (many of whom don't drink). I have no mental health issues, don't take drugs, had a professional career for many years. And finally, never came close to drinking the amount most people describe.

I keep reminding myself how awful I felt every day while I was drinking and how many times I tried to stop and couldn't but there's this other part of me saying, "wow, what was the big deal? You don't really have a problem." I guess I need to remember that we all had to live our own personal hell.

[51anna]

I think that's it, Hope. I think it's about what you want for yourself and what you think sobriety will bring to your life.

And, alcoholism is progressive, so even though you haven't had those kind of problems in your life yet, that could change.

Consider yourself lucky!

[best]

A stubbed toe or a skinned knee can hurt more then a broken arm.

What we can see that other experienced that is beyond what we experienced could have been our future if we stayed on the same path.
I had things rough enough that my eyes became opened when they did.
For me, knowing that jail or death was in my future was enough. For others a hangover one day could be enough that they say no more.
I am just grateful that my eyes opened before it was to late.

[kj3880]

Hope,
I am often feeling the same way when I hear others describe how they did so much more than I did. Still it was more than enough for me to be broke, physically sick in the morning, and feeling dependant and miserable. We don't all have to end up homeless or in jail to get the idea that we have to change, thank goodness. But I pray for those that take that much misery before they reach bottom.
kj

[Rusty Zipper]

hope45

I guess I need to remember that we all had to live our own personal hell.

Bingo!

the names are changed to protect the inocent!

its the feelings inside, i believe we all have in common...

good wishes ang

rz

[chiynita]

I know what your saying.
ALthough I have had alot of those same crazy things happen to me behind my addiction. It was only because I made it that way. But I have always had a home..a family..I am basically in good health.
I never used because of some tragedy in my life.
If I didnt use my life would be almost perfect. But because I chose to use. I had consequences.
But never any like some I see on here.
It breaks my heart.
And then there are times that I wonder why I have it like I do when someone like my cousin who doesnt drink, smoke, or do drugs and never has. Has to live with a disease like Lupus.
Why people I sometimes feel should be the ones with no issues because they live like they should.
And then theres me. Who has always lived like I had a license to do whatever I wanted and nothing like that has happened to me.
It really makes me sad sometimes.
But like already said.
Everyone has their own bottoms and personal hell.
I personally dont think I have a bottom.
Then there are others that would have never touched drugs again if they experienced one thing from my life.
I wish I was one of those people.

[hope45]

Originally Posted by best

A stubbed toe or a skinned knee can hurt more then a broken arm.

Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. My "skinned knee" hurt something fierce!

[NewLeaf]

Originally Posted by Rusty Zipper

hope45Bingo!

the names are changed to protect the inocent!

its the feelings inside, i believe we all have in common...

Why I keep coming back....

Although we all come from different places -- literally and figuratively -- we truly understand one another.

Hope -- your post really helps. Thanks.

I wrote last night frustrated I'd failed yet again and wondering what it'll take for me to finally "get" it. Like you, I consider myself blessed with a very good life and sometimes it's hard to keep remembering I truly DO have a problem.

[Tazman53]

I need to remember that we all had to live our own personal hell.

Just be thankful that your pain tolerance is a lower then some and higher then others.

Keep in mind the word "Yet"!!!!

When you read of someone who sunk further then you to hit their bottom just keep in mind that if you had kept on drinking all of those "Yets" could have happened to you.

Trust me no one who's bottom was lower then yours is looking down on you, if they are like me they are wishing they had taken action as early as you did.

[1963comet]

Years ago I was dragged to an AA meeting by my step dad. I heard all those horror stories. My first thought was "I am not that bad".

They said, you will loose everything if you keep drinking.

The last time I walked out of the county jail I said " If jail is not rock bottom what is"? It took me loosing my home and getting so sick I thought I would never be right again.

I never thought in a million years this would happen to me but it did. And the reason these AA people were trying to talk to me is, because they walked in my shoes before me.

[warrens]

Hope

Great post. Reminds me of me in many ways, and the reason I was in denial for so many years. A reason why I relapsed as well.

Why do we have to wait until the cancer metastasizes before we seek treatment? Why can't we act when the prognosis is so much in our favor?

The fact that I didn't consume mass quantities of high proof alcohol masked the insidious nature of my disease. Many simple "heavy drinkers" drank way more than I. But I could not drink but one beer. I could not go more than a day without.

I hope others take heed. Not all of us crippled by the disease end up under a bridge.

warren

[hope45]

Originally Posted by 51anna

And, alcoholism is progressive, so even though you haven't had those kind of problems in your life yet, that could change.

Consider yourself lucky!

I know I'm lucky. Yet I wish in a way that my alcoholism had progressed faster or had created more trouble for me. I had almost 30 years of drinking too much under my belt before there was a "shift" in my drinking (drinking during the day, shaking hands) which woke me up to the seriousness of my situation. I spent so many years living with unnecessary misery. Why, I really don't know.

[warrens]

Hope

I spent so many years living with unnecessary misery. Why, I really don't know.

Uhhh... Could it be that, like us, you are an alcoholic?

warren

[hope45]

Originally Posted by warrens

Hope



Uhhh... Could it be that, like us, you are an alcoholic?

warren

Uhhh...'fraid so.